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Proxy with Yowei Shaw

Proxy investigates the emotional mysteries that run our lives and world — sometimes by finding someone who gets it, sometimes by reporting from the emotions beat. Hosted by Yowei Shaw, former co-host and editorial lead of Invisibilia. We’ll be back with new cases on September 22. Follow the show so you don’t miss the next case.  Follow us on Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/proxypodcast/">@proxypodcast</a> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/yoweishaw/">@yoweishaw</a>Get in touch at <a href="mailto:proxythepod@gmail.com">proxythepod@gmail.com</a> If you’re new, try: <a href="https://play.prx.org/listen?ge=prx_9862_a0685e99-f271-4ecf-b840-5df22ed6a746&amp;uf=https%3A%2F%2Ffeed.proxypodcast.com%2F">Bisexual Wife Guy</a>, <a href="https://play.prx.org/listen?ge=prx_9862_9ff522a7-9704-4d5d-a158-a6cd2e4c6add&amp;uf=https%3A%2F%2Ffeed.proxypodcast.com%2F">Yowei Can't Speak Bro</a>, or <a href="https://play.prx.org/listen?ge=prx_9862_fd721520-8dee-4835-8fd4-d662f67c63a3&amp;uf=https%3A%2F%2Ffeed.proxypodcast.com%2F">Jane Doesn't Like Her Dogs</a>.

Yowei Shaw

Before Proxy comes back on September 22, Yowei and Kyle hold a tiny business meeting about the state of the show: more listeners, fewer members, a new membership goal, and what it’ll take to make year three. Also, Comcast has thoughts.

State of the Show: Comcast Says We're Gonna Make It

The case of the asexual woman who wants romantic partnership with no sex. Taelor wants a partner who wants what she wants: closeness, commitment, emotional intimacy, a life together. Just not sex.But years of dating as an asexual woman has left Taelor wondering if what she wants is too specific to find. Does she keep trying? And if love without sex isn’t possible for her, how does she cope? How do you grieve a life you still want but aren’t sure you’ll get?In this episode, we find Taelor a proxy: an asexual woman who's been married for 12 years without having to compromise on sex. Together, they talk about boundaries, loneliness, and how to keep fighting for the love you want when the world keeps telling you your version of it doesn't count. From the episode:— The Ace Couple podcast that Courtney hosts with her partner Royce— Courtney Lane's work as a Victorian hair artist and historianFunding for this story was provided by the University of California, Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, as part of its “Spreading Love Through the Media” initiative, supported by the John Templeton Foundation.New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Alex's Husband Is Too Straight, another episode about wrestling with attraction and longterm romance outside the usual script.For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Taelor Doesn't Want to Have Sex

The case of the progressive rich guy who doesn’t know what to do with his money.Sam grew up middle class, built a company, sold it, and suddenly found himself with more money than he ever expected.But instead of feeling free, Sam feels stuck. He doesn’t want to become the kind of rich person he used to judge. He doesn’t want money to change his relationships. He doesn’t want to hoard it. He doesn’t even want to talk about it.In this episode, we find Sam a proxy: David Steely, a former millionaire who has since given most of his money away. Together, they talk about secrecy, guilt, redistribution, enoughness, and the morally complicated question: what are you supposed to do when you have more than you need?From the episode:— Resource Generation — an organization for young people with wealth and class privilege working toward wealth redistribution— Showing Up for Racial Justice (SURJ) — a group that organizes white people for racial and economic justiceNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Mic Chooses the Wrong Life, a story about regret, comparison, and the fantasy of the unlived life.For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Sam Doesn't Know How to Be Rich

The case of the person who worries their husband still sees them as his wife. Alex is nonbinary, and their husband Henry is a straight cis man. Henry has been supportive through every step of Alex’s transition — pronouns, testosterone, top surgery — but Alex worries: if Henry is straight, does that mean he still sees Alex as a woman?In this episode, we find Alex two proxies: Elvis, a trans man who transitioned inside his long-term relationship, and Ryan, Elvis’s straight cis husband. Together, they talk about labels, desire, dysphoric sex, and the tender, terrifying question underneath it all: will you still want me if I change?New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for another story about identity changing inside a relationship, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro, about the emotional rules of people who say “that’s cool."For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Alex's Husband Is Too Straight

The case of the podcast host who can't speak bro.For the past twelve years, Yowei has been trying — and failing — to have a normal conversation with her husband's best friend. It's not for lack of goodwill. But somehow, every time, they can't find a rhythm. Yowei's theory: he speaks bro, and she doesn't know how. In this episode, Yowei finds a proxy bro and gets a crash course in bro banter — the hidden rules and emotional logic behind the joking, shit-talking, and conversations that can last for hours without a single life update.  From the episode:— Jason Stewart — podcaster, DJ, and co-host of How Long Gone. Follow him on Instagram and X @themjeans.— Scott Kiesling — professor of linguistics at the University of Pittsburgh, whose work explores masculinity and how men use talk to build relationships and their identities. Learn more at sfkiesling.com.New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or The First Ever Extrovert-Introvert Cage Match for another case about what happens when friends have different ideas of connection. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Yowei Can't Speak Bro

The case of the dog trainer who stopped feeling close to her own dogs. Jane's whole life has been dogs. Doggie daycare, animal rescue, behavior modification, fostering, training — dogs were the place she felt most at home. Which is why Jane is so disturbed by what's happening now. She still takes care of her two dogs. She still loves them. But the feeling is gone. In this episode, Yowei finds a proxy who helps Jane investigate the emotional aftermath of animal caregiving — the burnout, anticipatory grief, and compassion fatigue that can make even love start to feel like another demand.Please note: This story contains a brief mention of suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know may be considering suicide, call or text 988, or text HOME to 741741.Featuring Jen Blough, LPC — therapist, compassion fatigue educator, and author of To Save a Starfish. Learn more at animalwelfarewellness.com.Funding for this story was provided by the University of California, Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, as part of its “Spreading Love Through the Media” initiative, supported by the John Templeton Foundation.Resources on compassion fatigue, pet caregiving, and pet loss:—Compassion fatigue resources from ASPCApro—Pet caregiver burden resources from Insight Animal Behavior Services—Cornell Pet Loss Support HotlineNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Brian Can't Stop Fact-Checking His Mother-In-Lawfor another story about caregiver burden. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get File Under Feelings, our free newsletter, at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Jane Doesn't Like Her Dogs

The case of the writer whose inner narrator disappeared. For most of her life, Caitlin Myer had a narrator. A voice that told stories, shaped sentences, kept her company, and made writing feel less like work than a way of being alive.Then, after a concussion, the voice disappeared.Caitlin could no longer write the way she used to. She couldn’t hear the music of her own sentences. And even as she slowly regained the ability to read, work, and move through the world again, she was left with a terrifying question: if the thing that gave your life meaning is gone, how do you find the plot again?In this episode, Yowei finds Caitlin a proxy: musician and songwriter Greta Morgan, who lost her singing voice after COVID and had to figure out who she was without the voice that had defined her. Together, they investigate the grief of losing the thing that gave your life meaning — and how to find the plot again.From the episode: — Caitlin Myer — author of Wiving— support her on Patreon and learn more: www.caitlinmyer.com— Greta Morgan — author of The Lost Voice — sign up for her Patreon and newsletter: www.gretamorganmusic.comNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Mic Chooses the Wrong Life, for another story about identity and ambition. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Caitlin Lost the Voice In Her Head

The case of the organizer who's afraid to stop being angry. Nicole knows how to be mad — and channel that into her work as a labor organizer and activist.The problem is, Nicole’s aggro mode doesn’t always stay in her political work. Sometimes it spills onto friends, family, and strangers. And underneath the anger, Nicole suspects there’s a feeling she’s afraid of: grief over the horrors she's fighting. against. In this episode, Yowei connects Nicole with Deborah Gould, a former ACT UP activist and political theorist who has spent decades studying the emotions that fuel and fracture movements. Together, Nicole and Deborah investigate rage, grief, queer organizing, erotic energy, despair, and how to stay in the work without losing yourself to it.From the episode: — Deborah Gould — Professor and Chair of Sociology at UC Santa Cruz, and author of Moving Politics: Emotion and ACT UP's Fight Against AIDSNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Jane Doesn’t Like Her Dogs for another story about a feeling you're ashamed to admit. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Nicole Can't Stop Being Aggro

The case of the woman who wants to forgive her mom, but doesn't know how. Erin wants to forgive her mother. Not because her mother deserves it. Not because Erin wants a relationship with her. But because Erin is tired of feeling so angry. The problem is, forgiveness feels like science fiction. How do you release resentment toward someone who hurt you deeply? How do you stop being mad without pretending what happened was okay?In this episode, Yowei connects Erin with Robert Enright — a psychologist who helped pioneer the science of forgiveness.Together, they investigate what forgiveness is, what it isn’t, and whether it’s possible to loosen resentment without letting someone off the hook.From the episode: — Find Robert Enright — find his forgiveness program and free resources at the International Forgiveness Institute: www.internationalforgiveness.com— Read his book Forgiveness Is A Choice: A Step-By-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or JC's Kids Won't Talk To Her for another story when your version of a relationship doesn't match theirsFor episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Bob and the Forgiveness Spell

The case of the teenager who can't go home.Yaroslava was 16 when she woke up in Ukraine to the sound of explosions and had to flee her town in Ukraine. Now Yara is 19, living in New York, studying digital marketing, arranging flowers, and doing better. But her grandma is still back home. Her friends are scattered. And every time Yara starts to enjoy her life here, she feels guilty for not being back home. In this episode, Yowei hosts a proxy conversation between Yaroslava and Sariyah Abuzant, a filmmaker from Palestine who also had to make a life far from the place she loves. Together, they investigate displacement, guilt, long-distance friendship, and the small ways we keep home alive after we leave.From the episode: — Dignity Beyond Borders — learn more about their work: www.dignitybeyondborders.org, Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn: @dignitybeyondborders— Yaroslava — on Instagram: @yasiiaaaa— Sariyah Abuzant — watch her film FordDat:https://vimeo.com/1101397354?fl=pl&fe=sh— Dignity Beyond Borders — learn more about their work: www.dignitybeyondborders.org Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn: @dignitybeyondborders— Yaroslava — on Instagram: @yasiiaaaa— Sariyah Abuzant — watch her film FordDat: https://vimeo.com/1101397354New to Proxy? New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Mic Chooses the Wrong Life, for another story about when the road not taken won’t leave you aloneFor episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Yaroslava Can't Go Home

The case of the introverts and extroverts who love each other, but sometimes can't stand each other. Why do some friends need constant contact, while others need three to five business days to text back? Why does one person’s “fun hang” feel like torture to another? And why does it hurt so much when the people we love have different ideas of what connection should look like?In this special Proxy conversation, Yowei brings together comedian Aparna Nancherla, extrovert Ryan Letts, and introvert-extrovert expert Jennifer Kahnweiler for a historic summit on introvert-extrovert relations. Together, they investigate the tiny social mismatches that can make friendship feel impossible: who reaches out, who disappears, who makes too much eye contact, who doesn't make enough, and why we all secretly suspect we're too much, or not enough.  From the episode: — Aparna Nancherla — wrote Unreliable Narrator and is on Instagram @aparnapkin: www.aparnacomedy.com— Ryan Letts — runs Pando Integration Coaching— Jennifer Kahnweiler — hosts Introvert Ally and wrote The Genius of Opposites: www.jenniferkahnweiler.comNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro, for another story about friends having trouble connecting. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

The First Ever Extrovert-Introvert Cage Match

An Emotions Beat episode about the reasons that keep going missing. In  family estrangement, there's a strange pattern that shows up again and again: adult children say they've explained why they need distance, while parents say they have no idea what went wrong. So where do the reasons go? In part 2 of our estrangement series, reporter Kim Nederveen Pieterse talks with two therapists who work on opposite sides of family estrangement: Becca Bland, who is estranged from her own parents and now helps families navigate this, and Joshua Coleman, who became an expert on estranged parents after reconciling with his own daughter. Together, they unpack the explanations estranged families reach for — narcissistic parents, oversensitive kids, broken communication —  and what it takes for a parent to stop defending their version of events long enough to hear their child's pain. From the episode: — Becca Bland — follow her work with families and people surviving estrangement: www.beccabland.com— Joshua Coleman — read New Rules of Estrangement, subscribe to his newsletter Family Troubles, and learn more: www.drjoshuacoleman.com— Kim Nederveen Pieterse — listen to more of her reporting: www.kimnp.orgNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Brian Can't Stop Fact-Checking His Mother-in-Law for another story about family, love, and trying to be heard.For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

An Estrangement Mystery

The case of the mother whose kids won’t talk to her.JC’s adult children have cut off contact with her. They’ve told her why. But JC still doesn’t understand what happened — or what, if anything, she’s supposed to do now.So reporter Kim Nederveen Pieterse finds JC a proxy: Chess Dugas, a woman who cut off contact with her own parents and now talks publicly about estrangement on her YouTube channel, The Scapegoat Club. Together, JC and Chess have the kind of conversation neither of them can have with their own families — about no contact, boundaries, gifts, guilt, missing your mom, and whether estrangement always has to feel so final.This is part one of our two-part story on estrangement.From the episode: — Chess Dugas — makes The Scapegoat Club on YouTube and TikTok: @thesscapegoatclub— Joshua Coleman — wrote New Rules of Estrangement and publishes the newsletter Family Troubles: www.drjoshuacoleman.com— Kim Nederveen Pieterse — listen to more of her reporting: www.kimnp.orgNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Bob and the Forgiveness Spell for another story about family rupture, anger, and what it means to let go without pretending nothing happened.For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

JC's Kids Won't Talk To Her

The case of two podcasters who hated asking for money.Alex Goldman used to host Reply All. Yowei used to host Invisibilia. Now they both make independent podcasts — Alex with Hyperfixed, Yowei with Proxy — which means they now have to ask listeners for money all the time. The problem, is they hate doing this. In this episode, Yowei and Alex investigate the the great emotional conundrum of independent media: can you ask people to support your work without feeling sleazy, annoying, pathetic, egotistical, or like a scared telemarketer?With help from fundraising expert Haley Bash and one very honest listener, they investigate transparency, shame, listener backlash, gooey brownies, and why telling people what you need might be less embarrassing than letting the thing you love disappear.From the episode: — Alex Goldman — host of the podcast Hyperfixed: www.hyperfixedpod.com— Haley Bash — founder of Donor Organizer Hub, a support network for people fundraising for under-resource causes: www.donororganizerhub.org— The Accidental Fundraiser — Haley's step-by-step guide to raising money for your causeNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Caitlin Lost the Voice In Her Head for another story about trying to keep making art when the old way stops working. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Alex and the Impossible Ask

An Emotions Beat investigation about what silence sounds like when your rights are under attack. After Trump’s reelection, Sandy Ernest Allen watched attacks on trans rights escalate — and waited for more cis people to say something. Check in. Show up. Make noise. But mostly, he heard silence.Then Sandy did something counterintuitive. Instead of asking why people didn’t care, he asked cis people what made them start caring about trans rights. Hundereds of people answered.In this episode, Yowei and Sandy investigate what’s hiding inside the silence: overwhelm, shame, fear of saying the wrong thing or looking performative, and the dangerous assumption that someone else will handle it. And Sandy makes the case for allyship that is loud, imperfect, and badly needed.From the episode: — Sandy Ernest Allen — writes the newsletter What's Helping Today:  www.sandyernestallen.com— "To Cis People Who Feel Despair" — Sandy's guide to supporting trans people— The post on Bluesky: @sandyernestallen— Support Sandy's writing: https://buymeacoffee.com/sandyallen New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Nicole Can’t Stop Being Aggro for another story about what it takes to keep caring when the world is horrifying. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Sandy and the Silence

An Emotions Beat episode about how to keep caring without falling apart.Anya Kamenetz was having trouble coping with the state of the world. So she decided to report on those feelings. In this episode, Yowei talks with Anya about what she's learned from scientists, activists, psychologists, and thinkers about how to live through crises upon crises. Together, they investigate compassion fatigue, psychic numbing, fear, denial, burnout, joy, collective action, and why coping with now doesn't mean looking away — it means moving through the hard feelings to keep taking action.From the episode:— Anya Kamenetz — writer of the newsletter The Golden Hour— We Are the Great Turning — a podcast she produced with eco-spiritual teacher Joanna Macy, about love, courage, and connection in the climate crisisNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Nicole Can’t Stop Being Aggro — when the world feels overwhelming and it starts to take over how you feelFor episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

How to Cope with Now

The case of the people person who fell out of love with people. Zakiya Gibbons used to love strangers, nightlife, and somehow always ending up on a boat. Then lockdown happened. And somewhere in that solitude, Zakiya discovered something alarming: she loved being alone. And when the world opened back up, the things that used to light her up — parties, small talk, new people — made her anxious instead.Zakiya wants to know: is this just who she is now? Or can she get back to the open, exuberant, people-loving version of herself?In this episode, Yowei finds Zakiya a proxy: personality researcher Bill Chopik, who studies how people change over time. Together, they investigate whether personality is fixed, what it takes to change, and how to know when you’re honoring who you are versus accidentally becoming someone you don’t want to be.From the episode: — Zakiya Gibbons — on Instagram @zak_sauce — more of her work: www.zakiyagibbons.com— Dr. William Chopik — studies relationships and personality — more about his research: www.chopiklab.com, Bluesky @Chops310, X @Chops310New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Caitlin Lost the Voice In Her Head for a story about. losing access to a part of yourself you thought was permanent.For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Zakiya Used to Be So Fun

The case of the writer whose inner narrator will not shut up.Amanda Montell is very good at telling stories. So good, in fact, she can’t seem to stop telling them — even to herself.Amanda has what she calls a “Storymaker” in her head: an internal narrator constantly shaping her life into scenes, arcs, jokes, metaphors, and meaning. Most of the time, it’s fun. It makes life feel cinematic. It’s useful for her writing.But lately, Amanda has been wondering if the Storymaker is doing too much. Is she actually living her life, or narrating it from the outside? In this episode, Yowei connects Amanda with Jonathan Adler, a psychologist who studies narrative identity. Together, they investigate inner monologues, memory, meaning-making, theater kids, and whether Amanda can negotiate a different relationship with the voice in her head. From the episode: — Amanda Montell — author of The Age of Magical Overthinking, Cultish, and Wordslut, and host of the podcasts Magical Overthinkers and Sounds Like a Cult — on Instagram@amanda_montell— Jonathan Adler — personality psychologist — more about his work: www.jonathan-adler.comX @JonathanMAdler, Bluesky @jadler.bsky.social, and LinkedInNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Caitlin Lost the Voice In Her Head for another story about trying to keep making art when the old way stops working. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Amanda and the Nonstop Narrator

The case of the reporter who can't stop fact-checking his mother-in-law.Brian’s mother-in-law has Alzheimer’s and lives with his family. He loves her. He knows she can’t help misremembering things. And still, when she says something that isn’t true, he corrects her. In this episode, Yowei connects Brian with Claudia Drossell, a psychologist who works with caregivers of people with dementia. Together, they investigate the emotional reality of caregiving: grief, resentment, shame, and how to accept his anger so he can protect the time his family has left. From the episode: — Brian Reed — host of the podcast Question Everything — on Instagram @brihreed, X @BriHReed— Claudia Drossel — psychology p rofessor at Eastern Michigan University — caregiving resources mentioned in this episodeNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or.Jane Doesn't Like Her Dogs for another story about love, caregiving, and resentment.For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Brian Can't Stop Fact-checking His Mother-In-Law

The case of the bandmates who can't finish their record and don't know why.Evan and Chris are best friends, bandmates, and creative partners. Years ago, their band The Superweaks was on the verge of breaking out. Then Evan's brother Corey — the band's bassist — died suddenly, and the band never recovered. Now they have a record that's almost done. Just a few vocals left. But it's been stuck for years, tangled in grief, burnout, ADHD, resentment, lack of leadership, and silence. In this episode, Yowei connects Evan and Chris with Ryan Dusick, founding drummer of Maroon 5 turned therapist, to investigate what happens when a band is also a friendship, a dream, a workplace, and a family system — and what it takes to get unstuck. From the episode: — The Superweaks — listen to their single "Blindside" and The Superweaks Superweekly Supercast episode where Yowei stumbles into the case — on Instagram @thesuperweaks— Ryan Dusick — author of Harder to Breathe: A Memoir of Making Maroon, Losing It All, and Finding Recovery, and host of The Harder To Breathe podcast — on Instagram @ryan_michael_dusick— The Music Industry Therapist Collective: www.musicindustrytherapists.comNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro for another story about friendship and miscommunication. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get File Under Feelings, our free newsletter, at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Is It Time To Break Up the Band?

The case of the introvert who keeps waiting for personality puberty to hit.For most of her life, Yowei saw her introversion as a character flaw to fix. Then Yowei read Unreliable Narrator by comedian Aparna Nancherla and realized she wasn't the only one who felt this way. In this episode, Yowei talks introvert-to-introvert with Aparna about self-loathing, performance, the extrovert ideal, Asian woman stereotypes, why “be yourself” is terrible advice, and how to take up space without trying to become someone else.From the episode:  — Aparna Nancherla, author of Unreliable Narrator: Me, Myself, and Imposter Syndrome — on Instagram @aparnapkin: www.aparnacomedy.com— Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan CainNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro for a story where Yowei tries to understand the terrifying emotional language known as bro-speak. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Aparna and the Self-Loathing Introvert

The case of the man who can't stop regretting the life he didn’t choose.Mic Nguyen was supposed to be a doctor. Becoming a doctor meant stability, respect, and making his parents proud.Instead, Mic became a comedian and advertising creative. He loves his life. But whenever money feels tight or work feels uncertain, the old question comes back: did he mess up by not going to medical school?In this episode, Yowei connects Mic with regret researcher Amy Summerville to investigate why regret hurts, why our imagined alternate lives can feel so real, and how regret can point less to what we did wrong than to what we still care about.From the episode: — Mic Nguyen — co-host of the podcast Asian Not Asian — on Instagram @nicepantsbro— Amy Summerville's paper — one of the most cited articles on regretNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Caitlin Lost the Voice In Her Head for another story about trying to live with the person you turned out to be. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Mic Chooses the Wrong Life

The case of the bisexual wife guy who got dumped.George was married to a woman he loved. Then she came out as bisexual and left the marriage. George is happy for her. But he's also heartbroken, confused, and stuck with questions he doesn’t feel allowed to ask.In this episode, Yowei connects George with Hanna Rosin, who has lived a version of this story from the other side. Together, they investigate late-in-life queerness, divorce, closure, performative okayness, and how to move forward when you feel like a minor character written out of someone else’s story. From the episode:— Hanna Rosin, host of the podcasts Radio Atlantic and Chutzpod! — on X and Instagram: @hannarosinNew to Proxy? Try Mic Chooses the Wrong Life for a story about when the road not taken won’t leave you alone, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro for a story about loving someone whose language of connection doesn’t make sense to you.For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Bisexual Wife Guy

The case of the couple who want answers from HR.Months after Elliot was laid off, he and his husband Miles were still angry — not just about the layoff, but about the way it happened. The smiling HR rep. The severance paperwork no one explained. The desk he wasn’t allowed to pack up. The coffee spilled all over his belongings.They had questions they couldn’t ask the actual HR person without risking Miles’s job. So Yowei found them a proxy: Catie Maillard, a veteran People Operations professional who has conducted hundreds of layoffs and been laid off herself.In Proxy’s first-ever proxy conversation, Miles and Elliot ask Catie everything they’ve been carrying about HR, severance, corporate policy, layoff lists, the WARN Act, and why companies can make people feel so disposable. And Catie helps them understand what may have happened behind the scenes — while also giving Elliot something he never got from the company: a real apology. From the episode:— Catie Maillard — on LinkedIn — more about her work: www.somehowimanagehr.com— Yowei's unhinged Gold Star music videoNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Yowei Can’t Speak Brofor a lighter story about male friendship, bro-speak, and emotional translation. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

The Layoff Trilogy 3: HR by Proxy

Please note: This story contains brief mention of suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know may be considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing 9-8-8, or the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741. After Elliot was suddenly laid off, his husband Miles kept working at the same company — in the same office, with the same HR rep, under the same threat that he might be next.Then Miles heard a rumor: more layoffs were coming on the third Thursday of the month. Danger Day.In this episode, Yowei follows Miles and Elliot through the horror-movie logic of layoff anxiety: calendar clues, changed meeting rooms, suspicious boss behavior, financial panic, phantom work limbs, and the feeling that one bad meeting can make your whole life disappear. With help from sociologist Ofer Sharone, they investigate why layoffs can feel so devastating — especially when you believed that working hard and following the rules would keep you safe.From the episode:— Ofer Sharone — sociologist at UMass Amherst, and author of The Stigma Trap: College-Educated, Experienced, and Long-Term UnemployedNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or.HR by Proxy for the first full proxy conversation, where Miles and Elliot get to ask an HR rep the questions they've been carrying. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

The Layoff Trilogy 2: Danger Day

When Yowei got laid off from NPR, she knew all the rational things. It was a business decision. It wasn’t about her performance. She had savings, severance, and support.So why did it still feel like getting rejected by the entire life she’d built?In the first episode of Proxy, Yowei investigates why layoffs can feel so emotionally devastating — even when you know, intellectually, that it’s not your fault. Along the way, she talks with experts about the history of layoffs, unemployment stigma, the American hiring process, and why losing a job can make you feel like you’ve lost your worth. And she begins the story that eventually became Proxy itself. From the episode:— Ofer Sharone — sociologist at UMass Amherst, and author of The Stigma Trap: College-Educated, Experienced, and Long-Term UnemployedNew to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic Proxy case, or.HR by Proxy, for the first full proxy converstion we ever recorded. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishawVisit — proxypodcast.comGet in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

The Layoff Trilogy 1: Layoff Girl

It’s the knot you can’t untangle — a problem so specific, it makes you feel alone. But what if you could talk to someone who gets it? On Proxy, we find someone with the closest possible experience to your problem — and follow the conversation that unfolds. It’s not therapy. It’s emotional investigative journalism.Hosted by Yowei Shaw, former co-host of Invisibilia.New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy, one of the clearest examples of what this show does, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro for a funny investigation into male friendship, bro-speak, and emotional translation.