To Baby or Not To Baby?

To Baby or Not To Baby?

By Secret Recordings

Naomi is 35 and newly married. She is constantly asked when she's having a baby. But does she even want one? In this series she travels the country speaking to people about their experiences in having and not having children to help her decide whether To Baby or Not To Baby.

Episodes

12: The Baby Daddy

Naomi chats with her husband, Dan, to discuss their experience of being new parents. They discuss: the different experiences men and women have of parenting, how tough the first months are, thinking about a second child, the impact it’s had on their relationship, taking on too much work too soon, working from home due to the pandemic.
30/03/2135m 3s

11: The Egg-Freezing Future Mum

Naomi talks to Rhian, who is 36 and single and has frozen her eggs to preserve her fertility. They discuss: how she’s always known that she wants to be a mum, making the initial call to the fertility clinic, the worry that harvesting eggs will affect her ability to get pregnant naturally, having to inject herself on a daily basis, the procedure to have the eggs harvested, the surprisingly reasonable cost of the process, telling dates about what’s she’s done, the peace of mind that comes with having done it.
22/03/2136m 51s

10: The Postpartum Psychosis Mum

Naomi speaks to Cat, who experienced extreme postnatal depression and was sectioned after the birth of her second child. They discuss: the thoughts that started to invade her mind, admitting that something wasn’t right, having suicidal thoughts, being admitted to hospital and eventually sectioned, hitting rock bottom, the road to recovery, returning home, managing her condition going forward. TRIGGER WARNING: this conversation includes in-depth discussion of suicidal thoughts and a suicide attempt. Please think carefully if this is something you’re comfortable listening to.
16/03/2140m 4s

9: The Lockdown Dad

Naomi chats with Rob Howard, who is the host of the Locked Down, Knocked Up Podcast, which was launched because his wife, Gemma, got pregnant in lockdown! They discuss: procrastinating about having kids then having the choice made for you, being supportive while your wife is pregnant, being unprepared for an early arrival, having to leave mother and baby in hospital due to the Covid restrictions, bringing the family home.
09/03/2135m 43s

8: The Science-Defying Mum

Naomi chats with Gemma, who suffered a molar pregnancy and was given little chance of getting pregnant through natural means. They discuss: what a molar pregnancy is, the lottery of your IVF opportunities, being prescribed Clomid, the struggle to find out she’s even had a molar pregnancy, the grieving process, her very positive experience with hypnobirthing, deciding to do it again.
02/03/2129m 55s

7: The Trans Dad

Naomi chats with Freddy, who is a single dad by choice and transgender man who carried and gave birth to his son.  They discuss: discovering that transitioning wasn’t the end of his fertility, how the NHS is behind the trans community, having to come off testosterone, going through IUI, feeling isolated as a trans man going through pregnancy.
23/02/2135m 2s

6: The Childfree Ambassador

Naomi meets LeNora, who made the conscious decision in her early 20s to not have children. They discuss: the revelation that having children is a choice, telling her family the news, how it’s affected her dating life, discovering the childfree community.
16/02/2134m 39s

5: The Premature Mum

Naomi chats with Jo, whose son was born 9 weeks premature. They discuss: the shock of going into labour when you’re not expecting it, the challenges of giving birth to a very small baby, not being allowed to touch your newborn, having to go home and leave your baby in the hospital, suffering from post traumatic stress after he was allowed to come home.
09/02/2139m 28s

4: The Recovering Mum

Naomi speaks to Rachel, whose journey to motherhood included ovarian cancer, IVF and a lockdown birth. They discuss: Rachel’s teenage battle with ovarian cancer, going through IVF at a young age, the doubts over whether she’ll be able to get pregnant, the experience of pregnancy, birth and looking after a newborn through lockdown.
02/02/2130m 57s

3: The Infertile Non-Dad

Naomi chats with Sheridan Voysey about his ultimately fruitless attempts to become a parent. They discuss: finding out that your journey won’t be as smooth as you thought, the guilt that comes with being the one who is responsible for the problems, the strain this can put on a marriage, exploring adoption, the difficult decision to end their ten year journey, the stigma of male infertility.
26/01/2138m 42s

2: The Co-Parent

Naomi chats with Rachel, who got pregnant by and is a co-parent with a friend. They discuss: being in no rush to have children, the discussions and contract involved in co-parenting, the challenges and benefits of co-parenting, having a child who lives in two places.
19/01/2134m 46s

1: The Childfree U-Turn

Naomi meets Anthea, who always thought she would have children, but changed her mind. They discuss: negotiating with her husband about whether to try for children or not, the strain of trying but not getting pregnant, the comfort of having friends who also don’t have kids, the positive effects once she decided to stop trying, the determination to fill her life with adventure. 
12/01/2141m 29s

To Baby or Not To Baby has a baby!

After starting this podcast to decide whether she wanted to have children, Naomi gave birth to her daughter just a few weeks ago.  She (virtually) sat down with Camilla to tell the story of the dramatic birth of her daughter, a month before the due date.
20/10/2036m 42s

12: The Dad-to-be

Naomi ends season two the same way as she ended season one by talking to her husband Dan. They discuss: how Naomi revealed she was pregnant, how he’s observed Naomi during her pregnancy, the resentment that can build from a pregnant person to their partner, how prepared he is for labour, their fears for when the baby is born, what kind of parents they think they’ll be.
01/09/2039m 24s

11: The Travelling Mum

Naomi chats with Angharad, who is a mum of two (with one on the way), but that doesn’t stop their family from travelling the world. They discuss: how travelling changes when you have a baby in tow, the ideal ages to take young children away, the places their children have already visited, her experiences of flying with young children, taking your child to a foreign hospital, tips for travelling with your family.
25/08/2034m 8s

10: The Adoptive Solo Mum

Naomi speaks to Helen who is a solo mum to an adopted son. They discuss: making the decision to adopt when single, going through IUI, the length of time the adoption process can take, how you get matched with a child, meeting her son for the first time, the first days and months as you get to know each other, how long it takes before you are legally a parent, contact with the biological parents, being honest with the child about where he comes from.
18/08/2040m 35s

9: The Child-free Guru

Naomi speaks to Marcia, who chose never to have children.  They discuss: the book that changed her life, how her family reacted to her decision, launching the National Organization for Non-Parents, wavering on her decision to not have children, the things she’s been able to achieve without the responsibilities of being a parent, what she says to people who are on the fence about becoming a parent.
11/08/2034m 43s

8: The Widowed Dad

Naomi meets Tim who is a father of one and is recently widowed.  They discuss: the difficult journey for Tim’s family as his wife’s cancer progressed, how he kept their daughter informed throughout, the first days following the bereavement, finding yourself as a solo dad to a daughter, finding the positives in a life despite what his family have gone through. TRIGGER WARNING: this deals with issues of cancer and the loss of a spouse.
04/08/2037m 5s

7: The Surrogate

Naomi chats with Charlotte, who has two children of her own, but is currently pregnant as a surrogate for her friend. They discuss: wanting to be a surrogate despite not enjoying being pregnant, donating eggs, the problem with laws around surrogacy in the UK, the different feeling from carrying your own child to carrying someone else’s, building a birth plan when the person giving birth isn’t the mother. If you’re interested in becoming a surrogate or donating your eggs, listen to the end of the episode for some useful links.
28/07/2038m 23s

6: The Disabled Solo Mum

Naomi is joined by Julie, who is 33 weeks pregnant, thanks to IVF, and is single by choice, but also has Lyme disease.  They discuss: the difference between a solo mum and a single mum, being pregnant with Lyme disease, getting into a bad marriage just to try and have a baby, negotiating the dating world when you’re in a rush to get pregnant, the process of choosing a sperm donor, the extra challenges of having a baby when you’re disabled.
21/07/2038m 32s

5: The Doula

Naomi chats with Lorraine who is a mum of one, but also a doula. They discuss: what a doula does for an expectant mother, the differences between a doula and a midwife, the misconceptions about what a doula is for, understanding the options available to you when in labour, the case against having an induction, feeling empowered to make the decision in the labour ward, what to think about when making a birth plan, the experience of being a black mother and having a mixed race child.
14/07/2046m 5s

4: The Intended Parent

Naomi meets Kreena whose epic journey to motherhood involved breast cancer, heart failure and surrogacy. They discuss: the impact cancer can have on fertility, the gamble of delaying treatment to explore IVF, choosing between freezing eggs and freezing embryos, meeting her surrogate, the bond that grew with her surrogate, the pressure of needing IVF to work. Make sure you listen right to the end to hear how this story has developed since the interview.
07/07/2045m 37s

3: The Not-by-Choice Non-Mum

Naomi meets Caroline, who has stopped trying to get pregnant after nine years. They discuss: assuming you’ll have children, having bad experiences at fertility clinics, overseas clinics, living through a miscarriage, moving on with your life, the business that has come out of her experience. Where you can get support if you’re going through something similar to Caroline.
30/06/2039m 26s

2: The Solo Mum

Naomi meets Mel, who is a solo mum by choice.  They discuss: looking for a partner for the wrong reasons, the time it takes to go from deciding you want to get pregnant on your own to it actually happening, the way a single person is treated at a fertility clinic, the reaction of friends and family, navigating the early days of solo parenting, the ways you select the donor, dating as a solo mum.
23/06/2045m 1s

1: The Two Dads

Naomi speaks to Mike and Wes, who are dads to two surrogate babies.  They discuss: broaching the subject of wanting children with a new partner, the options open to same-sex couples, the legalities of surrogacy in the UK and elsewhere, their relationship with the egg donor and surrogate, the questions they get asked when out with their children, changing the perception of same sex families in society.
16/06/2043m 9s

Bonus Episode

Naomi has big news to reveal! Plus get a taste of what's to come in season two of the podcast. 
14/04/2036m 5s

14: The Decision

Naomi speaks to her husband Dan as they try to decide whether to baby or not to baby. They discuss: why he’s always wanted to have children, what qualities make a good parent, how much preparation you can do before the fact, how a partner handles a new mum who is struggling mentally.
11/02/2029m 49s

13: The Scan

Naomi visits Nurture Fertility in Nottingham for a scan to gain some information about her chances of getting pregnant. You’ll be there before, during and after the scan. Then she speaks to consultant Dr James Hopkisson to find out: how long you should wait before seeking help from a fertility doctor, the relative fertility success rates for woman as they get older, freezing eggs versus freezing embryos.
04/02/2029m 44s

12: The Life-After-Loss Mum

Naomi visits Becky, who describes her circumstances as having three children, two at home.  They discuss: the dramatic circumstances in which her twins were born, having them moved to separate hospitals, how her daughter helped the family cope with a bereavement, remembering a lost child.
28/01/2041m 38s

11: The Working Mum

Naomi meets Turri who is a geneticist and worked for her PHD with four children. They discuss: the feeling of not giving enough to your family or your work, other people’s reaction to you wanting to continue your career, how having children can affect endometriosis, dealing with the trauma of a stillborn child, giving birth prematurely.
21/01/2035m 25s

10: The Future Mum? Part 2

Naomi speaks to Seetal again, to find out the results of her third round of IVF. They discuss: trying different fertility clinics to get the right one for you, IVF in the Indian community, how men are affected by IVF, the difficulty of predicting the costs of IVF, the places you can go to hear from and speak to people who are going through the same thing as you.
14/01/2033m 21s

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10/01/205m 53s

9: The Future Mum Part 1

Naomi is joined by Seetal who is going through her third round of IVF. They discuss: the difference between IVF on the NHS and private, the importance of telling people you’re going through IVF, the costs of NHS versus private IVF, the feeling of failure when you can’t get pregnant, all the extras on offer when you go through IVF. Seetal will also feature in the next episode as we find out the results of her IVF cycle.
07/01/2042m 6s

8: The Mums

Naomi invites her mum and mother in law to get their thoughts on decision process. They discuss: parenting not being for everyone, going back to work versus being a full time mum, seeing your children grow up, knowing the right time to have kids and what Naomi would be like as a parent.
17/12/1935m 16s

7: The Regretful Mum

Naomi meets Jayne who was willing to talk about her regrets in becoming a mum. They discuss: not feeling an immediate bond with your baby, going through postnatal depression, being pressured to breastfeed, losing your identity when becoming a parent, the challenges of raising an autistic child, the benefits of going back to work, being honest about your regrets.
10/12/1942m 12s

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03/12/194m 6s

6: The Surprise Mum

Naomi speaks to Amy about how her life changed when she fell pregnant at 24.  They discuss: the shock of discovering an unplanned pregnancy, the changes it brought to her life, how labour is different when you’re single, coping with going back to work after the birth, dating as a single mum. This episode also includes a discussion about abortion from the perspective of someone who chose not to have one and someone who did. 
03/12/1939m 2s

5: The Ambivalent Non-Mum

Naomi meets Katherine, who didn’t think about having children until she was in her 40s. They discuss: how the way you were raised affects your view of parenthood, what happens when you want children but your partner doesn’t, your options when trying to get pregnant over 40, finding happiness no matter how your life turns out.
26/11/1942m 22s

4: The IVF Dad

Naomi chats to Tom, who went through IVF with his wife. They discuss: the helpless feeling of watching your partner go through IVF, the importance of shopping around before deciding on your clinic, the process of injections when going through downregulation.
19/11/1933m 47s

3: The Unlikely Mum

Naomi speaks to Faye who was given next to no chance of ever getting pregnant. They discuss: the devastation of learning your life may not pan out the way you’d planned, the changes you have to make when going through IVF, the importance of being in contact with people who have been through it, the affect IVF has on your relationship. 
12/11/1940m 42s

2: The Never Mum

Naomi speaks to Hollie who knew from a young age that she never wanted children. They discuss: how her decision affects the people in her life, the stigma that comes with not wanting to be a parent, the frustration of your biological clock. 
05/11/1939m 25s

1: The Geriatric Mum

Naomi visits her friend Leonie who is pregnant with her second child and is medically considered 'geriatric'. They discuss: if pregnancy is harder when you're over 35, how best to incorporate a child into your life, the changes to your body after having a baby and, most importantly, which supermarkets will give you free stuff if you go into labour while shopping. 
29/10/1938m 46s

Trailer

Here's a taste of what to expect when To Baby or Not To Baby launches on 29th October.
17/10/193m 52s
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