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A podcast that fields all your questions and offers radical empathy in return. Now Playing: "You Could Make This Beautiful" co-hosted by Maggie Smith &amp; Faith Salie.

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In this first episode of "You Could Make This Beautiful," actor Henry Winkler tells hosts Maggie Smith and Faith Salie about the poetry he's found in everything from fly fishing, to the music of Lin-Manuel Miranda, to the acting performances of the late Robin Williams.
Poet and teacher Saeed Jones declares that "Nobody loves us the way poetry loves us," he reads us one of his poems, and he talks about the chemical reaction that poems set off in our brains and bodies.
And Maggie and Faith offer a "poetry prescription" to a fan of theirs in Ohio who's seeking steadiness in her life.
Show Notes (in chronological order):

"I'm Nobody! Who are you?" by Emily Dickinson
"Good Bones" by Maggie Smith
"Parent Effectiveness Training" by Dr. Thomas Gordon
Henry Winkler's "Launce and the dog" monologue from William Shakespeare's "Two Gentlemen of Verona"
"My Shot" from the musical Hamilton
Henry Winkler's novels with Lin Oliver
"Alive at the End of the World" by Saeed Jones
"Snow for Wallace Stevens" by Terence Hayes
"Black in Blues" by Imani Perry
"Scorched Earth" by Tiana Clark
"Tell Me" by Kim Addonizio
"Blood Dazzler" by Patricia Smith

Poetry Prescriptions
Maggie's prescriptions: "Thanks" by W.S. Merwin and "Sorrow is Not My Name" by Ross Gay
Faith's prescription: This excerpt of "The Moon is a Kite" by Andrea Gibson
If you want a hand-picked, heart-plucked "poetry prescription" to help you with something you're going through, send a brief voice memo to PoetryPrescriptions@gmail.com.
All three episodes of You Could Make This Beautiful are out now and can be heard HERE. This show is an experiment, so if you love what you've heard and want more episodes, let us know! Leave us a glowing review in your podcast app, share the series with friends, and write to us: PoetryPrescriptions@gmail.com.

You Could Make This Beautiful: Henry Winkler & Saeed Jones

In this second episode of You Could Make This Beautiful, hosts Maggie Smith and Faith Salie talk to Peter Sagal, host of the NPR news quiz show Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! about a prophetic reading at his first wedding, the poem that has haunted him throughout his life, and about the poetry he's found in the kindness and grace of his children.
They also hear from poet and Harvard professor Stephanie Burt about how she found her way to poetry by way of science fiction, and how she's used the work of Taylor Swift to introduce her students to poets of centuries past like Alexander Pope.
Show Notes (in chronological order):

Maggie Smith on Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
Cartoonist Tom Tomorrow
"Aedh Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven" by W. B. Yeats
"Ithaka" by C. P. Cavafy
"The Illusion" by Tony Kushner
"Most Like an Arch This Marriage" by John Ciardi
Adrienne Rich's poems are "like dreams" quote
Poet William Corbett
"The Postmoderns: The New American Poetry Revised" by Donald M. Allen
"The Crystal Lithium" by James Schuyler
"The Elephant Man" on Broadway
"Les Liaisons Dangereuses" with Alan Rickman
"Angels in America, Part One: Millennium Approaches" by Tony Kushner
"Arcadia" by Tom Stoppard
"The Collar" by George Herbert
"Poetry's Cross-dressing Kingmaker," The New York Times
"Advice from the Lights" by Stephanie Burt, featuring "My 1979"
Star Trek's "Is There in Truth No Beauty?"
"We, in Some Strange Power's Employ, Move on a Rigorous Line" by Samuel R. Delany
"Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot" by Alexander Pope
"Look What You Made Me Do" by Taylor Swift
"Tim McGraw" by Taylor Swift
"The Nancy Mace" by Stephanie Burt
"Taylor's Version: The Poetic and Musical Genius of Taylor Swift" by Stephanie Burt

Poetry Prescriptions
Maggie's prescription: "Go to the Limits of Your Longing" from Rainer Maria Rilke's "Book of Hours"
Faith's prescription: "Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver
If you want a hand-picked, heart-plucked "poetry prescription" to help you with something you're going through, send a brief voice memo to PoetryPrescriptions@gmail.com.
All three episodes of You Could Make This Beautiful are out now and can be heard HERE. This show is an experiment, so if you love what you've heard and want more episodes, let us know! Leave us a glowing review in your podcast app, share the series with friends, and write to us: PoetryPrescriptions@gmail.com.

You Could Make This Beautiful: Peter Sagal & Stephanie Burt

Our miniseries finale features comedian Mike Birbiglia and poet J. Hope Stein talking about the poetry in comedy and the comedy in poetry. The couple co-authored the book "The New One: Painfully True Stories from a Reluctant Dad" and occasionally bring their mix of jokes and poems to the stage.
Also, a masterclass in metaphor from teacher and poet Peter Kessler, who argues that human beings need metaphor and imagery to fully understand each other.
Show notes (in chronological order):

"The New One: Painfully True Stories from a Reluctant Dad" by Mike Birbiglia with poems by J. Hope Stein
"Good Bones" by Maggie Smith
Mike Birbiglia's "The Good Life"
Mike Birbiglia's "My Girlfriend's Boyfriend"
"Don't Think Twice"
"Sleepwalk with Me"
"Wholly Holy" by J. Hope Stein
Voyager 2 and Voyager 1 from "little astronaut" by J. Hope Stein
"Keep a Poem in Your Pocket" by Beatrice Schenk de Regniers
"The Grammar of Fantasy" by Gianna Rodari
"Catrin" by Gillian Clarke
"Prayer (I)" by George Herbert

If you want a hand-picked, heart-plucked "poetry prescription" to help you with something you're going through, send a brief voice memo to PoetryPrescriptions@gmail.com.
All three episodes of You Could Make This Beautiful are out now and can be heard HERE. This show is an experiment, so if you love what you've heard and want more episodes, let us know! Leave us a glowing review in your podcast app, share the series with friends, and write to us: PoetryPrescriptions@gmail.com.

You Could Make This Beautiful: Mike Birbiglia, J. Hope Stein, & Peter Kessler

We have something really special for you: a sneak preview of a new series we've been working on here at WBUR that we think you, in particular, will love. It's called You Could Make This Beautiful, and if that phrase sounds vaguely familiar, it's because it comes from the virally famous poem "Good Bones" by poet Maggie Smith.
You Could Make This Beautiful is co-hosted by Maggie Smith and Faith Salie, whom you may know from NPR's Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! or CBS News Sunday Morning. The show is about making life more beautiful, but it's not about telling you how to do that; it's about showing you the way with poetry in all its forms — music, art, nature, you name it. The episodes feature poets, yes, but also actors like Henry Winkler, comedians like Mike Birbiglia, and teachers like Saeed Jones.
We've made 3 episodes of You Could Make This Beautiful — so far, at least — and we'll be dropping all three of them right here in this feed, on August 7th. In the meantime, here's a little teaser, straight from Maggie and Faith. Enjoy, stay tuned, and you, too, could make this beautiful.

Coming soon... 'You Could Make This Beautiful'

This episode was originally published on March 16th, 2017.
The term "ghosting" isn't a new concept anymore—the idea that someone suddenly and inexplicably disappears from your life. In the past, a total halt to communication with a friend might leave you feeling concerned that something bad happened to him/her. But at a time when our devices have made us more accessible than ever, this can leave the person who's been ghosted feeling rejected or unworthy.
The Sugars discuss ghosting with the essayist and cartoonist Tim Kreider. He's the author of We Learn Nothing, a collection of essays that includes a story about being ghosted by a childhood friend.

Repost: Haunted By Ghosting

From our archives—this episode originally aired on April 10th, 2017.
Location, location, location. It makes all the difference in real estate, and it can make all the difference to one's happiness. But finding a place that really feels like home can be tricky.
Home is where the heart is, we're told. But what if "where the heart is" doesn't align with where your job is? Or when your head — or your significant other — tries to talk you out of a location that makes your heart happy?
The Sugars discuss the significance of location and home with the help of Pam Houston, whose memoir is about finding her forever-home on a ranch at 9,000 feet in Colorado. Her other books include Contents May Have Shifted and Cowboys Are My Weakness.

Rewind: Location, Location, Location

This episode was originally published on March 3, 2017.
"Whatever"— that's how the actress Maria Bello describes her sexual orientation. Her "love who you love" attitude toward sexuality, regardless of gender, is often referred to as fluidity.
Maria joins the Sugars this week to discuss a couple of letters having to do with the confusion and complications that can accompany a shift in one's sexual preferences and partnerships. She wrote about the evolution of her own family structure in her 2013 Modern Love column for The New York Times, "Coming Out As a Modern Family," which she later turned into the book, "Whatever...Love is Love: Questioning the Labels We Give Ourselves."

Rewind: Sexual Fluidity

This episode was originally published on March 22nd, 2017.
You wants kids; your partner doesn't. Or your partner wants kids, and you don't. Whatever the scenario, few subjects are as emotionally charged and potentially deal-breaking in a relationship as a disagreement over the decision to become parents. In this favorite episode from the archives, The Sugars take on this tricky topic with the help of the writer Danielle Herzog, who's written in the past about ending her own marriage to become a mother.

Rewind: Baby or Bust

When it comes to love, money is supposed to be no object. But there’s no disentangling love from anything in our lives, and income is no exception. So how do you assess the role money should play in a relationship, and what happens when your desires and means change over time?
In this episode, five letter writers want to know how to discuss money with their romantic and familial partners. How do I stop resenting my husband for his low income? How do I ask my stay-at-home wife to get a job? Should I feel obligated to share the wealth with my fiscally irresponsible parents? The Sugars answer these questions and more in rapid-fire style on today’s episode.

Redux: Rapid Fire, Love & Money

From the WBUR Podcasts team, here's a new kind of story — one that's all about choices and consequences. The Midnight Rebellion is a pick-your-own-path podcast set 100 years in the future, where the stakes are nothing less than the planet itself. It's fiction rooted in real science, built for the kids in your life (ages 7 and up) — and the whole family. Because if Dear Sugars taught us anything, it's that the choices we make shape our futures.
This is Chapter 1 of The Midnight Rebellion. Choose wisely.
And if you liked what you heard, listen to the rest and follow The Midnight Rebellion wherever you get your podcasts.

Dear Sugars presents: "The Midnight Rebellion," a new adventure fiction podcast

This episode was originally released on May 25th, 2018.
When two women in their sixties start losing interest in sex, their sex-starved partners become increasingly frustrated. Both women blame old age for their waning libidos. But is their diminished sex drive because of age or something else?
The erotic lives of senior citizens are typically made invisible by our culture, which can lead to confusion and misinformation. Dr. Pepper Schwartz, the love and relationship columnist for AARP, joins the Sugars to dispel certain myths about sex and aging: Do libidos change after menopause? How does the aging body affect the way we feel about sex? Should medical interventions be considered for a declining sex drive?
Dr. Schwartz is a professor of sociology at the University of Washington and has written more than 25 books on love and sexuality. She’s also an on-air expert for Lifetime TV’s “Married at First Sight.”
The Sugars Recommend
“Our Souls at Night,” by Kent Haruf
“Scary Old Sex,” by Arlene Heyman

Repost: Sex & Aging

Seventeen-year-old “Struggling” had big dreams to leave his small town, but his living situation was at risk because he couldn’t stop using drugs. A letter writer who called herself “Bad Mom” loved her children, but could no longer bear the demands of motherhood. Both desperately needed to transform their lives.
In today’s update episode, we check in with some of our most memorable letter writers from previous episodes. The Sugars find out if “Struggling” was kicked out of his mother’s house, and they give “Bad Mom” a call to see if and how her views of motherhood have changed since hearing the Sugars’ advice more than two years ago.
This episode was originally published on January 27th, 2018.
The Sugars Recommend
Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
Archaic Torso of Apollo by Rainer Maria Rilke

Repost: Change Is A Work In Progress

This episode was originally released on September 9, 2016. 
In this favorite episode from the archives, The Sugars bring you another "Rapid Fire" episode, where they give brief answers to a handful of letters that are all centered around a theme. The theme for this episode is "stay or go" -- people who have a voice in their head telling them to leave their relationship, but who aren't sure it's the right move.

Repost: Should I Stay Or Go?

This episode was originally released September 23rd, 2016.
The Sugars often discuss letters dealing with very specific problems or struggles. In this encore episode, they take on a broader, more existential question: how to follow your heart. The Sugars discuss with the GRAMMY-winning singer/songwriter India Arie, who shares how she learned to be her own guide.

Throwback: How Do I Find The Courage To Be My Own Guide?

This episode was originally published on August 26th, 2017.

In this episode, adventures in animal ownership! The Sugars, along with Julie Barton — author of the memoir Dog Medicine: How My Dog Saved Me From Myself — answer letters about pet dilemmas and the ways these creatures affect human relationships.

Rewind: Pet Dilemmas with Julia Barton

This episode was originally released on August 19, 2017.

It’s never easy to talk to our romantic partners about their bodies, especially when it’s about weight. The Sugars, along with writer Ashley C. Ford, answer letters from people questioning their relationships because of major changes in their partners’ bodies.

Rewind: Body Weight and Romance

How many times have you heard this: "I love him, we're great together, but..."? There's always room for doubt, even in the happiest of relationships. So this week, the Sugars take on some of those doubts in rapid-fire fashion.
This episode was originally published on January 5th, 2017.

Episodes We Love: Love In Doubt (Rapid Fire)

This episode was originally released on October 28th, 2017.
Sex-starved, meet sex-hounded. Recently, the Dear Sugars inbox was flooded with responses to the two-part episode “Sexless Relationships” with Esther Perel. In those episodes, the Sugars answered letters from people who were longing for sexual intimacy with their partners. But many readers asked why we didn’t address the other side of sexless relationships: the people who want less sex than their partners.
In today’s episode, we hear from a letter writer who feels pressured by her partner to have sex.
“Every night — EVERY NIGHT — when we get in bed, he rubs my back to see if he can arouse me,” writes the letter writer." "Enough is enough.”
Cheryl Strayed and Steve Almond dig into the power dynamics that play out when one partner constantly demands sex. Then, they attempt to answer the question, “Is there such a thing as wanting too much sex?”

Rewind: The Other Half of Sexless Relationships

In this encore "rapid fire" episode, the Sugars give brief answers to a handful of letters. This time, they challenge each other to make the call -- one way or the other -- on the questions they're discussing, rather than offer open-ended guidance.
This episode was originally released on September 30, 2016. 

Rewind: Make the Call

This episode was originally published on April 14th, 2018.
Buzz Bissinger owns more than 100 pairs of leather pants and over 200 pairs of leather gloves, having spent more than $600,000 on leather goods in the span of three years. Mr. Bissinger has a spending addiction, but when he published his confessional in GQ magazine he was labeled an “obsessive,” a “fancy man,” and a “shopaholic.” Only when he was admitted into rehab did many people understand that he was struggling with a debilitating behavioral addiction.
Spending addictions are similar to alcohol and drug addictions in that they have the power to destroy lives. Unlike with substance abuse issues, however, spending addictions are often minimized and disparaged. Mr. Bissinger joins the Sugars to offer guidance to a letter-writer whose therapist and family don’t take her spending seriously. “When I buy something or think about buying something I try to stop and say, What is really behind this?” advises Mr. Bissinger, adding, “Are you simply feeding shame and fear?”

Rewind: Buyer's Remorse

Rewind: Sex & Aging

This episode was originally published on August 11th, 2018.
Privilege comes in many forms: socio-economic privilege, gender privilege, heterosexual privilege, to name a few. In this episode, the Sugars reply to two letter writers who are facing different forms of privilege. They discuss with Catrice M. Jackson, a leading voice for racial justice.

Rewind: Talking About Privilege

Today, we’re sharing a special episode from the new miniseries “The C-Word: Stories of Cancer” from Say More, a podcast from The Boston Globe Opinion. In the first part of this series, host and award-winning columnist Shirley Leung talks for the first time about her breast cancer diagnosis. She opens up about the personal and professional impact of her illness, and why now felt like the right time to tell her story.
Follow Say More wherever you get your podcasts: https://link.chtbl.com/SayMore?sid=dearsugars

Introducing Say More’s “The C-Word: Stories of Cancer”

This episode was originally released on April 13th, 2017.
You love your partner, you love your career... but they're pulling you in different directions. What do you do? Is it foolish to put your career on hold for the sake of your relationship? Or is it more foolish to give up a great relationship for the sake of your career? Or, is there a way to have both?
The Sugars discuss two letters from women in relatively new relationships who are having trouble deciding what to prioritize. They have help from psychotherapist and sociologist Leslie Bell, author of Hard to Get: 20-Something Women and the Paradox of Sexual Freedom.

Rewind: Career Vs. Love

Hi, Dear Sugars listeners, this is Amory Sivertson.. Host of WBUR's Beyond All Repair and co-host of Endless Thread. I'm here to share something special with you this week. It’s an episode of Other People’s Problems, from our friends at CBC.
Normally, therapy sessions are totally confidential, but this podcast opens the doors. On this season, the host Dr. Hillary McBride explores the transformative power of psychedelics in a therapeutic setting. With her psychological expertise, Dr. Hillary leads clients through drug-assisted therapy, guiding them to new heights on their healing journeys.
In this episode, you'll hear from Donovan, who has lived in fear and anger ever since he told the truth about being abused by his mother’s boyfriend and then felt betrayed by social workers who were supposed to help. Now, after several ketamine therapy sessions, Donovan can finally look back upon his child-self with care and calm and works to become the kind of adult he needed for his own children.
Hope you enjoy the episode. And if you like this, find the full season of CBC's Other People's Problems wherever you get your podcasts.

Introducing Other People’s Problems from CBC Podcasts

This episode was originally published on July 28th, 2018.
Dear Sugars returned to Portland, Oregon, for an epic live show. Special guests Mitchell S. Jackson and Rebecca Skloot shared the stage with the Sugars to tell stories of personal reckoning and answer letters from the audience. To some extent, every letter the Sugars receive is a kind of reckoning, as it’s often the letter writer’s first attempt at taking account of their mistakes and delusions. In this episode, the Sugars take a long hard look at transgressions of love, friendship, the self and so much more.
Mitchell S. Jackson is the author of “The Residue Years,” which won the Ernest J. Gaines Prize for Literary Excellence. He is the winner of a Whiting Award, and his honors include fellowships from Ted, the Lannan Foundation and The Rockefeller Foundation. His new book, "Survival Math," will be out in 2019.
Rebecca Skloot is the author of the No. 1 New York Times best seller “The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks,” which was made into an Emmy-nominated HBO film starring Oprah Winfrey and Rose Byrne. Her award-winning science writing has appeared in The New York Times Magazine; O, The Oprah Magazine; and many other publications.

Rewind: The Great Reckoning

This episode was originally published on March 16th, 2017.
The term "ghosting" may be relatively new, but the concept -- someone suddenly and inexplicably disappearing from your life -- is not. In the past, a total halt to communication with a friend might leave you feeling concerned that something bad happened to him/her. But in a time where our devices have made us more accessible than ever, it can leave the person who's been ghosted feeling rejected or unworthy.
The Sugars discuss ghosting with the essayist and cartoonist Tim Kreider. He's the author of We Learn Nothing, a collection of essays that includes a story about being ghosted by a childhood friend.

Rewind: Haunted By Ghosting

This episode was originally released October 14th, 2016.
Divorce is always a painful process, but it's especially so when there are children in the middle. In this favorite episode from the archives, the Sugars discuss situations of parental alienation caused by divorce. They answer letters from a mother and a father whose daughters have cut off all communication with them after taking the other parent's side.

Rewind: I Divorced My Spouse, And My Child Divorced Me

This episode was originally published on May 5th, 2018.
Remembering the grocery list, coordinating with the babysitter, making food for the potluck, scheduling a get-together with the in-laws: These are some of the invisible tasks that (most) women exclusively do in their romantic relationships — and the list goes on and on.
Like a modern-day Greek chorus, women from across the country wrote in to the Dear Sugars inbox echoing identical inequalities in their relationships with their husbands and boyfriends. The Sugars commiserate with this aggrieved chorus along with Gemma Hartley, the writer who set off a national conversation about emotional labor with her viral article in Harper’s Bazaar, “Women Aren’t Nags — We’re Just Fed Up.”
Broaching the subject of emotional labor with a romantic partner can be tricky, especially if he feels as if he’s being blamed for the imbalance of labor. The imbalance in Ms. Hartley’s marriage began righting itself when she and her husband shifted their perspective: “This is not a problem with you and it’s not a problem with me. It’s a cultural problem. We have to unlearn a lot of things together in order to move forward."
The Sugars Recommend
“I Stand Here Ironing,” by Tillie Olsen
“The Yellow Wallpaper,” by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

Rewind: Emotional Labor

This episode was originally released on June 11, 2018.
Her doctor categorized her as overweight when she was 5 years old. Her grandmother always introduced her as the “chubby one.” As an adult, she vacillates between moderation and binge-eating, restricting food some weeks, and gorging on cake and ice cream during others. “It’s only when my pants are nearly impossible to button that I force myself to lose weight,” writes the letter-writer who calls herself Body Negative. “And then the pattern starts all over again.”
The sinister cycle of dieting and binge-eating plagues many American women.  The body positivity movement promotes fat acceptance and attempts to reverse body-shaming, no matter one’s size. But Body Negative is skeptical, writing, “I struggle with how to be body positive after years of being told it’s wrong to be my size and weight. Is there such a thing as unconditional body acceptance?”
Hilary Kinavey, M.S., L.P.C., and Dana Sturtevant, M.S., R.D., the co-owners of Be Nourished, join the Sugars to offer Body Negative and women like her some hope. Ms. Kinavey and Ms. Sturtevant present new definitions of health and discuss alternatives to the “dieting mind.” Ms. Kinavey explains that before body acceptance is achievable, “most of us who have experienced a lot of body shame … and weight stigma have healing work to do.”

Redux: Trust Your Body

Redux: Sex & Aging

This episode was originally released on July 21st, 2018.
When it comes to love, money is supposed to be no object. But there’s no disentangling love from anything in our lives, and income is no exception. So how do you assess the role money should play in a relationship, and what happens when your desires and means change over time?
In this episode, five letter writers want to know how to discuss money with their romantic and familial partners. How do I stop resenting my husband for his low income? How do I ask my stay-at-home wife to get a job? Should I feel obligated to share the wealth with my fiscally irresponsible parents? The Sugars answer these questions and more in rapid-fire style.

Episodes We Love: Rapid Fire — Love & Money

Cheryl and Steve are no longer dishing out new advice, but we're listening back to episodes we love every week. This episode was originally released November 6, 2015.
____
The Sugars get a letter from a young woman who has fallen head over heels in love. She and her boyfriend only met a month ago, but they are already in deep. Everything seems perfect, and yet the letter writer can't help but wonder if the traumas of her new love's past are hiding somewhere under the surface, threatening to resurface.
In this episode, the Sugars do something new — and get the letter writer on the phone to speak with her directly about her fears.

Episodes We Love: Do I Follow My Head Or My Heart?

This episode was originally released July 29th, 2017.
____
In a heated moment, a mother reveals a dark chapter from her childhood to her daughter, then immediately regrets it. What now? In this week’s episode, the Sugars tackle this and several other questions, including how to handle a brother-in-law who treats your vacation as his own free childcare; what to do when your best friend’s husband asks you to lie; and why we sometimes recoil at very public displays of grief.

Redux: Rapid Fire Letters

This episode was originally released on January 5, 2017. 
How many times have you heard this: "I love him, we're great together, but..."?
There's always room for doubt, even in the happiest of relationships. So in this episode, the Sugars take on some of those doubts in rapid-fire fashion.

Rewind Rapid Fire: Love In Doubt

Rewind: How Do I Find The Courage To Be My Own Guide?

This episode was originally published on July 28th, 2018.
Special guests Mitchell S. Jackson and Rebecca Skloot share the stage with the Sugars to tell stories of personal reckoning and answer letters from the audience. To some extent, every letter the Sugars receive is a kind of reckoning, as it’s often the letter writer’s first attempt at taking account of their mistakes and delusions. In this episode, the Sugars take a long hard look at transgressions of love, friendship, the self and so much more.
Mitchell S. Jackson is the author of “The Residue Years,” which won the Ernest J. Gaines Prize for Literary Excellence. He is the winner of a Whiting Award, and his honors include fellowships from Ted, the Lannan Foundation and The Rockefeller Foundation. His book, "Survival Math," was released in 2019.
Rebecca Skloot is the author of “The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks,” which was made into an Emmy-nominated HBO film starring Oprah Winfrey and Rose Byrne. Her award-winning science writing has appeared in The New York Times Magazine; O, The Oprah Magazine; and many other publications.

From the archives: The Great Reckoning

This episode was originally released on January 20, 2018. 
“I’m a 24-year-old woman who is completely and embarrassingly aroused by people who are confined to wheelchairs,” writes a woman who calls herself “Wishing to be Seen.” In her pained letter, she explains the possible origins of her isolating fetish and asks the Sugars for a way out: “I just want to have an orgasm with a real human rather than with my sad self, in my sad bed, sadly watching YouTube videos of women I feel I am objectifying and using.”
“Wishing to Be Seen” is plagued by a single, shame-inducing fantasy, which Dr. Ian Kerner terms her “core erotic theme.” Where do our core erotic themes come from? And is it possible to escape their grip? In part two of our Dark Fantasies series, Dr. Kerner returns to help the Sugars answer these questions and delve deeper into the world of sexual fantasy.
Dr. Kerner specializes in sex therapy and couples therapy. He’s also the New York Times best-selling author of “She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.”
The Sugars Recommend
“The Metal Bowl,” by Miranda July
“The Erotic Mind,” by Jack Morin

Redux: Dark Fantasies, Part 2

This episode was originally released on January 13, 2018. 
Orgies. Sex in public. Incest. These are the things that some of us think about in the dark. Taboo fantasies can be exciting, but they can also be the source of our deepest shame. In this two-part series on sexual fantasies, the Sugars read letters from people who want to turn off the thoughts that turn them on.
Dr. Ian Kerner, a psychotherapist and sexuality counselor, helps the Sugars answer a letter from a woman who calls herself “Fed Up With Fantasy.” She writes, “Ever since I started being a sexual being I’ve had terrible fantasies. Incest of every kind. Teachers having sex with their underage students. Gangbangs in public bathrooms. I cannot get turned on without thinking of these story lines. Did something bad happen to me that I have repressed so much I don’t even have a hint of it?” she asks. “And how do I make it stop?”
Dr. Kerner and the Sugars explore where dark fantasies come from and offer “Fed Up With Fantasy” ways she can share them with her boyfriend. Dr. Kerner specializes in sex therapy and couples therapy. He’s also The New York Times best-selling author of “She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.”

Redux: Dark Fantasies, Part 1

This episode was originally published on August 12th, 2017.
When we decide to meddle, it can often backfire. The Sugars, along with the writer Meghan Daum, answer letters from people who see loved ones heading down the wrong path, but worry intervention might be the wrong move.
 

Redux: Should I Intervene?

his episode was originally released on August 25th, 2018.
“Dear Sugars, I’m a serial codependent. I’ve married and had children with two addicts,” begins a letter signed by “Mommy Messed Up.” Over the years, her second husband began to withdraw and stash money inside of old bottles. Now Mommy Messed Up is ready to end their toxic relationship. The only problem is she’ll have to disrupt her children’s lives for a second time. “I’m fine with breaking my own heart,” she writes. “But how do I break my boys’ hearts?”
In this second part of our series on moving on, the Sugars discuss how we can release ourselves from our past mistakes. Dr. Harriet Lerner drops in to answer a second letter from a woman who is haunted by her abortion, a decision she laments now that she’s experiencing early menopause. Like Mommy Messed Up, she is ruled by her regret.
“We have to beware of the stories that we tell about ourselves because we become them,” Dr. Lerner advises. “And a story like the one she’s constructed is so narrow and fixed that it’s going to edge out all other stories about her past and her present and her future possibilities.”
Dr. Lerner is a leading voice on the psychology of women and family relationships. She’s the author of 12 books including The New York Times best seller “The Dance of Anger” and most recently, “Why Won’t You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts.”https://www.harrietlerner.com/interviews-articles

Redux: Moving On, Part 2

This episode was originally released on August 18th, 2018.
The Sugars have been thinking about what it means to say goodbye and let go. In this first episode of our two-part series on moving on, the Sugars and Claire Bidwell Smith answer two letters from people struggling to move past their grief after the death of their loved ones.
The first letter comes from a woman who recently discovered that her best childhood friend died by suicide. In the wake of the news, she spent hours pouring over letters from her friend, and realized that there were signs of trouble early in life. Now she’s haunted by the fact that she failed to intervene years ago. “I keep ruminating on how Alejandra might have killed herself and where she was when she did it,” she writes. “I feel so much guilt from my complacency.”
A second letter writer, who calls herself “Wracked by Guilt,” feels similarly about the death of her mother. “How do I get over the sickening feeling that I played a role in my mom’s death?” she asks. “How is it possible for me to stop trying to place blame and simply accept the situation?”
Claire Bidwell Smith is a licensed therapist specializing in grief, and the author of several books, including “The Rules of Inheritance.” She writes and speaks about grief regularly, and offers online grief support in addition to her private practice. Her new book, “Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief,” will be released on Sept. 25th.

Redux: Moving On, Part 1

Rewind: Pet Dilemmas

This episode was originally published on July 28th, 2018.
This was a live show recorded in Portland, Oregon. Special guests Mitchell S. Jackson and Rebecca Skloot share the stage with the Sugars to tell stories of personal reckoning and answer letters from the audience.

Redux: The Great Reckoning

This episode was originally released on May 26, 2018.
In this "rapid fire" episode, the Sugars read letters from four women who each have one not-so-tiny reservation about the men they’re dating. A Black woman is dating a white man who is unwilling to talk about race issues, claiming that she’s “too sensitive.” Another woman’s boyfriend, a Christian, is having second thoughts about dating her because she’s an atheist. The Sugars tackle these issues and more, and weigh in on which can be ironed out and which should be deal breakers.

Redux: There's Just One Thing

This episode was originally published on August 12th, 2016.
The Sugars hear the latest from "Head or the Heart" -- a woman who'd fallen head over heels for a man with a troubled childhood. Everything seemed perfect, and yet, she couldn't help but wonder if the traumas of her love's past would surface at some point in their relationship.
"Head or the Heart" became the first letter-writer ever to join the Sugars on the show. The Sugars asked her to write to them in six months to let them know how -- and if -- things were going with her boyfriend. Nine months letter, she sent an update.
So, are they still together? Have any of his past traumas manifested in their relationship? The Sugars find out.

Episodes We Love: 'Head Or The Heart' Update

Redux: Body Weight and Romance

Introducing Beyond All Repair, a new WBUR podcast from producer emeritus of Dear Sugars, Amory Sivertson. This series tells the story of a murder, but also the woman who was accused of that murder, Sophia.
Sophia was newly married and 6 months pregnant when she was charged with murdering her mother-in-law in 2002. She gave birth to a son in jail that she hasn’t seen since, and for the last three years, she’s been telling me her story in hopes of getting justice for her mother-in-law, of having a chance of meeting her son, and of finally being believed.
This is the first chapter of Beyond All Repair. Episode 2 is already waiting for you. Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

Dear Sugars Presents: "Beyond All Repair", a new murder mystery podcast

Our loved ones are the people who are supposed to understand us. But what if they just...can't? Where do we turn then, and how do we fight the feelings of resentment that this lack of understanding can stir up? This episode was originally released November 11th, 2016.

Archive: When Your Loved Ones Just Don't 'Get It'

The Sugars' conversation on friendship continues with a handful of letters concerning male-female friendships. Is there such a thing as a platonic relationship between a heterosexual man and woman? Can male-female friendships be as emotionally satisfying as same-gender relationships? What do you do when a friend crosses a romantic line? The Sugars discuss it all in rapid-fire fashion.

(Encore) Rapid Fire: Friendship, Part 2 - Male-Female Friendships

Everyone has had a friendship quandary of some sort in the past, right? This week, the Sugars take on frequently asked questions in "rapid fire" fashion – from hating your best friend's significant other, to hating her politics.

(Redux) Rapid Fire: Friendship, Part 1 - FAQs

Whether you’re 5, 15, or 50 years old, it can be difficult to usher a stepparent in and out of the family unit. In today’s episode, the Sugars answer letters from stepchildren who have fraught relationships with their stepparents. What is a stepparent’s responsibility to a stepchild after divorce? And what can be done if you don’t like the person your parent chooses to marry? This episode was originally released on April 28th, 2018.

Redux: The Stepchild's Dilemma

Buzz Bissinger owns more than 100 pairs of leather pants and over 200 pairs of leather gloves, having spent more than $600,000 on leather goods in the span of three years. Mr. Bissinger has a spending addiction, and he joins the Sugars to offer guidance to a letter-writer whose therapist and family don’t take her spending seriously. This episode was originally published on April 14th, 2018.

Encore: Buyer's Remorse

How many times have you heard this: "I love him, we're great together, but..."? There's always room for doubt, even in the happiest of relationships. So this week, the Sugars take on some of those doubts in rapid-fire fashion. 
This episode was originally published on January 5th, 2017.

Redux: Love In Doubt

Most of us have days when we don’t feel attractive. But in this episode, the Sugars read letters from people whose faces are at odds with conventional ideas of beauty. Writer Ariel Henley joins to talk about her own facial differences. Henley was born with Crouzon Syndrome, and underwent dozens of surgeries that changed the shape of her face.

Redux: The Ugly Truth

Privilege comes in many forms: socio-economic privilege, gender privilege, heterosexual privilege, to name a few. In this episode, the Sugars reply to two letter writers who are facing different forms of privilege. They discuss with Catrice M. Jackson, a leading voice for racial justice. 
This episode was originally published on August 11th, 2018.

Redux: Talking About Privilege

At age 18, we are granted the rights and responsibilities of adulthood in the eyes of the law. But for parents of young adults, it’s not so clear cut. When is the right time to wean your children off the family payroll? The Sugars tackle this question with the help of Dr. Kate Gale.
This episode was originally released on December 23rd, 2017.

Encore: Cutting The Financial Cord

Produced by WBUR, Boston’s NPR, in partnership with The Trace, The Gun Machine looks into the past to bring you a story that most Americans never learned in history class: how early partnerships between mad scientist gunsmiths and a fledgling U.S. government created the gun industry in the Northeast, and how that industry has been partners with the government ever since.  
Host Alain Stephens examines how this 250-year relationship underpins all Americans’ interactions with guns — including our failures in dealing with the fallout of gun violence.
The Gun Machine episodes drop every Wednesday, starting Oct. 4, 2023. Listen and follow on Apple, Spotify, Amazon Music and wherever you get your podcasts.
https://link.chtbl.com/thegunmachine

Introducing ‘The Gun Machine’, a podcast about how America was forged by the gun industry

Snooping on your spouse is generally ill-advised, but what if he or she has an addiction and is constantly lying about it? The Sugars and writer Ariel Levy answer this question in this episode, originally released on December 2, 2017.

Redux: A Spy In The House Of Love

This is part two of the series on early childhood death. The Sugars read letters from parents who worry that their grief may overshadow their surviving children. They are joined by the writer Emily Rapp Black, who decided to have another child after learning that her son had a fatal congenital disorder. 

Redux: The Empty Chair, Part 2

Her grandmother always introduced her as the “chubby one.” Now, she vacillates between moderation and binge-eating. “It’s only when my pants are nearly impossible to button that I force myself to lose weight,” writes the letter-writer who calls herself Body Negative. “And then the pattern starts all over again.” The Sugars discuss and share their own struggles with body image. 

"What do I want?" This is the question Oprah Winfrey finally asked herself, after years of struggling to say "no" to people in her life. In the second of this two-part series, the Sugars continue their conversation with Oprah Winfrey on when, why and how to say "no." 

Episodes We Love: The Power Of No, Part 2: Oprah Winfrey

In this episode, the Sugars answer letters from letter writers who want to have sex less frequently than their partners do.

Redux: The Other Half of Sexless Relationships

In the Empty Chair series, the Sugars discuss early childhood death, an absence that can be ever-present. In Part 1, they read letters from siblings who live in the the shadow of their parents’ grief. This episode was originally released on November 4th, 2017.

Encore: The Empty Chair, Part 1

When the Sugars answered a letter from a woman who felt trapped in the role of "wicked stepmother," dozens of listeners wrote in asking the same question: what about the stepchildren, who have no control over the restructuring of their family? This episode, the Sugars respond with an episode devoted to the other side of the story.

Encore: What About The Stepchildren?

Divorce is always a painful process, but it's especially so when there are children in the middle. In this favorite episode from the archives, the Sugars discuss situations of parental alienation caused by divorce. They answer letters from a mother and a father whose daughters have cut off all communication with them after taking the other parent's side.
This episode was originally released October 14th, 2016.

Encore: I Divorced My Spouse, And My Child Divorced Me

Dear Sugars fans: We wanted to share with you an episode from Love Letters, hosted by Boston Globe advice columnist Meredith Goldstein, that we think you'll enjoy.

Dear Sugars introduces Love Letters

There’s incredible power in saying “yes.” It opens up avenues and allows us to be brave. In Cheryl's case, it’s what led to her becoming Sugar. But saying yes to life's opportunities can also have its risks. In this favorite episode from the archives, The Sugars are joined by Oprah Winfrey to discuss when to say no, how to say no, and what happens in the wake of that. This episode was originally released July 15th, 2017.

Encore: The Power of No, Part 1

A damaged parent can cast a dark shadow over our lives, especially when we inherit some of that damage. In this favorite episode from the archives, Steve’s father, the psychoanalyst Dr. Richard Almond, joins the Sugars to answer letters and offer a way out.

Encore: In the Shadow of Damaged Parents

In this favorite episode from the archives, the Sugars, along with fiction writer George Saunders, field letters from people who are chasing their creative dreams but frightened by the practical and financial risks that come with that pursuit. This episode was originally released on August 5th, 2017.

Encore: The Price Of Our Dreams

"Whatever" -- that's how the actress Maria Bello describes her sexual orientation. Her "love who you love" attitude toward sexuality, regardless of gender, is often referred to as fluidity. In this favorite episode from the archives, Maria joins the Sugars to discuss a couple of letters having to do with the confusion and complications that can accompany a shift in one's sexual preferences and partnerships. This episode was originally published on March 3rd, 2017.

Encore: Sexual Fluidity

Encore: When Your Loved Ones Just Don't 'Get It'

You love your partner, you love your career... but they're pulling you in different directions. What do you do? In this favorite episode from the archives, The Sugars have help from psychotherapist and sociologist Leslie Bell, author of Hard to Get: 20-Something Women and the Paradox of Sexual Freedom. This episode was originally released on April 13th, 2017.

Encore: Career Vs. Love

Dear Sugars fans: We wanted to share with you a new podcast we're working on at WBUR.
Violation tells the story of two families bound together by an unthinkable crime. It explores America's opaque parole system and asks: How much time in prison is enough? Who gets to decide? And, when someone commits a terrible crime, what does redemption look like?
Listen to the trailer and if you like what you hear, head over to the Violation feed wherever you get your podcasts and hit subscribe so you'll get new episodes when they drop, beginning March 22.

Dear Sugars introduces Violation, a new podcast about who pulls the levers of power in the justice system

You wants kids; your partner doesn't. Or your partner wants kids, and you don't. Whatever the scenario, few subjects are as emotionally charged and potentially deal-breaking in a relationship as a disagreement over the decision to become parents. In this favorite episode from the archives, The Sugars take on this tricky topic with the help of the writer Danielle Herzog, who's written in the past about ending her own marriage to become a mother. This episode was originally published on March 22nd, 2017.

Encore: Baby or Bust

Remembering the grocery list, coordinating with the babysitter, scheduling a get-together with the in-laws: These are some of the invisible tasks that (most) women exclusively do in their romantic relationships — and the list goes on and on. In this favorite episode from the archives, The Sugars commiserate with Gemma Hartley, the writer who set off a national conversation about emotional labor with her viral article in Harper’s Bazaar, “Women Aren’t Nags — We’re Just Fed Up.”

Encore: Emotional Labor

In this favorite episode from the archives, The Sugars discuss relationships with big age gaps, so-called "May-December" romances with the help of Lucinda Franks, a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and author of the memoir Timeless: Love, Morgenthau, and Me, which tells the story of her marriage to New York District Attorney Robert Morgenthau, who's 27 years her senior. This episode was originally released October 20th, 2016.

Encore: May-December Romances

In this favorite episode from the archives, The Sugars bring you another "Rapid Fire" episode, where they give brief answers to a handful of letters that are all centered around a theme. The theme for this episode is "stay or go" -- people who have a voice in their head telling them to leave their relationship, but who aren't sure it's the right move. This episode was originally released on September 9, 2016. 

Encore: Should I Stay Or Go?

The Sugars often discuss letters dealing with very specific problems or struggles. In this encore episode, they take on a broader, more existential question: how to follow your heart. The Sugars discuss with the GRAMMY-winning singer/songwriter India Arie, who shares how she learned to be her own guide. This episode was originally released September 23rd, 2016.

Encore: How Do I Find The Courage To Be My Own Guide?

This encore episode is all about adventures in animal ownership! The Sugars, along with Julie Barton — author of the memoir "Dog Medicine: How My Dog Saved Me From Myself" — answer letters about pet dilemmas and the ways these creatures affect human relationships. This episode was originally published on August 26th, 2017.

Encore: Pet Dilemmas

The Sugars read the letters of two transgender men who are struggling to find love and acceptance. They discuss with Cooper Lee Bombardier, a visual artist, writer and transgender man. This episode was originally aired on September 2, 2016. 

Encore: I'm A Transgender Man, Seeking Acceptance

When Steve Lickteig turned 18, he learned that his mother and father, who he thought were his adoptive parents, are in fact his biological grandparents. With the advent of affordable DNA testing and companies like 23andMe, more and more people are having revelations like Mr. Lickteig’s. For some, these revelations can be a welcome and exciting discovery process. For others, they’re shocking and unwanted. In today’s episode, Mr. Lickteig shares his story and helps the Sugars advise letter writers who are still reeling from their genetic discoveries. This episode was originally aired on June 16, 2018. 

Encore: Who's Your Daddy?

For the first time on the podcast, the Sugars answer a voice mail message from the Dear Sugars hotline. The message comes from a woman who reunited with her ex-boyfriend, who once assaulted her. Wracked with shame, she wonders if reconciling with him is acceptable and if it’s possible he’ll change. Esta Soler, president and founder of Futures Without Violence, joins the Sugars to help answer the question: Is it O.K. to love someone who abused you? This episode was originally released on April 21, 2018. 

Encore: I'm In Love With My Abuser

In this second part of our series on moving on, the Sugars discuss how we can release ourselves from our past mistakes. Dr. Harriet Lerner drops in to answer a letter from a woman who calls herself a "serial codependent," as well as a woman who is haunted by her abortion. This episode was originally published on August 25th, 2018.

Encore: Moving On, Part 2

The Sugars have been thinking about what it means to say goodbye and let go. In this first episode of their two-part series on moving on, the Sugars and Claire Bidwell Smith answer two letters from people struggling to move past their grief after the death of their loved ones. This episode was originally released on August 18th, 2018.

Encore: Moving On, Part 1

Reema Zaman, our guest in this week’s episode, was in an emotionally abusive marriage. Although her husband’s abuses never left any physical mark, it took her years to repair the damage he inflicted upon her. Ms. Zaman describes some of the telltale signs of an emotionally abusive relationship and helps the Sugars answer two painful letters from women who are struggling to disentangle themselves from their abusive partners. This episode was originally aired on August 4th, 2018.

Encore: Emotional Abuse

Dear Sugars returns to Portland, Oregon, for another epic live show. Special guests Mitchell S. Jackson and Rebecca Skloot share the stage with the Sugars to tell stories of personal reckoning and answer letters from the audience. This episode was originally published on July 28th, 2018.

Encore: The Great Reckoning

The term "ghosting" may be relatively new, but the concept -- someone suddenly and inexplicably disappearing from your life -- is not. In the past, a total halt to communication with a friend might leave you feeling concerned that something bad happened to him/her. But in a time where our devices have made us more accessible than ever, it can leave the person who's been ghosted feeling rejected or unworthy. This episode was originally published on March 16th, 2017.

Encore: Haunted by Ghosting

The Sugars get a letter from a young woman who has fallen head over heels in love. She and her boyfriend only met a month ago, but are already in deep. Everything seems perfect, and yet the letter writer can't help but wonder if the traumas of her new love's past are hiding somewhere under the surface, threatening to resurface. This episode originally aired Nov. 6, 2015.

Encore: Do I Follow My Head or My Heart?

Location, location, location. It makes all the difference in real estate, and it can make all the difference to one's happiness. But finding a place that really feels like home can be tricky.

Encore: Location, Location, Location

In a heated moment, a mother reveals a dark chapter from her childhood to her daughter, then immediately regrets it. What now? In this week’s episode, the Sugars tackle this and several other questions, including how to handle a brother-in-law who treats your vacation as his own free childcare; what to do when your best friend’s husband asks you to lie; and why we sometimes recoil at very public displays of grief. This episode was originally released July 29th, 2017.

Encore: Rapid Fire Letters

Privilege comes in many forms: socio-economic privilege, gender privilege, heterosexual privilege, to name a few. In this episode, the Sugars reply to two letter writers who are facing different forms of privilege. They discuss with Catrice M. Jackson, a leading voice for racial justice. This episode was originally published on August 11th, 2018.

Encore: Talking About Privilege

The erotic lives of senior citizens are typically made invisible by our culture, which can lead to confusion and misinformation. Dr. Pepper Schwartz, the love and relationship columnist for AARP, joins the Sugars to dispel certain myths about sex and aging: Do libidos change after menopause? How does the aging body affect the way we feel about sex? Should medical interventions be considered for a declining sex drive? This episode was originally released on May 25, 2018. 

Encore: Sex & Aging

Encore: The Stepchild's Dilemma

The Sugars conclude a two-part series on early childhood death. In Part 2, they read letters from parents who worry that their grief may overshadow their surviving children. They are joined by the writer Emily Rapp Black, who decided to have another child after learning that her son had a fatal congenital disorder. This episode was originally released on November 11th, 2017.

Encore: The Empty Chair, Part 2

Words can be wielded like weapons. On today’s episode, the Sugars hear from people who have something to confess but are afraid to hurt others with the power of their words. This episode was originally released on December 9th, 2017.

Encore: Just Say It

How many times have you heard this: "I love him, we're great together, but..."? There's always room for doubt, even in the happiest of relationships. So this week, the Sugars take on some of those doubts in rapid-fire fashion. This episode was originally published on January 5th, 2017.

Encore: Love in Doubt

It’s never easy to talk to our romantic partners about their bodies, especially when it’s about weight. The Sugars, along with writer Ashley C. Ford, answer letters from people questioning their relationships because of major changes in their partners’ bodies.

Encore: Body Weight and Romance — with Ashley C. Ford

When it comes to love, money is supposed to be no object. But there’s no disentangling love from anything in our lives, and income is no exception. So how do you assess the role money should play in a relationship, and what happens when your desires and means change over time? The Sugars take on 5 letters in this rapid-fire episode. 