If I Speak

[Updated file!] Moya has a theory for Ash about unhappy couples who will do anything except break up. Why are we sometimes so hesitant to pull the plug? Plus, advice for a special one dealing with guilt after the end of a relationship. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

Moya and Ash tackle a mystery question about breaking bad habits, with a frank discussion about open relationships, exercise and disordered eating (content warning). Plus, a listener with a question about cross-racial dating, and verdicts on Gladiator II and GNX. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

Moya has a big theory for Ash about aesthetic trends as a harbinger of the US election results, which prompts a very adult discussion (read: argument) about the purpose of the podcast. Plus a bundle of your Missed Connections, including hotties spotted in Glasgow, Manchester, at the Palestine protest and – where else! – an […]

Ash and Moya tackle another bumper crop of your dilemmas, including a special one who wants to stop mothering her friends, a burned-out student struggling to get back on track, a self-confessed slacker looking for a meaningful career, and an expat looking for laughs. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt […]

Moya and Ash are joined by the authors of Clown World, a new book exposing Andrew Tate’s grip on his followers around the world, to talk about why patriarchy is so seductive. Plus, advice for a special one who is drowning under their workload. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt […]

The veil is thin this time of year, so Moya and Ash tackle a mystery question about the spirit realm. Plus, neighbourhood cat panics and advice for a listener who can’t stand that her friend is a police officer. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash and Moya wonder why women still shoulder the burden of housework, even when they’re #leaningin to their careers. Plus, a listener who doesn’t know how to deal with his cheating ex-partner. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

Are you a Black Cat? Or a #cleangirl? Do you have Main Character Energy? Moya has a big theory about the urge to give ourselves new labels. Plus, a listener who feels like her friends and family can’t meet her standards. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash and Moya channel their inner Clint Eastwoods to lament the rise of trick or treating, and consider how to interact with other people’s children. Plus, a listener dealing with confusing feelings after a difficult abortion. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

Moya and Ash turn the weapon on themselves with a Mystery Question about the lows of being on the left – haters and losers, pyrrhic victories, strategic balls-ups and the rest. Plus, a listener who’s falling out of love just as their partner needs support. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by […]

Inspired by Moya’s big move, Ash wonders what the necessary ingredients are to turn a house share into a home. Plus, advice for a listener whose friend is infatuated with her lecturer. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley. Help us build people-powered media: https://novara.media/support

Moya and Ash argue over a big theory about our need for surprise. Has modern life killed off spontaneity in everything from dating to holidays? Plus: advice for a listener who’s wondering why an old friend isn’t more excited to be his best man. We’re sorry about the uneven audio quality for part of the […]

Are you sitting comfortably? Because Moya has come to a big realisation – and some new rules on dating etiquette. Plus, a whole a new batch of your Missed Connections! Get in touch if you recognise any of these objects of our affection. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

Moya and Ash are absent this week – but in the meantime, they’re preparing for a LIVE recording of the show this Sunday, 15th September, as part of the London Podcast Festival. They’ll be joined wise guest Yomi Adegoke, author of The List, to help solve your dilemmas and sort the personal from the political. […]

Does knowing your attachment style make life any easier? Moya and Ash tackle a mystery question about our newfound fluency in the language of therapy. Plus: advice for a listener who’s becoming estranged from his sister. ONLY TWO WEEKS until our live show at the London Podcast Festival! Join Moya, Ash and special guest Yomi […]

Moya is on the brink of change – but can she trust her gut on the biggest decision of her adult life? Plus, advice for a listener confused about their lifelong lack of sex. You’ve only got a few weeks to grab your ticket for our live show at the London Podcast Festival on 15th September, […]

Ash and Moya dedicate a whole show to answering your dilemmas! Featuring a woman questioning her age-gap relationship, an infuriating parent who won’t budge on politics, a ghosted lover plotting her revenge, a loner who wants to start socialising, and a low-earner who resents her rich friends. You’ve only got a few weeks to grab […]

Moya has a big theory for Ash – but the script goes out the window when they start talking about the far-right violence engulfing the UK and unpacking their own emotional reactions to English racism. After that: playing matchmaker with the first batch of Missed Connections. Content note: This episode includes discussion of racist language and […]

Prompted by Kendrick’s anthemic Drake diss, Ash claims we’re living through the summer of the hater. But what does it mean to hate so hard? Plus: a listener who feels rejected by her English in-laws. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Got your tickets for the If I Speak live show yet? We’re […]

Moya and Ash butt heads over the lure of individualism and living a political life. Plus: Moya enters her busy-body era with a new segment, Missed Connections! Tell us about the brief encounters you just can’t shake, and we will hunt them down and make them bae. Email us your missed connections with as much […]

Moya and Ash debate the power of astrology and explain how they survived their ‘Saturn return’ era. Plus: Ash’s best anti-procrastination techniques. Come and see If I Speak live at the London Podcast Festival on 15 September! Tickets available from Kings Place now. Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash and Moya are joined by podcast entrepreneur and single mum Renay Richardson to talk about the realities of solo parenting, from being blocked from adopting to the shortage of Black sperm donors. Plus: a harrowing faux pas. Come and see If I Speak live at the London Podcast Festival on 15 September! Tickets available […]

Ash has a theory of cool that involves nonchalance, style and timing – but Moya’s not so sure. Plus, advice for one listener who wants respect in their situationship, and someone dealing with a newcomer to the family. Come and see If I Speak live at the London Podcast Festival on 15 September! Tickets available from […]

The return of low rise jeans was a harbinger of something worse: being seriously thin is back in fashion. But why now? Moya and Ash have a Big Theory. Plus: the brown girl moisturising protocol. CW: weight, dieting, eating disorders, cosmetic procedures. Come and see If I Speak live at the London Podcast Festival on […]

Moya has a big theory about why everyone’s on such a short fuse these days and Ash responds to a listener with a debilitating crush. Plus: science or magic? We’re going to Glastonbury! Moya will be joined by Shon Faye and a LEGENDARY special guest a live recording of the show, and will host two […]

Ash presents a big theory about disposability and social shame prompted by a wardrobe clearout, and Moya responds to a dilemma about dating while living with parents. Plus: spot remedies. Come and see If I Speak live at the London Podcast Festival on 15 September! Tickets available from kingsplace.co.uk now. Got a problem? Tell us: […]

Moya and Ash talk to Nicola Dinan, author of Bellies, about why we crave external validation yet hate to be perceived. Plus: advice for a listener who got engaged while drunk. Come and see If I Speak live at the London Podcast Festival on 15 September! Tickets available from kingsplace.co.uk now. Got a problem? Tell […]

Moya and Ash talk to Chimene Suleyman, author of The Chain, about uncovering her ex-boyfriend’s secrets and why society lets abusive men get away with it again and again. Plus: a listener needs help with their sexless relationship. Come and see If I Speak live at the London Podcast Festival on 15 September! Tickets available […]

Does the body keep the score? Ash and Moya explore the border between grief and trauma and how to embrace being emotionally messy when disaster strikes. Plus: an “accidental incel” writes in. Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com *Gossip, elevated.* Music by Matt Huxley

Ash and Moya talk to Evenings And Weekends author Oisín McKenna about living authentically, intense female friendships, and how financial precarity limits our self-exploration. Plus: compulsory heterosexuality and suspicious new boyfriends. Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com *Gossip, elevated.* Music by Matt Huxley

What’s the difference between tactics and standards? Ash explains with a Big Theory about how we behave in relationships. Moya brings a dilemma from an anxious people-pleaser. Plus, Myers-Briggs. Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com *Gossip, elevated.* Music by Matt Huxley

Moya and Ash get deep and meaningful on the subject of true friendship, and help a listener who’s feeling weird about dating a “normie”. Plus: blame game pass-the-parcel. Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com *Gossip, elevated.* Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash and Moya answer a Mystery Question about what they’ll do on the left-wing commune of their dreams, before helping a listener deal with class envy in their dating life. Plus: The Tortured Poets Department. Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com *Gossip, elevated.* Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash and Moya ask if honesty is the best policy when it comes to our friend’s partners, before tackling two dilemmas about unwanted friendship and non-monogamous marriage. Plus: an important new personality test. Catch Moya in conversation with Yomi Adegoke, author of The List, at Intelligence Squared in London on 29 April – use the […]

Ash and Moya tackle the politics of sex appeal in response to the show’s first ever Mystery Question, and respond to a listener struggling with guilt after cheating. Plus: things not say in bed. Catch Moya in conversation with Yomi Adegoke, author of The List, at Intelligence Squared in London on 29 April – use […]

Moya and Ash think about how to stay hopeful when the future looks bleak, and give advice to listener whose marriage is suffering from major communication issues. Plus: Cowboy Carter. Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com *Gossip, elevated.* Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash and Moya talk to Matt Kendall from The Love Cupboard podcast about how straight men perceive the women in their lives. Plus, a dilemma from a listener who’s been evicted by her friends’ parents. Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com *Gossip, elevated.* Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash presents her big theory about chosen families and what to do when your best friend is having a baby. Moya shares two listener dilemmas: can you live in a different city to your partner? And do you owe your parents anything? Plus, the wisdom of skunkworks. Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com *Gossip, elevated.* […]

Moya is joined by a special guest, author and journalist Shon Faye, to work out the lure of political fantasies and advise a listener who’s feeling guilty about inheriting money. Plus: trust issues and love-bombing. Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com *Gossip, elevated.* Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash and Moya tackle a Big Theory about how we punish criminals and respond to a listener who doesn’t know how to end a situationship. Plus: what the hell are ‘energy vectors’? Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com *Gossip, elevated.* Music by Matt Huxley.

Is there such a thing as a sexual marketplace? Moya and Ash debate the dating trap for straight women and respond to a listener who’s too tired from work to change their life. Plus, a quick round of Shag, Marry, Kill. Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com *Gossip, elevated.* Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash and Moya respond to a listener embarking on an LDR across the Irish border, and tackle Ash’s Intrusive Thought about her cat Moussa. Plus, Moya has the best way to lance an infatuation boil. Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com *Gossip, elevated.* Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash and Moya respond to a listener who’s struggling to support her mum financially and wonder why people are being weirdly hyper-sexual online. Plus: the most common misconception about Moya, and the story behind Ash’s Twitter handle. Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com *Gossip, elevated.* Music by Matt Huxley.

On If I Speak, Ash Sarkar and Moya Lothian-McLean tackle the world’s social dilemmas (and some of yours). Every other Tuesday we lay bare the weird stuff we can’t stop obsessing over, debate our wildest notions, and invite our smartest friends to help us wrestle with life’s big questions. From dating disorders to online etiquette, […]