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Football Cliches

Deconstructing the gloriously unique language of football – the words, the phrases and the tiny things you didn't think you cared about – with Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare &amp; David Walker.
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Adam Hurrey & Goalhanger

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: reflections on a superb afternoon at the Cliches live show, Tom Cruise deploys the football plural, Gary Cotterill plumbs new press-conference depths, Manchester United are Arsenal 2008/09 in disguise, the fallout from Mike Dean's embellished anecdote, slightly-too-casual VAR announcements, the Gary Neville noise in a Kaiser Chiefs song, and much more. 



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Cliches Live in the sunshine, the Mike Dean content machine & ASMR in the EFL

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the agonising death of Sky Sports News on deadline day, whether a player can have a “knack” for scoring penalties, Darren Fletcher reviving his Copacbana obsession, footballers’ names in German pet food adverts, whether a header can be “blazed" over the bar, the threshold for a goal getting a trailing team "back in it", an apocalyptic-sounding night at the ex-footballers charity boxing, and checking in with the boys at Keys & Gray Unleashed.



Meanwhile, the panel select the Summer 2026 Transfers That Just Feel So Right XI.



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The washed Sky Sports News, Horlicks FC & the Transfers That Feel So Right XI

Adam Hurrey, David Walker and Nick Miller entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.



Among the selections are how technology will finally come for the clumsily-operated electronic substitution board, the futile abuse of the BBC's Player Rater tool, whether a team should be top or bottom of a negatively-themed league table, and a passionate defence of strikers who don't gamble on low crosses into the six-yard box.



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Vomiting footballers & 30 years of the electronic sub board: The listeners' loves & hates

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: a baffling passing adjective in the EFL Trophy, how a striker would "unlock" their goalscoring account for the season, Everton's irresistible "cup run" candidacy, LASK 5 Celtic 4 and the saddest football TV studio of all time, Michael Owen mixes up his modes of transport, a curious anomaly in how we describe substitutes entering the fray, how early a new signing can be called "a revelation" and Richard Keys's optimistic claim to having originally coined a phrase.



Meanwhile, the panel ponder which is the most boo-proof position on a football pitch.



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Sarcastic passes, tiny football studio furniture & the most un-booable position in an XI

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: Wedding guests with goal-machine names, the rude awakenings/wake-up calls/reality checks of the Premier League opening weekend, how much it would actually cost to "drive Harry Maguire to Saudi Arabia yourself", Lee Dixon’s emerging spot-kick commentary trademark, tenuous Match of the Day identity crises, Dom Ballard's pure Puskas wondergoal, the many ripples of a Fabrizio Romano typo, Jean-Philippe Mateta aiming for legislative immortality, West Brom's "curly slippers", James Trafford’s unorthodox cadence and Richard Keys's one word for his beloved Coventry City.



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Wake-up reality checks, cracked MOTD logos & the ultimate Puskas Award goal

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: how referee match audio will pump up the football news machine in 2026/27, Chelsea's youth teams being renamed in an ominously "game's gone" fashion, Gary Weaver settles into the new Championship season, three incredible utterings of John Stones’ name, Eddie Marsan as Harry Redknapp and the meaning of being "Premier League-proven".



Meanwhile, the panel enjoy episode 1 of Keys & Gray: Unleashed, condensed into just two minutes of gold.



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Counter-attack calculations, club nickname knowledge and Keys & Gray in 120 seconds

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: some textbook Community Shield takeaways, whether Arsenal are the most “Millennium Stadium” Premier League club, how far off Declan Rice is from becoming “Mr Arsenal”, Newcastle's unnecessarily long managerial longlist, an unacceptable League One welcoming, linguistic frustration in the tennis, getting to the bottom of what constitutes a "bomba" signing, Irish right-backs in Turkish Star Wars knock-offs, Richard Keys tries his first ever oyster and a rollercoaster 72-hour unveiling of the mildly anticipated Keys & Gray: Unleashed



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Community Shield coasting, breaking down a "bomba" & how to launch a football podcast

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Goalkeeping mistakes that rhyme with the player who pounces on them, a classic goal-commentating phrase gets some overdue analysis, David Seaman keeps his chuckle rate ticking over at Lord's, pondering the actual purpose of Dusan Vlahovic, Fabrizio Romano drops a bombshell hint over his own future, anticipating the new Amazon Prime series Meet the Owens, Matthias Jaissle impressing-by-numbers and Keys & Gray making moves in London town.



Meanwhile, the panel tackle the Happy Hunting Grounds Ladder for the first time this season.



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Rhyming clangers, David Seaman chuckles again & Keysey on a Lime bike

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: whether Charlie's third child in six years counts as a "quickfire hat-trick", weekend Carabao Cup ties as the domestic curtain-raiser, a manager refuses to answer a non-question, a nuanced language-barrier issue for Middlesbrough’s new goalkeeper, very mundane swap deals, the logical strategy for online football quizzes, ex-England strikers in Spiderman film analysis, north London football hipsters being stared at by Keir Starmer and the Germanified names of Premier League clubs.



Meanwhile, the panel ponder whether Vinicius Junior would have been the biggest signing in Premier League history.



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Carabao curtain-raising, regrettable stepping stones & FSV Bachmünden

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Jake Farrell. On the agenda: The now-annual breakdown of the Premier League alphabetical distribution and how it makes us feel, who we should "fear for" in the Premier League in 2026/27, what tournaments England legends would have incongruously appeared at if they’d played until they were 40, workshopping a chant for Phil Collins’ son at 1860 Munich, Mohamed Salah's surprise move to Trabzonspor, Argos being sold for the same price as Morgan Rogers, a listener's accidental goal celebration in the shower, and the full story of Richard Keys's summer renaissance.



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Fearing for Fulham, goal celebrations in the shower & the Repatriation of Richard Keys

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: European superclubs coming over here and stealing our groundsmen, Henry Winter on Falklands defence budgets, Gianni Infantino the "money-grabbing gargoyle", the inevitable moment for Wenger's Law, a Cliches deep cut buried in an obscure seven-a-side livestream, Sean Dyche’s surprisingly convoluted "top 3 pints", unacceptable penalty descriptions, Scotland gives us a new verb for a thrashing, John Stones’ comedy shoulder, the finer details of set-piece guru Austin MacPhee’s Chelsea move, the concept of an England football team at the Commonwealth Games, and a Welsh farmer with Alan Shearer’s voice.



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Money-grabbing gargoyles, John Stones' meta-knackered shoulder & Farmer Alan Shearer

A concept impossible to over-romanticise, pinpointing the exact Premier League matchweek to represent its sweet spot, the gentle echoing of Martin Tyler across the potholes of a generic bar strip, charmingly error-strewn handwritten fixture lists, the Irish Bar option, the Moon Under Water of Turkish beach bars showing the Prem, spending £3.50 on a 48-hour-old copy of the Mirror in 2001, Faliraki 5-a-side with Leon Osman, one listener’s Eurocamp goalkeeping glory, a stag do in Luxembourg, and an 8/10 Premier League weekend lineup in an Only Fools and Horses-themed bar in Majorca.

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker bring you the latest episode of Dreamland, as they celebrate the immaculate scenario of watching football on holiday.

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Free Dreamland episode: The joy of watching football on holiday

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.



Among the selections are the coolest way to hold a football, football's ongoing misunderstanding of the "instep", a ubiquitous three-word punditry prefix and having to listen to people describing their Sunday League goals.



Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel welcome Rodri to the exclusive club of players who have "completed football".



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Secondary goal celebrations & the "we talk about" epidemic: The listeners' loves & hates

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker, Nick Miller and Jake Farrell. On the agenda: a cultural review of the gruelling watch that was the World Cup final, the merits of Ferran Torres' winning goal, England's absurd third-place playoff glory, Jude Bellingham's niche statistical triumph, Cole Palmer gets on the wrong side of Graeme Souness, one listener's highly unnecessary concept of a secondary World Cup plate competition, Premier League referees spotted at weddings and, to wrap up the tournament summer, the Pure World Cup 2026 XI.



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Tom Cruise's FIFA-speak, Messi's grassing & the Pure World Cup 2026 XI

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a cultural review of England 1 Argentina 2, finding anything remotely unfamiliar about England's latest major-tournament exit, gauging the enthusiasm levels for the "FIFA Bronze Final", the valuable freshness of a Spain vs Argentina final, anticipating Tom Cruise's contribution to the half-time show, filthy-sounding World Cup demonym usages, and dinosaur fossil prices finally catch up with football transfer fees.



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(Over)familiar failings, the freshest possible World Cup final & Luis Figo vs T. rex

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a cultural review of the montage-resistant grind of England 2 Norway 1, Thomas Tuchel vs Gabriel Clarke, the prospect of Vindaloo as the soundtrack to this year's John Lewis Christmas advert, ITV's Mark Pougatch talks tactics, revisiting England 3 Argentina 2 (2005), Joe Cole’s stance on the pyramids of Egypt, and kit-man transfer news.



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A little bit all at sea, gyroscope magnitudes & Joe Cole on the pyramids

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the enjoyable chaos of Argentina vs Egypt, the exact noise Javier Aguirre made to Anthony Gordon, co-commentators with Alan Shearer's voice, a listener's very niche World Cup spreadsheet, the evergreen haplessness of centre-backs in penalty shootouts, the international managerial merry-go-round and the threshold for a "lungbusting" run.



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The Aguirre noise, lungbusting thresholds & the Penalty Miss XI

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and Jake Farrell. On the agenda: an in-depth cultural review of Mexico 2 England 3, the immaculate Golden Boot race, Donald Trump ushering in a truly retro tinpot World Cup moment, *that* BBC News pronunciation of "Socceroos", unsatisfying Microsoft Windows noises during France vs Paraguay, exclusive giant flag logistics info, the American love for Fletch's commentary, some glorious knockout-stage Jonathan Pearce and Lionel Messi's crisps ad cameos.



Meanwhile, the panel absolutely nail the difference between "fashioning" and "conjuring" a goalscoring chance.



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1,114 Dan Burns, retro World Cup controversy & the most unsatisfying noise of the tournament

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and James Maw. On the agenda: the big World Cup flag question, England 2 DR Congo 1 and the Kaniest finish in the history of Harry Kane, the Big Boxpark Backlash, England's unfinished business at the Azteca, Danny Murphy's cat, the most obscure way anyone has ever accidentally found out the result of a game they were trying to avoid the result for, Emile Heskey on broccoli, football chat in the House of Commons, football podcast theme tunes in Netflix sports comedies and Chelsea push the envelope of Club Statement capitalisation.



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The Boxpark backlash, unfinished Azteca business & the unluckiest World Cup score-avoider

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker, James Maw and, eventually, Nick Miller. On the agenda: pathetic TV-channel paranoia clickbait from our beleaguered regional press, goalscorers "on the doorstep", Donald Trump's voice in World Cup co-commentary, Andy Townsend ignoring Martin Tyler’s octogenarian wordplay, The New World Order get hold of some VIP tickets for Canada vs South Africa, one man takes the BBC’s World Cup 3D Experience a little too far, the joys of admiring your own crossfield pass, former Leicester midfielders’ names in racing video game soundtracks, Sean Dyche on woke breakfasts and an unprecedented three-man World Cup lineup posing quiz showdown.



Meanwhile, the panel decided which year all the World Cup last-32 ties SHOULD be taking place in.



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A correct year for every last-32 game, Trumpian co-comms & breakfast with Sean Dyche

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the wider ripples of England 0 Ghana 0, Scotland’s slightly excessive World Cup purgatory, Darren Fletcher lets his hair down on Fox Sports duty, Andy Burnham’s solid football credentials, sacked managers names in Olivia Rodrigo album tracks and more World Cup lineup-poses quizzing.



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Fox-mode Fletch, Scottish limbo & Andy Burnham's one-on-one finishing

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and Screen Rot's Jake Farrell. On the agenda: the England player least likely to shout "Vamos!" during a game, an emphatic VAR call from a referee during Paraguay vs Turkey, how close the USA are to "they couldn't... coult they?" territory, Martin Keown's collective noun for a goalkeeper's saves, Sam Matterface fails to meet the geographical “from X to Y” threshold, the real damage caused by hydration breaks, a statistical breakdown of World Cup lineup poses and why Richard Keys wants to manipulate the Premier League fixture list.



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The Vamos epidemic, Lineker on ITV & accidental 90s trance in VAR announcements

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Adam's slapstick attempt to watch England 4-2 Croatia at the pub, the mid-1990s England player recognition skills of French TV, how Cape Verde triggered a social-media threshold, Lee Dixon on Mexican waves, the diminishing number of original ways to write about Lionel Messi, which of the 48 nations least suits being full-named by a commentator, the refereeing hand gesture for hydration break, and why the USA are 90 minutes away from soccer supremacy.



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England's beloved scoreline, Messi's scout badges & the hydration-break hand gesture

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and James Maw. On the agenda: how the BBC & ITV's tournament has gone so far, Simon Jordan treats a basic World Cup question with the disdain only Simon Jordan could, the genuine majesty of the Azteca Stadium, the very moment this World Cup "burst into life", FIFA's condiment censorship, Brazil get the customary broadcasting greeting and Tom Cruise unveils David Beckham's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.



Meanwhile, the panel imagine what a club "laughing off" a bid for a player would actually sound like and find a new level of "tenuous official club DVD".



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The BBC/ITV truce, World Cup life-bursting & Tina Turner's spot-kick record

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and Nick Miller entertain the listener entries for a special edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche World Cup fascinations and irritations.



Among the selections are viral World Cup fans, the little-known moment that sparked England’s 60 years of hurt, giant FIFA lanyards, the slow death of the phrase “World Cup finals”, and other home nations' infuriation with TV updates from the England camp.



Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel admire the explosion of online football draft games and pinpoint this World Cup's "no mugs" threshold.



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Giant lanyards & England camp mood updates: The listeners' World Cup loves & hates

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Nick Miller and James Maw. On the agenda: the BBC's co-commentators show some pre-tournament rustiness, FIFA's new plan for pre-kick-off team lineups, the greatest PDF in World Cup history, footballers' names in scathing reviews of West End musicals, the pathetic carry-on of the Real Madrid presidential election, a potentially terrible "4D World Cup viewing experience", a superbly mangled cliche by a hurling pundit and some provisional thoughts on Piers Morgan's World Cup YouTube show.



Meanwhile, the panel imagine the football existences of the incorrectly-named England stars of the Florida stadium scoreboard.



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England's Florida scoreboard XI, niche FIFA metrics & watching the World Cup in 4D

The 25th edition of the Football Clichés Quiz sees Adam, Charlie and Nick take on The England Pod in a World Cup trivia special.

The questions include: Wikipedia-verified World Cup "Battles Of", the stars of the Three Lions video, World Cup hat-trick merchants, tournament debutants, official match balls, UK-based Trinidadians and ex-Premier League managers at this year's tournament.

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The Football Cliches Quiz XXV: Cliches vs The England Pod

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: A cultural review of the Champions League final (feat. commentary intonations and David Schwimmer's divorce), Paul Robinson gets intensely distracted during the Conference League final, Switzerland's curious World Cup scheduling stranglehold, early reports of terrible pub bunting, pundit parenting at the soft play, and Richard Keys’s Concorde lament.



Meanwhile, the panel address the latest backlash to stutter-step penalties.



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Stutter steps in Budapest, Switzerland on Saturdays & Keysey's final sign-off

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.



Among the selections are the exact gait of a referee going over to check the VAR monitor, a tiny element of Baddiel & Skinner's Three Lions you have probably never noticed, the epidemic of fans "coming in peace" to rival club forums and the exact criteria for a player to be said to be “jumping ship”.



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The VAR-monitor jog & fans coming in peace: The listeners' loves & hates

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: whether West Ham sleepwalked to relegation and if Spurs are now officially "circling the drain", Villa defying their European hangover, forensics are called in on Bruno Fernandes' assists record, Glenn Murray with an unexpected demonym, farmers taking penalties against Chris Kirkland, and a Premier League farewell from Keys & Gray after 34 years.



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Spurs circling the drain, European hangover defiance & farmers taking penalties

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: cutting through the considerable noise of Arsenal's long-awaited Premier League title and the 12-day express saga of Spygate, the Australian Andy Gray, Rory Stewart apparently hearing about VAR for the first time, the one interesting name from the BBC and ITV’s World Cup punditry lineups, eminent anthropologists with Peter Drury’s voice and a suspiciously made-up-looking Bundesliga club.



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Unleash the Arsenal long-reads, Spygate super-schadenfreude & a Bundesliga hoax

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: an FA Cup final that will live short in the memory, a confident prediction of West Ham's short-term future, some 4/10 football chat from politicians, serviceable Premier League back-up strikers' names in ski equipment, Adam Wharton’s unexpected backflip, some classic early news of England's World Cup camp, and a roving Richard Keys in London.



Meanwhile, the panel indulge in a brief history of the between-the-legs flicked finish in English football.



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Labour's laboured footballspeak, thumpable scorelines & penalty pop-ups

The 24th edition of the Football Clichés Quiz sees Adam, Charlie and Dave take on globe-trotting world football storytellers The Sweeper for the second time.



The questions include: Argentine footballspeak, obscure ball suppliers, made-up football podcasts, World Cup coastlines, transport-themed top-flight outfits, fake Brazilian internationals and much more.



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The Football Cliches Quiz XXIV: Cliches vs The Sweeper - The Rematch

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the slightly overlooked aspects of the West Ham corner chaos, predicting the title of the Arsenal story-of-the-season book, an alphabetical crisis for the Premier League, five-star co-commentary from Joe Cole, how long is too long for a commentator to stay silent after a goal, and footballers’ names in both cheap office furniture and the inexplicably Urdu songs of Robert Palmer.



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Corner-kick chaos, a Premier League without a W & Joe Cole at the Ritz

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a cultural review of the Champions League semi-finals (featuring Daniel Sturridge inventing the "nine and three-quarters" role and the return of CBS's Beckham & Friends), celebration policing ties itself in knots, the Andy Gray of the Faroe Islands, former Wimbledon strikers' names in mid-1960s Marvel comics and a curious Evening With Eden Hazard (feat. Rickie Lambert).



Meanwhile, the panel ponder the name and vibe of a hypothetical new fourth UEFA club competition.



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The 9.75 role, Tom Hiddleston's Champions League mindset & the Faroese Andy Gray

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: the trickiest title-race-classification task so far, legendary Premier League goalkeepers in petty criminals’ middle names, Sean Dyche's Instagram unveiling, Tim Sherwood on modern football and some awkward football phone-in moments with Chris Sutton.



Meanwhile, the panel anticipate Tom Hiddlestone's Champions League punditry and debate how many games constitute a "fixture pile-up".



Play the new Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com



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The fixture pile-up threshold, Sean Dyche playing "Sean Dyche" & under-10s trophy parades

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.



Among the selections are the mythical status of the half-time team talk, a listener's transcontinental toilet-cubicle sleuthing, nearby fans who state the obvious for 90 minutes and the minor things that instantly shatter the elite-level feel of a professional football match.



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Team-talk mythology & the stickers of European toilet cubicles: The listeners' loves & hates

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the threshold for the Premier League to tweet the words "and breathe...", the sound of York City's last-gasp, fifth-tier glory, Paul Scholes at the snooker, Steve Sidwell coins a curious new phrase, RIP Football Focus, some mangled animal-themed football idioms and Richard Keys' 6000-mile Instagrammed odyssey from Qatar to Coventry.



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Great adverts for the pyramid, technicians of the sphere & Qatar to Coventry in 3 minutes

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the greatest player ever to have a surname that starts with the same letter their first name ends with, Morgan Gibbs-White's other hat-trick against Burnley, a chucklesome commentator's curse, Matt Upson tackles some mundane social-video questions, Canadian rock bands in early 90s Premier League commentary, the only English club to have won a competitive game on all five terrestrial TV channels and Matt Le Tissier's battle with the AI chatbots.



Meanwhile, the panel tackle the Happy Hunting Grounds Ladder once more.



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Elite barbers' FPL advantage, the Collins-Tomkins dilemma & doing The Terrestrial

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Sunday Supplement pastry queries, a cultural review of Manchester 2 Arsenal 1, Darren Fletcher's ongoing hang-up about Brazilians’ birthplaces, Lee Dixon explaining the concept of "on toast" for US fans and Steve McManaman’s descriptive demonyms.



Meanwhile, the panel welcome Coventry City back to the Premier League, with the help of Gary Weaver's commentary and Richard Keys' social media acumen.



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Lee Dixon on toast, “advantage City” & a commentator's Copacabana complex

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the imminent demise of the iconic Champions League match ball, Carlos Queiroz's highly logical new job, highly obscure football in the background of US crime dramas, worrying gaps appearing in the Premier League Archive, referees in the media, Jorge Mendes-backed dentists and the happy self-employment of Richard Keys.



Meanwhile, the panel tackle the formidable quiz challenge of the Happy Hunting Grounds Ladder.



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Unexpected Stevenage, premature hauntings & the Premier League goal caught on CCTV

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: a stand-out candidate for commentator's curse of the season, a worrying statistic for Pep Guardiola, the prospect of the first-ever top-flight season without a six-goal win, a confusing abbrevation of Wolverhampton Wanderers, half-and-half scarves at the theatre, Omar Marmoush’s convoluted claim to footballing supremacy, and Richard Keys takes on the continentals.



Meanwhile, the panel discover the formation of choice for non-football fans and ponder the psychology behind it.



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Half-and-half Shakespearean scarves, scouting for Shevchenko & the half-dozen crisis

The 23rd edition of the Football Clichés Quiz sees Adam, Charlie and Nick take on their familiar foes of Bobby, Theo and Eamo from four-time quiz visitors the Career We Go podcast.



The questions include: experimental pitch markings, Champions League final losers, solo Prem Portugeezers, Joe-Max Moore’s niche claim to fame, Premier League Dennises, the sound of cult football incidents, incrementally-revealed career paths and, of course, Happy Hunting Grounds.



Play the new Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com



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The Football Cliches Quiz XXIII: Cliches vs Career We Go

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: reviewing a perfectly-formed set of FA Cup quarter-finals, Ally McCoist combines three subtly different cliches into one, the technicalities of a "see-saw thriller", a potentially terrible football-chant-based TV game show, England strikers' names in 1980s cartoons, the future prospect of Diego Simeone in the Premier League and the universal potential of the phrase "lost a yard".



Meanwhile, the panel get stuck into the newly-launched Premier League Archive, which contains highlights of every single top-flight game since 1992.



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FA Cup lustre status, Ally McCoist's cliche mashup... and every Premier League game ever

Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Michael Cox to select a lineup of player types that have - temporarily or permanently - gone out of footballing fashion.



The selection process takes in truly unhinged goalkeepers, the 20-year heyday of the sweeper, no-nonsense penalty-taking full-backs, the demise of the Premier League own-goal machine, dedicated man-markers, the surprising nuances of the "free role", portly strikers, beanpole strike partners and the long-lost art of poaching.



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The Extinction XI

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: Dave's Sunday League management rollercoaster, Ben White's surreal Wembley evening, David Moyes's pointless Brazilian alter ego, Henry Winter on The Killers, the fascinating FIFA Series tournament, the crucial differences between "head to head" and "toe to toe", the football shirts of Butlins, the battle for bragging rights in Biggleswade and some above-average fictional football commentary.



Meanwhile, the panel fulfil their solemn duty of reflecting on a frankly sensational newspaper interview with Richard Keys.



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Biggleswade bragging rights, Tanzania 0 Liechtenstein 1 & Keysey's perfect Christmas

The pod welcomes Susie Dent, the queen of Countdown's dictionary corner, to examine the language of football in the sort of detail we've always dreamed of. 

Susie takes us through the ironic death of the word bouncebackability, why aplomb is not quite as glamorous as it might sound, talismans, gilt-edged changes, what it feels like to be a stalwart, lambasts vs tirades, princocks and pavonisers, and what it really means to be "at sixes and sevens".

Meanwhile, there's talk of tinpot dictionaries that just can’t compete with the Big Three, Arsene Wenger speaking a language none of us will understand, and could the "iron bucket" become the new "parking the bus"? 

Play the new Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com



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Football vs The Dictionary: Susie Dent on bus-parking & bouncebackability

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a cultural review of the Carabao Cup final, a yodelling commentator at Craven Cottage, Glenn Hoddle's idiosyncrasies rubbing off on his commentary partner, a borderline “rolling back the years” case study, the rise and rise of  Joe “Absolute” Hart, FIFA reveal the most "Super Sunday intro" song ever heard... and Richard Keys’ voice in slapstick megalomaniac cartoon villains.



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The Carabao Supremacy, yodelling commentators & the absolute Joe Hart

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.



Among the selections are the GoPro goalkeepers of non-league, the concept of an English fan being really, really into the Australian A-League, the "overhit crossfield pass" apology transaction and a man who thinks he’s cracked the pressing structures of elite football in the 2020s. 



Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel discover David Beckham’s under-reported claim to football history and enjoy the latest Cliches-referencing wrestling commentary from the USA.



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GoPro goalkeepers & textbook crossfield-pass apologies: The listeners' loves & hates

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the tense early exchanges of Dave's parenthood, Peter Drury resorting to the L-word at the Emirates on Saturday, Max Dowman's World Cup clamour rating, the use of the word "donk" on Match of the Day, the media's gleeful pursuit of an ever-willing Harry Redknapp, some archive Jonathan Pearce audio, Bodo/Glimt's 2025/26 residency in dreamland, great physicist's names in UEFA Conference League scoreboards and the national panic over English sides' struggles in the Champions League knockouts.



Meanwhile, the pod announces the new Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz game, which is available to play at games.footballcliches.com



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”My baby looks like Gary Megson", MOTD donking & in dreamland with Bodo/Glimt

The pod welcomes the writer, esteemed pintsman and creator of Dead Pubs, Jimmy McIntosh, for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as he chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football.



Among Jimmy's selections are the nuances of watching live games in the pub (feat. Arsenal fans doing the Gyokeres celebration), the pioneering work of sporting director Damien Comolli, British football's aversion to poetic player nicknames, the rise (and potential fall) of "limbs" culture and the logistical nightmare of the half-time stadium pint.



Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel reflect on the subtler elements of Tuesday night's Atletico-Spurs chaos.



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BBC live-text sad lads & watching football in the boozer, with Jimmy "Dead Pubs" McIntosh

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and Nick Miller. On the agenda: a new shade of yellow card is invented, VAR delays in Roman times, legendary goalscorers' names in police documentaries, Neil Warnock's ultra-obscure cultural references in post-match interviews and Richard Keys on Indy 500 hosting duties.



Meanwhile, the panel classify each FA Cup fifth-round exit/progression and ponder if someone could ever win player of the month with just a single-game performance.



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FA Cup scares/dumpings/cruises, dark orange cards & Roman gladiator VAR

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and James Maw. On the agenda: the official start to the business end of the season, Wolves getting people whispering, Evann Guessand's very precise transfer clause, other podcasts adopting the Cliches Way, Benjamin Sesko's windows, Emma Radacanu's Watford coaches and Richard Keys featuring in a sensational URL.



Meanwhile, the panel determine the exact criteria for a team to be in “freefall” and which football clubs have the most similar level of prestige as their local university.



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The freefall threshold, Benjamin Sesko's windows & the streets forgetting Santiago Munez

The pod welcomes TNT Sports co-commentator Lucy Ward for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as she chooses her six personal fascinations and irritations of football.



Among Lucy's selections are the joy of young players making their senior debut, fence-perching and megaphone-toting Continental ultras, the post-goal cue for a co-commentator to wax lyrical, the "Ayling Flop" and clubs tenuously claiming youth signings as "one of their own".



Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel hear an unexpected pre-penalty shout at Yeovil, ponder a potential technicality in awarding the save of the season, and get mathematical about passes being put on a proverbial "sixpence".



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Co-commentary cues, flopping full-backs & the "one of our own" threshold, with Lucy Ward

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and Nick Miller entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.



Among the selections are the mid-game solidarity between opposing 5-a-side goalkeepers, top-half teams with wildly anomalous goal differences, managers who performatively refuse to watch their players taking penalties, and the attitude of pubs towards their flag-based bunting during major tournaments. 



Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjoy a quintessentially Scottish football phone-in caller and a listener flags a very niche noise made by a commentator that we will now never be able to ignore.



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The 5-a-side keepers' union & World Cup pub bunting: The listeners' loves & hates

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and, for his 100th appearance, Nick Miller. On the agenda: a cultural review of the North London derby, the threshold for a team "laying a glove" on the opposition, Champions League commentary with an unexpected voice twin, the concept of “losing the dressing room” handily explained by the BBC, the latest superbly-named Brazilian youth player and a classic Richard Keys interview from the late 1980s.



Meanwhile, the panel reveal the real reason that Manchester City pipped Manchester United to the Premier League title in 2012.



Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com



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Literally ghosting, Larry David's Champions League commentary & Sir Alex's 2011/12 title curse

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Glenn Hoddle suffers the commentator's curse in the Champions League once again, Tony Dorigo's possible claim to an obscure football record, Coventry 3 Middlesbrough 1 boiled down to its purest Gary Weaver, an unexpected return for Gazzetta Football Italia (sort of), and the news of a football-themed Dutch reality TV show.



Meanwhile, the panel decide the most acceptable moment and game state for a fanbase to ask their manager to "give them a wave".



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Hoddle's Curse strikes again, the world-record fans' favourite & a saucy U-turn

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: Pep Guardiola vs Daffy Duck in a fight for the soul of the FA Cup, whistling co-commentators, footballers’ names in US cop documentaries, Jamie O’Hara and Jason Cundy exceed themselves on Talksport, Michael Owen vs Ryan Giggs in the "Far East betting company ambassador video" stakes and predicting Richard Keys’ next withering managerial nickname.



Meanwhile, the panel ponder the most Watfordy Nottingham Forest manager never to manage Watford... and vice versa.



Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com



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The Forest-Watford Vortex, champagne players & Pep vs Daffy Duck

Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the 500th episode of the podcast. On the agenda: the finer details and ramifications of Thomas Frank being sacked by Spurs, celebrity chefs' names in Premier League goals, superb sponsors in National League clubs’ full-time tweets, Adidas releasing a disgustingly expensive multipack of every World Cup ball ever, the dubious concept of a "ding-dong stalemate", and the least exciting "Winner Stays On" TikTok video football will ever produce.



Meanwhile, the panel attempt another scaling of the Happy Hunting Grounds Ladder, the ultimate Premier League goalscoring quiz challenge.



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Generic Spurs punditry, regurgitating possession & ding-dong stalemates: The 500th episode

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Steve Bruce adds a crucial syllable to Pep Guardiola's legacy, gloriously synchronised radio commentary at Derby County, an unlikely candidate to be the new David Attenborough, an all-conquering UK tree qualifies for Europe, and a new use for the much-maligned Stockley Park.



Meanwhile, the panel pick apart the confused, "common sense"-obsessed discourse in the aftermath of Liverpool 1 Manchester City 2.



Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com



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Introverted full-backs, radio commentary synchronicity & the Champions League of trees

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Carabao Cup curiosities, the exact status of Arsenal's quadruple hopes, a very subtle footballing prefix for a certain level of player, two listeners submit their 1,500-word mini-thesis on what constitutes a “finish”, the January Transfers That Just Feel So Right XI and a first-ever attempt at quiz format Happy Hunting Grounds: The Ladder.



Meanwhile, the panel react to the bombshell news of Keys & Gray's departure from beIN Sports at the end of this season.



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”Absolute wimp", Arsenal's pre-ignited quadruple & a Doha denouement

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: subtle podcast references at the darts, goal probabilities with Clinton Morrison, West Brom fans' limited patience with their new manager, football boot manufacturers appearing in Latin epic poems, Conor Coady goes full Conor Coady in his first interview as a Charlton player and selecting the best moment of Ian Holloway's latest outburst.



Meanwhile, the panel debate the aesthetic and technical merits of scorpion-kick goals and ponder the exact level of their own "ball knowledge".



Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com



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Scorpion scepticism, 80% ball knowledge & Conor Coady's Football Clubs (2026 edition)

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.



Among the selections are Gary Neville's preoccupation with a specific touch of the ball before a shot, the best way to really enjoy an uninterrupted hour of Sky Sports News, the awkwardness of fans sat behind corner takers and a staunch defence of pundits’ right to state the obvious.



Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel try to decipher an Arsene Wenger sample in avant-garde music and enjoy a former Premier League defender's name popping up at the Cyclocross World Cup.



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Flats that overlook stadiums & the optimum time for Sky Sports News: The listeners' loves & hates

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: a quickfire review of Arsenal 2 Manchester United 3, unacceptably-named Premier League top scorers in football-adjacent Danny Dyer film trailers, the prospect of an FA Cup "anthem", 12.1 seconds of a commentator not realising a team have scored and unexpected ex-Prime Ministers in the Kenyan fifth division.



Meanwhile, the panel speculate on how a mundane, single-goal, mid-table game could get itself first in the Match of the Day running order.



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The "what's eating Erling Haaland?" threshold,  FA Cup anthem fears & Gary Weaver's Circle of Goals

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a familiar name pops up at the Australian Open, Arsene Wenger's "daylight" offside law to be trialled in the Canadian Premier League, what things might be on the curriculum of "Football 101", whether the relentless, scoreline-proof chanting of Bundesliga fans gets too much praise, a charming social-media dispute about the technicalities of hat-tricks and New York mayor Zohran Mamdani shows off his Premier League knowledge once again.



Meanwhile, the podcast has an extended chat with Lisa Barros D’Sa and Glenn Leyburn, directors of new film Saipan, and Éanna Hardwicke, who plays the leading role of Roy Keane.



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Zohran Mamdani's PL Years & a chat with Éanna Hardwicke on playing Roy Keane in Saipan

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: the unifying absurdity that was the Africa Cup of Nations final, whether Spurs vs West Ham's "El Dissatisfactico" is the worst of its genre yet, an unexpected Premier League striker's name in a ghost story, the least satisfying FA Cup draw combinations, one Arsene Wenger tweak to the laws of football that might have some appeal, and footballing body language at bus stops.



Meanwhile, the panel ponder the quickest and easiest way a mere civilian could win a foul in a Premier League match.



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The moment the AFCON final peaked, Wenger's Law & football gestures at bus stops

It’s the final outing of the winter for Cricket Cliches, the first branch line of the Cliches network, and there’s an end of term feeling as the full team assembles to see us home.



We’ve got egregious commentary and a hierarchy of acceptable ways to get out before we get all ASMR and dig into some of your favourite sounds from cricket.



And, of course… of course, there’s another dip into the murky, and surprisingly expansive, world of shadow cricket. It’s very much not just batting.
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Properly getting out, cricketing ASMR, and shadow umpire’s call

Shane Todd on post-save goalkeeper emotions & professional footballer-botherer Rio Ferdinand

The pod welcomes comedian and presenter Shane Todd for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as he chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football.

Among Shane's selections are 5-a-side games with fellow comedians, performatively angry post-save goalkeepers, Rio Ferdinand's uncategorisable current line of work, pre-internet transfer news and our collective curiosity with the day jobs of non-league FA Cup heroes.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjoy a tiny slice of pure Pep Guardiola, and hear a charmingly naive football reference in ice hockey commentary.



Shane Todd is off on tour in 2026 with his new show Hold Me Back. Tickets available at ShaneToddComedy.com



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Shane Todd on post-save goalkeeper emotions & professional footballer-botherer Rio Ferdinand

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a minor technicality with Cup-upset measuring, the size of the chunk of Antoine Semenyo's fee he had paid back, Scott McTominay's many nicknames, an unacceptable phrase for a team bottom of the table, a four-way footballing dilemma you have absolutely never considered before and Arsenal flops' names in Bruce Springsteen duets, 



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Semenyo's 0.028% return, six nicknames in 15 seconds & Scotland's bottom dogs

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Manchester United's legacy machine cranks into gear again, some confusion over the pronunication of Chelsea's new manager, a familiar sound in a mid-90s wrestling arcade game, unlikely common ground between River Plate and Coronation Street's Ken Barlow, a teacher breaks some football news to his class of Year 8s and a relatively deep data dive into Richard Keys’ lesser-known catchphrase.



Meanwhile, the panel decide the level of football at which they would simply be a hindrance to their team at right-back.



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41-year-old blokes playing for prime Barca, Ken Barlow's terrace anthem, and the Sir Alex blessing

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: a whistle-stop tour of the media reaction to Chelsea and Manchester United's managerial upheaval, the Premier League finally unleashes its video archive, Eddie Howe queries the "onslaught" threshold, some quintessential West Hamming, some unprecedented co-commentary homework, hyperlocal derby technicalities, and Richard Keys kicking off his 2026 with an absolute bang.



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Resurgent corner flags, Eddie Howe's onslaught threshold & "the Pound Shop Potter”

The fifth outing for the Cricket Cliches crew but are they now set? And what does that mean, anyway? 

The shadow batting debate intensifies as we enter the second innings; Tickers (and most of the audience) are on #TeamGallen and we’re all checking on our sanity with Internal Athers.

There could only be one topic at the centre of our conversation; it’s the strip at the centre of the game. Was the pitch at Melbourne a snake-pit or a minefield, or something else entirely, and is ‘curator’ a bit much for the bloke who cuts the grass?
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Snake pits and minefields, the shadow follow-on, and catching on camera

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the freescoring Dominic Calvert-Lewin passes a very particular threshold, Match of the Day exceeds its goalkeeper pundit quota, Joe Cole somehow morphs into Harry Redknapp on the radio, Michael B Jordan renames AFC Bournemouth, absurd salary-cap developments in the USA... and a tree with Richard Keys's voice.



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That Man DCL, heading your granny & clowns in Slough bunkers

While England self-immolate, Cricket Cliches maintains its admittedly modest run of form in our fourth outing. Aussie commentators Aaron Finch and Adam Gilchrist are taken to task as they play fast and loose… with words.

Picking up where we left off with the classification of lower-order runs, we think about the individuals doing the damage. Do you know which end of the bat to hold? Seems like the bare minimum.

And, with the help of an impressively-named correspondent, we compare the yin and yang of watching cricket when your team is either batting or bowling.
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Domestic shadow-batting, no mugs, and spectator stress

Every football pundit ever, condensed into one approximated voice; accidental nursery rhymes in Champions League commentary; last-gasp Cliches Quiz drama; red-card timekeeping technicalities; "Hawk on!", Niclas Fullkrug’s oddly awe-inspiring forehead; Richard Keys and a legendary two-hour livestream; a man called Rudi Voller; solving one of the greatest football TV mysteries of all time; Tom Cruise’s Champions League final punditry; The Agyemang Cacophony; football’s increasingly ludicrous uses of the word “amid”; the Match of the Day intro scandal; Jamie O’Hara vs the RAF, the "Club X til I die" loophole; homegrown stewards and some retro Andy Gray perfection.



As Football Clichés showcases the podcast's very best moments of 2025, our thanks to everyone for listening, contributing, subscribing and live-show attending. Bring on 2026...



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Absolute dreamland: The Best of Football Clichés in 2025

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.



Among the selections are players whose name-based chants sound like they're being booed, the layout of seven-goal thrillers on score apps, the flimsy logic of “but they still had 11 internationals out there” and the unsatisfying spectacle of waiting for a ball to reach the edge of the D in 5-a-side.



Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjoy a superb tweet-and-blog salvo from Richard Keys.



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Glove-spitting goalkeepers & edge-of-the-D drama at five-a-side: The listeners' loves & hates

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the media wrestles with what to call the derby between Sunderland and Newcastle, bafflingly-transcribed football chants in match reports, whether both teams can have their "tails up" in quick succession, Harry Wilson and the "human after all" threshold, a football cliché uttered in UK parliament for the very first time and David Moyes not enjoying a wacky question.



The interactive Football Cliches Christmas Quiz is streaming live on December 28th — sign up at footballcliches.com/xmas to take part, with £250 the prize for the winning quizzer. All profits will go to Shelter.



Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com



Download SAILY in your app store and use code CLICHES at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase! For more info, visit https://saily.com/cliches
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North-east river supremacy, David Moyes' giant duck & Keysey's nutmegs

The Ashes are basically done and dusted after England’s pink ball capitulation. Time for the third session of Cricket Cliches, but is it a tricky little one?

Stokes and Baz have been facing the media, maybe the toughest test of all. Is there anything they can say that will help? Don’t think so, champ.

What we need is another way to bring a bit of levity to proceedings. No disingenuous protests here, there’s really nothing funnier than a man getting hit in the balls.
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Tricky little sessions, daddy hundreds, and getting hit "amidships"

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: England's March "send-off" to the World Cup, Clive Tyldesley commentary intonations in Sky Atlantic trailers, a brave radio reporter subverts the “turned provider” classic, some very unthreatening hooligans in a BBC radio drama and Richard Keys’s news in brief.



Meanwhile, the panel ponder the "famous old club" threshold and speculate on what would actually happen if Arsenal defender Gabriel just couldn't stop scoring own goals.



The interactive Football Cliches Christmas Quiz is streaming live on December 28th — sign up at footballcliches.com/xmas to take part, with £250 the prize for the winning quizzer. All money raised will go to Shelter.



Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com



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Unexpected Clive Tyldesley noises & Gabriel's hypothetical Arsenal own-goal hell

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a review of the World Cup draw ceremony, forecasting the nation's TV viewing habits next summer, why Mohamed Salah chose the wrong time and place for his seismic outburst, a dubious recipent of the "bagsman" honour and Dion Dublin invents a new variation on the proverbial goalscoring diet.



The interactive Football Cliches Christmas Quiz is streaming live on December 28th — sign up at footballcliches.com/xmas to take part, with £250 the prize for the winning quizzer. All money raised will go to Shelter.



Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com



Download SAILY in your app store and use code CLICHES at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase! For more info, visit https://saily.com/cliches
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Uzbekistan vs Colombia at 3am, the Infantino Shrug & a dubious bagsman

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Richarlison’s claims to a niche world record, whether you can "grind out" a 5-4 win, the most "X years of age" age, the latest elite-level mannerism to trickle down to the grassroots, some 24-carat Andy Gray co-commentary gold and much more.



Meanwhile, the panel ponder the likeliest circumstances in which Erling Haaland would ever find himself playing in League One.



The interactive Football Cliches Christmas Quiz is streaming live on December 28th — sign up at footballcliches.com/xmas to take part, with £250 the prize for the winning quizzer. All money raised will go to Shelter.



Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com



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I Wanna Dance With Peter Drury, grinding out a 5-4 & Haaland's League One future

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: A commentator’s curse turns into a mini-saga with no winners, League Two stadium names in viral, overpriced New York delis, Saudi Pro league expert Lee Hendrie invents a new word, the best opposition for Mexico in the opening game at the World Cup, Ben Chilwell on 19th-century Alsatian architecture, some very funny content about Ipswich stewards, and Richard Keys casually slandering the 2019 PFA Player of the Year.



Meanwhile, the panel pick apart some tactically implausible fake football commentary in the background on EastEnders.



The interactive Football Cliches Christmas Quiz is streaming live on December 28th — sign up at footballcliches.com/xmas to take part, with £250 the prize for the winning quizzer. All money raised will go to Shelter.



Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com
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Commentator's curse conspiracies, homegrown stewards & Lee Hendrie's "highgevity”

It’s the second test for the Cricket Cliches crew featuring our first change as cricket writer Charlie Reynolds steps in for Nick Miller.

On the agenda today; Ashes misery, who deserves more sympathy? Holiday-makers Down Under forced to endure the vineyards of Western Australia, or those of us stuck at home with TNT Sports?

England’s batters got plenty of stick for trying to drive “on the up”. What exactly does that mean and why is it so dangerous? Plus, cricket commentary’s top 3 absolutists and the horror that is expected leaves.
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Expected leaves,  driving "on the up" & absolute Ebony Rainford-Brent

The 22nd edition of the Football Clichés Quiz sees Adam, Charlie and Dave take on Bobby, Joe and Eamo from three-time quiz visitors the Career We Go podcast.



The questions include: Anguillan internationals, chronological conundrums, football men dubbed into foreign languages, the muddled club career of Craig Bellamy, Southampton players that never were, Name The New Signing By Their Unveiling Interview and, of course, Happy Hunting Grounds.



Meanwhile, the pod announces the Football Cliches Christmas Quiz, streaming live on December 28th — sign up at footballcliches.com/xmas to take part. All money raised will go to Shelter.



Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com



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The Football Cliches Quiz XXII: Cliches vs Career We Go — The Decider

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Charlie's Sunday Supplement debut, the soundtrack of a comeback from 2-0 down away from home, the definitive classification of Arsenal’s title chances, the unexpected verb of "goaled", Daniel Farke and the most boring inevitable sacking of all time, and Idris Elba's football knowledge is brutally exposed by a prefix.



Meanwhile, the panel ponder the soccer equivalent of some very specific NFL terminology.



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Arsenal's official title status, Idris Elba's prefix woe & the verb "to goal”

This, is Cricket Cliches, the all-new, slightly strange cousin of your favourite football podcast hosted by commentator Daniel Norcross with cricket journalists Dan Gallan and Dave Tickner, and the soothingly familiar presence of FC regular Nick Miller.

In our very first episode, on the eve of The Ashes, we dive headlong into the Bazball debate… why does it wind Australians up so much? And while we’re at it, just call the ball a ball.

We try to escape the “moral victory” maze and there’s a look back at the article which inspired the show, Dan G’s dictionary of batting vernacular.

And we spend too much time trying to come up with names for a cricketing equivalent of Mesut/Haaland/Dicks before answering our first listener question: what exactly is a ‘heavy ball’?
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Lashing/dabbing a seed/cherry, moral victories, and why do the Aussies hate Bazball?

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.



Among the selections are a tiny loophole in pledging your lifelong allegiance to your club, referees waiting patiently to book an injured player, and whether football-specific injuries ever occurred in ancient times.



Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel take in the sounds of Scotland's World Cup qualification heroics and Mike Dean pluralising referees on The Overlap.



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The "Club X til I die" loophole & torn hamstrings at the Battle of Hastings: The listeners' loves & hates

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: Ireland's preliminary World Cup heroics, Norway’s World Cup “grey horses”, Dion Dublin partially settles the “Diadora pass” mystery, law firm partners with superbly football surnames, Sean Dyche on his personal finances, unexpected false-nine nostalgia, the lesser-known technicalities of "doing the 92", a fascinating in-tray for Sheffield Wednesday’s administrators, and some manic Brazilian commentary.



Meanwhile, the Clichés empire expands to a whole new ball game: new podcast CRICKET CLICHES will be your alternative Ashes companion, and you can get involved at cricket.footballcliches.com

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Premature dark-horsing, false-nine nostalgia & introducing... Cricket Clichés

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the coining of a superb phrase in Canada, Dua Lipa tests the football hipster threshold, Conor Bradley’s triple lock on Vinicius Junior, an early contender for semi-accidental footballing portmanteau of the season, how to (not) "pull up trees", the celebrity TV equivalent of inevitably signing for West Ham and English football stadiums that could be someone’s name.



Meanwhile, after Thomas Tuchel's description of Phil Foden as a "nine and a half", the panel put together a definitive team of Number and a Halfs.



Vote for Football Clichés as podcast of the year: vote.footballcliches.com



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On toast in his pocket, pulling up trees & The Number-and-a-Half XI

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Clichés catchphrases in unexpected places, Steve McManaman's accidentally patronising co-commentary, football's earliest proverbial Christmas present, the converging trajectories of Big Dan Burn and Big Dan Ballard, tinpot scenes at the Under-17 World Cup, Tuchel's England get ahead of a classic World Cup issue, and Piers Morgan joining forces with Richard Keys.



Meanwhile, the panel decide the tolerance limit for a big man/small man strike partnership and ask for YOUR help in voting for Football Clichés as the podcast of the year: vote.footballcliches.com



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Accidentally patronising commentary, the Battle of the Big Dan B's & Keysey meets Piers

We’d love your vote for Football Clichés as Podcast of the Year at the FSA Awards: ⁠https://vote.footballcliches.com/⁠

The pod welcomes comedian Vittorio Angelone for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as he chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football.

Among Vittorio's selections are a passionate defence of classical music's influence on football, a brief history of goalkeepers in caps, the sort-of rise and fall of front-flip throw-ins, vanishingly small modern shinpads and players who performatively avoid walking on club badges in the tunnel.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjoy some slightly unnecessary match-report ridicule for Everton's misfiring Thierno Barry and an unprecedented VAR-fuelled crowd noise at Anfield.

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Vittorio Angelone on orchestral anthems, Lev Yashin's cap, and badge-avoiding classy touches

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: the story behind an FA Cup penalty shootout commentary curiosity, a familiar sound effect in a Roman history documentary, the least cool item of clothing ever worn by a top-flight manager, someone selling match-worn Premier League referees' shirts on Vinted and Keys & Gray switch their international allegiance once and for all.



Meanwhile, the panel enjoy Dave's deep dive on the history of the lineal Great Entertainers title in English football and ponder if a Premier League season could ever be completed without a single managerial sacking.



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”Cool as custard”, Reo-Coker's hanky-panky & football's reigning Great Entertainers

The pod welcomes comedy creator Rob Morgan for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as he chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football.



Among Rob's selections are the minor obsession with FA Cup trophy engravers, football-inspired rhyming slang, massively overrated halfway-line goals and the ultra-modern habit of defenders celebrating their tackles.



Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjoy an unusual scenario for a new Celtic manager and the most football-sounding World Series baseball noise ever recorded.



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Rob Morgan on FA Cup engraving, football rhyming slang & overrated wondergoals

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: some very niche feedback on Peter Drury's commentary, a never-before-attempted example of “X of Sport Y" hyperbole, Jonathan Pearce embraces some Champions League pronunciation, Hugo Ekitike and "football's worst hauntings", one of the swiftest commentators curses of all time, a PE teacher sacked for lying about their football career and a comprehensive first-hand list of Richard Keys’s mates.



Meanwhile, the panel decide what constitutes "the cavalry" in football and tackle a tantalising question about the resale value of a footballer's match-worn football boots.



Visit MedExpress.co.uk to check your eligibility and get 30% off with code CLICHES.



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Five football clubs in 10 seconds, Ekitike's non-haunting & prime minister Martin Keown

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.



Among the selections are the egalitarian approach of football results shows, the psychological impact of the height of the main camera angle, that moment of uncertainty as a referee indicates a goal kick and not a penalty and one of the most nuanced observations on the language of football the pod has ever faced.



Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjoy an inevitable Sean Dyche moment and some curious Champions League commentary.



Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: ⁠https://dreamland.footballcliches.com⁠



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Scottish League Two scores, leaked fines lists & the sixth penalty taker: The listeners' loves & hates

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Gary Neville finds a new frequency of noise at Anfield, whether Evangelos Marinakis is too "chaos Serie A" for Our League, Soccer Saturday somehow invents a new scoreline format after 33 years, Liverpool having too many rangy forwards and the earliest you can "not want this first half to end".



Meanwhile, the panel build up for the business end of the Clichés Live tour and wonder if a Saturday 3pm kick-off could ever be the best Premier League game of the season.



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Live show legends, Liverpool's 18ft 10in strike force & a new Neville noise

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and Nick Miller. On the agenda: Nick's first-hand account of Cape Verde's World Cup qualification glory, an important question about pitch-invading animals, Thomas Tuchel defies the manufactured outrage once again, the most “in the departure lounge” England player, football clichés as film titles and a long-overdue assessment of Richard Keys’ acting abilities.



Meanwhile, the panel put together a barking, haranguing and roaring Communication XI.



Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com



The Football Clichés Live tour continues - get your tickets here: https://tickets.footballcliches.com



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The Cape Verdean Dan Burn, Keysey the actor & the Communication XI

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Lee Dixon invents some new "goalkeeper's not saving that" hyperbole, Sean Dyche's potential new job, the difference between "comedy" and "bizarre" own goals, poor cricket knowledge in Stephen King novels, the Daily Mail's "Champagne Socialists XI", footballers who forget to officially retire, tenuous footballspeak in microwave adverts and Duncan Ferguson's insight into the obsessive mind of a goalscorer.



Meanwhile, the panel reflect on the live tour so far, including a glorious sold-out night at the Hackney Empire.



Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com



The Football Clichés Live tour continues - get your tickets here: https://tickets.footballcliches.com
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Own-goal flavours, casual retirements & football clubs as sperm counts

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: early feedback from the Clichés Live tour, the latest clumsy football/politics crossover, a niche selection headache for Thomas Tuchel, former Premier League managers in University Challenge answers and Lampardian transitions from 94-year-old grandfathers.



Meanwhile, the panel backpedal, waltz and dart their way through the definitive Movement XI.



Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com



The Football Clichés Live tour has begun - get your tickets here: https://tickets.footballcliches.com



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