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2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Comedian best friends Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer get together in the bear cave at YMH Studios to do what bears do: make each other laugh.

YMH Studios

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This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are on separate sides of the country, but still together in our hearts. Tom's about to film a movie and Bert's been running his takes through ChatGPT before he says them out loud, which still doesn't stop LeeAnn and his daughters from destroying him over The Pastor's Wife. Bert explains how Last Comic Standing edited him into the villain, and how much public misrepresentation a person should take before they swing back; Michael Jackson, Shane Gillis, Johnny Depp, Joe Rogan, and Bert's "how many bees until you start swatting" theory. From there, Bert delivers the two greatest analogies of his life, Tom demands the production Bible for Tenet to understand it better, and Bert turns his garage door into a guillotine. They also get into Kyle Forgeard of Nelk Boys running seven marathons in seven days, Bert's daughters hijacking his couples therapy to tell the therapist he only feels emasculated at Lowe's, and Bert's case that Raygun should have won the gold medal and that Jackson Pollock was a shill.



2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 340



https://tomsegura.com/tour

https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

https://store.ymhstudios.com



Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-426-2537, 1-800-697-3738. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit http://ccpg.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in 7 days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in 1 year. $50 in rewards issued every 7 days via click to claim for 14 days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at http://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State.


Chapters		

00:00:00	-	Intro

00:00:38	-	ChatGPT Approved Takes & Death Of The Pastor's Wife 

00:07:17	-	How Many Bees Until You Start Swatting? + Purple Doritos

00:15:02	-	Tom's Movie Beard & Revisiting Tenet

00:28:44	-	365 One-Minute Episodes & Bryson DeChambeau's Hole In One

00:34:08	-	Mountain Dew Sizzle

00:38:01	-	Football Segue

00:39:19	-	Kyle Forgeard's Seven Marathons & Andrew Schulz's Miami Era

00:43:50	-	Bert's Tom Impression & Couples Therapy With The Girls

00:51:03	-	The Honey Deuce & Bert's Return To Drinking 

00:56:16	-	What Olympic Sport Could You Actually Get Good At?

01:02:50	-	Raygun Deserved The Gold & Jackson Pollock Was A Shill

01:12:15	-	Wrap Up 
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Raygun Deserved The Gold Medal | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Check out Hoop and Huddle, YMH Studios' new comedy sports show, hosted by comedians Luke Touma & Nate Marshall. Two friends talking basketball, football, and whatever ruined their weekend. Less "analysts breaks down the tape," more "your boys yelling at the TV." https://www.youtube.com/@UCdaQbXFKAuvKcZcwieo8A6A 


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Welcome back to the cave! Hunter Biden says he's 48% gay, which raises the only question that matters: what percent are you? Bert and Tom build the math from zero, clothes, dicks, physiques, saunas, eye patches, a $5,000 face laser, and Bert climbs a lot higher than he expected to.

Along the way: why Bert can't watch Sophie Cunningham highlights, the uncomfortable truth about loving Jason Williams, John Stockton's total lack of pizzazz, the hunt for a white DB in the NFL, Bert calling his dad mid-episode to check the family for slave owners (Tom's family does not come out clean), Bert's sister telling him to grow up about his sleep anxiety, Ila volunteering to fight Tom's ten-year-old in the Octagon, the 2:30am Dodger Stadium aftermath, a device that grades your poop, and Bert's full-throated defense of the Philadelphia Eagles' male cheerleader.

Plus: this week's Mountain Dew summer sizzle submissions, including one that requires $2.6 million of CGI and one that just shuts Bert up.



2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 339



https://tomsegura.com/tour

https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

https://store.ymhstudios.com



In Partnership with DraftKings. The Crown Is Yours. Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-426-2537, 1-800-697-3738. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://ccpg.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in 7 days. Trade to get $50 in Predictions Dollars that expire in 1 year, issued every 7 days via click to claim for 21 days. 1 non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Predictions offer void in New York. Ends July 19th. Terms at https://dkng.co/audio.


Chapters		

00:00:00	-	Intro

00:00:14	-	Hunter Biden Says He's 48% Gay

00:06:23	-	Clip Farms, Sophie Cunningham, & Jason Williams

00:15:32	-	John Stockton, White Boxers & Tim Dwight

00:29:23	-	California's Slavery Bill & Bert Calls His Dad

00:34:41	-	The Girlfriend, The Sister, & The Fight Challenge

00:42:34	-	The Dodgers Game Aftermath & A Whoop For Your Toilet

00:46:11	-	Male Cheerleaders, Female Urologists, & Checking Out Men

00:52:38	-	Hiding From Lightning With A Grindr Meetup

00:59:05	-	Comedian OnlyFans & Ohtani's $17 Million Translator

01:05:44	-	Mountain Dew Summer Sizzle Submissions

01:11:34	-	Wrap Up
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What Percent Gay Are You? | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Welcome back to 2 Bears 1 Cave! This week Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer dive right in with Jelly Roll's headline-grabbing Kimmel monologue where he addressed the president as "from one fat pig to another." Bert then takes full credit for Jelly Roll's weight loss and the entire genesis of the Two Bears 5K, because technically he was in the room when that casually became a thing. They also have exciting news, a new 5K is coming in April and it's going to be bigger than ever.

From there, Bert opens up about the panic attacks he's been having, severe, physical, and rooted in something he now understands: a complete lack of childhood bedtime structure. Tom grew up getting nightly Catholic prayers, a sign of the cross from mom, and the full rosary in the car for any trip over ten minutes. Bert grew up watching Letterman alone at nine years old at 3am while his dad slept off a ten mile run. The bears compare notes on childhood bedtime routines, how they each put their own kids down now, and what sleep anxiety looks like when it hits a grown adult, including Bert's most recent 36-hour panic attack that started when a friend told him he yawns too much and he forgot how to do it. He couldn't yawn for a day and a half. He finally yawned in couples therapy. That's where we are.

They also get into Mel Gibson getting lightly canceled for mocking a sign language interpreter (on the scale of Mel Gibson incidents, this doesn't even register), a game of complimenting Salma Hayek on the one thing she's never heard in her 60 years on earth, Tom Hardy's new rap album, Jonah Hill's white belt jiu jitsu bravado and whether he'd actually beat Jason Bateman's ass, the Eddie Bravo black eye that made Bert walk out of a jiu jitsu class without ever taking his jeans off, and the Times Square Stabber whose fat padding made every taser completely ineffective and whose stabbing motion made this incident appear beyond ridiculous at first.



2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 338



https://tomsegura.com/tour

https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

https://store.ymhstudios.com



Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-426-2537, 1-800-697-3738. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Canada. Bet with DraftKings Sportsbook to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days OR Trade with DraftKings Predictions to get Predictions Dollars that expire in one year. Event contract trading involves risk of loss. Predictions offer void in New York. Non-withdrawable Rewards issued as Fifty dollar click-to-claims every seven days for twenty-one days. Terms at https://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State.


Chapters		

00:00:00	-	Intro

00:00:18	-	Jelly Roll Called Trump A Fat Pig on Kimmel

00:15:49	-	Mel Gibson's Sign Language Incident & Cancel Culture

00:22:32	-	Childhood Bedtimes & Panic Attacks

00:33:38	-	Putting Kids to Bed & Bert's Sleep Anxiety Deep Dive

00:41:44	-	Bert Forgot How to Yawn and Had a 36-Hour Panic Attack

00:51:25	-	Salma Hayek At 60

00:55:47	-	Tom Hardy's Album, Shapeshifters & Jonah Hill's White Belt Energy

01:05:56	-	The Times Square Waddling Stabber
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Jelly Roll Called The President A Fat Pig | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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https://netsuite.ai/bears.



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Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are back in the cave and surprise surprise, Bert opens with a confession: he wishes he'd never quit drinking. What follows is a full inventory of the modern male brain, the online pastor Tom watches every morning to get inspired, why 17-year-olds have no business being nostalgic for anything, the exact moment each of them gave up on playing pro sports, and why comedians never seem to get that same reality check. The guys break down Bert's Whoop addiction and the blood clot that started it, get talked into a completely fictional performance-enhancing stack for a 5K, fall in love with bull riding legend JB Mauney, pitch the worst sponsorship idea in podcast history, and watch a food delivery driver take on the entire Barstool office. Then it's cringe cancellation, sobriety influencers, 4:23 a.m. morning routine guys, and a long, very funny argument about which movie stars are actually men and which ones just look at themselves in the mirror. Plus Bert's new fragrance obsession, the colognes of Napoleon, Elvis and JFK, Sebastian Maniscalco's four seasonal robes, Joe Rogan's splits, Billy Bob Thornton at the CMAs, and a big announcement about the future of the show.



2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 337



https://tomsegura.com/tour

https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

https://store.ymhstudios.com



Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MYRESET. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in one year. $50 in rewards issued every seven days via click to claim for twenty-one days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at https://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State.


Chapters		

00:00:00	-	Intro

00:00:17	-	The Jewish Joke Bert Can't Tell On Stage

00:04:26	-	Pastor Manning

00:09:09	-	Period Sex Confessions & Giving Up On Sports

00:21:50	-	Nobody Quits Comedy Or Drinking

00:31:31	-	Whoop Obsession, The Blood Clot, & Tren

00:37:09	-	JB Mauney & The PBR

00:44:27	-	Motorcycles & The 12 O'clock Boys Sponsorship

00:46:56	-	The Barstool Helmet Fight

00:52:58	-	Fighting Women

00:56:13	-	Cringe Cancellation

01:01:35	-	Tom's Pep Talk & Bert's Therapy

01:05:05	-	Sobriety Influencers & Morning Routine Guys

01:09:04	-	Cringey Actors vs. Real Men

01:19:33	-	Bert's Fragrance Obsession

01:30:00	-	Drakkar Noir Nostalgia

01:36:49	-	Sebastian Maniscalco Is A Study

01:40:04	-	Bert Meets Billy Bob At The CMAs

01:44:26	-	2 Bears Is Going Back To Weekly
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Breaking Down The Barstool Brawl | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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  Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50 percent off and 1 free breakfast item per box for 1 year, while supplies last until 10/31/2026.



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This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer celebrate Bert officially entering the Guinness Book of World Records for The Machine, possibly the most performed signature story in comedy history, and immediately spiral into the comedy record arms race: Shane Gillis' 77,000-person show, Nate Bargatze's 2 million tickets, the Dane Cook vs. Dave Chappelle longest-set war, and Bert's plan to lock 75,000 paid "hostages" inside Raymond James Stadium and perform for ten straight hours. Then the Bears respond to Stavros Halkias calling out comics who fly private, and explain why he's absolutely right: nobody gets funnier on a private jet. From there, Bert declares Busboys, the new Theo Von and David Spade movie, the greatest piece of art he's ever seen, and Tom finally watches The Odyssey, only for Bert to officially turn on it over the Travis Scott cameo. Plus: Gaddafi's all-female Amazonian Guard, plane-crash hypotheticals, Chimp Empire is the best reality show ever made, Mick Jagger on fame, and why the Bears are grateful they got famous late.



2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 336



https://tomsegura.com/tour

https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

https://store.ymhstudios.com


Chapters		

00:00:00	-	Intro

00:00:18	-	Comedians Getting Guinness Records

00:07:24	-	The Attendance Record Arms Race

00:18:09	-	Stavvy Says Private Jets Don't Make You Funnier 

00:24:25	-	Lunch Pail Phonies & Staying Honest

00:35:39	-	Busboys Is A Secret Masterpiece

00:41:55	-	Tom Finally Saw The Odyssey

01:03:45	-	Por Osos At Frenchies & MacDill

01:07:29	-	The Sexiest Military & Plane Crash Hypotheticals 

01:12:08	-	Chimp Empire

01:15:26	-	Leanne's Birthday & The Black Crowes

01:20:28	-	Mick Jagger On Fame

01:24:18	-	Wrap Up
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Stavvy Called Us Out | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are back in the cave after eight weeks apart, and they open with a full review of The Odyssey, Lupita Nyong'o as Helen of Troy, Matt Damon's rogue Boston accent, and why Jon Bernthal is Hollywood's most legendary napper. From there, Bert unveils his billionaire rebrand (Sabah shoes, LBJ Stetsons, and the top five shoes billionaires wear this fall) before getting real about sobriety, anxiety attacks, and self-diagnosing 12 terminal illnesses in a single month. The Bears also spiral into the movies that blindsided them, Primal Fear, The Sixth Sense, Memento, Fight Club, and why the DIY hits like Obsession prove Hollywood is in another pivot moment. Plus: Project Hail Mary vs. the 15-hour audiobook, Bert's theory that this is the funniest (and most jacked) generation of comics ever, college football weight-room PRs, Jason Kelce showing up for a 9 AM bench session, and a meet & greet at MacDill Air Force Base August 14. If you missed the Bears, this one's for you.



2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 335



https://tomsegura.com/tour

https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

https://store.ymhstudios.com


Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800 GAMBLER, 1-800 MY RESET. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit http://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in one year. Fifty dollars in rewards issued every seven days via click to claim for fourteen days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Terms at http://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer.

Chapters		

00:00:00	-	Intro

00:00:26	-	The Bears Review The Odyssey 

00:10:34	-	Bears At MacDill Air Force Base

00:11:15	-	Project Hail Mary & Bert's Cute Shoes 

00:23:37	-	Bert's Drinking Again

00:33:36	-	Obsession & The New Hollywood Pivot

00:39:00	-	The Best Twist Movies Ever

00:52:33	-	Everyone's Got Abs

00:56:02	-	College Weight Room Energy

01:00:44	-	Wrap Up 
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Tom & Bert's Brutally Honest Odyssey Review | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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  Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew, an American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com



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  Get started with ShipStation today and get sixty days free at https://shipstation.com, with code cave.



  If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, go to https://NetSuite.AI/BEARS.



  Head to Factormeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50% off.




This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer compare their two very different eras of being fat, Tom's custom-made fat guy shirts, hard visceral fat vs. soft fat, and why losing weight made everyone think Tom got lip injections. Bert's sober documentary binge takes them from Patient Zero "Gay Tom" spreading AIDS across the Air Canada route map to Concorde pricing scams. Tom also reveals the fattest thing he's ever seen Bert do: ten appetizers, four entrées, and twenty doubles in Tallahassee. Bert also retells Bill Hader's retelling of Henry Rollins meeting David Lee Roth, and his daughter's instantly legendary Boston Tea Party take. Then things get real: a midlife crisis YouTube video sends Bert and LeeAnn into a "sell everything and get five apartments in five cities" fantasy, LeeAnn gets brutally honest about when she was happiest, and Tom breaks down the difference between happy and content. Plus: Hulk Hogan inflating Andre the Giant's weight, Julian's belt reaction to the Michael Jackson movie, Whoop resting heart rate brags, Craig Robinson's dunk, and the great first sweat vs. last sweat debate.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 334

https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters		00:00:00	-	Intro00:00:52	-	Fat Tommy Vs Skinny Tom00:09:16	-	Patient Zero, Polio, & The Concorde00:19:38	-	The Fattest Thing Tom Ever Saw Bert Do00:23:55	-	Bill Hader, David Lee Roth & Boston Tea Party00:32:21	-	Hulk Hogan, Macho Man & LeeAnn Off Leash00:36:37	-	Five Apartments In Five Cities00:46:12	-	Bert's Midlife Crisis Theory00:54:34	-	"You're Not Hitting The Notes, Mike"00:57:05	-	Whoop Brags & Craig Robinson Dunking01:02:36	-	Wrap Up
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Fat Tommy Vs Skinny Tom | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer spiral through Bert's newest crisis: figuring out which musicians would actually like him. After Lou Reed tells him off mid-treadmill (entirely inside Bert's head), Bert starts deleting Jane's Addiction and Radiohead from his library, relives Shane Gillis walking out of a Wilco concert after five seconds, and learns his most-played song of all time is "Higher" by Creed. From there, the Bears get into Tom's tour of Kid Rock's 20,000-square-foot, two-bedroom replica White House and meeting Jimmy John from Jimmy John's, a deep dive on Subway Takes and why Bert believes celebrity hot takes are all fake, the viral "white people shouldn't sit on stoops in Bed-Stuy" debate, and a deeply satisfying story of a first-class line cutter getting humbled in front of Viola Davis. Bert also opens up about the final days of his five-and-a-half-month sobriety run, including the recovery books, journaling on planes, and why his first drink back is happening at his daughter Georgia's University of Oregon graduation before going scorched earth on the dad who posted his 4-year-old breaking a rope swing "world record" in Moab. Plus: the MyPillow guy, the thumb-to-arm gut health test, Garth Brooks friendship fantasies, and why Moby would hate them both. If you missed this show, this one's for you.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 333

https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters00:00:00 - Intro00:01:11 - Lou Reed Talks Shit to Bert on the Treadmill00:04:27 - Kurt Vile, Bob Dylan, & Shane Gillis Walking Out on Wilco00:16:15 - Deleting Every Musician Who Wouldn't Like Bert00:25:00 - Kid Rock's Replica White House & Jimmy John From Jimmy John's00:28:51 - MyPillow, Workout Underwear & Sleeping Naked00:31:11 - Subway Takes & J.Lo's Rented Hot Take00:41:01 - White People on Stoops00:43:47 - Airport Line Cutters00:50:09 - Bert's Last Week of Sobriety01:01:21 - The 4-Year-Old Moab Rope Swing Rant01:13:03 - Wrap Up




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Bert Gets Bullied By Lou Reed's Ghost | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer dig into the wild, unexpected Black audience response to Bad Thoughts Season 2, Tom debuting his "out of your control" philosophy on how comedy lands, and a hilarious accounting of which comedians did and didn't text Bert about his new show. Bert opens up about getting nastier and setting harder boundaries in sobriety, comparing himself to the A-Rod and Rafael Nadal documentaries, and Tom reveals his ongoing health investigation that involves shitting in a bucket for a lab test. The Bears also spiral into a debate on regional diets and genetics, plan a mushroom trip with an actual shaman, get Bert's dad on the phone to discuss his own legendary history of public accidents, and revisit boys' locker room culture versus Gen Z's aversion to male nudity. Plus: a Mountain Dew summer sizzle reel callout to fans, a celebration-of-life merch drop business plan for when they die, and the most detailed bowel movement breakdown the show has ever produced.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 332

https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com

In Partnership with DraftKings. The Crown Is Yours. Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MY-RESET. New York: call 8778-HOPENY, text HOPENY. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get fifty dollars in Predictions Dollars that expire in one year, issued every seven days via click to claim for twenty-one days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Predictions offer void in New York. Ends July 19th. Terms at http://dkng.co/audio

Chapters00:00:00 - Intro00:00:14 - Bad Thoughts' Black Fanbase00:07:28 - Mountain Dew Summer00:11:31 - Healthiest Guy at the Party00:16:33 - The Subconscious Mind & Nasty Bert00:26:17 - Setting Boundaries & the A-Rod Documentary00:30:25 - Black Graduations, Bert's Identity Crisis & the Rafa Nadal Doc00:40:43 - Merch Plans for When You Die00:46:12 - Mushroom Trip & The Gut Health Investigation00:52:10 - Bert Shit Himself in His Sleep00:55:58 - Locker Room Talk01:00:33 - Breeding




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Tom Poops The Bucket, Bert Shit The Bed | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer celebrate Por Osos landing in Publix just in time for the 4th of July, which sends Bert into a full nostalgic spiral about pub subs, boat days, and taking his daughters into "international waters." From there, things get historical, the bears break down the story of the guy who invented the meter and got guillotined for it, which leads them down a rabbit hole of people killed for their big ideas, the French Revolution as the original cancel culture, and Martin Luther versus the Catholic Church.Then Bert tells stories about his relationship with the late Patrice O'Neal: getting destroyed at his first open mic, the Edinburgh trip where they lived together for 29 days watching Bruce Lee movies and Bert getting his feelings systematically demolished, and the moment he found out Patrice had tweeted something kind about him right before the stroke. Tom and Bert also spiral deep into funeral planning, who's required to show up, who gets a Sandler video instead of a live appearance, why Ari's funeral is going to involve hardcore Brooklyn relatives and a lot of confusion, the Andrew Schultz balloon clown apology Bert wants delivered posthumously, and whether or not to get cremated when science might figure something out. Plus: horror movies vs. comedy movies as investments, the film Obsession and its director Curry Baker, Bert's dad crashing the podcast mid-funeral conversation, the band Goose vs. the band Geese, and Mount Joy watching Passion of the Christ on the tour bus.


2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 331

https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com

In Partnership with DraftKings. The Crown Is Yours. Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MY-RESET. New York: call 8778-HOPENY, text HOPENY. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org . On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Ontario. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Sportsbook Bonus bets expire in seven days. $50 in Predictions Dollars issued weekly for three weeks, expire in one year. Redeem one non-withdrawable reward. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Ends June 28th. Terms at http://dkng.co/audio

Chapters00:00:00 - Intro00:02:21 - Por Osos in Publix & Florida Pub Sub Gospel00:08:45 - The Daniel Boone Documentary00:18:51 - The Guy Who Invented the Meter Got Killed for It00:24:59 - People Executed for Big Ideas00:33:46 - Patrice O'Neal Destroys Bert at His First Open Mic00:41:27 - Showtime Special, Party Bus, & Patrice's Funeral00:48:31 - Funerals Vs Celebration Of Life00:57:00 - Nick Kroll, Andrew Schultz & the Balloon Clown Apology01:04:11 - Bert's Dad Chimes In01:05:54 - Noga Erez, Goose Vs. Geese & Mount Joy01:09:02 - Curry Barker's Obsession & Horror vs. Comedy Movies01:15:10 - Wrap


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Patrice O’Neal Destroyed Me | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Gape your 4th eye with Kurt Metzger and Duncan Trussell's new podcast Mystery Boys and get to the bottom of what's really going on in the world: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-i3EV1v5hLfZinN-4ZV4wmZ862wupBWF 

Also, check out Tom's new bakery, Ciccio Bomba, at the new third location at 1100 South Lamar Blvd in Austin, right across from the Alamo Drafthouse. 

SPONSORS:
- Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started.
- Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS. Application times may vary. Rates may vary.
- Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at https://BlueChew.com
- Right now, Babbel is offering listeners up to 60%
off. Go to https://Babbel.com/BEARS
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This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Nick Kroll joins Tom and Bert to break down his new Netflix animated series Mating Season, why animation produces tighter comedy than anything shot on the fly, and the emotional formula behind Big Mouth that turned a filthy puberty show into something people actually shed real tears for. Along the way, they get into an all-timer story from a legendary comedy industry gathering featuring basically every comic you've ever loved, Tom's Charlie Murphy sushi dinner story, Bert's 50-pound weight loss and very specific relapse date, a true urban legend about Michael Landon and a javelin, a genuinely compelling movie pitch called The Quad Squad, and somehow end up in a deep dive on the Eichmann trial, featuring Sir Ben Kingsley showing up to a table read entirely off-book with a swastika-covered script.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 330

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:06:30 - Why Animation Forces Comedians to Actually Write
00:18:31 - The Greatest Comedy Photo You're Not In
00:25:25 - Tom's Charlie Murphy Sushi Dinner Story
00:39:33 - Raccoons, Black Voice, & Building the Mating Season Universe
00:54:46 - Did Michael Landon Kill a Man With a Javelin?
01:01:18 - A Completely Serious Movie Pitch
01:04:19 - Clothes, Bert's Transformation, & Relapse Date
01:13:07 - Nacho Figueras & the Argentina Horse Riding Disaster
01:25:13 - Gay Moose, Goats, & Nick Kroll's Full Project Lineup
01:29:54 - N.O.R.E Calls In
01:32:30 - Nick Kroll Speaks Spanish
01:36:45 - Hunting Eichmann & Sir Ben Kingsley's Unhinged Table Read
01:44:11 - Wrap


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Nick Kroll Convinced Netflix to Air Animated Animal Sex | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

The End is here! Ari's new storytelling show is $5.99 per episode at https://theend.ymhstudios.com. There's a total of 7 episodes for you to enjoy!

Check out Joe DeRosa's new podcast Vile and Horrendous Pull up a chair and listen to what Joe does best: piss and moan! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWvLI8xCAa0

Also, check out Tom's new bakery, Ciccio Bomba, at the new third location at 1100 South Lamar Blvd in Austin, right across from the Alamo Drafthouse. 

SPONSORS:
- 🌎 Get an exclusive 15% discount on Saily data plans! Use code bears at checkout. Download Saily app or go to https://saily.com/bears ⛵
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Live from the legendary Rose Bowl during Netflix Is A Joke Fest, the Bears are back and even sweatier than usual! Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer take the stage fresh off the 2 Bears 5K for a completely unhinged live episode packed with race stories, weight loss victories, comic cameos, chaos, and pure degeneracy.
Joined by Jelly Roll, Ari Shaffir, Joe DeRosa, and the guys from Are You Garbage?, the crew covers everything from losing hundreds of pounds and surviving airplane bathrooms while fat, to bidet discoveries, Netflix brunch disasters, H. Foley's iPhone nightmare, and the emotional insanity that surrounds the 2 Bears community.
Plus: Bert reveals he mailed busts of his own dick to his closest friends, Tom bombs in front of Eddie Murphy and lives to tell the tale, Ari returns from traveling the world with a surprise award, and the whole crew spirals into stories about body transformations, sobriety, addiction, and comedy fame.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 329

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:02:50 - Jelly Roll aka The Third Bear
00:23:40 - H. Foley & Kevin Ryan
00:49:51 - Ari Shaffir
01:03:38 - Joe DeRosa
01:12:56 - Wrap & Plugs
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Live from the Rose Bowl | 2 Bears 5K ft. Jelly Roll, Ari Shaffir, Joe DeRosa & Are You Garbage?

The End is here! Ari's new storytelling show is $5.99 per episode at https://theend.ymhstudios.com. There's a total of 7 episodes for you to enjoy!



Check out Joe DeRosa's new podcast Vile and Horrendous Pull up a chair and listen to what Joe does best: piss and moan! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWvLI8xCAa0



SPONSORS:

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- Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears

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- Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started.



This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tim and Bart go up in smoke, sharing cigars together as they talk about whatever floats around in their collective heads. They talk about fat guy problems, before going into Tiger Woods' spiraling personal life. The Bears also walk down memory lane, comparing the infamous fat Bert pitching photo to one of him recently, and the drastic change is pretty staggering. They also unpack the text exchange between a student and the teacher sister of influencer Noah Beck, share some wild drug stories, and check out a clip of Doug Stanhope roasting a city council. Also the 2 Bears 5k is coming up! Hope you been training.



2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 328



https://tomsegura.com/tour

https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

https://store.ymhstudios.com



Chapters  

00:00:00 - Intro

00:01:56 - Fat Guy Problems 

00:09:23 - Tiger Woods & Cigars 

00:21:23 - Pitching Fat Pictures 

00:29:30 - Noah Beck's Sister's Texts 

00:43:40 - Age Differences 

00:47:12 - Girl Talk 

00:48:17 - Wild Drug Stories

00:59:19 - Doug Stanhope Fought City Hall 

01:05:40 - Brendon Walsh Shenanigans

01:11:33 - Sabbatical & Wrap Up
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The Bears Go Up In Smoke | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

The End is Ari's new storytelling show! And it's finally here! Only at https://theend.ymhstudios.com/ . Get 7 full, hour long episodes of completely unfiltered stories for $29.99. Get it now!



SPONSORS:

- Go to https://ShipStation.com and use code cave for sixty days for free!

- For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS.

- Text BEARS to 64000 to get 20% off all IQBAR products, plus FREE shipping. Message and data rates may apply.

- Get 15% OFF your entire order @‌MANSCAPED with promo code BEARS at https://manscaped.com! #ManscapedPartner #TCSociety

- Brought to you by BetterHelp. When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/bears.

- Order a bottle of Por Osos and some killer merch online https://drinkporosos.com


Welcome back to 2 Bears 1 Cave! This week, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are joined by the always unpredictable Ari Shaffir, dropping in to promote “The End”, a bold, no-holds-barred storytelling series that serves as a spiritual sequel and final evolution of his cult-favorite show This Is Not Happening.This episode dives deep into Ari’s return to long-form storytelling, breaking down how The End was independently produced with a stacked lineup featuring top-tier comics and a unique profit-sharing model that actually pays performers. The trio reflects on the evolution of comedy since Ari's original show, from Comedy Central’s heyday to today’s creator-driven landscape. The conversation spirals into outrageous personal stories, behind-the-scenes industry insights, and hilarious debates about everything from sobriety culture to the lost art of live storytelling. There’s also an unforgettable deep dive into a near-collaboration with Tracy Morgan, a story that almost made it into final show, and the unhinged unseriousness of morning show promotional interviews. Check out The End, y'all! We legit worked hard on it here at Studio Jeans.


2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 327



https://tomsegura.com/tour

https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

https://store.ymhstudios.com



Chapters		

00:00:00	-	Intro

00:01:37	-	The End

00:04:13	-	Big Dicks & Big Chicks

00:12:20	-	The Missing Tracy Morgan Story

00:31:10	-	Morning Show Chaos 

00:43:47	-	2 Bears 5K

00:47:30	-	Booze Tales & Sobriety Influencers 

01:01:09	-	Road Trip Stories 

01:08:31	-	Tito's Vodka & Final Thoughts 
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The End Is Here w/ Ari Shaffir | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

The End is Ari's new storytelling show! It's almost here! Premieres April 16 on https://theend.ymhstudios.com/ . Presale pricing only available for a short time! You get 7 full, hour long episodes of completely unfiltered stories for $24.99. Afterwards, the price will increase so get it now!


SPONSORS:
- Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS . Application times may vary. Rates may vary.
- Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code BEARS. https://bluechew.com 
- Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears
- Brought to you by BetterHelp. When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/bears.
- Get up to 60% off at https://Babbel.com/BEARS. 
- Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started.

Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura are back with a wild new episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, and this one has everything: a terrifying tour bus fire, Bert’s ongoing recovery from blood clots, near-death anxiety, celebrity gossip, and a heated defense of napping. Bert breaks down the shocking story of how his bus blew a tire outside Fargo, was left behind overnight, and then burst into flames just hours later — a moment that may have saved everyone on board. He and Tom unpack how close the situation really was, what Bert lost in the fire, and why he’s still obsessing over the hats.

The Bears also dive into Bert’s fear of flying, life on blood thinners, what it means to face mortality without booze, and the bizarre mental spiral that comes with multiple near-death experiences in a matter of months. From there, the conversation takes its usual chaotic turn into Club Shay Shay, the “lost everything and got it back” misunderstanding, the Jeffrey Epstein email chatter, Chappell Roan backlash, and whether Jon Bernthal is dead wrong about naps.
They also talk about the upcoming 2 Bears 5K in Pasadena on May 9, Bert’s current fitness goals, and whether he can break 30 minutes in the race.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 326

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:20 - Bert's Bus Burned Down
00:14:47 - Losing Everything
00:18:19 - A Really Cool Gift
00:20:40 - Death Is A Cruel Mistress
00:34:34 - Air Canada Accident + Other Aviation Disasters
00:43:10 - Chappell Roan
00:50:28 - Beefing With Jon Bernthal About Naps
00:56:34 - 2 Bears 5K
01:00:20 - New Bus & Doing Stand-Up Again
01:07:33 - Epstein, Fluffy, & KREISCHER






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Somethings Burning And It's Bert's Bus | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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- Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS . Application times may vary. Rates may vary.
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- Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to https://acorns.com/bears  or download the Acorns app to get started.
- Your emotional wellbeing matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/bears.
- Learn a new Language and get up to 60% off your subscription at https://Babbel.com/BEARS
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In this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura cover everything from Bert’s sorta sober lifestyle, weight loss, sleep improvement, and 5K training to marriage non-negotiables, separate bedrooms, and life on tour. The Bears also react to internet beef between Quentin Tarantino and Rosanna Arquette, joke about the Epstein files, discuss "kept women", talk Trump and Mar-a-Lago, share a tense aborted plane landing story, and spiral into one of their darkest and funniest hypothetical conversations yet. If you missed this show, this one's for you.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 325

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:19 - Bert's Weight Loss Journey
00:07:14 - Tarantino Beef & Unbothered Rogan
00:18:31 - Chef Drama
00:22:51 - Non-Negotiables
00:33:05 - Kept Women, Money, and Wild Relationship Logic
00:39:57 - Bert Learns He's In The Epstein Files
00:43:47 - Trump & Mar-A-Lago
00:50:07 - Dahmer & Plane Crashes
00:54:59 - How Would You Prefer To Die
01:02:23 - What Language Would You Prefer To Be Killed By?
01:06:55 - Racist Thing A Black Guy Told Me
01:11:40 - Vince Vaughan On The Pod?
01:13:35 - Wrap up
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The Most Redacted Episode Ever | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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- Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears
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- Get up to 55% off at https://Babbel.com/BEARS.

This week on Two Bears, One Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer spiral gloriously through brand loyalty, fast-food hot takes, donuts, Super Bowl commercials, health scares, and the kind of brutally honest conversations only best friends can have.
The Bears break down why Pepsi Zero Sugar might actually be better than Coke Zero, debate McDonald’s fries vs. literally everyone else, and revisit classic brand wars like Burger King vs. McDonald’s and Dunkin’ vs. Krispy Kreme. From Blooming Onion horror stories to why you should never order seafood at a steakhouse, this episode is packed with food takes that will absolutely start arguments.
Bert also opens up about his recent blood clot scare, panic attacks, medications, and how the experience completely shifted his perspective on health, mortality, and gratitude. The guys also talk sleep apnea machines, Benadryl addictions, Mounjaro side effects, testosterone confusion, and why medical advice somehow never agrees ever.
Plus: donut shop conspiracies in Los Angeles, Cambodian vs. Vietnamese sandwich excellence, Krispy Kreme’s wild history, Instagram’s “fatties eating” algorithm, tracking down Ari Shaffir in the jungle, and why the 2 Bears 5K might literally save lives.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 324

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:06 - Brand Wars
00:07:07 - Weight Loss Drugs
00:14:58 - Pepsi Challenge
00:22:40 - I Bought A Donut Shop
00:39:22 - Coin Pusher
00:40:54 - 2 Bears 5K Is Back!
00:45:13 - Bert's Blood Clot
00:49:38 - Where In The World Is Ari Shaffir?
00:54:39 - Black Appreciation
01:00:41 - Wrap Up
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Bert's Not Dead | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

SPONSORS:
- Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS.
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- Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears

The OG Bears are back on this absolutely unhinged episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura dive headfirst into VR porn disasters, accidental virtual orgies, and the terrifying realization that Oculus might actually be ending humanity.
Bert recounts a weekend alone that spirals into nine virtual orgies, soul-stealing eye contact, and panic-induced controller fumbling in a pitch-black room. The Bears also unpack loneliness, online hate comments, incel psychology, and how social media gives angry dudes a place to scream just to feel noticed.
From there, things somehow get deeper: wealth guilt, excess consumption, purging hundreds of shoes and jackets, Mounjaro weight loss, beating Jelly Roll in the next 2 Bears 5K, parenting chaos, friendship evolution, Jake Paul as a “god,” and why success is always part luck. Enjoy the Bears while they're here.

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https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 323

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. New York: call 8778- HOPENY or text HOPENY. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777 or visit https://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Wager tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus in most states. Void in Ontario. Restrictions apply. Bet must win to receive Bonus Bets which expire in 7 days. Minimum odds required. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see https://DKNG.co/audio Limited time offer.

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:14 - Bert's First Threesome
00:05:58 - Mean Comments
00:13:05 - Hanging With The Kids During Christmas
00:30:02 - Stroke Of Luck
00:34:11 - Excess & Purging Stuff
00:44:05 - Weight Loss, Mounjaro & Jelly Roll
00:55:15 - Jake Paul Is A God?
01:01:01 - Wrap Up


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The End Of Humanity | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

SPONSORS:
- Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code BEARS. Visit https://bluechew.com for more details and important safety information.
- Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS.
- This January, quit overspending on wireless with 50% off Unlimited premium wireless. Plans start at $15/month at https://mintmobile.com/BEARS. 
- Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears

It’s the final Winter Bears of the season, and Stavros & Chris are ringing in the New Year the only way they know how: complaining about first class, overeating pastries, and making terrible life decisions! As 2025 wraps, the boys reflect on blown resolutions, chaotic travel plans, New Jersey “vacations,” and Chris’ catastrophic decision to roast the entire Jersey Shore cast. Plus: Delta lounge politics, childhood SNL trauma, double-the-bread-double-the-head, and Stav helping Chris talk through the worst career choice he’s ever made.
Grab a croissant, buckle up, and celebrate the end of the Winter Bears era as we begin a new year!

https://www.instagram.com/stavvybaby2
https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 321

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/
https://www.stavvy.biz/
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Gambling problem? Call one eight hundred Gambler. In New York, call 8778-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit https://ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Pass-thru of per wager tax may apply in Illinois. Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Restrictions apply. Bet must win to receive Bonus Bets which expire in 7 days. Minimum odds required. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see https://DKNG.co/audio. Limited time offer.

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:09 - First Class Complaints & Latent Homo Things
00:09:00 - New Years Resolutions
00:18:27 - Roasting The Jersey Shore Cast
00:28:45 - Workshopping Roast Jokes
00:39:43 - This Is Probably A Dumb Idea
00:45:02 - The Jersey Shore Photo Roast Session
00:51:31 - New Years Plans & NFL Roasts
00:55:00 - More "Fan" Questions
01:03:37 - Final Thoughts


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New Year New Roast | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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- New Year, New Me! Get Huel for FIFTEEN PERCENT OFF with this exclusive offer for New Customers only with code BEARS at https://huel.com/bears (Minimum $75 purchase).

The Winter Bears Stavros Halkias and Chris Distefano return for another completely unhinged takeover of 2 Bears 1 Cave. With Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer nowhere to be found, the guys openly admit they once again didn’t prepare, and then immediately spiral into bread rankings, prostate exams, STD horror stories, religion, celebrity gossip, and the most deranged podcast business ideas ever pitched.
From focaccia-based trauma, to almost doing business with Jeffrey Epstein’s brother, this episode goes fully off the rails and never checks the map again.
Hit subscribe, brace yourself, and remember: this episode exists only because someone might need it someday.

https://www.instagram.com/stavvybaby2
https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 321

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/
https://www.stavvy.biz/
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:38 - Fat Boy Pastry Shop
00:07:42 - Just The Tip
00:11:53 - Sexually Transmitted Hilarity
00:25:13 - Family
00:31:15 - Third World Fun & Legendary Funbags
00:35:13 - Pimping Podcast Producers
00:43:42 - Doing Business With An Epstein
00:54:16 - Health Corner
01:01:52 - In Conclusion


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Pimping Podcast Producers | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Merry Winter Bears-mas! Stavros Halkias and Chris Distefano take over 2 Bears 1 Cave while Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are away, and immediately turn it into a holiday fever dream. The Winter Bears dive into chaotic Christmas traditions, Jewish Christmas supremacy, family trauma, weight-loss delusion, wild childhood memories, and the politics of gift-giving. Along the way, they spiral into ancestry revelations, Oldboy-level revenge fantasies, questionable parenting strategies, croissant mukbangs, and an all-time debate over the perfect Christmas Chinese food order. Grab a pastry and strap in — this might be the most unhinged holiday episode in 2 Bears history.

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https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 320

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/
https://www.stavvy.biz/
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:57 - Revenge & Christmas Plans
00:06:57 - The Germans Always Make Good Stuff
00:16:33 - Perfect Holiday Dinner Conversations
00:23:38 - Are Greeks Whites?
00:30:40 - Let's Eat Some Tommy Bunz
00:33:35 - Christmas Gifts
00:44:09 - Greek Thieves, Bribing Kids, & Daddy Stavvy
00:52:17 - Favorite Chinese Food Order
00:59:00 - Living The NYC Dream
01:02:28 - Answering Some "Fan" Questions


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Chris & Stavvy Save Christmas! | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Christmas CAME early! The Summer Bears are now the *Winter Bears* and they have returned to phone it in and fulfill some contractually obligated laughs. Chris Distefano and Stavros Halkias invade YMH Studios to talk awful breakfast decisions, Bert’s cruise from hell, fat-guy medicine science, Husky-induced life chaos, bombing on MTV, fighting GLP-1 drugs, Mike Tyson saving Big Pun at The Tunnel, and why both of them should never own pets, houses, or functioning digestive systems.
It’s chaotic, barely prepared, medically concerning, and absolutely perfect. Enjoy!

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https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 319

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/
https://www.stavvy.biz/
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Gambling problem? Call one eight hundred Gambler. In New York, call 8778-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit https://ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Pass-thru of per wager tax may apply in Illinois. Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Restrictions apply. Bet must win to receive Bonus Bets which expire in 7 days. Minimum odds required. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see https://DKNG.co/audio. Limited time offer.

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:03:29 - Slutty Little Breakfast
00:07:14 - Podcast Polyamory
00:14:15 - Chrissy Housing Crisis
00:21:35 - Stavros Vs Fat Guy Medicine
00:31:48 - Fat Joe, Guy Code, & Graveyard Of Failed Shows
00:46:14 - Maybe The Worst Dog Ever
00:56:17 - Geopolitical Shenanigans & NYC Mayors
01:08:11 - Wrap Up


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The Summer Bears Came For The Winter | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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This week, Bert’s wasting away, Tom’s tucking in his shirts, and the Bears are going into hibernation for the winter. Before that good news, Bert breaks down losing 25 lbs in a month, projectile-vomiting in airport bathrooms, and Tom producing Olympic-level protein farts. Tom also talks his new pastry empire and defends his son’s obsession with suits and hair product; along the way they dive into Bert’s DEXA scan nightmare, and some chaotic CMA stories including a Steve Martin panic-meeting and Billy Bob Thornton being a king. They also discuss robe culture, aging out of podcasting, comedian fashion, the future of 2 Bears with guest hosts, tours and the 2 Bears 5K, plus they announce the return of the Summer Bears next week. Enjoy!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 318

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:02 - OzemBert & Gassy Tim
00:09:17 - Fat Boy Dreams
00:19:35 - Dressing Like An Adult Is Hard
00:28:44 - Country Music Awards Chaos
00:39:57 - Robe Guys & Big Joe Pesci Energy
00:46:22 - Crisis Of Appearance
00:52:03 - Quentin Tarantino
00:55:46 - The Winter Bears, 2025 Look Back, & 2 Bears 5k
01:06:14 - Wrap Up


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My Soul Will Always Be Fat | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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This week, Bert Kreischer sits down with musician Marcus King for a wild, emotional ride—naked ocean stories with Navy SEALs, cocaine confessions, microdosing mushrooms, Southern rock rankings, and why internet comments haunt grown men at 3AM. Plus: TikTok ruining music, therapy drunk, and Bert accidentally following people who hate him. Check it out!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 317

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:30 - Southern Rock & Creating Your Own Lane
00:07:01 - Marcus' Process, New Album, & Otis Redding
00:14:55 - Cigars With James Earl Jones
00:17:47 - Sobriety, Microdosing, & Losing the Sparkle
00:29:52 - Loving Yourself While The Internet Hates You
00:42:43 - Ranking Southern Rock Bands
00:49:44 - TikTok Ruining Music & Comedy
00:54:55 - It's Raining Tom
00:57:00 - Authentic Relationships
01:02:23 - The Most Realest Artists Out There
01:13:49 - Back To Top Southern Rock Bands
01:20:31 - Eulogies & Final Thoughts


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The Dark Side of Internet Fame w/ Marcus King | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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‌
In this powerful and surprisingly emotional episode of 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom Segura sits down with Louis C.K. to discuss his new novel Ingram, the creative process behind writing fiction, and the brutal emotional reality of loneliness and childhood struggle. Louis explains why he quit stand-up for over a year, how stepping away from the stage changed his life, and what ultimately pulled him back into comedy.

The conversation dives deep into fear, pain, trauma, comedy philosophy, empathy, war stories, emotional burnout, and why the darkest moments in life can shape the most powerful art. Tom reveals that reading Ingram made him cry, and Louis talks about the deeply disturbing next book he’s finishing—including a scene that shocked even him while writing it.

They also explore the controversial idea of “punching down” in comedy, the ethics of humor, and why Louis believes the funniest material comes from the messy truth of being human.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 316

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Gambling problem? Call one eight hundred Gambler. In New York, call 8778-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven or visit https://ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Pass-thru of per wager tax may apply in Illinois. Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Restrictions apply. Bet must win to receive Bonus Bets which expire in 7 days. Minimum odds required. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see https://dkng.co/audio. Limited time offer.

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:00 - Becoming A Novelist, Eastern Europe, & Russian Literature
00:05:12 - Quitting Stand Up & Daily Rituals
00:08:47 - Writing Ingram & Why Tom Teared Up
00:19:38 - Loneliness, Street Kids, & the Human Threshold for Empathy
00:34:27 - Trauma, War & Emotional Damage
00:39:17 - Coming Back to Stand-Up & Rebuilding Material
00:46:22 - Upsetting Audiences, Articulating Thoughts, & Punching Down
00:59:59 - Touring Burnout & The Future of Live Comedy
01:06:42 - Final Thoughts & Tom Praises Ingram
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Louis C.K. on Writing His First Novel and Returning to Stage | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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‌
Tom Segura returns to the cave with the one-and-only Kirk Fox, comedian, actor, and possibly a future Supermax inmate, depending on how you interpret this episode. The two dive into Kirk’s accidental tennis-career-turned-acting path, his eccentric family upbringing (outdoor showers, blood-written memorials, and a grandma in a box), and his lifelong dream of becoming either an FBI profiler or a serial killer — whichever opportunity arrives first.

From Waymo self-driving cars acting like drunk Uber drivers to territorial pissings, choke etiquette, BTK, Tommy Lynn Sells, Vince Champ the stand-up sex criminal, and a full breakdown of Supermax prison life, this episode spirals into a darkly hilarious masterclass on murder, consent, and why prison might actually be relaxing if you need more sleep.

If the FBI is listening — it’s all jokes. Probably.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 315

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:34 - Tennis Legend Kirk Fox
00:08:40 - Charo Looks Like Bon Jovi
00:11:20 - Kirk’s Home Life
00:17:53 - Golden Showers
00:24:46 - More Killers & AI Sex Robots
00:33:42 - Tommy Lynn Sells & Killing by Train
00:37:43 - The Next Killer in Our Friend Group
00:40:49 - Supermax Prison Fantasy
00:46:29 - My Dad Was A Serial Killer
00:52:38 - Vince Champ: The Sex Crime Comedian
00:58:21 - Kirk’s FBI Dreams & Shamelessness
01:02:22 - Kirk & Tom Check Out Vince Champ's Comedy
01:06:07 - See You In Prison
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My Dad Was Probably A Murderer w/ Kirk Fox | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Tom will be filming his new stand-up special in Milwaukee at The Riverside Theater on November 14th & 15th! Tickets are still available in Milwaukee for the November 14th show. Go get your tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour .

SPONSORS:
-Take advantage of Ridge’s Biggest Sale of the Year and GET UP TO 47% Off  by going to https://www.Ridge.com/CAVE  #Ridgepod
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-Give the gift of smooth this holiday season with the Performance Package 5.0 Ultra. Get 15% off + free shipping at https://Manscaped.com with code BEARS.
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This week, Bert sits down with the one and only Mel Robbins for a brutally honest, hilarious, and surprisingly deep conversation about anxiety, cheating, parenting, and learning how to “let them.” From wild college confessions to Mel breaking down her Let Them Theory in real time, this episode is half therapy, half comedy, and all chaos.
They cover everything — why Bert can’t stop overexplaining to strangers (and accidentally tried to kiss Nicole Kidman), how ADHD and anxiety shaped both of their lives, and why it’s so hard to stop caring what everyone thinks. Mel opens up about her own journey through debt, dysfunction, and discovery — and Bert realizes maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t have to fix everyone to be happy.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re juggling guilt, stress, and trying to please everyone — this episode will hit home and crack you up at the same time.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 314

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:46 - What's Your Drink?
00:03:50 - College Chaos & Cheating Confessions
00:13:47 - Nobody Wants To F**k Up Their Life
00:23:12 - FOMO, Stoicism, & The Let Them Theory
00:34:42 - Why We Need to Disappoint People
00:47:55 - Family Guilt & The Dinner Dilemma
00:55:08 - An Awkward Nicole Kidman Kiss & Approval Addiction
01:01:39 - ADHD, Dyslexia, & The Volcano Inside
01:10:44 - What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
01:20:01 - Bert Gets Real
01:31:05 - Wired To Change
01:36:25 - Opportunity Of A Lifetime
01:45:51 - Let Them (And Let Yourself)
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Mel Robbins Calls Out Bert’s People-Pleasing | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Tom will be filming his new stand-up special in Milwaukee at The Riverside Theater on November 14th & 15th! Tickets are still available in Milwaukee for the November 14th show. Go get your tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour.

SPONSORS:
- Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get your free quote at https://Ethos.com/BEARS
- Get your first month of BlueChew FREE Just use promo code BEARS at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping https://bluechew.com 
- Sponsored by BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/bears
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Bert Kreischer celebrates turning 53 the only way he knows how — by spiraling into an existential and hilarious conversation with comedian and cosmic philosopher Duncan Trussell. From tales of Bigfoot and testicular cancer to deep dives on AI, death, main character syndrome, and whether any of us are even real, this episode swings from absurd to profound faster than Bert can take his shirt off. Duncan and Bert talk about everything — mortality, digital immortality, the illusion of self, performative living, and how comedy might be the purest form of chaos magic. Along the way, they share stories about Joe Rogan, Freddy Soto, and the strange spiritual beauty of making people laugh. There’s even a surprisingly thoughtful discussion about funerals, cruises, and the philosophy of “carpe diem.” Bert also reveals the truth about his infamous cruise (yes, the vodka shortage is real), his daughter’s fandom for Duncan, and why thumbnail culture might have “ruined podcasting.” Duncan, meanwhile, breaks Bert’s brain more than once with talk of Roko’s Basilisk, reincarnation, and smiling on the way to the gallows — all while making it sound like the funniest TED Talk you’ve ever heard. If you’ve ever wondered why we laugh at tragedy, why people live like they’re being filmed, or if you might just be an AI simulation of yourself — this is the episode for you.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 313

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:43 - Death Plans & Bigfoot’s Balls
00:03:59 - AI, Immortality & Roko’s Basilisk
00:07:02 - Main Character Syndrome
00:14:54 - Comedy, Therapy & Freddie Soto
00:17:10 - Hail Satan & The Disney Adult Disaster
00:22:46 - Loving Your Fans & Bert’s Cruise of Chaos
00:33:07 - Performative Life & The Polar Plunge Moment
00:41:50 - Are You Really You? Identity, Trauma, & Thumbnail People
00:54:17 - Smiling on the Way to the Gallows
01:03:10 - Cancel Culture, Bunkers & The Human Comedy
01:09:52 - The Weird Miracle Of Being Alive
01:13:43 - Bert Ruined A Photo Op


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Duncan Trussell BLOWS Bert's Mind! | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Tom will be filming his new stand-up special in Milwaukee at The Riverside Theater on November 14th & 15th! Tickets are still available in Milwaukee for the November 14th show. Go get your tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour.

SPONSORS:
- Get $10 Off at BRUNT with code CAVE at https://www.bruntworkwear.com/CAVE  #bruntpod 
- Eat smart at https://FactorMeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year.
- Order a bottle of Por Osos and some killer merch online https://drinkporosos.com

This week, Tom Segura sits down with WWE legend Mark Calloway — better known to millions as The Undertaker — for one of the most fascinating and hilarious deep dives ever on 2 Bears 1 Cave. From the grind of early wrestling days to the creation of one of the most iconic characters in sports entertainment, this episode is pure gold for wrestling fans and comedy lovers alike.
The Undertaker opens up about his unlikely path from college basketball to the squared circle, the wild meeting with Vince McMahon that birthed his legendary persona, and what it was like to rise through an era dominated by Hulk Hogan and other larger-than-life characters. He and Tom trade road-war stories, comparing the life of a traveling comedian to that of a pro wrestler — the endless travel, the brutal schedule, and the weird adjustment of coming home after months on tour.
Mark also reveals behind-the-scenes secrets of WrestleMania, his all-time favorite match with Shawn Michaels, and the brutal injuries (including being set on fire… twice) that came with three decades in the ring. Plus, he shares how he stayed committed to “living the character,” why he always wore black in public, and how he evolved The Undertaker over time to keep the mystique alive. They also discuss wrestling psychology, the art of storytelling in the ring, and the freakish athleticism of stars like Brock Lesnar, Kane, and Roman Reigns. From hilarious stories about stepping on teammates during basketball drills to heartfelt reflections on the fans who grew up with him, The Deadman proves he’s every bit as thoughtful as he is intimidating.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 312

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:09 - Wrestlemania
00:06:36 - I Wanna Be A Wrestler
00:17:17 - The Birth Of The Undertaker
00:31:26 - Injuries & Finding New Roles
00:42:40 - Big Strong Guys
00:47:35 - Shawn Michaels
00:56:17 - Novices
00:59:54 - Stupid Purchases
01:03:25 - Mike Tyson
01:06:57 - Wrap Up


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The Undertaker Goes One-On-One With Tom Segura! | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

TEXAS! Tom will be in Amarillo at the Amarillo Civic Center Complex on November 1st, then November 2nd in Lubbock at Buddy Holly Hall and El Paso at the Abraham Chavez Theatre on November 6th. Go get your tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour.

SPONSORS:
- Head to https://DRINKAG1.com/BEARS to get a FREE Welcome Kit, including a bottle of Vitamin D and free AG1 Travel Packs, when you first subscribe!
- Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS. Application times may vary. Rates may vary.
- Sponsored by BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/bears
- Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears.

This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Bort sits down with comedy legend Sebastian Maniscalco for one of the funniest, most honest conversations yet. They dive deep into Sebastian’s new stand-up special filmed at the United Center, what it takes to stay passionate about comedy, and how fatherhood changes everything.
From crying at movies and parenting philosophies to the “arrogance of boring” and buying boats, this episode is packed with heart, humor, and classic Bert chaos. The two swap stories about old-school comedy days, meeting Jerry Seinfeld and Robert De Niro, and the truth about balancing fame, family, and fun.

Tim will return next week...promise.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 311

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:02:30 - Stand-Up, Sicilians, & Sensitivity
00:14:16 - Dressed To Impress
00:22:27 - Small Talk & Small Comedians
00:34:28 - Playing The Hits
00:39:30 - DeNiro & Casinos
00:46:20 - Wine, Wants, & Life Experiences
00:56:35 - Fun Dad & Discipline Dad
01:03:05 - Pete Correale
01:07:32 - Does Sebastian Do This?
01:16:06 - Married To An Artist
01:19:08 - Edit This Out! + Wrap Up


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Robert DeNiro Didn't Wanna Be Friends w/ Sebastian Maniscalco | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Attention Hanover, MD! Tommy Buns is coming to The Hall At Live! Casino, Sunday, October 19. Get tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour

SPONSORS:
- Upgrade your wallet today! Get 10% Off @Ridge with code CAVE at https://ridge.com/CAVE  #ridgepod 
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- If you’re 21 or older, grab 30% off your first order plus free shipping with code BEARS at https://indacloud.co
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Bert Kreischer sits down with YouTuber and social media personality, Funny Marco for one of the most effortlessly hilarious and unexpectedly deep conversations on 2 Bears, 1 Cave. The two dive into everything from guessing celebrity ages and debating who the sexiest comedian is, to the weird psychology of fame, strip club etiquette, and why Ice Cube has never smiled in a movie.
Marco opens up about his viral interviews with Nicki Minaj and Orlando Brown, the surreal side of fame, and what it means to stay grounded when everyone treats you like a brand instead of a person. Bert shares behind-the-scenes stories from The Cabin and The Machine, his friendship with Katt Williams, and what it’s really like when fame takes away your freedom to “just go.”
Funny, sharp, and full of quotable moments, this episode swings from gut-busting comedy to surprisingly real talk about authenticity, anxiety, and why being “D-list famous” might be the sweet spot.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 310

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In New York, call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit https://ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Pass-thru of per wager tax may apply in Illinois. Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Bet must win to receive Bonus Bets which expire in 7 days. Minimum odds required. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see https://dkng.co/audio. Limited time offer.

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:02:17 - What's My Age Again?
00:14:14 - Interviewing Celebs & Getting A Lambo From Nicki Minaj
00:20:14 - Orlando Brown & Bert's Cabin
00:29:31 - Top Black Comedy Movies
00:40:40 - Fame
00:50:20 - Strip Clubs
00:55:55 - NBA YoungBoy
01:00:25 - The Art Of Not Giving A F
01:05:00 - Animation Domination
01:08:55 - Black Phrases
01:15:25 - Lying
01:19:46 - Chappelle, Kevin Hart, IShowSpeed, & Kai Cenat
01:28:12 - The Entertainment Of Watching People's Lives
01:36:42 - Closing Thoughts


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Why Ice Cube Stays Mad in Every Movie w/ Funny Marco | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Attention Hanover, MD! Tommy Buns is coming to The Hall At Live! Casino, Sunday, October 19. Get tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour

SPONSORS:
- As always, get your first month of BlueChew FREE Just use promo code BEARS at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping. https://bluechew.com 
-Sponsored by BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/bears
- Download the CFO’s Guide to AI and Machine Learning for FREE at https://NetSuite.com/BEARS.

This week, Bert and Tom dive headfirst into the weirdest brain rot rabbit holes yet — from testing out VR porn ("you can see her fillings!") to auditioning more OnlyFans submissions, one of which that includes… a unique Por Osos bottle cameo. The Bears also pitch a business idea for a grown-man “locker room,” debate how Bert's woke daughters compare to Tom's redneck sons, and discover the world’s wildest dogs and cats. Plus: Jelly Roll’s 5K transformation, Savannah cats that look like mini-lions, and Bert’s desperate plan to sneak another puppy past Leanne.
It’s sex robots, freeze porn, fat-to-fit inspiration, and pet chaos all rolled into one classic 2 Bears, 1 Cave mess.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 309

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:03:22 - Jimmy Kimmel and Tylenol
00:08:17 - New Interest
00:15:54 - What The Kids Are Into
00:27:48 - The Bears Draft A Prospect
00:38:32 - The Locker Room Experience
00:46:18 - Jelly Roll
00:52:10 - Cane Corso vs. Dogo Argentino vs. Savannah Cat
01:01:14 - Wrap Up


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Tom and Bert's Favorite OF Submissions | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Attention Hanover, MD! Tommy Buns is coming to The Hall At Live! Casino, Sunday, October 19. Get tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour


SPONSORS:
- Upgrade to ShipStation today to get a sixty-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/cave.
- Eat smart at https://FactorMeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year.
- For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, ED, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS.
- Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/BEARS! #trueclassicpod 

This week, Tom Segura is joined by one of the greatest one-liner comedians in the world, Jimmy Carr!
Tom and Jimmy dive deep into the craft of comedy, comparing Carr's laser-focused joke construction to Bert Kreischer's chaotic storytelling. Jimmy reveals his controversial (and hilarious) take on
marijuana legalization—mandating it for people over 50—and the tragic role of "cheap dopamine" in modern life, from social media to porn. The conversation touches on global comedy culture, the
variable reward system that drives stand-up and casinos , and why the live comedy experience is 30 times funnier than watching a special alone. Jimmy Carr also gives his final, wishful prediction for how
Bert Kreischer will die. Plus: Why the 21st Century is just the 20th century on better screens, the long wait for GTA 6, Jimmy's hilarious interactions with Stephen Hawking, the importance of gratitude, and why Tom should have read the Quentin Tarantino book. Don't miss a conversation that is smart, insightful, and packed with the sharp, dark wit that only Jimmy Carr can deliver!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 308

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:19 - The Mechanisms Of Reward
00:10:08 - The Spectacular Death Of Burt Kersher
00:15:51 - The Times They Are-A-Changing
00:28:51 - Weed Takes
00:37:22 - The Privilege of Pressure & Boredom
00:43:36 - Beautiful People
00:53:56 - Boinking Bert
00:59:02 - James Bond & GTA 6
01:06:11 - Quentin Tarantino
01:12:47 - Wrap Up


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Phones Are Making You Unfunny w/ Jimmy Carr | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

SPONSORS:
- Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS. Application times may vary. Rates may vary.
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- Upgrade to ShipStation today to get a sixty-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/cave.
-  If you’re 21+, try VIIA! For 15% off AND a free gift with your first order head to https://viia.co/BEARS and use code BEARS! #viiaparter 

In this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, James Gunn joins Tom Segura to talk filmmaking and the state of the entertainment industry. Gunn opens up about directing Superman, the pressures behind it, and the relief of its success. He also discusses his role as co-head of DC Studios, building a decade-long DC universe, and the bold choice to reshoot five and a half episodes of Peacemaker with a new Vigilante.
Tom and James bond over grounded storytelling, casting decisions, and the balance between comedy, superhero films, and CGI. They also touch on the return of comedies to theaters and how the industry continues to evolve.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 307

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:45 - Peacemaker, El Tigre, & Grounded Aesthetics 
00:08:24 - Big Screen Comedy
00:22:04 - Hitting The Creative Lottery With Superman
00:32:59 - The Writing Process & Juggling Big Budgets
00:41:16 - Special FX & Special Actors
00:47:57 - Batman
00:55:53 - Star Wars
01:00:12 - Guardians Of Fun
01:04:11 - Serious Filmmaking & "Ripley"
01:08:36 - Casting Highs & Lows


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James Gunn's Superheroes Are Flawed But Funny | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

SPONSORS:
- Head to https://acorns.com/BEARS or download the Acorns app to get started.
- Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/BEARS! #trueclassicpod 
- Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears.
- Order a bottle of Por Osos and some killer merch online https://drinkporosos.com

Hey look, it's your favorite podcast hosts, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer! This week in the cave Bert kicks things off with a brand-new joke he swears is the best thing he’s ever written, before diving into an emotional (and hilarious) story about his late bull mastiff, and the wild twist involving the family dog's long-lost sister. From there, the Bears riff on straight cat dads, Bert’s “sleep divorce,” VR porn addictions, childhood prank calls, and even the lost art of memorizing phone numbers. Bert even calls his dead grandma and chit chats with scam caller live on air.
The episode only gets wilder as Tom and Bert review real OnlyFans submissions from fans, debate who should be the first official “2 Bears OF star,” and spiral into some truly insane pitches that only these two maniacs could come up with.
Plus: speech impediments, Elmer Fudd racism, trolling stories, gambling breakdowns from NFL Week 1, and Bert trying to recruit Zac Efron into a shirtless golf fantasy with their new NIL athlete. This might just be the best episode of this show in a long ass time, don’t miss it.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 306

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:41 - Dogs & Cats
00:08:59 - VR Corn
00:17:30 - Memorizing Geography
00:23:24 - Memorizing Phone Numbers
00:31:35 - Prank Calls
00:37:59 - We Got Some OF Prospects
00:49:50 - Speech Impediments
00:53:45 - NFL Week 1 Gambling 
00:59:51 - Bert Wants To Adopt Athletes
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Bert Calls His Dead Grandma | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

SPONSORS:
- Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS.
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- As always, get your first month of BlueChew FREE Just use promo code BEARS at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping. https://bluechew.com 
- Sponsored by BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/bears
- Download the CFO’s Guide to AI and Machine Learning at https://NetSuite.com/BEARS.

We're sorry, guys! Tom and Bert are back in the cave with a full plate: Druski’s viral NASCAR “whiteface” sketch and the art of deep-cover character work, a big “Would you die for your country?” debate, and discuss why streaming giants (Kai, Adin, Jack, etc.) have completely remixed entertainment. Plus, Tom relives an electric college football weekend (FSU at home against Alabama = goosebumps), Bert admits he tried to move a 400-lb armoire and declared himself top 0.5% strong in the city, and the guys hatch a chaotic million-dollar plan to manage an OnlyFans creator—will it work? Is white-face really back? Is Bert making things up? Watch and find out! 

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 305

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Gambling problem? Call one eight hundred Gambler. In New York, call eight seven seven eight HOPENY or text HOPENY (four six seven three six nine). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven or visit https://ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Fees may apply in Illinois. Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance. See https://sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos. NFL Sunday Ticket offer for new subscribers only and auto-renews until cancelled. Digital games and commercial use excluded. Restrictions apply. Additional NFL Sunday Ticket terms at https://youtube.com/go/nflsundayticket/terms. Limited time offer.

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:30 - Druski Doing White Face
00:10:54 - Streamers Ruined The Military
00:17:32 - Would You Die For Our Country?
00:26:25 - Kam Patterson
00:33:20 - Another Tour
00:38:25 - College Football Weekend
00:49:42 - Let's Become OF Boosters
00:59:17 - Bert's Fight With LeeAnn
01:05:28 - Wrap Up


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Is White-Face Cool Again? | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

SPONSORS:
- Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears  or through my promo code BEARS.
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- Upgrade to ShipStation today to get a sixty-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/cave 

Bert and Tom are BACK in the Cave! After a memorable summer takeover by Stavvy and Chrissy D, the OG Bears return to catch up on everything—movies, standup, gambling, insane diets, and why Bert can’t stop eating 10 egg bites at once. Tom opens up about his recent cancer-screening scare, which led to a brutal five-day water fast, and accidentally dropping 25 pounds while filming El Tigre. Bert shares why his watch doesn’t fit anymore, how he tormented his director by throwing Liquid Death cans at 4 AM, and the disgusting way he measures his weight.
The Bears also dive into the future of late-night TV, Amy Poehler’s move into podcasting, their own TV and film projects, and Bert’s insane plan to bet $1,000 every week on the Bucs. Plus: family visits on set, Isla living like a diva in Bert’s trailer, Tom’s boys discovering fake cocaine, and both Bears gearing up for the upcoming NFL and NCAA football seasons! 

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 304

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Gambling problem? Call one eight hundred Gambler. In New York, call 8778HOPENY or text HOPENY (four six seven three six nine). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Fees may apply in IL. Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance. See sportsbook dot draftkings.com/promos. NFL Sunday Ticket offer for new subscribers only and auto-renews until cancelled. Digital games and commercial use excluded. Restrictions apply. Additional NFL Sunday Ticket terms at https://youtube.com/go/nflsundayticket/terms . Limited time offer.

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:07 - The Final Episode Of 2 Bears
00:09:36 - Tom's New Movie & Free Bert
00:21:47 - Why Tom Got So Skinny
00:33:23 - Bert Is Fat
00:42:04 - Family Visits + America's Team
00:45:48 - Bert's Big Bet
00:54:05 - Is Tom Down?
00:58:49 - A Bert Game Show?
01:01:45 - Wrap Up
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Gambling With Our Lives | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Stavros Halkias Tickets: http://stavvy.biz/tour

Chris Distefano Tickets: https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/tickets



SPONSORS:

- Eat smart at https://FactorMeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year.

- Order a bottle of Por Osos and some killer merch online https://drinkporosos.com



The Summer Bears’ reign has unfortunately come to an end! Stavros Halkias and Chris Distefano return for their last fill-in as hosts of 2 Bears 1 Cave, and they’re going out with a bang. From roasting Tom and Bert’s absence to spiraling into wild tangents about parenting, moving, sex robots, and pie diplomacy with the NYPD, this send-off is chaotic, hilarious, and the perfect finale.

Stavvy and Chrissy talk about the shock of how much fans loved their takeover, whether they’d ever come back as the Fall Bears, and even get Bert on the phone. Tom of course doesn’t pick up. But that's okay, because Mark Normand and Sam Morril crash the party near the end, bringing eclairs and stomach bugs to help close things out.

It’s been a wild six weeks, and the Summer Bears want to leave you with one last memory. You're welcome, f*ckers!



2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 303



https://tomsegura.com/tour

https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

https://store.ymhstudios.com



Chapters  

00:00:00 - Intro

00:01:01 - The Summer Bears' Last Dance 

00:10:10 - Stoic Shit + Jump Scare Ad Break

00:17:14 - Moving Around & Finding Peace

00:24:12 - Bribing Cops With Pie & Being Addicted To Losing

00:33:06 - ChatGPT Sex Robots

00:41:26 - Swingers & Phoning It In With Bert

00:55:22 - Mark Normand & Sam Morril
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The Summer Bears Phone It In w/ Stavros Halkias & Chris Distefano | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Stavros Halkias Tickets: http://stavvy.biz/tour

Chris Distefano Tickets: https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/tickets



SPONSORS:


  
Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/bears



  
Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears.



  
If you’re 21+, try VIIA! For 15% off AND a free gift with your first order head to https://viia.co/BEARS and use code BEARS! #viiaparter



  
Head to https://acorns.com/BEARS or download the Acorns app to get started.




Stavros Halkias and Chris Distefano return for another sugar-fueled Summer Bears meltdown—this time with bagels, tiramisu, and enough food guilt to keep a Catholic therapist booked for years. The boys break down Chris’ ChatGPT pep talk, reminisce about Stavvy's golden toothless years, and spiral into a deep dive on Neapolitan ice cream fraud, gay NFL cheerleaders, and the politics of bagel orders. Also: Chris reveals his VO2 Max results from a flamboyant fitness coach who may or may not have called him “zaddy.”



2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 302



https://tomsegura.com/tour

https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

https://store.ymhstudios.com


Chapters		

00:00:00	-	Intro

00:01:00	-	2 Pigs, 1 Pen

00:12:45	-	Catholic Guilt Vs Greek Shame

00:23:33	-	Sexual Awakenings In Mom's Bed

00:30:31	-	A Demeaning Offer & ChatGPT Pep Talk

00:43:50	-	Social Media & Rage For The Gays

00:52:01	-	Men In Women's Sports

01:00:02	-	Zaddy Chris
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The Audience Is Gonna Hate Us w/ Stavros Halkias & Chris Distefano | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

SPONSORS:
- Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/BEARS! #trueclassicpod 
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The Summer Bears are back and Chris Distefano and Stavros Halkias are fully locked into their takeover of 2 Bears 1 Cave. With Stav in a floral shirt and Chris squeezed into a Darryl Strawberry jersey, the two dive headfirst into tales of the wild ‘86 Mets, Kevin Spacey offering unsolicited shoulder rubs, and the horrifying science of ALS—because what’s funnier than degenerative nerve disease? Stavvy also gets a massage from Chrissy, we learn about Lenny Dykstra's podcast rates, and the guys debate polyamory, prostitutes, and just how many years Bert Kreischer has left.

Speaking of Bert, he sends the guys a morbid video asking them to predict which comedian friends are not long for this world. Plus, Stav makes a strong case for becoming a Japanese-style husband, Chris recounts a near-affair that lasted 12 seconds on the LIRR, and together they fantasize about future threesomes with suspiciously supportive fans.

Is it a good episode? No. Is it packed with fake current events, conspiracy theories, open marriages, and physical touch? You bet your bottom dollar it is.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 301

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:42 - Baseball Greats, Kevin Spacey, & ALS
00:10:31 - Reading Fan Comments
00:27:20 - Swingers, Cucks, & Flirty Fans
00:36:33 - Montreal Screwjobs & Polyamory Shenanigans
00:44:58 - Trisha Paytas Baby Theory
00:51:34 - Comedian Death Pool
01:00:49 - Chrissy Massages Stavvy
01:07:23 - Wrap Up



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2 Bears, 1 Happy Ending w/ Stavros Halkias & Chris Distefano | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Become a paid channel member of YMH to get 2 Bears, 1 Cave episodes one day early and AD-FREE here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYIgiXwJck_Pb5Nj-wIrsqg/join

SPONSORS:
-Get control of your overall finances with Monarch Money. Use code BEARS at http://monarchmoney.com for half off your first year
-Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/bears
-Go to https://bluechew.com to get your first month of BlueChew FREE! Just use promo code BEARS at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping.
-If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, download the free e-book “Navigating Global Trade: 3 Insights for Leaders” at https://NetSuite.com/BEARS .

The Summer Bears are back and sweatier than ever as Stavros Halkias and Chris Distefano return to the Cave for a milestone 300th episode that somehow combines deep psychological trauma, ass-eating, and cholesterol awareness in one glorious mess. Chrissy D reveals his shocking bedtime history with his mom, his late-night transition out of her bed, and how a surprise with a tongue changed the trajectory of his life—and his act. Stav explains how a 3XL shirt, childhood grilled cheese binges, and SNL reruns turned him into the hairy Greek sex symbol we know today.
The bears also dive into the state of late night TV (RIP), Jurassic Park boners, and why Bert and Tom might end up bankrupt with nothing but podcast houses and Uncrustables to their name. Plus, an unhinged Monarch Money ad read, BlueChew boners, Turkish military anal policies, and a heartfelt video message from Tom Segura himself. Are the Summer Bears destined to do this foever? Stay tuned!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 300

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:03:58 - Big Boy Shirts
00:10:15 - Tongue Punch Your Fartbox
00:19:21 - How Did This All Happen?
00:23:48 - Sleeping In Mom's Bed
00:37:17 - Stavvy's Hangups & Chrissy Late Night
00:48:27 - Bowel Movements & Old Sitcoms
00:54:39 - Stav & Chrissy's Movie Corner
01:00:47 - New Jurassic Park
01:05:01 - A Message From Tom Segura
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Are We Trapped In This Podcast Forever? w/ Stavros Halkias & Chris Distefano | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Check out our new summer merch at https://store.ymhstudios.com/

SPONSORS:
- Eat smart at https://FactorMeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50 percent off plus FREE shipping on your first box. 

Stavros Halkias and Chris Distefano are back for round two of Summer Bears—and things spiral immediately. Dressed in their finest “Queens County court appearance” outfits, the guys dive into tales of impersonating cops, awkward court appearances, and Chris’s brief career as a physical therapist (and even briefer run-in with medical malpractice).

The bears get uncomfortably honest about massages that went too far, AI-generated thirst traps, and whether or not Bert and Tom make smashable women. Plus: Stav drops knowledge about Benjamin Franklin’s revolutionary sexcapades, Chris reflects on losing MSG (but gaining perspective), and both dudes debate the pros and cons of fake tits, handy wives, and aging out of horniness.
It’s unhinged, unfiltered, and definitely leading to the hosts getting fired.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 299

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:08 - Chrissy Court Date
00:06:15 - From Physical Therapy To Comedy
00:18:25 - Happy Ending
00:28:45 - Lady Tom & Bert
00:34:32 - Female Stavvy & Chrissy
00:43:55 - Handy Women & Unhandy Men
00:53:07 - Benjamin Franklin
00:58:32 - MSG
01:03:36 - Wrap Up


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This Episode Is Getting Us Fired w/ Stavros Halkias & Chris Distefano | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Check out our new summer merch at https://store.ymhstudios.com/


SPONSORS:
- Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/BEARS! #trueclassicpod 
- Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears
- Sponsored by BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/bears

Tom and Bert are out for the summer, so Chris Distefano and Stavros Halkias are stepping in as your substitute Bears. In this unhinged takeover, they immediately derail the show with tales of cholesterol-fueled delusion, Nazi neighbors in Queens, circumcision conspiracies, radical acceptance, berberine powder, and why 4th of July is the real American holiday (sorry January 6).

The boys debate who’s the Bert and who’s the Tom in their pairing, accidentally rank the world’s races, and somehow end up talking about diabetes, Greek shame, and Japanese war crimes—all before diving into engagement stories, dad stress, and the magic of getting fat on purpose. Also, Bert checks in from his deathbed to interrupt and tells them to talk about Indian people. This episode is chaos in shorts. True summer vibes. No lessons, no structure—just greasy hot dogs, high blood pressure, and fat guy fun. It's going to be a wild summer!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 298

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:02:00 - Who's The Tom & Who's The Bert?
00:08:23 - The Gay Family Man
00:13:56 - Bert's Request 
00:21:43 - My War Criminal Neighbor
00:27:19 - Epstein Lists, Toothless Looks, & Fat Guy Speedballs 
00:34:49 - We're Just Slowly Dying 
00:45:19 - Fourth Of July 
00:53:33 - Radical Acceptance
00:58:53 - Chrissy D's Favorite Holiday
01:05:11 - Wrap Up


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The Summer Bears Takeover! w/ Stavros Halkias & Chris Distefano | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

SPONSORS:
- Start your free online visit today at https://Hims.com/BEARS.
- Go to https://quince.com/bears for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns.
- Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at https://square.com/go/bears! #squarepod 
- Order a bottle of Por Osos and some killer merch online https://drinkporosos.com

This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer go deep on sports. They talk about Brett Favre's fall from grace, the greatness of the 2001 Baltimore Ravens, the unbeatable aura of Tony Siragusa, and the dynamic duo of Caitlin Clark and Sophie Cunningham. Before that, Bert shares some stories about going over to T-Pains house. The bears also discuss how violence has made the WNBA more watchable, how good the ESPN "30 For 30" documentaries are, and the most unbelievable races people participate in. Plus: Bert tells a story about how he almost chainsawed a leg off on skates, the Red Bull Flutag, rat catchers, Bert's chicken murder mystery, and more!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 297

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:17 - T-Pain
00:10:08 - Brett Favre: Hero Or Villain?
00:19:15 - Tony Siragusa & The 2001 Baltimore Ravens 
00:30:38 - Caitlin Clark & Sophie Cunningham
00:37:58 - Bert Almost Lost A Leg Skating 
00:42:28 - Red Bull Flutag 
00:49:23 - The Most Insane Race
00:57:11 - Rat Collectors 
01:05:54 - Chicken Murder Mystery 
01:11:02 - Wrap Up


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Catfights Make The WNBA Interesting | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

SPONSORS:
- Order on DoorDash and save big during Summer of DashPass. Sign up today! DashPass benefits apply only to eligible orders. Terms apply.
- Sponsored by BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/bears
- Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://BlueChew.com! And we’ve got a special deal for our listeners: Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code BEARS -- just pay $5 shipping.
- If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, download the free e-book “Navigating Global Trade: 3 Insights for Leaders” at https://NetSuite.com/BEARS
- Get a 60-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/cave Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring the show!

This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer reunite in sunny California for a jam-packed episode full of FOMO, fatherhood, and flaming hot air balloon disasters. The bears talk about Tom’s California vacation and getting into surfing with his boys. They dig into wild parenting comparisons, Luis J. Gomez’s insane training routines, and Bert feeling FOMO for Andrew Schulz’s perfect summer life on Instagram.

Tom then drops major news about shooting a new Netflix movie called El Tigre, which leads to Bert sharing his own plans for filming the series Free Bert in Atlanta. With both Bears tied up all summer, they announce special "Summer Bears" episodes and name the two hosts Chris Distefano and Stavros Halkias. Things get political (kind of) as Bert and Tom debate who should talk about world issues—spoiler alert: it’s not them. Bert then rants about the sheer terror of hot air balloons and Tom tells another legendary Top Dog tale about how he diverted a plane so he could take a piss. Buckle up—it’s a bumpy (and hilarious) ride.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 296

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:40 - Father FOMO
00:05:07 - The Summer Bears 
00:16:45 - FaceTiming Chrissy D
00:20:16 - The Middle Class Of Comedy 
00:33:09 - Bert Explains Global Politics
00:39:48 - Hot Air Balloons Are Sketch 
00:49:29 - Crazy Plane Stories
01:00:17 - Helicopters 
01:06:45 - Uber Driver Smackdown


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We're Being Replaced! (For The Summer) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

SPONSORS:
- Use code BEARS at https://www.monarchmoney.com/bears in your browser for 50% your first year.
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This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom checks in on Bert’s intestine surgery and his new commitment to being loud, red, and barely alive. The Bears cover everything from Hellcats to Titanic cowards, and disgusting public behavior.


They spiral into career-ending scandals — Ray Rice, Aaron Hernandez, Mel Gibson, Michael Jackson, and Hitler  — and debate whether being talented enough erases your crimes. Plus: the Oceangate sub disaster, a fisherman who supposedly ate his friend, and a fascinating discussion about racist costumes, slurs, and Bert turning purple in a sauna. Also: plutonium, bad names, the lady versions of both bears, and how throwing your wife through a window could be noble. Classic Bear chaos.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 295

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:58 - DMV Hotties & Beefing With Kids 
00:10:07 - Women & Children First 
00:17:53 - Shame, Mel Gibson, & Lance Armstrong
00:24:57 - Famous People Committing Crimes 
00:35:32 - Would You Rather?
00:39:13 - War Documentaries 
00:44:48 - Slurs In Other Languages 
00:53:44 - Names & The Studio Beef 
00:59:11 - Japan & Uranium 
01:05:08 - Lady Bert


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Fun With Foreign Slurs | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Check out Jim's new special Unconceivable right now on YouTube! Watch is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rb05fiUz6cU


SPONSORS:

-Our listeners get 10% off their first month at  https://betterhelp.com/bears

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This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom Segura is joined by the legendary Jim Norton! The bears dive into Jim’s brand new special, why he no longer wants to be a cuck, and what it’s like to live shamelessly — including some very NSFW stories from Brazil.


Tom and Jim cover everything from a friendly Hitler and war documentaries to bombing onstage and the dark side of stand-up. They check out clips of Orson Welles’ drunk ad reads and William Shatner being difficult during a recording, and discuss JFK conspiracies, before pivoting to the power of charismatic maniacs like Jeffrey Epstein. Plus, Tom confronts his own comedy insecurities and Jim shares some Patrice O'Neal stories and breaks down the wildest moments from his years in radio. You don’t want to miss this one!


2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 294



https://tomsegura.com/tour

https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

https://store.ymhstudios.com



Chapters		

00:00:00	-	Intro

00:00:38	-	It's Hitler Summer 

00:05:41	-	Comedy Special Edits, Self-Hatred, & Narcissists

00:16:41	-	Embracing Shame

00:23:49	-	Dopamine Release 

00:30:01	-	Orson Welles & William Shatner

00:38:27	-	Favorite Interview Guests & JFK Conspiracies 

00:43:50	-	Epstein

00:50:10	-	Bombing 

00:56:30	-	Headliners 

01:02:27	-	Patrice O'Neal 
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Kinky Kings w/ Jim Norton | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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- Your summer wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off @chubbies with the code cave at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/cave  #chubbiespod 
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This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bart Kersher are joined by rapper That Mexican OT! They kickoff the chat talking about Mexican food, burger spots, and That Mexican OT reveals a wild secret he has about eggs. On top of being super chill, That Mexican OT is a real authentic dude and he opens up about his very unique upbringing that helped shape who he is today. The trio discuss everything from hunting kangaroos to Japanese cholos, plus they also talk about bullfighting, gangster moms, pimp fathers, four wheelers, Project Recess! Grab some Por Osos and enjoy this episode!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 293

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:04:16 - Mexican Food, Burger Places, & Eggs 
00:10:47 - Kangaroo Hunting, Collabs, & Project Recess 
00:19:56 - Bullfighting & Strippers
00:25:57 - Mom Scents & Med Shit 
00:34:30 - Going International 
00:40:18 - Authenticity & Growing Up Young 
00:46:30 - Four Wheelers & Cholo Culture 
00:52:26 - It's Scary Underwater 
01:00:25 - Tough Guys 
01:07:19 - Album Drop, Movies, & Rap Music 
01:15:38 - Vodka Endorsement


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"Dancers" Would Drop Me Off At School w/ That Mexican OT | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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- Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/BEARS ! #trueclassicpod 
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This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom Segura is joined by the hilariously unfiltered Mark Normand! The episode kicks off with farts and sharts as Mark shares the horrifying tale of sharting on a date right after letting one rip at the top of the show.

The Bears talk about parenthood, including Mark's brand-new baby, Tom's kids telling gay jokes, the absolute chaos of tiny humans mimicking adult behavior, and the innocence of youth. They next dive into Tom Cruise’s intensity, his popcorn-eating habits, and whether the man who saved cinema is also just a little…off. Then they go deep on comedy life: struggling in New York, open mics, internet haters, and the brutal truth that even legends get roasted.

Mark also shares more about life as a Brooklyn dad, falling asleep to podcasts, his time as a janitor, and a wild Copenhagen strip club story courtesy of Bert Kreischer. The conversation also hits on Tim Dillon's CNN moment, Sam Morril, Joe List, Vyvanse brain boosts, and weird dudes trying to get into business with Tom’s old corn star neighbor. Buckle up, queef it up, and enjoy!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 292

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:35 - Sharts & Babies 
00:05:08 - Tom Cruise 
00:13:42 - Dad Stuff 
00:20:12 - COMEDY!
00:27:22 - Hate From The Internet 
00:33:42 - New York Comedy Scene 
00:38:46 - Gay For Bert
00:44:41 - Conquering New York 
00:51:03 - Right Man For The Job 
01:00:10 - Texas
01:03:34 - Wrap Up


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Mark Normand Is A Gay Dad | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Check out the newest podcast from YMH Studios "Not A Damn Chance"! Hosted by pro skateboarder Neen Williams and Michelin-starred chef Phillip Frankland Lee https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihy5odp5G9A

SPONSORS:
- Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://BlueChew.com! And we’ve got a special deal for our listeners: Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code BEARS -- just pay $5 shipping.
- If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, download the free e-book “Navigating Global Trade: 3 Insights for Leaders” at https://NetSuite.com/BEARS. 
- Sponsored by BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at  https://betterhelp.com/bears

This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tim Segura and Bert Kershire are LIVE from the Barstool Chicago studio and share some stories of their latest shenanigans in the Windy City. The Bears also talk about bombing in Hawaii, jokes about slurs, fathers, women fading, whatever's going on in Bert's mouth, plus the internet hate for WNBA player Angel Reece and alleged royal Meghan Markle. The Bears are then joined by Big Cat who talks about stuff his kids are into lately and his favorite hobby aka gambling. Speaking of which, he also teaches the Bears about Dana White's infamous Tunnel of Chaos, before they pivot to the series "MobLand", and Tom shares a story about almost buying Dr. Dre's house. Bert also trash talks Tom's home base for some reason and compares us...I mean...it, to an abortion clinic or a dentist office, which, let me say is totally an exaggeration....I love working here. Enjoy the episode!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 291

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:02:36 - Chicago Shenanigans 
00:16:06 - Mouth Stuff
00:19:39 - Bombing Hawaii
00:29:01 - Friends
00:36:51 - Internet 
00:43:28 - Women
00:49:04 - Big Words 
00:59:18 - Mandela Effects 
01:03:51 - Kids Stuff With Big Cat 
01:12:09 - Gambling 
01:20:42 - MobLand
01:24:17 - Work From Home
01:30:37 - Big Cat's Other Interests


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Tom's Dad STOLE Dynamite & BLEW UP A Bridge w/ Barstool Big Cat | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Check out the newest podcast from YMH Studios "Not A Damn Chance"! Hosted by pro skateboarder Neen Williams and Michelin-starred chef Phillip Frankland Lee 


SPONSORS:
- Get started at https://factormeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50% off plus FREE shipping on your first box.
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This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bert is on a retreat in Istanbul so Tom Segura is joined by the brilliantly bizarre Harland Williams for an unhinged episode packed with supposedly true stories, bootyholes, and too many farts. Harland kicks things off by reminiscing about fingering calamari and the first time someone touched his arse—with a thermometer. Tom shares the traumatic moment he had to show a friend his infamously hairy sphincter... and yes, he ends up showing Harland too.

Surprisingly, the conversation spirals into absurd territory with erotic drawings, smut searches, fart-catching attempts, a Dominican dick flash, and a deep dive into Enny’s alleged fondness for buttholes. Harland doesn’t disappoint either—he reacts to fart videos, tells a story about dating Madonna, and looks forward to tanning with Tom. The two also talk about creativity, recreational drugs, Harland's distrust of nicotine pouches, the anthems of both Canada and Texas, plus playing doctor, and horseshoes with neck pillows. Oh, and Harland names his favorite dictator. Stick around to find out if Harland ends up eating Tom.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 290

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:02:55 - Arses & Calamari Rings 
00:14:34 - So Much Hair 
00:26:10 - What's Going On With Canada?
00:31:24 - Measurements, Buzzes, & Vices 
00:41:37 - Favorite Dictator 
00:51:49 - Dating Madonna
00:55:46 - Clip: Baddie Farts 
00:56:49 - Play Back The Tape 
00:58:13 - Clip: Fart In One
00:59:29 - Tanning & Tour Dates
01:05:45 - Gas, Gashes, & Gruesome Videos
01:11:48 - Harland Wants To Eat Tom
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Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

SPONSORS:
- Grab your tickets at https://NASCAR.com/tickets. If you can’t make it, grab a beer and your friends, find your seat on the couch,  and gear up for some of the best racing in the world at Charlotte  Motor speedway. Tune in to the Coca Cola 600 this Sunday at 6:00 PM Eastern 
- Brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit https://betterhelp.com/bears to get 10% off your first month
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This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer go deep on Tom’s new Netflix series Bad Thoughts — a disturbing, hilarious, and brilliantly unhinged ride that Charo absolutely hated. The Bears talk about favorite sketches, behind-the-scenes moments, bloopers, and why Bert is both joking and not joking about not being cast.

They dive into the art of acting, working with writers, and getting lost in characters — plus Bert’s dream roles if he had been invited. Also: Tom's Italian guy character, hair insecurity, Kevin James dying his beard, and Tom's preference for a show that doesn't look like a comedy. Elsewhere, Bert shares his Post Malone + Jelly Roll solo mission, NASCAR plans, and recent attempts at eating clean and not drinking again. There’s debate over royal titles, Meghan Markle, Prince William, and a killer impression of the royal family worrying about baby skin tone. Plus: Bert’s mail opening trauma, how he weighs himself, cauliflower pizza, bar takeovers, and why Tom might actually like who he is. It’s full sketch comedy breakdown meets chaotic Bear therapy—don’t miss it.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 289

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:20 - Tom Talks Bad Thoughts 
00:13:50 - Cinematography & Awkward Sex Scenes 
00:21:45 - Casting Choices & Putting Friends In Movies 
00:33:23 - Tom's Acting, Bert's "Sobriety", & NASCAR 
00:40:20 - The Royals & Meghan Markle
00:55:01 - Bills
01:03:01 - Big Boys 
01:09:31 - Wrap Up
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Bad Thoughts About Meghan Markle | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Weekly, comedian best friends Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer get together in the bear cave at YMH Studios to do what bears do: make each other laugh.
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Welcome to 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

SPONSORS:
- Head to https://bubblycleaning.com/Bears to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Bubbly Cleaning for sponsoring this episode!
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- Start your free online visit today at https://Hims.com/BEARS.
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- Order a bottle of Por Osos and some killer merch online https://drinkporosos.com

This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kershire are LIVE from the 2 Bears 5k in Tampa Bay Florida! They aren't alone either, the bears are joined by not one, not two, but three guest bears! Joining Tom and Bert are rapper/running enthusiast N.O.R.E, as well as, former NFL players/Super Bowl champs, Jason Kelce and Beau Allen. The group all get together to talk about the real challenges of the 2 Bears 5k, who the best drinkers are, running, nicknames, dictators, Hype Williams, stupid purchases, and so much more. Enjoy the show!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 288

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:04:17 - N.O.R.E
00:14:48 - Japanese Whiskey 
00:20:12 - Beau Allen & Jason Kelce 
00:26:33 - The Best Drinkers & Worst NFL Matchups 
00:35:33 - Nicknames & Dictators 
00:42:02 - Hype Williams
00:45:39 - NFL Rookies 
00:53:51 - Drinking Before A Big Game 
00:58:23 - Stupid Purchases 
01:06:16 - Wrap Up


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Ripping Beers & Running 5K's w/ Jason Kelce, N.O.R.E, and Beau Allen | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Check out MrBallen’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/@MrBallen



SPONSORS:
- Buy Jack Link's Duos at https://JackLinks.com/DUOS or at your local convenience, gas, grocery store or subscribe and save on Amazon.
- Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at https://square.com/go/bears! #squarepod
- Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://BlueChew.com! And we’ve got a special deal for our listeners: Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code BEARS -- just pay $5 shipping.
- Brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/bears to get 10% off your first month.

On this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura is joined by the legendary storyteller himself—MrBallen! Get ready for an epic conversation as they dive into some of the wildest true crime mysteries and horror stories, including the chilling unsolved case of the Yuba County Five and a gruesome incident on an oil rig that will haunt your dreams.

They also explore mind-blowing topics like habitable exoplanets, Katy Perry’s space adventure, and MrBallen’s incredible journey from Navy SEAL to YouTube sensation.

Don't miss this one—it's a mix of mystery, mayhem, and a whole lot of laughs.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 287

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:15 - The Strange, Dark, & Mysterious World Of MrBallen
00:07:29 - Why True Crime?
00:14:03 - The Stories That Stick With You
00:28:10 - The Yuba County Five 
00:35:45 - Exoplanets
00:40:57 - Katy Perry In Space
00:44:47 - First Day On Seal Team 2
00:58:44 - New Career Path
01:10:06 - Grenade Moment
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MrBallen Traumatizes Tom Segura | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Check out Bert's new special "Lucky" streaming on Netflix! 

The 2 Bears 5k is this Sunday! There’s still time to sign up and join us in Tampa at Raymond James Stadium! Sign up at https://www.2bears5k.com/#intro

SPONSORS:
- Go to https://shipstation.com and use code CAVE to sign up for your FREE trial.
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- You can find Cremo’s new line of antiperspirants and deodorants at Target or https://Target.com
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- Head to https://policygenius.com to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.

This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bert Kreischer is joined by legendary funnyman and certified bear Thomas Lennon for one of the wildest rides yet. No stranger to confrontations, Thomas tells Bert some stories about a fight he got into in the real-world and the internet. They dive into the Amazon reviews of Mein Kampf, unpack the all-female Blue Origin space flight, and debate which celebs should be launched into orbit next.

Thomas also opens up about working with Christopher Nolan, shares the weirdest thing he’s ever used his fame for, and the two squirm over some spelunking stories. The two also discuss claustrophobia, Tom's basketball injury, suicide pods in Switzerland, and whether getting beat up by a woman is a fair fight. From film criticism to Karen moments, to the legendary Pink Palace, this episode has it all!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 286

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:23 - Mein Kampf 
00:06:34 - Women In Space
00:11:03 - Happy Endings
00:18:18 - Back To The Lady Astronauts 
00:22:37 - Thrill Seeking
00:26:00 - Caves
00:35:53 - A Funny Death
00:40:05 - Fame
00:45:47 - Tom's Broken Body
00:49:37 - Swiss Unalive Pods
00:56:38 - The Man Who Would Be King
00:59:44 - Christopher Nolan Movies
01:07:24 - Film Criticism 
01:22:27 - Confrontations
01:34:57 - Cop Stuff
01:39:34 - Karen Moments
01:42:57 - Can't We All Just Get Along 
01:49:38 - Couples Therapy & The Space Draft 
01:55:31 - Body Acceptance


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The Blue Origin Broads Backlash w/ Thomas Lennon | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Check out Bert's new special "Lucky" streaming on Netflix! 

The 2 Bears, 5K in Tampa is less than 2 weeks away! Sign up at https://www.2bears5k.com/#intro

SPONSORS:
- Shop data plans at https://MINTMOBILE.com/BEARS.
- Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears.
- Brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit https://betterhelp.com/bears to get 10% off your first month.

This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bert Kershire and Tim Segura are hooked up to IV's as they recover from their gay bar takeover and all the love the received from all those hungry bears. They talk Instagram FOMO, the magic of minority women making meals for their husbands, a chola influencer named La Sleep that Bert is obsessed with, and the performative nature of social media. They also talk about the appeal of the Kelce brothers to gays, share the unique name of a cocktail that was invented at the takeover, debate which group of people gives the best compliments, and finally they tackle the subject of sampling your own sauce, which means exactly what you think it means. Enjoy the show!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 285

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:56 - Post Takeover IV Drip 
00:08:56 - Watches
00:15:31 - Car Guys & Dogs 
00:21:15 - Bert Is A Mexican Woman
00:28:28 - Gay Black Couple Meals
00:33:10 - The Cholo Life 
00:36:51 - Instagram FOMO
00:45:51 - Gay Compliments 
00:53:53 - Kelce Bears, UTI's, & Sampling Your Own Sauce 
01:01:22 - Clip: Drinking An Ari Cocktail 
01:08:35 - How Much To Taste?
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Sampling Your Own Sauce | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Check out Bert's new special "Lucky" streaming on Netflix! 

The 2 Bears, 5K in Tampa is less than a month away! Sign up at https://www.2bears5k.com/#intro

SPONSORS:
- Start your free online visit today at https://Hims.com/BEARS.
- Today get 20% off your DeleteMe plan by texting CAVE to 64000.
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- Get 20% OFF + Free Shipping @MANSCAPED with promo code BEARS at https://manscaped.com! #ManscapedPartner #TCSociety

Tom and Bert are back in the cave and things get spicy fast.
This week the Bears dive into alternative p*rn genres you didn’t know you needed, celebrate the beauty of international women, and break down the logic and logistics behind the noble art of “homie head.” They also mentally prepare for a Por Osos gay bar takeover and talk the top 5 hot chick accents. Next, Bert recounts his unforgettable Monday Night RAW moment where he went full low-IQ adult and choke slammed two dudes on live TV! Then it’s onto arranged marriages, glory holes, and other socially important topics. Pack a towel, this one gets sweaty.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 284

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:02:23 - Alternative P*rn
00:07:41 - Normalize Homie Head
00:14:11 - Por Osos Gay Bar Takeover
00:18:58 - Bert Choke Slammed Two Dudes 
00:31:25 - The Wrestling Bug 
00:40:15 - Retirement Community Idea
00:45:42 - International Delights 
00:51:31 - Hottest Chick Accents
00:59:22 - Arranged Marriages
01:04:10 - Glory Holes, Milking Tables, & Sexy Nurses 
01:09:51 - MSG & Summer Break
01:17:56 - Wrap Up
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Bert Choke Slammed Two Dudes | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Check out Bert's new special "Lucky" streaming on Netflix! 
Tom just announced Fall dates for his Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour. Presale starts April 2nd, use code TOMMY.

Watch Kyle Dunnigan on Kill Tony on Netflix today!

SPONSORS:
- You can find Cremo’s new line of antiperspirants and deodorants at Target or https://Target.com
- Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears.
- Brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit https://betterhelp.com/bears to get 10% off your first month.
- Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://BlueChew.com! Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code BEARS -- just pay $5 shipping.

This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave we have Tom Segura and guest bear Kyle Dunnigan! After both appearing on "Kill Tony: Kill Or Be Killed", now streaming on Netflix, they've got some thoughts and reactions from that insane event to share with of you. They also discuss Kyle's weird dating history, his interest in taller women, and how he finds dates in a world of dating apps. Kyle also has a massive collection of impressions he unloads, including Caitlyn Jenner, RFK Jr, Joe Biden, and the infamous Bill Maher impression that Bill Maher just absolutely loves okaaayy. They also exchange stories about bombing at private events and Kyle tells Tom all about the time he worked Tony Robbins' weird birthday party. Lot of stories, lot of impressions, check it out!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 283

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:14 - Tall Chicks, Kinks, & Awkward Hook-ups
00:07:56 - Kill Tony: Kill Or Be Killed
00:13:14 - Favorite Dating App
00:19:19 - Contrarian Dating History 
00:30:02 - How To Pick Up A Woman
00:40:05 - Kyle's Instagram Impressions
00:48:53 - Elon Musk
00:52:59 - Tony Robbins Birthday
00:55:59 - Tony Big Words 
01:00:31 - Bombing At Private Events 
01:10:05 - Always Working 
01:12:47 - Kyle Wants To Be Adopted 
01:16:51 - Wrap Up
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Kill Tony Hits Netflix & Kyle Dunnigan’s Most Hated Impression | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Check out Bert's new special "Lucky" streaming on Netflix! 
Tom just announced Fall dates for his Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour. Presale starts April 2nd, use code TOMMY.

SPONSORS:
- Visit https://tonal.com and use promo code BEARS for $200 off your purchase.
- Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started.
- Go to https://LiveGood.com/BEARS to save 10% on your first order.
- Make friends and grab some merch at https://www.drinkporosos.com/

Joey "CoCo" Diaz is back, baby! This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bert Kreischer welcomes the legend himself, Joey Diaz to join him in the cave. Uncle Joey recently had a health scare and was forced to spend some time in the hospital. He's doing alright now, but the worst part about it all was the blue balls and repressed feelings of horniness he felt. Jose and Bart also talk about falling back in love with comedy, slowing down your touring, the mass comedy exodus of Los Angeles, moving during a pandemic, the early days doing comedy with Rogan, the best Ralphie May stories, comic actors, saying whatever you want, and how important parking spots are in major cities.  Enjoy the show!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 282

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:43 - Falling Back In Love With Comedy 
00:08:06 - Early Days With Rogan
00:15:29 - Slowing Down 
00:19:49 - Reality Calls 
00:30:04 - Parking Perks 
00:32:30 - Hospital 
00:41:48 - The Podcasting Problem
00:47:19 - Specials & Live Albums 
00:52:46 - Ralphie May
01:17:35 - Future Plans, Pandemic Moves, & Los Angeles 
01:25:20 - Say Whatever You Want
01:28:29 - Comics & Comic Actors 
01:34:01 - Farts & Plugs
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Joey Diaz's Horny Hospital Visit | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Check out Bert's new special "Lucky" streaming on Netflix!

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Bert and Tom take 2 Bears 1 Cave on location at SXSW, broadcasting straight from The Portal, a Por Osos sponsored party house—where the drinks are flowing, fans are mingling, and people are literally jumping off the roof into the pool.

The chaos kicks off as Bert calls back to an insane AI-generated video called "Fat N-word Season," that does in fact exist. From there, they tackle the big questions in life, like what is the perfect boob size and do Black guys really not always fit all the way in during intercourse?

They also get deep about comedians being forgotten in pop culture history, before immediately pivoting to Bert’s questionable SXSW outfit and how he narrowly avoided disaster with Magic Johnson. Ari Shaffir’s name comes up, Bert lays some praise on Tom for his Robert Smith costume on YMH Live X, and Tom tries to wrap his head around Bert becoming friends with Mel Gibson at a UFC event—which might just be the most Bert Kreischer thing ever.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 281

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:47 - Fat Big Word Season 
00:07:07 - Perfect Size 
00:14:15 - The Legacy Of Comedians
00:18:48 - Dudes Jumping Off The Roof & Ari Shaffir 
00:28:16 - Bert's Outfit 
00:32:29 - Magic Johnson & King's Coronation 
00:38:28 - Mel Gibson
00:48:08 -  YMH Live X
00:55:35 - Hunger For Touring & Hanging With Fans
01:03:22 - Bert's Death Wish
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2 Bears Live From SXSW | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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In this wild episode of 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom's co-host Bert is nursing a wing injury, so Tom has brought in a man who knows a thing a two about wings, the great Sean Evans!

Sean hosts the hottest interview show Hot Ones and sits in the interview chair to play Tom's own version of Hot Ones, except it involves scrotum sniffing...you'll see. The two chat about how the show has become a cultural phenomenon, the legacy of Chicago sports, Sasquatch, handwritten Quentin Tarantino scripts, weathermen, deep dish pizza, the Oscars, Bryce Mitchell, trustworthy news anchors, and Tom reveals when he will finally start watching "Severance". Sean also tells a cool story about how he became friends with Dave Grohl despite being kinda responsible for him shitting himself. Enjoy the show!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 280

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:18 - Hot Ones
00:10:11 - Beautiful Bald Hotties 
00:15:18 - Tom's Show Pitch 
00:21:46 - How's Your Anus Doing?
00:26:06 - Chicargo Sports 
00:35:22 - Sasquatch & Quentin Tarantino 
00:40:01 - The Oscars 
00:44:50 - Bryce Mitchell 
00:51:13 - Chicago Deep Dish, Porn Docs, & Weathermen 
00:57:32 - Clip: David Letterman The Weatherman 
00:58:44 - National News Guys 
01:03:31 - This Guy Gets It
01:09:19 - What's Sean Watching
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The Hottest & Baldest Episode Ever w/ Sean Evans | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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In this wet and mild episode of 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are back together to catch up on everything that's been going on since the last time they were face to face. They debate who the strongest comedian is, Bert claims it's himself, Tom suggests Godfrey or Carrot Top. Who do you think it is? The bears also talk about how cities kind of blow, Bob Dylan sorta sucks, Mussolini inventing fascism, Bert's big summer plans, Chrissy D performing at MSG on 9/11, plus some Oscars thoughts, some opinions on refrigerated food, and the different flavors of Spanish around the world. Enjoy the show!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 279

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters		
00:00:00	-	Intro
00:00:12	-	Strongest Comedian Living
00:09:16	-	Medical Emergency In Show
00:17:43	-	Georgia's Trip To Spain
00:22:45	-	Bert's IG Feed
00:26:28	-	Horrible IG Feed
00:31:31	-	Mussolini Deep Dive
00:35:42	-	Mean Girls
00:39:53	-	Fridge Food
00:41:33	-	Coffee Drinks
00:46:27	-	Top Dog Coffee
00:53:10	-	Spanish Accents
00:59:10	-	Emilia Perez
01:02:00	-	The Oscars Are Over
01:06:24	-	Bob Dylan
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Bob Dylan Sucks | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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In this wild episode of 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bert Kreischer flies solo—well, almost. He’s joined by the hilarious Chris Distefano for a chaotic, high-energy conversation that somehow covers everything from colon health to Benito Mussolini.
Chris introduces Bert to the Yuka app and starts scanning his diet, exposing just how questionable his food choices really are. They dive into couple’s therapy, hair loss in men, and Bert’s “child in flip-flops" fashion sense. The two also get deep on career goals in comedy, grinding in the industry, and the "Luigi Mangione of Serbia".
But it wouldn’t be 2 Bears without some unhinged history talk—Bert and Chris go off on a tangent about the history of currency, Bitcoin, the time Nazis packed Madison Square Garden, and the Axis Powers (because, why not?). They also touch on Florence, Italy, young people thinking Democrats are gay, and how their families keep them grounded. Strap in, grab a drink (or a Yuka-approved snack), and enjoy the show!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 278

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:32 - A Colon Conversation 
00:06:41 - Fun With The Yuka App
00:18:15 - Couple's Therapy 
00:20:56 - Male Pattern Perfection
00:29:40 - Flip-Flops & Comedy Aspirations 
00:39:29 - Famous Beef 
00:43:08 - Grounded By Family & Bitcoin 
00:54:18 - Are You Führer About That?
01:00:32 - The Luigi Mangione Of Serbia 
01:03:14 - Florence & Fun Facts About Mussolini 
01:09:31 - Comedy Hustling 
01:18:26 - Podcasts
01:25:05 - Democrats Are Gay
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Chrissy Crypto Explains Bitcoin w/ Chris Distefano | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Register for the 2Bears 5K at http://www.2bears5k.com, happening May 4th in Tampa Bay, Florida. Don't miss out on the early bird pricing!

SPONSORS:

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It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura joined by a pair of guest bears, the Are You Garbage? boys Kevin Ryan and H. Foley! They've got a documentary special coming out and they talk all about the intimacies of behind the scenes moments and the classic comedy bit of shitting your pants on camera. Christina P had the pleasure of recently appearing on Are You Garbage and the trio give the "Queen of Garbage" her flowers. They also talk about how insane Philadelphia got when they won the Super Bowl, the importance of mean old coaches, getting thrown out of restaurants, financial goals, being a big baller when the bill comes, shady banks, and the homicidal shenanigans of Tom's kids. Check it out!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 277

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters		
00:00:00	-	Intro
00:05:10	-	Crapping Your Pants On Film 
00:16:36	-	Restaurant Chaos & Philly Super Bowl Bliss
00:24:05	-	Clip: Old Mean Coach
00:30:18	-	The Queen Of Garbage
00:38:49	-	Tom's Kids
00:48:48	-	This Is Not Financial Advice 
00:55:08	-	Shady Banks & Money Goals 
01:03:08	-	What's Next?
01:09:48	-	Big Baller Bills
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Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

SPONSORS:

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Go to https://shipstation.com and use code CAVE to sign up for your FREE trial.

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It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Burnt Krystals being joined by guest bear, the great Kevin Nealon! Tom is away looking into getting a hair job in Turkey or something, so Kevin is in to pick up the slack. Fresh off the SNL 50th Anniversary event, Bert and Kevin talk all about SNL and the funny group of friends that Kevin has had around him from there. They also talk about why comedy was their calling, how long Bert can keep up the shirtless thing, gifting people sharp objects, aging with fans, staying fit, and Kevin Nealon speaking at Garry Shandling and Norm Macdonald's respective funerals. Kevin and Bert also swap Norm stories and Bert impresses with his investigative journalist skills. Check it out!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 276

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters		
00:00:00	-	Intro
00:00:56	-	Funny Friends
00:03:58	-	Saturday Night Live
00:17:18	-	Why Comedians Comedian
00:22:26	-	First Time Success
00:32:17	-	Staying Healthy
00:41:36	-	Aging With Fans & Fat Heads 
00:46:41	-	Lady Jane & Sundance 
00:50:21	-	The Shirtless Comic 
00:56:09	-	Even Keeled 
01:02:45	-	Sharp Things
01:07:06	-	Saggy Old Man
01:16:33	-	Cutting Back
01:19:12	-	Morbid Thoughts On Burials 
01:26:27	-	Norm Macdonald
01:32:32	-	Last Questions & Kevin's Book Of Drawings 
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Saturday Night Live Secrets & Norm Macdonald w/ Kevin Nealon | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour

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It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer!!! The bears are back together and Bert managed to keep all his toes. This week Tom and Bert talk medical updates, mortality, Bert's trip to Paris, and toxic rich person traits. Speaking of traits, Bert tumbles down a rabbit hole of self-diagnosis with Tom and has a realization that he may or may not have some sort of personality disorder. He suspects it's something called HPV or maybe it was HBP, I forget which one it was. Anyway, Bert has a therapy sesh with Tom, and then they talk about LeeAnn's country bumpkin attitude in France, social anxiety, Bert's plan to throw pennies around the city, the Hawk Tua girl's financial mistake, and much more!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 275

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapter Markers		
00:00:00	-	Intro
00:00:21	-	Medical Updates & Mortality Conflicts 
00:08:14	-	Bert In Paris/Dictator Colognes 
00:18:40	-	Rich Kids 
00:24:21	-	Personality Traits 
00:31:57	-	Center Of Attention 
00:39:15	-	Living With Charo & The Virtue Of Silence 
00:44:54	-	Social Anxiety 
00:52:10	-	An American Bumpkin In Paris 
01:00:06	-	No More Screen Time 
01:04:36	-	Bert's Penny Plan 
01:08:36	-	A Hawk Tua Rant
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Does Bert Have A Personality Disorder? | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour

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It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Burnt Krystals being joined by guest bear, blink-182 drummer Travis Barker! The Bears just announced the return of the 2 Bears 5k in Tampa and Travis is psyched for it, as he's become a running enthusiast over the years. In fact, he's got a marathon he's planning of his own going down in New Orleans coming up! Bert and Travis discuss the harrowing plane crash that Travis survived 17 years ago and how it changed his entire life. They also talk about riding around in tour buses, sharing the same bus driver, what motivators they like for marathons, the Kardashians, Joe Rogan's influence, meeting music greats, favorite tours, and rock star comedians, plus Travis also reveals his own unique tuna fish salad recipe! Try it out!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 274

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, (800) 327-5050 or visit http://gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY).

Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org (CT) or visit http://www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD).

21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS).

1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min. $5 bet. Max. $200 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: http://dkng.co/dk-offer-terms. Ends 2/9/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK.

Chapters Markers  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:49 - Running
00:05:04 - Surviving A Plane Crash 
00:11:01 - Marathon Motivators 
00:19:38 - Sharing A Bus Driver 
00:22:01 - The Plane Accident 
00:31:27 - Kardashians/Joe Rogan 
00:34:57 - Being Grounded 
00:39:31 - Fear Of Flying
00:43:35 - Staying Healthy 
00:45:34 - Car Talk
00:52:41 - Do You Like Fame?
00:56:29 - 2 Bears 5k & Travis Barker's New Orleans 5k 
00:59:57 - Clip: Bert Did An Ollie
01:02:08 - Drumming & Musical Influences 
01:07:57 - Favorite Tour
01:10:38 - New Generation Discovering Old Music
01:12:55 - Tuna Fish Salad 
01:17:08 - Comedians Are The New Rock Stars 
01:22:05 - Do The Leg Work
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How A Plane Crash Changed Travis Barker's Life | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Join us in Tampa Bay, Florida on May 4th for the 2 Bears 5K! Register at https://2Bears5k.com
Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour

SPONSORS:

Go to https://zbiotics.com/BEARS and use BEARS at checkout for 15% off any first time orders of ZBiotics probiotics.

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/BEARS and get 10% off your first month.

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It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura being joined by guest bear, comedian, actor, and influencer Druski! Tom opens the show doing his best impression of Magic Johnson, much to Druski's amusement, before the two chat about Coulda Been Records, Druski's comedic American Idol-esque series that went from a joke to an actual global phenom. The duo also talk about touring around the world, career goals, Druski's ambitions, karate, sketch shows, fan engagement, and they bond over their mutual interest in Fancy Chef. Tom also introduces Druski to Robert Paul Champagne, they talk Alabama football, and Druski comes clean about what went down when he was invited to a Diddy party! Bert coulda been in this episode, but he was busy. Plus Druski abrupt leaves at the end of the episode...super random. Enjoy!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 273

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters
00:00:00	-	Intro
00:02:39	-	Coulda Been Records
00:08:56	-	Touring Around The World
00:11:12	-	Clip: Druski In Jamaica 
00:11:30	-	Diddy & The Cream Of The Crop 
00:18:56	-	Goals & Ambitions 
00:22:25	-	Fanbase Engagement & Sketch Shows 
00:33:05	-	Fancy Chef
00:44:26	-	RPC
00:48:16	-	Clip: Coulda Been Chill Security 
00:54:36	-	Karate + Druski's Mom 
01:01:25	-	Roll Tide Willie & Alabama Football 
01:08:28	-	Coulda Been Love 
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Druski STORMS Off The Podcast | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura being joined by guest bear, Adam "Pacman" Jones! "Pacman" is a former NFL cornerback and return specialist, who currently hosts The Pacman Jones Show, a streaming show on the BetOnline platform. Tom and Pacman talk about NFL shit talkers, the dirtiest players in the game, gaining confidence in your own skills, college football, spending money on dumb things, winning millions at the casinos, soft coaches, passing down wisdom to younger players, and golden toilets. Pacman also tells Tom about his dislike of Pittsburgh, his relationship with Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, and tells his side of the story about what happened the night of the Jake Paul/Mike Tyson fight. Enjoy!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 272

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

Chapters  
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:40 - Tyson Vs Paul Fight 
00:05:47 - Life On Field As An NFL Player
00:15:38 - Best NFL Sh!t Talkers 
00:22:13 - First Job & Pacman's Self Confidence 
00:30:36 - College Football Has Changed 
00:35:44 - That First NFL Check 
00:39:49 - Strip Club Drops & Las Vegas Wins 
00:43:12 - Trouble Nights & Advice For Youngbloods 
00:48:25 - Dirty Players, White Receivers, & NFL Legends
00:54:15 - Rivals
00:57:52 - Misconceptions 
01:00:32 - Plugs
01:02:48 - Jerry Jones
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Adam “Pacman” Jones Chased Who Off the Field?? | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

SPONSORS:

Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today!

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/BEARS  and get 10% off your first month.

Unlock 10% off your entire order this January! Visit https://betterbiom.com and use promo code 2BEARS at checkout.

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WHAT'S EVERYBODY! It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bart Chrysler! Los Angeles is being ravaged by wildfires right now, so Tom and Bert chime in on what's going and how serious the damage has been. The destruction has hit very close to home for them, so much so Bert's got himself a go bag ready by the door. The bears also talk about their kids playing sports, dumb shirts with pot leaves on them, ruining vacation photos, gifts for family, Tom's mom and sister both moving to Austin, Muslim fashion, a national uniform for people in America, clever Hollywood writers, and Nikki Glaser's Gold Globes hosting job. Bert also shares a story about Andrew "Dice" Clay asking him to keep his sons safe in LA, plus other stories from LA.  Stay safe out there!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 271

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, (800) 327-5050 or visit http://gamblinghelplinema.org  (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY).
Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org (CT) or visit http://www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD).
21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS).
1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min. $5 bet. Max. $200 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: http://dkng.co/dk-offer-terms. Ends 2/9/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK.

Chapter Markers		
00:00:00	-	Intro
00:00:22	-	The Los Angeles Wildfires 
00:15:04	-	When Sh!t Gets Real
00:21:13	-	Go Bags 
00:29:06	-	Uncle Bert/Kids Playing Sports 
00:39:14	-	Vacation Ruining Gear
00:43:14	-	Gifts For Family/Tom's Sister & Mom Moved To Austin
00:52:41	-	Muslim Fashion/Regional Uniforms 
01:01:51	-	Hollywood Writers/Nikki Glaser 
01:09:19	-	Back To LA Wildfires 
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LA Is Burning | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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WHAT'S Errybody?! Welcome back to 2 Bears, 1 Cave! This week, Tom Segura and Bort Kreysher are joined by Ari Shaffir! The trio talk about Shaq's habit of Facetiming on the toilet, before deep diving into the drama surrounding Brianna Chickenfry and Zach Bryan. Forgiving and forgetting is impossible for some people to do, ya know? The three guys next get into Ari's new special and return to Netflix, which gets interrupted by Bert going on a tangent about beefing with Black Twitter. They also discuss Protect Our Parks, making Joe Rogan proud, compliments from black people, Bert's bench bet, insurance being a total scam, serial killer fantasies, alternative news, and weirdo evil dudes like Diddy and Jared the Subway Guy. Enjoy!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 270

https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
https://store.ymhstudios.com

GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, (800) 327-5050 or visit http://gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY).
Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org (CT) or visit http://www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD).
21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS).
1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min. $5 bet. Max. $200 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: http://dkng.co/dk-offer-terms. Ends 2/9/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK.
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Growing Up With A Serial Killer w/ Ari Shaffir | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS.

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GET TO DA CHOPPA!!!  Arnold Schwarzenegger joins Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer in the gym for this week’s episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! The bears are beyond pumped (and maybe a little intimidated) as Arnie entertains them with wild stories from his bodybuilding days and his legendary rivalries with Lou Ferrigno and Sylvester Stallone. Arnold also talks to the bears about his love of cigars, the exercises he helped popularize, his physique, Muhammed Ali, plus the surprising way Milton Berle helped shape his career and so much more!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 268

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Arnold Schwarzenegger PUMPS UP The Bears | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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The Shaman himself, Matt McCusker joins Tom Segura for this week’s episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! They discuss the United Healthcare CEO shooter, Parking Wars, rude meter-maids, Asian excellence, skateboarding, gambling, the thrill of winning, Matt's career as a dealer, Tom's face, wiener fluffing, big dick energy, and so much more!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 267

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Matt McCusker's Wild Drug Dealing Stories | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Sam Morril joins Tom Segura for this week’s episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! They discuss the benefits of night flights, mile high bullies, the New York City experience, the JonBenét Ramsey case, the disappointing Aaron Rodgers-Jets run, LeBron James' longevity, admiring bodies, the Vince McMahon scandals, political jokes, unique smut fetishes, trying new things on stage, and so much more!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 266

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Who Killed JonBenét Ramsey? w/ Sam Morril | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Burnt Crystals being joined by guest bear and armchair expert, Dax Shepard! Bert once again proves his improved prowess as an interviewer by providing proof he did his research for this talk. Bert and Dax talk all about Dax's podcast "Armchair Expert" and how he had made a splash in the podcast world even though he entered it kinda late in the game. They talk about podcasting during the pandemic, Kristen Bell's knack for killing people with kindness in the darkest way, sober life, best friends, soulmates, idolizing Vince Vaughn, college days, high school crushes, Burt Reynolds, and more!  Check it out!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 265

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Is Dax Shepard Bert's New Best Friend?  | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Burnt Crystals being joined by guest bear, Danny Trejo! John Segura is out growing his beard back, so Bert had to do his homework for this interview. He has plenty of engaging questions as he learns about Danny Trejo's first Hollywood roles, his gangster roots, and the importance his Uncle Gilbert had on his upbringing. Danny also talks all about his time doing time, how to stay in shape behind bars, and tells Bert a story about how he accidentally joined Alcoholics Anonymous. The two also discuss Danny's new show "Mysteries Unearthed"  on the History channel, chicano culture, cars, cry acting, William Shatner, and of course the vast filmography of Mr. Danny Trejo. Check it out!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 264

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How Prison Changed Danny Trejo's Life | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Once again , it's 2 Bears, 1 Cave this time Bert is gifted a very special birthday gift, guest bear Dr. Phil! The two have a lively discussion about birthday months, Zac Efron, gossip, keeping secrets, and fleshlights. Dr. Phil also talks about the importance of figuring out life, gives Bert some words of wisdom, and for some reason they talk about Judy Blume books. They also talk about parties, Bert's dumb hats, Rob Gronkowski, Dr. Phil's new Netflix special, Tobey Maguire, some word play, and Dr. Phil pulls out a guitar to sing a special song for Bert. Check it out!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 263

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Dr. Phil Makes Bert Cry | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Alright, alright, alright, welcome back to 2 Bears, 1 Cave! This week, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are joined by the coolest dude in Austin, Matthew McConaughey! Matt's re-releasing his book, "Greenlights" and visits the cave to talk all about it. It's a book that feels just like you're sitting down hanging out with McConaughey himself. The bears dive deep into Matt's personal philosophies and make a hands-on discovery about how seamless it is for him to be cool. The trio also talk about their personal alcohol brands, McConaughey's early film roles, that thing he does in "The Wolf of Wall Street", Tom's first time meeting him years ago, the cult status of "Tiptoes", and the almighty condiment ketchup. They also talk about biggest dammits, ballsy moves, their dads, friendships, Joey Diaz, the McConaissance, and the bears also learn a bunch of food hacks from the mind of McConaughey. So check out this episode....be a lot cooler if you did!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 262

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Matthew McConaughey Is The Coolest Dude In Texas | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Once again, it's 2 Bears, 1 Cave this time with Tommy Bunz taking a turn in the cave with a guest bear! This week Tom is joined by comedian Russell Peters, who may or may not have a thing for Tom's mom Charo. The two have a lively discussion about hip-hop and Big Daddy Kane, whom Russell knows personally. They also talk about places they don't like to travel to, crazy international flights, older porn stars, doing a special in Abu Dhabi, being a super dad, and the worst place to be tripping on something. They also share their thoughts on cold plunges, their moms, and Tom shares some info about his upcoming series on Netflix. Check it out!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 261

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Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Burnt Crystals being joined by guest bear, Stavros Halkias! With this episode, Stavros earns the rare "2 Bears Triple Crown", having been on the show with both guests individually and together. Stavros has a new movie coming out called "Let's Start A Cult" and Bert can't help gush about it. Stavros cares a lot about this film and feels quite proud of it. Naturally it's a comedy, so Bert and Stavros eventually discuss their personal Comedy Mount Rushmore. They also get into some of Bert's regrets from "The Machine", track suits at movie premieres, the upcoming NBA season, F1 in Vegas, Donald Trump's frequent podcast appearances lately, Charlie Murphy, and a controversial opinion about dentists. Check it out!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 260

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Starting A Cult w/ Stavros Halkias | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Burnt Crystals being joined by guest bear, Judd Apatow! Judd is the producer of every great comedy from the 2000's and he's got some insider stories behind some of those hits to share. He reveals to Bert why he likes writing about dumb guys and stoners, shares a cute story about writing to Steve Martin in his early days, and Bert gives us an update on Tom and Garth. Judd and Bert also talk about Adam Sandler's clothing style, rich guy stuff, F1, being recognized in public, Steely Dan, 80's comedies, Mulaney, Garry Shandling, and why nobody runs to see comedies in movie theaters anymore. Check it out!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 259

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The GREATEST Comedies of All-Time w/ Judd Apatow | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bart Chrysler! The bears marvel at how far AI has come and wonder if that handy little tool called ChatGPT will one day bring humanity to it's knees. They also speculate what their exit strategies would be if the machines were to rise and take over. On the subject of all-powerful overlords, Bert and Tom talk about some of the world's eccentric dictators, including one I hadn't even heard of named General Butt Naked. They also talk about the Hawk Tuah Girl, some really gay and diverse advertisements, Ari's stage surprise at Skankfest, authenticity, and being naked on a Netflix show! Watch or else ChatGPT will send you a really mean email.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 258

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LeeAnn VS Hawk Tuah | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bart Chrysler! The bears are in Florida and are feeling like real Florida-men right now. They talk travel essentials and share some strip club tips, before discussing the passion and defensiveness some people have for their hometowns. Bert goes on a tangent about Harriet Tubman, the bears talk about the concept of dressing like a black dude, they also talk movie premieres, Andy Garcia, Fancy Chef, and the first time sharing your comedy career with your parents. Check it out!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 257

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Introducing Bert to Fancy Chef | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Welcome back to 2 Bears, 1 Cave! This week, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer got a lot of subjects to cover, including, the Emmy's, Bert's ability to make celebrities uncomfortable at parties, the most handsome 9/11 highjacker, self-loathing, and being a good listener. The Bears also debate an interesting "would you rather" question about death, talk about Shannon Sharpe and his alleged accidental live video, the dirty talk LeeAnn indulges in behind closed bedroom doors, and some comedy club talk. Plus Tommy and Berty brainstorm some fun stuff to chat about next week. Always two steps ahead. Check it out!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 256

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Bert HIJACKED The Emmys Party | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Welcome back to 2 Bears, 1 Cave! This week, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are back together to catch up and recap their recent trip to Las Vegas. Bert talks about chest tattoos and Tom asks him what he remembers from their bar takeover at Park MGM. Bert brings up his experiences as a new empty nester and dropping off his daughters at college for the first time. Tom recalls a story about an OD in college and the bears share stories about their dads reactions to some really wacky stuff they pulled during their college years. They also talk about LeeAnn's thoughts on magic, Matt Rife's insomnia, giant donuts, Bert's obsession with death, some history lessons, and a lot of food talk. Check it out!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 255

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Tom and Bert Made Their Dads FURIOUS | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Welcome back to 2 Bears, 1 Cave! This week, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer went all the way to Las Vegas to chat with it's biggest fan...and also UFC President, the great and powerful Dana White! Dana just pulled off another one of a kind UFC event, this time inside the Vegas Sphere and he chats with bears about it's significance and connection with Mexican culture. Tom and Bert also bond with Dana about being fathers and pick his brain about some of the fathering techniques he has used on his own offspring. They also talk all about Joe Rogan and how Dana found the perfect ambassador and announcer all in one comedic body. Of course, you can't have Dana White on a pod without talking about gambling so the bears ask him loads of questions about his big wins, craziest stories, and the allure of baccarat. Nobody loves Vegas more than Dana and you might feel the urge to book a plane ticket after you listen to this guy talk about it. Enjoy!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 254

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Taking Over The Vegas Sphere w/ Dana White | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Welcome back to 2 Bears, 1 Cave! This week, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are back together to catch up on Bert's recent ailment and his recent bout with nicotine withdrawals. Tom also tells Bert about a really cool dream his son had that may or may not be concerning! The bears also talk about mortality, books, weird things to talk to your kids about, James Perse, shaming people for bad parking, and Bert's recent obsessions. They also talk about Juvenile getting kicked off an airplane plus Bert talks about Hawaii so much you'll wanna go there yourself.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 253

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American Horror Story: Tom’s Kids | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Welcome back to 2 Bears, 1 Cave! This week Bert Kreischer is out of commission after hosting last week's episode and sitting in for him is guest bear Ron White! The bears talk about how Ron's not so serious retirement is going, his golf game, competing with old men at sports, Eddie Izzard's marathoning, the Olympics, Rogan's recent live Netflix special and more!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 252

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Recapping Rogan's LIVE Special w/ Ron White | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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HIDE YO MOMS! This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Bert is back with a guest bear of his own. A younger, sexier bear who has many friends in the corn industry. Yung Gravy joins Bert Kreischer and he has a robotic hand helping heal a recent injury that Bert cannot resist asking about. The two talk about corn star swagger, some wholesome comments from CornHub, and Gravy tells a story about a cameo in a certain adult production that was shot in his actual home! The two also talk about Gravy's new music, Shania Twain, Bert being a crystal girl, trying new things artistically, plus the phrase "Serving country" except its not spelled that way, and much more!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 251

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Reacting To MEAN Comments w/ Yung Gravy | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, the medical marvel known as Bert Kreischer has returned once again. Tom congratulates him on his recent recovery from whatever ailment he was dealing with last week, before the two talk about the Grateful Dead playing at the Vegas Sphere. They also have some thoughts about Pete Rose getting into the baseball hall of fame, which leads to them talking about some hall of fame drug lords. They also talk about muscle women, the Olympics, embarrassing irrational behavior, Karens, plus Feitelberg from Barstool pops in via FaceTime, and LeAnn comes on to tell a fishing story to emasculate Bert!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 250

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Drug Lord Hall of Famers | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Bert is out once again, something going on with his ear or something, so Tom is joined by Nick Swardson. Nick does a mean impression of Bert so it's almost like he's still here. Speaking of someone who's still here, Nick's BFF Norm Macdonald also appears in impression form and the two talk about what he'd sound like as a ghost. The two also talk about Carrot Top's jacked physique, what Tom eats in the morning, a cool chloroform prank, Comedy Central, the greats of alt-comedy, Tom's tour name, South Park, Minnesota, and so much more! Grab some vodka and hangout.

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 249

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Haunted By Norm Macdonald w/ Nick Swardson | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Bert is out and the Diceman is in! Tom Segura is joined by Andrew Dice Clay for a sit-down and the two talk shop on the finer art of messing with people. Dice is looking pretty good these days, which he credits to becoming something of a gym rat late in his life. The two share experiences with arenas, which of course is something Dice has had plenty of practice doing. They then get into a discussion about gambling and Dice tells a story about how he turned a few bucks into a fortune at a blackjack table in Vegas. He doesn't gamble much these days, but he's got plenty of stories about it. They also talk about Tom, meet and greets with fans, acting, the great Joey Diaz, vices, and so much more. OHHHH!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 248

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How To Make Millions In Vegas w/ Andrew Dice Clay | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom's algorithm is going off lately and he shares some fun stuff he's been seeing on his feed. Bert of course is in his own unique lane and has been really into videos of middle-class wives making dinner for their families. Bert also introduces Tom to a feud between Sean Strickland and David Goggins, before they dive deep into the 2024 Summer Olympics. They look up all the events and comment on some of the surprising sports that athletes will be competing in this year. The bears also talk about Sha'Carri Richardson, championship motivators, Snoop Dogg's 40 time, rock climbing, reveal the name of the Por Osos bear, and get a surprise facetime call from former baller Gabby Reece!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 247

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Tom’s Insane Algorithm | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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We're back with another episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! This week Tom and Bert are joined by comedian Earthquake! Comedy is often a natural disaster, but sometimes a star comes around that shines brighter than the rest. Tom is especially excited for this episode as Earthquake reminisces about his early days in Atlanta and LA, before praising some of his contemporaries like Mike Epps, Martin Lawrence, and Dave Chappelle. Earthquake also had the pleasure of being part of Dave Chappelle's Home Team on Netflix and he dives into that with the Bears. They also talk about bitter comedians, directors wanting to be the stars now, lifting others up, owning a comedy club, and much more!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 246

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Chappelle Shockwaves w/ Earthquake | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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We're back with another episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! This week Tom and Bert are joined by comedian and actor Lil Rel Howery! Rel talks to the Bears about the new age of comedy we're presently in and how the rise of the internet changed the game completely. They also talk about their individual lifestyle changes and how easily vices derail those choices. Bert proposes a question about sex with non-English speakers, before they talk about Waka Flocka Flame's newfound love of Donald Trump. This leads into a discussion about how old men need to quit being politicians, how Donald Trump is "ghetto", and the absurdity of modern American politics. The trio also chat about dangerous neighborhoods, Denzel Washington, Eddie Murphy's comedic influence, Michael Jordan, comedy specials, the original ending of Jordan Peele's "Get Out", movie stars, and much more!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 245

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Jordan Peele Is The Coolest Director Alive w/ Lil Rel Howery | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bart Chrysler want to take over France. What starts with some fantasy vacation booking ends with Bert developing some wild ideas about being the mayor of a small French town. Tom's been a real true crime kick lately and has prepared a buffet of famous death row last meals from a collection of very cool guys and one gal. Bert and Tom taste test and give their two cents on each meal, plus get to know the crime and type of person behind each curated dish. They also talk about some revenge movie classics. Hope you're hungry!
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2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 244
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Death Row Last Meals | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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We're back with another episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! This week Tom and Bert are joined by talk show host and possible member of the Illuminati, Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy talks about his humble beginnings meeting Adam Corolla and the early Comedy Central shows he hosted, The Man Show and Win Ben Stein's Money.  They also talk about Bert's Kool-Aid habits, the proper way to pronounce Terrell Owen's name, going viral, Bob Hope's cul-de-sac of girlfriends, the best comedy duos, being honest, Dua Lipa, Ben Affleck, and so much more! Sacrifice some virgin blood and dig a tunnel to the kingdom of the lizards cause this is a good one.
2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 243
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Is Jimmy Kimmel In The Illuminati? | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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We're back with another episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! This week Tom and Bert are joined by Will Compton, former NFL linebacker and one half of Bussin' With The Boys! Will chats with the bears about raising a family while committing to professional football, how receiving compliments from black folks hit differently, the power of saying No, and the philosophy of stoicism. They even have author Ryan Holiday jump into the show via phone to cover all things stoic. They also talk about how Tom's growing, the importance of always staying busy, and more!
2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 242
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