Heart UK

If I Speak

Ash Sarkar and Moya Lothian-McLean sort the personal from the political, tackle listener dilemmas and air their opinions on the frustrations of modern life.

Novara Media

Moya and Ash think about how money changes our priorities. Should rich friends should pay for their poor friends? And how do income gaps affect our romantic relationships? Plus: what to do when your partner reveals an addiction.
Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/ash-sarkar-the-future-of-relationships
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley. 

128: Does a widening income gap spell trouble between friends?

Moya is worried about status – and so are increasing numbers of men in therapy, according to a recent report. So what does status look like in this economy? How are men adapting to not being guaranteed breadwinners? Can you be both downwardly mobile and satisfied with your life? 
Plus: what to do when you suspect your friend is in love with you.
Read the article on men in therapy: https://www.theguardian.com/society/ng-interactive/2026/aug/19/men-therapy-achievement-grief
Read John Burn-Murdoch on women breadwinners: https://www.ft.com/content/4b7b8d3f-5625-4dba-ad90-66192c101956?syn-25a6b1a6=1
Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/ash-sarkar-the-future-of-relationships
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

127: Help! I think my friend is in love with me?!

Ash has had life-changing experience for only £38. Has she found the key to escaping her fight-or-flight response? And what’s the best way to process anxiety? Plus: how to respond when your partner’s porn habit makes you feel weird.
Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September.
Get tickets for Heated: Carnival Afters at Vespers on 30 August.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

126: What if you don’t have to feel anxious 24/7?

Have we finally had enough of hyper-consumerism? Moya and Ash confront the political crises that are changing our attitudes to spending, and what that’s got to do with the World Cup and cerulean sweaters. Plus: what to do when you’ve lost all motivation.
Read the Vulture article about lifestyle influencers mentioned in the show.
Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September.
Get tickets for Heated: Carnival Afters at Vespers on 30 August.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

125: Is the era of conspicuous consumption nearly over?

Trapped in the attention economy, Moya wonders if our reading habits are affecting our sense of self, and Ash offers a feminist analysis of ‘main character’ versus ‘NPC’. Plus: what to do when your politics drift away from your friends’.
Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September.
Get tickets for Heated: Carnival Afters at Vespers on 30 August.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

124: Are you afraid of being ordinary?

Ash dreams up a whole new category – Disasterclass – in order to talk about inevitable pain of rejection. Whether it’s jobs, romance, friends or success, how much damage can rejection ultimately cause? Plus: early reviews of the Andy Burnham era.
Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September.
Get tickets for Symeon Brown in conversation at the Bernie Grant Arts Centre in North London on 5 August.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

123: How can I get better at dealing with rejection?

Former Vogue agony aunt Annie Lord joins Ash and Moya to talk about what happens if you let go of your ‘type’ and allow your romantic ideals to change. Her debut novel, The Project, is out now. (NB: Annie recommends Sharon Olds’ poetry collection Stag’s Leap.) Plus: advice for a man who’s feeling romantically jaded.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

122: Can you change who you’re attracted to? w/ Annie Lord

Ash and Moya answer a not-so-mystery question about male self-image and whether short kings really do lose out in the dating market. How does modern masculinity look and dress? Plus: advice for a listener fantasising about a romantic spark with a former colleague.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

121: Is it time to stop height-shaming men?

Ash and Moya get stuck into your dilemmas. Featuring: a POC friend whose new boyfriend votes Reform, a male coworker who’s gone from supportive to creepy, a woman who’s struggling to think before she speaks, an independent woman who’s dreading suburban life with her boyfriend, and an environmentalist weighing up a job in big tech.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

120: Help! I’m dreading moving to the suburbs with my partner

* Last call for our show at Crossed Wires in Sheffield this Saturday, 4th July! Final tickets: https://crossedwires.live * 
A brush with an old enemy brings up big questions about letting go and moving on. What does forgiveness really mean in a secular society? Is punishment ever the answer? Plus: advice for a special one who fears they’ve outgrown their 15-year relationship.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

119: I know I should forgive my enemies… but what if I don’t want to?

* We’ll be at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July! Final tickets: https://crossedwires.live * 
‘Tis the season! Moya and Ash explore the etiquette of the modern wedding, from cringey hen do to lavish ceremony to nightmare groupchat. And how does anyone afford it?! Plus: are we expecting too much from single straight men?
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

118: Can a hen party ever be chic?

* We’ll be at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July! Final tickets: https://crossedwires.live * 
Moya has a big theory about why wealthy elites seem to have stopped caring about culture, which leads to wondering if addiction and dependency are the best framework for understanding modern society. Plus: when you’re body-shamed by a much younger hook-up.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

117: Is screen addiction ruining our connection to art?

* Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! https://crossedwires.live * 
Moya tunes into the background hum of money worries. Does our upbringing predict our attitude to finances? And does more money always equal more freedom? Plus: when to let go of a long-term romantic hangup.   
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

116: I can’t stop worrying about money. Is there a way out?

* Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! https://crossedwires.live * 
Ash talks to Moya about falling birth rates and the ‘crisis of association’ that’s stopping people from connecting with each other. It’s a big theory that touches on trust issues, getting offline and the coming backlash. Plus: a dilemma about financial infidelity.
(Sorry about the banging. It’s builders outside Ash’s window.)
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

115: Help! My partner has been hiding huge debts from me

The girl boss is back – and this time she’s working class, mixed race and fully therapised. Moya asks Ash how we should make sense of Skims entrepreneur Emma Grede and the success of her book, Start With Yourself. Plus: which fantasy archetype are you?
Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! Tickets available here: https://crossedwires.live
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

114: Why we can’t let go of the girl boss

Moya and Ash answer a mystery question about why so many people are going ‘no contact’ with their parents. How do our elders understand this epidemic of estrangement? Plus: How to deal with a jealous ex-boyfriend who lives down the road.
Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! Tickets available here: https://crossedwires.live
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

113: Should I go ‘no contact’ with my parents?

Ash went to the Songkran water fight in Thailand and now has a few questions about health and safety culture. Where do we draw the line between personal safety and freedom to take risks? Plus: should you chase a holiday romance?
Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! Tickets available here: https://crossedwires.live
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

112: Should you chase a holiday romance?

Ash and Moya are reunited and ready to answer a mystery question, inspired by Lena Dunham’s memoir Famesick: do we need more women mentors? Plus: a homesick ex-pat struggling to stay in contact with his family.
Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! Tickets available now: https://crossedwires.live
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

111: Do we need more women mentors?

With the manosphere back in the headlines, we’re republishing our 2024 interview with the authors of Clown World – the book that exposed Andrew Tate’s cult-like grip on young men around the world. Jamie Tahsin and Matt Shea explain how they infiltrated Tate’s inner circle and what they found inside.
Ash and Moya will be back from their well-earned break next week. Send us dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Remember our show in Sheffield is coming up on 4th July. Tickets: https://crossedwires.live
Music by Matt Huxley.

110: How Andrew Tate poisoned a generation of young men w/ Jamie Tahsin and Matt Shea

Moya answers your dilemmas with former Vogue agony aunt Shon Faye. Featuring: a graduate abroad who might have a saviour complex; a gay man who doesn’t know if his relationship is real; a stripper who wants to tell her parents the truth; and a relationship breaking down over Israel. Plus: how does Shon always hit her deadlines?
Follow Shon on Substack: https://shonfaye.substack.com/
Got a dilemma? Email ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July! https://crossedwires.live/
Music by Matt Huxley.

109: How can I tell my parents I’m a stripper? Your dilemmas solved w/ Shon Faye

Moya is joined by doctor-turned-novelist William Hunter to talk about what it takes to abandon your career for something new. What are the signs it’s time for a change? What if you quit everything but still feel bad inside? Plus: what to do about bigoted tweets from the past.
Will’s debut novel Sunstruck is out in paperback on 25th June.
Got a dilemma? Email ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July! https://crossedwires.live/ 
Music by Matt Huxley.

108: Is it time to quit your job? w/ William Rayfet Hunter

A special announcement from producer Chal. Ash and Moya are on their holidays but will be back next Tuesday!
Take part in our audience survey here to be in with a chance of winning: novara.media/survey

PSA: We want to hear from Special Ones!

Moya has a big theory about success: we love the idea of it, but hate people going on about it. Did Timothée Chalamet’s naked ambition cost him an Oscar? Plus: what to do about a envious colleague.
Got a dilemma? Email ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July! https://crossedwires.live/
Music by Matt Huxley.

107: Do we love success but hate ambition?

Moya and Ash react to Louis Theroux’s documentary on the manosphere. The antics of YouTubers like HS and Sneako seem designed to amuse teenage boys and offend the normies – but when does the mask become the face? And who are the women who flock to these influencers? Plus: advice for a man who doesn’t want to dump his emotions on women.
Got a dilemma? Email ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July! https://crossedwires.live/
Music by Matt Huxley.

106: When does the mask become the face?

Ash has a big theory about why so many aspects of modern life feel like masturbation: private, self-centred, disconnected. They discuss the objects and subjects of sex, and Moya makes a confession. Plus: advice for a special one who’s dating her first communist.
Got a dilemma? Email ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July! https://crossedwires.live/
Music by Matt Huxley.

105: How can I connect during sex?

Moya and Ash wonder what’s attracting young British ex-pats (and influencers) to cities like Dubai and Bali. Is emigration the new face of aspiration? Plus: a dilemma about being stuck in a dead-end job – or so it seems.
Got a dilemma? Email ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July! https://crossedwires.live/
Music by Matt Huxley.

104: Why are young Brits flocking to Dubai?

Ash wants to cultivate a better relationship with nature, but Moya detects a deeper issue around burnout, and the lure of the countryside for busy city dwellers. Plus: advice for a listener who’s lost sexual interest in her partner.
Got a dilemma? Email ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July! https://crossedwires.live/
Music by Matt Huxley.

103: Will getting back to nature heal my feelings of burnout?

CONTAINS WUTHERING HEIGHTS SPOILERS! What else would two literature lovers (and actual Brontë experts) be talking about this week but the film of the moment. Is Jacob Elordi too white? Is Margot Robbie too old? How much adaptation is too much? Plus: tough love for a special one in a situationship.
Still got a dilemma? Email ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July 2026.
Music by Matt Huxley.

102: I’m not ready for a relationship – but I don’t want him to see other people

It’s a dilemmas special! (Because the Special Ones have a lot of problems.) Ash and Moya answer your emails about: two student housemates who don’t really like each other, a friendship ruined by the return of a toxic ex, a depressed boyfriend who won’t get help, a good friend with a possibly evil job, and a romantic reunion that seems like a good idea… Plus: casting Hollywood stars as Greek gods and mortals.
Still got a dilemma? Email ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July 2026.
Music by Matt Huxley.

101: Her toxic ex returned and now our friendship is ruined

We’re 100 episodes old! To celebrate, our audience of Special Ones ask us anything, from the personal to the political to the completely potty. What do Ash and Moya love and hate about each other? Whose greatest skill is cod psychology? And do they ever get anxious after sharing on the podcast?
Got a dilemma? Email ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July 2026 – tickets are available now from https://crossedwires.live/
Music by Matt Huxley.

100: We’re 100 episodes old – ask us anything!

Moya has been breaking the habit of a lifetime by choosing to stick with her choices rather than quit. She asks Ash how to trust your gut when it comes to leaving or staying, whether it’s a job, friendship or romance. Plus: would you use Chat GPT to name your baby?
Next week it’s our 100th episode – so ask us anything! Email ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July 2026 – tickets are available now from https://crossedwires.live/
Music by Matt Huxley.

99: How do you know when it’s time to quit?

Have we become reliant on having our feelings validated instead of taking valid criticism? Ash and Moya offer their own strategies for worrying less about what other people think. Plus: how to deal with an ex who’s found God and turned rightwing but is still hanging around.
Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July 2026 – tickets are available from https://crossedwires.live/ now!
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

98: Are we obsessed with having our feelings validated?

Ash has a big theory about what makes someone into a proper adult – and it’s less about age or wisdom than the experiencing of caring for someone else. Plus: can you make a casual hook-up turn serious?
Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July 2026 – tickets are available now from https://crossedwires.live/ now!
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

97: When will I start feeling like a grown-up?

Sure, you look great – but can you spell pharaoh? Ash and Moya start the year with a tough conversation about the beauty regime that rules over us all. Has women’s freedom been undermined by a fixation on beauty? Are men experiencing 2000s-levels of body dysmorphia? Plus: advice for a listener who wants more intellectual conversations with her husband.
Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July 2026 – tickets are available now from https://crossedwires.live/ now!
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

96: Why are women choosing looks instead of books?

Culture writer Lanre Bakare joins Ash and Moya in Manchester to talk about the precarious state of arts and nightlife around the UK, Black cultural identity outside of London, and the rise of ‘cultural deserts’ – as well as the unofficial launch of the ‘BAMÉ Army’. Plus: a dilemma about a difficult houseshare.
Lanre’s book, We Were There, is out now.
Recorded at Contact Theatre in Manchester on 25 November 2025.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

95: Does British culture need saving? w/ Lanre Bakare

Ash and Moya are joined by Rizzle Kicks star and author Jordan Stephens to talk about changing attitudes to gender and relationships. Are we regressing into essentialist ideas of gender? Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now? 
Plus: advice for a disappointed wife – with help from our audience. Recorded live at EartH in East London on 16 December – apologies for the bass bleed from the other venue!
New live show! Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July 2026. Tickets are available from crossedwires.live now.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

94: Resentment, hostility, scarcity… is this modern dating? w/ Jordan Stephens

Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July 2026 – tickets are available now from https://crossedwires.live/ now!
Ash and Moya debate the pros and cons of feeling shame after Ash reveals that her own moral universe is governed by guilt. Plus: what to do about a best friend with a mean streak.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

93: I’m addicted to guilt. What’s wrong with me?

NEW LIVE SHOW! Join us at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July 2026. Presale tickets available at 11AM on 10th December – go to crossedwires.live and use the code CW26EARLY.
After watching the Wicked sequel, Moya wonders if politeness is stopping us from seriously addressing women’s shrinking bodies and changing faces. Are we allowing extreme thinness to be normalised? Plus: can you mould your partner into someone better?
CN: From 15:30, eating disorders. From 50:00, rape.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

92: Should we say something about women’s shrinking bodies?

Last chance! We’re at EartH in East London on 16 December with guest Jordan Stephens – a handful of tickets are still available from Dice.
Ash and Moya tackle a mystery question about ethical consumption with a conversation about the urge to beautify and shopping as a numbing mechanism. Plus: advice for a special one wondering why men won’t watch ethical porn. 
CN: The dilemma contains discussion of sexual violence at 35:00.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

91: If there’s no ‘ethical consumption’, can just I buy what I want?

We’re in Manchester tonight (25 November) with Lanre Bakare, author of We Were There – final tickets available from Contact Theatre! Then EartH in East London on 16 December with Jordan Stephens – get tickets from Dice.
This week Moya and Ash talk to Dr Annabel Sowemimo about STI stigma, period-tracking apps, being disconnected from our bodies, and how to afford a second child. Plus: which hospital department has the sexiest staff?
Annabel’s book, Divided: Racism, Medicine and Why We Need to Decolonise Healthcare, is out now.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

90: Are rightwing politics affecting my sex life? w/ Dr Annabel Sowemimo

LAST CALL for our Manchester event on 25 November with Lanre Bakare, author of We Were There – get tickets from Contact Theatre! Then we’ll be at EartH in East London on 16 December with Jordan Stephens – tickets are selling fast on Dice.
This week a mystery question leads Ash and Moya into conversation about whether their politics are changing as they age – including their takes on Your Party, Zack’s Greens and why the UK left hasn’t produced a Zohran. Plus: how to escape a situationship.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

89: Am I doomed to get more conservative as I get older?

Come and see us live! We’re in Manchester on 25 November with Lanre Bakare, author of We Were There – get tickets from Contact Theatre. Then we’ll be at EartH in East London on 16 December with Jordan Stephens – actor, author and one half of Rizzle Kicks! Tickets are available from Dice.
This week, after listening to the new album by Lily Allen – the patron saint of oversharing – Moya and Ash debate the pros and cons of spilling your guts in public. Do we owe a level of privacy to those that have wronged us? Plus: when was the best time to be a Roman?
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

88: What are the ethics of oversharing?

A special announcement: Moya and Ash will host a festive edition of If I Speak on 16th December. Joining us at EartH in East London will be special guest Jordan Stephens – actor, writer, one half of Rizzle Kicks and the author of a bestselling memoir, Avoidance, Drugs, Heartbreak and Dogs! Tickets are available now from Dice.
Our north-west special ones can still grab tickets to If I Speak live at Contact Theatre in Manchester on 25th November, where we’ll be talking to journalist Lanre Bakare about Black British culture beyond the capital, as explored in his book, We Were There: How Black culture, resistance and community shaped modern Britain. Tickets are available from Contact Theatre.

Live news! Come and see us at EartH in London on 16 December

Come and see us live on 25th November in Manchester with special guest Lanre Bakare, author of We Were There! Tickets are available now from Contact Theatre.
Inspired by a famous pop psychology quiz, Moya and Ash tackle a quiz about the culture that shaped them, from celebrity crushes to memorable quotes. Plus: advice for a young fiancé who’s losing interest in his partner.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

87: I’m losing interest in my fiancée. Should she make more effort?

We’re coming to Manchester! On 25th November we’ll be at Contact Theatre for a live show with special guest Lanre Bakare, author of We Were There. Tickets are available now from the Contact website!
This week, Moya and Ash offer a thought for spooky season: why do love hearing other people’s horror stories? Plus: Moya spills on a dating disaster, and a dilemma about a mentoring relationship gone wrong.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

86: Why do we lap up other people’s horror stories?

*Display your Special One status with our only piece of merch so far – a bag! Available from shop.novaramedia.com*
Moya and Ash are joined by Kemi Alemoru, editorial director of Glamour UK, to analyse the current state of pop culture, from Taylor Swift to A24. Has pop turned to slop? Or is it on us to fix our algorithmic intake? Plus: advice on a workplace crush.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

85: Has pop culture turned to slop? w/ Kemi Alemoru

*Flag your Special One status with a massive foldable Baggu bag, available from shop.novaramedia.com*
Are you a stranger dater or a fan of the ‘indeterminate hang’? Moya and Ash explain their very different approaches to a first date. Plus: advice for an unhappy house-sharer.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

84: How to ace a first date (by two very different daters)

*We’ve got merch! It’s a big foldable bag just for Special Ones, available from shop.novaramedia.com*
Prompted by Elena Ferrante’s novel My Brilliant Friend, Ash wonders what makes Moya jealous. Can friendships survive a power imbalance? What happens when YOU are the brilliant friend? And is jealousy a crucial part of desire?
Reading: Wounded Attachment by Wendy Brown
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

83: Is jealousy the spice of life?

*Join the Baggu believers: it’s a huge foldable bag just for Special Ones, available from shop.novaramedia.com*
Moya wants to stop hating men and start building trust, which means a dialogue about all the things that make that difficult: objectification, racist over-sexualisation, degrading comments, and rape (TW: 27m; 40m).
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

82: Help! I can’t stop hating men

*We’ve got merch. Gift yourself the If I Speak x Baggu bag, only from shop.novaramedia.com*
A mystery question from producer Chal prompts a conversation about secrets in romantic relationships – from watching porn to cheating with an AI boyfriend. Plus: advice for an autistic dater who’s been banned from Hinge.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

81: Is it wrong to love my AI boyfriend?

*Flag your Special One status with our official tote bag, only from shop.novaramedia.com*
Moya has a simple proposition: September is the best month for fresh starts. But why do we always want a clean slate? Plus, a straight white man who’s trying to be good and getting flak for it anyway.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

80: September is the real new year. Will your resolution stick this time?

*Check out the official If I Speak tote bag on shop.novaramedia.com*
Moya and Ash tackle your dilemmas, featuring a middle-class mum who’s become distant and critical, an ex-boyfriend who’s blowing hot and cold, a looming holiday with an abuser, a single man wondering where all the single women are hiding, and a twenty-something struggling to build friendships.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

79: Help! I’ve moved back home and now my mum hates me

*Get the If I Speak Baggu bag from shop.novaramedia.com*
A shocking real-life incident prompts a conversation about feeling safe, trusting your gut and the politics of public safety. Plus: advice on finding friendship after leaving a conservative religious community. TW: sexual assault (at 43m)
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

78: What does it take to feel safe?

*The If I Speak Baggu bag is ethically made, comes in two colours and is available from shop.novaramedia.com*
What would it mean to be valued simply as a woman – not as a mother, wife, caregiver, girlypops or MILF? Ash and Moya talk about their animal natures and fear of motherhood in a chat spurred by last week’s interview with feminist critic Sophie Gilbert. Plus: how to go deeper with your friends.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

77: What’s the difference between a girl and a woman?

*Support the show by copping the If I Speak Baggu bag – it’s ethically made, comes in two colours and is available from shop.novaramedia.com*
Ash and Moya talk to Sophie Gilbert about the pornification of the ’90s and ’00s – an era when riot grrl gave way to girl power, the supermodel was replaced by the waif, and feminist solidarity battled against tabloid body-shaming and Terry Richardson. Sophie’s new book is Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

76: How porn went mainstream and changed everything w/ Sophie Gilbert

*Support the show by copping the If I Speak Baggu bag – it’s ethically made, comes in two colours and is available from shop.novaramedia.com*
Moya and Ash tackle a topic that turns up in the If I Speak mailbox every week: how can we get better at flirting IRL – and coping with rejection? Plus, how to process a failed friendship. Warning: Contains musical theatre.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

75: The world needs more flirting. Here’s how

*Flag your Special One status with the If I Speak Baggu bag – it’s ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedia.com*
Ash has noticed that neither she nor Moya is white and urgently needs to talk about it. Has her sense of her racial identity changed over time? And where does it come from – their shade, their community, or the way they’re treated? Plus: which ethnicity is best at rice?!
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

74: Can your racial identity change over time?

*Flag your Special One status with the If I Speak Baggu bag – it’s ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedia.com*
Having rekindled her appetite for fun, Ash now has a five-point plan to improve dancefloors. Plus, advice for a special one whose boyfriend isn’t weird or jealous – and that’s the problem.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

73: Where did it all go wrong on the dancefloor?

*We’ve got merch! The If I Speak Baggu bag is ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedia.com*
Ash and Moya descend into the guilt vortex for a conversation about family, responsibility, and parents who need to be parented. Plus: advice for a special one with a workplace crush.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

72: Why does it always have to be me taking responsibility?

*We’ve got merch! The If I Speak Baggu bag is ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedia.com. Support the show and find fellow Special Ones.* 
On this episode, Moya presents an intrusive thought from a Special One about why some women struggle to express their anger. Should our ‘outlaw emotions’ be brought to the surface? Plus: help for a listener whose friends have taken an anti-trans turn.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

71: If I’m so angry then why am I crying?!

*We’ve got merch! The If I Speak Baggu is ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedia.com. Support the show and send a signal to fellow Special Ones.*
In this episode, Moya and Ash talk about what to do with their impossible desires. Plus: Britain’s drinking problems, and and advice for a gay man whose female bestie has ditched him.
Got a problem? ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

70: Can you ever change what you want?

Is marriage like an island, or more of an open house? Ash talks about state-sanctioned relationships with memoirist Jeremy Atherton Lin, whose new book Deep House: The Gayest Love Story Ever Told, is out now. Plus, advice for a listener whose money worries aren’t shared by her partner.
Are you in big trouble? Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

69: Is marriage a hard border? w/ Jeremy Atherton Lin

Moya and Ash deal with your dilemmas, including a daughter who wants to give away her inheritance, a scared mum facing up to her prejudice, a singleton wondering if moving home was a mistake, and a renter whose housemate is a total pig.
Are you in big trouble? Email us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

68: Help! My housemate is a pig

Moya and Ash wonder what’s up with kids these days, thinking about parenting, advertising, social media and anxiety. Plus, advice for a bereaved listener who’s furious with her stepmum.
Send your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

67: What’s up with Generation Alpha?

Moya has an intrusive thought about our need for certainty and Ash responds with an idea about how the internet has polarised our thinking. Plus, advice for a singleton with avoidant tendencies.
Send your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

66: I’m right, you’re wrong, end of!

Ash and Moya face up to all the ways their smartphone has warped their minds. Plus, advice for a trans woman struggling to interact with the world in the wake of the Supreme Court ruling.
Come and see If I Speak in London on 21st May! Final tickets are available now from Dice.
Send your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

65: Has your smartphone broken your brain?

What do straight women find attractive? Too many men think the answer is ‘big muscles’ says Ash, who has a big theory about sensuality. Plus: what to do when your boss is a bigot.
Come and see If I Speak LIVE in London on 21st May! Join Ash, Moya and special guest Monica Heisey – comedian and author of Really, Good Actually – at EartH in East London, followed by a social. Tickets are available from Dice.
Send your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

64: What is the female gaze?

Moya has a big theory and you’re not going to like it: most of us would rather be told how to live our lives by someone else than work it out ourselves. Could it be? Plus, advice for a broken-hearted student.
Seats for our live show in London are going fast! Join Ash, Moya and special guest Monica Heisey – comedian and author of Really, Good Actually – at EartH in East London on 21st May. Get tickets on Dice.
Send your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

63: Do people just want to be told what to do?

Ash and Moya confront their feelings after a bad fortnight for feminism, from Katy Perry in space to the Supreme Court’s anti-trans ruling. Plus: advice on divorcing parents and compulsive exercising.
PSA: We’re going live at EartH in London on 21st May! Special guest TBA! Tickets are available from Dice.
Send your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

62: I’m not sure I want to call myself a feminist anymore…

Ash speaks to author Natasha Brown about the big questions raised by her acclaimed second novel Universality, a ‘whydunnit’ mystery about identity, class and how we (re)invent ourselves. Plus: a dilemma about selling your soul.
PSA: We’re going live at EartH in London on 21st May! Tickets are available from Dice.
Send your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

61: Can friendships cross class lines? w/ Natasha Brown

Ash and Moya answer a mystery question and wonder if our quest for a life of convenience was a mistake. Plus: advice for a listener dating a much, much older man. PSA: We’re going live at EartH in London on 21st May! Stay tuned for tickets next week.
Music by Matt Huxley.

60: Are we too addicted to convenience?

Moya and Ash offer advice to a special one who’s lost everything after renovating a house with their ex. Plus: what if some of us are ‘relationship people’ while the rest are better off alone?
We’re now yapping on TikTok! Follow us @ifispeakpod. Send your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

59: Does my ex owe me money for the house we renovated?

Ash has an intrusive thought that she thinks Moya can help with: make me fun again! Plus advice for a listener navigating the identity politics of the student council.
We’re now yapping on TikTok! Follow us @ifispeakpod
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

58: I want to be fun again. Help!

Nicola Dinan returns to the show to talk about her second novel, Disappoint Me, and respond to Moya’s question about how to deal with a partner’s past mistakes. Plus, dilemmas about lip filler and bottom surgery. CW: Contains discussion of sexual assault.
We’re now yapping on TikTok! Follow us @ifispeakpod
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

57: Do you really want to know about your partner’s past mistakes?

[Updated audio! Please refresh, redownload and/or clear your cookies for fixed version]
Moya has a bone to pick with Ash about Minority Rule and the conversations sparked by her book tour, while posing the big question: why is it so hard to form your own opinions? Plus: what to do when a newly sober friend starts drifting away.
We’re now yapping on TikTok! Follow us @ifispeakpod
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

56: The one where Moya grills Ash on her new book

Moya and Ash discuss the uses and abuses of self-care culture and its roots in Black feminism. Plus: how to get over homesickness.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

55: Joy is an act of resistance… right?

Why did Stormzy delete his pro-Palestine posts just before unveiling a Happy Meal tie-in with McDonald’s? Ash asks Moya if big artists are all just businesses in the end. Plus: how to deal with a delusional friend.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

54: Forget the boycott, gimme that brand deal

When did we all start ‘getting the ick’? And why does it mainly seem to be women who get it? Ash and Moya unpack the gender politics behind the ‘ick-course’. Plus: when is the right time to have the big money chat with your partner?
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

53: Getting ‘the ick’

One whole year of If I Speak! Moya and Ash celebrate with an #AMA, tackling your questions on career growth, love songs, role models, Irish politics and whether they’re friends in real life. Plus: listener feedback on last week’s “return of the slur”.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

52: Happy birthday IIS! Now ask us anything…

Ash and Moya respond to a mystery question about femininity with a conversation about desire, agency and sexual politics. Plus: advice for a listener tangled up in their in-laws’ finances.
Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

51: Am I feminine enough for you?

After hearing the R-word on a comedy podcast, Moya offers an intrusive thought about the limits of language policing. Plus: what to do about a horrible housemate. 
Send in your questions for If I Speak’s birthday AMA episode on 18th February! ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

50: The return of the slur

Ash and Moya discuss women’s changing faces on screen and the intensifying obsession with ageing. Plus: tough love for a Special One who’s getting in their own way.
Email your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

49: We need to see more wrinkles on screen!

Ash and Moya tackle a mailbag full of dilemmas, including a committed couple arguing over money, a daughter considering cutting off her dad, and a student struggling to overcome the trauma of rape. Plus: Ash blushes her way through your emails about gay porn. 
CW: suicide, rape.
Resources: https://thesurvivorstrust.org/support-in-your-area
Email your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

48: Is it time to cut off my lying dad?

Recorded live at London Podcast Festival last September, Ash and Moya are joined by Yomi Adegoke – author of The List and Slay In Your Lane – to talk about public shaming. Is the era of the online pile-on over? Plus, our audience of special ones help to solve some listener dilemmas.
Email your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

47: Is the era of public shaming over? w/ Yomi Adegoke at London Podcast Festival

What happens when sex becomes an online stunt? Ash and Moya discuss OnlyFans creator Lily Phillips, who challenged herself to have sex with 100 men in one day, and wonder if the radical feminists were right about porn. Plus: advice for a listener struggling to build deeper friendships. 
Email your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

46: Porn is everywhere. How damaging is it really?

What has 2024 taught us? Ash and Moya reflect on a year of discomfort and grief, from personal challenges to political setbacks. Plus: what classic dance track does Ash have stuck in her head?
Email your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

45: Surviving end-of-year burnout

Moya and Ash swerve the fuzzy festive feelings in order to get some things off their chest. Plus, advice for a listener who feels trapped in their happy relationship.
Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

44. How to deal with people who can’t deal with you

Moya and Ash talk to writer and director Amrou Al-Kadhi about their brilliant debut film, Layla, which follows a young drag queen in chaotic pursuit of self-expression. Plus, advice on how to handle a partner with a porn addiction.
Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

43: How far would you go to be yourself? w/ Amrou Al-Kadhi

[Updated file!] Moya has a theory for Ash about unhappy couples who will do anything except break up. Why are we sometimes so hesitant to pull the plug? Plus, advice for a special one dealing with guilt after the end of a relationship.
Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

42: Why won’t they just break up?

Moya and Ash tackle a mystery question about breaking bad habits, with a frank discussion about open relationships, exercise and disordered eating (content warning). Plus, a listener with a question about cross-racial dating, and verdicts on Gladiator II and GNX.
Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

41: When do good habits become dark obsessions?

Moya has a big theory for Ash about aesthetic trends as a harbinger of the US election results, which prompts a very adult discussion (read: argument) about the purpose of the podcast. Plus a bundle of your Missed Connections, including hotties spotted in Glasgow, Manchester, at the Palestine protest and – where else! – an NTS street party.
Moya’s favourite print is from Headway East London:
https://www.submittolovestudios.org/
Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

40: Do aesthetic trends offer clues to political shifts?

Ash and Moya tackle another bumper crop of your dilemmas, including a special one who wants to stop mothering her friends, a burned-out student struggling to get back on track, a self-confessed slacker looking for a meaningful career, and an expat looking for laughs.
Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

39: I’m in big trouble! Your dilemmas answered

Moya and Ash are joined by the authors of Clown World, a new book exposing Andrew Tate’s grip on his followers around the world, to talk about why patriarchy is so seductive. Plus, advice for a special one who is drowning under their workload.
Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

38: Why is Andrew Tate’s manosphere so seductive? w/ Matt Shea and Jamie Tahsin

The veil is thin this time of year, so Moya and Ash tackle a mystery question about the spirit realm. Plus, neighbourhood cat panics and advice for a listener who can’t stand that her friend is a police officer.
Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

37: Do you believe in ghosts?

Ash and Moya wonder why women still shoulder the burden of housework, even when they’re #leaningin to their careers. Plus, a listener who doesn’t know how to deal with his cheating ex-partner.
Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

36: Should being a girlboss earn me a break from cleaning?

Are you a Black Cat? Or a #cleangirl? Do you have Main Character Energy? Moya has a big theory about the urge to give ourselves new labels. Plus, a listener who feels like her friends and family can’t meet her standards.
Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

35: Help! My scatty friends can’t meet my standards

Ash and Moya channel their inner Clint Eastwoods to lament the rise of trick or treating, and consider how to interact with other people’s children. Plus, a listener dealing with confusing feelings after a difficult abortion.
Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

34: How mean can you be to other people’s kids?

Moya and Ash turn the weapon on themselves with a Mystery Question about the lows of being on the left – haters and losers, pyrrhic victories, strategic balls-ups and the rest. Plus, a listener who’s falling out of love just as their partner needs support.
Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.

33: What makes you embarrassed to be leftwing?

Inspired by Moya’s big move, Ash wonders what the necessary ingredients are to turn a house share into a home. Plus, advice for a listener whose friend is infatuated with her lecturer.
Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com
Music by Matt Huxley.
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