Hard Nation

Jeff Foxworthy is at the door, and Mark & Pete are closing the borders with help from Attorney General Jeff Sessions (Paul F. Tompkins), former presidential candidate Jill Stein (D’Arcy Carden), prominent Trump supporter Velveteen Carter (Carl Tart), patriotic singer Miguel Wargo (Craig Rowin), conservative media personality Alex Jones (Henry Zebrowski), video game legend Mario and his talking hat Cappy (Jessica McKenna and Zach Reino), and maybe more. Secret alliances are revealed, murder will be attempted, and things get surprisingly intimate. Plus: Mark offers some words to live by.

DC musical legends The Capitol Steps (“Baby Wants Candy”’s Chris Grace, Ashley Ward, John Hartman and Scott Passarella) return to Hard Nation with catheters in tow, and songs about Sophie’s Choice, Laura Bush’s DUI, the complete history of America and Mockin Jay Pt. 1. Plus: Mark was in an all white male version of West Side Story, and Pete is taking a lot of Fentanyl. And don’t forget about Matthew Broderick...

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders (Pam Murphy) returns to do shuttle runs around the Hard Nation studios. She reveals her true feelings about Hope Hicks, defends her handling of the Stormy Daniels scandal, and reads more real letters that real children wrote President Trump. Plus: Mark leads Pete on a meditative journey.

Former Trump advisor Rick Gates (Andrew Hansen) isn't just a person of interest in the Mueller investigation, he's also a very good boy. He talks to Mark and Pete about what he has in common with Spongebob and Mueller's baby blue eyes, but can't resist some gross-looking but delicious candy. Plus: The Hard boys get some shocking news.

Rising Democratic Senators Elizabeth "Poseidon" Warren (Rachel Bloom) and Chuck "Lil Squish" Schumer (Dan Gregor) waltz into Hard Nation like a couple of Admiral Holdos. Warren thinks all Americans deserve a "double drop" like Splash Mountain, Schumer's famous cousin has been sending him dog crap for 1600 days, and both of them dish on their favorite taffy flavors. Plus: it's Hard Nation's 100th episode!

Newly dreadlocked comedian Jeff Foxworthy (Jason Saenz) brings a backpack full of essential oils to the shores of Hard Nation. With his PR rep (who is a cactus) in tow, he teaches a hapless Mark how to tell his patented “redneck” jokes. Plus: Pete hypothesizes what Olympic curlers are like in the bedroom.

Adult film actress Stormy Daniels (Jamie Denbo) joins Mark & Pete on Hard Nation to allegedly talk about the alleged rendezvous she may or may not have had with our current president. She also shares outspoken thoughts on her failed political career, the death of Aziz Ansari, and which religious group is multiplying “like butterflies.” Plus: Mark shares his romantic Valentine’s Day plans.

Actor Alec Baldwin (Lee Rubenstein) leans into five or six different controversies on today’s Hard Nation. He talks satire in the age of Trump, what the “AB” stands for in "ABFoundation," and why America won the hunt for Red October. Plus: Mark shouldn’t have invested in Bitcoin. Dilly dilly!

Bestselling “Fire & Fury” author Michael Wolff (Adam Frucci) stops by Hard Nation, willing to burn any bridges and destroy his personal relationships to offer Mark & Pete some juicy stories. Wolff tells us how Steve Bannon smells and his dream of infiltrating Netflix, before he and Mark engage in some “locker room talk.” Meanwhile, Pete just wants to protect the mice...

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin (Greg Tuculescu) and his impressive man-boobs arrive on the shores of Hard Nation! Putin claims he wrestles President Trump every time he meets him, endorses a 'strong hug' as his favorite murder method, and admits he wants to take over the United States. Plus: the Hard boys talk Oscar noms!

Former White House strategist and Breitbart.com head Steve Bannon (Josh Simpson) comes to Hard Nation still reeling from his rough dismissal by the President. Steve explains why he’s the inspiration for every Seinfeld character and helps Mark with his “revenge porn” dilemma, while Pete demands to know what an Orange Julius is.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un (Sarah Claspell) brings the party to this week's Hard Nation! The brutal dictator tells Mark & Pete he might be in the Olympics, doesn't know what a toilet is, and made Crocodile Rock the national song of North Korea. Plus: Mark swears that Three Billboards is a dark comedy.

HUD secretary Ben Carson (Cory P. Willis) may be a Cabinet member now, but on this week’s Hard Nation he wants to talk about his true passion; the brain. Carson explains why brains never really die, and pitches his animal frat comedy “Hippo Campus.” Plus: which Hard brother will receive free brain surgery before the episode is over?

White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders (Pamela Murphy) brings her skateboard and a bucket of mashed potatoes to the shores of Hard Nation. After reading some heartwarming letters to the president from children named Scallop and Scaliwag, she plays Mark & Pete her heavy metal mixtape. Plus: Pete is vaping again.

Controversial radio host Alex Jones (Henry Zebrowski) brings a heavy dose of truth (and various bodily fluids) to Hard Nation. Jones enlightens Mark & Pete about 9/11, reptilians, weather weapons, Shakespeare, Beyonce, homosexual frogs, and why he chased a maid nude for seven miles in Mexico.This episode is brought to you by the DecodeDC podcast.

Roger Ailes (John Gemberling), former Fox News head and Mark’s personal hero, comes on Hard Nation to ask what consent really means, explain his “orchestra pit” theory, and handle Mark’s unsubtle advances.

U.S. Olympians Gabby Douglas & Ryan Lochte (Kirby Howell-Baptiste and Drew Tarver) help Hard Nation recap the 2016 Rio Olympics, while educating Mark & Pete on hand jobs, smiling, patriotism, slavery, and Chinese food. Plus: Pete fat-shames Mark.This episode is sponsored by Blue Apron.

Sen. Ted Cruz (Paul F. Tompkins) talks about why he empathizes with candles and his fantasy Ghostbusters reboot. Plus: Pete plugs his children’s book "Even Starfish Can Consent."

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