The Nick Abbot Habit
In the age of the 24 hour-a-day multiple news-gasms, let The Nick Abbot Habit be your guide. It's fast and funny and sometimes furious. All opinions are correct, apart from those that aren't. Plus Nick's favourite calls from his cult weekend talk show. Guaranteed no baking or dancing.
Episodes
Again and again and again
This week;s clips include a novel cure for Covid, a man forms his own party, there's a weather forecast that's worse than what we've got now and some hero news that hasn't aged well.
09/12/24•33m 52s
Beans and the toothpick
This week's clips from 2022 feature a man calling in with a tip, there's a story about The Who and a warning about fuelling up on E.
02/12/24•34m 19s
Whose Who?
In this week's clips, I had been disrespectful to Peru, a lady calls with news about the Sun and I take on the Bank of England.
25/11/24•32m 45s
What's so super about them?
This week's clips feature an alarm going off, we find out how badly we fared under the leadership of Mr Blobby and I think I have detected the real identity of a regular caller.
17/11/24•31m 38s
Floating downstream
This week's clips are from just after the 2020 American election, The Lurgy was still among us and Mr Blobby was the Dread Leader
11/11/24•31m 21s
Confusing the alien
This week's clips are from just after the last American election and include a Pink Floyd relic and I try to change my address.
04/11/24•31m 57s
I lose control
In this week's clips, someone takes control of my system, we talk about Andy Pandy, stamps in passports and a caller misses a certain someone.
28/10/24•31m 37s
The reluctant donor.
This weeks clips include the birthday of The Thing, Smugg said fish were happier after Brexit, a man calls with a solution to our problems and in a bang-up-to-date clip from last weekend, an awful story about organs.
21/10/24•32m 13s
The Royal Issue
This week's clips include Meghan Markle being criticised, if you can believe that, and a man calls with a plan.
14/10/24•32m 37s
Ucking what?
This week's is a podcast of two halves, the first from 2020 when there was a problem with Chertsey, the second from 2021 when there was a problem with Windsor.
07/10/24•33m 53s
The Road Map to Hell
In clips this week, we were talking about mature ladies' disco nights and an odd bird I'd seen runing around.
30/09/24•31m 22s
A road map to Clownland
It was February 2021 and some of us were washing our shopping, a clown had a road map and a woman calls to complain it hurts to laugh
23/09/24•31m 29s
Pardon?
These clips are from when Mr Blobby was still in Number 10, The Screaming MeMe was still in the Whitehouse and The Thing was keeping us inside
16/09/24•35m 15s
What's cooking?
Clips this week from 2021 and from last weekend when I talk to a man about a boat, there's an issue with milk and I chat to a nice lady about school dinners
09/09/24•34m 11s
The big small bird mystery
It was February 2021 and a person called to confuse us, a man is concerned about footballers' behaviour and there's an identity parade for a winged oddity.
02/09/24•28m 18s
Brain Goes Spangles
This week's clips are from late 2020 and early 2021, when we were talking about internet shopping, an old frenemy of the show calls to make a prediction about his favourite topic and a man rings who says he invented something huge.
26/08/24•34m 48s
Powered by humans
This week's clips are from late in 2020, when Priti Patel had been accused of bullying, I pick a fight with a multinational corporation and Donald Trump had lost the election but hadn't started his coup attempt yet.
19/08/24•31m 36s
Banning singing
It was November 2020 and there was a text about a caller you will hear on last week's podcast telling us why she loves Donald Trump so much, and the government were making plans for ruining Christmas.
12/08/24•33m 10s
The Gnome Wrangler
This week's clips are from early in 2021, when we were living in bubbles, or some of us were. There's also a bang-up-to-date clip about the kind of food MPs enjoy in the Palace of Westminster at our expense, which you won't like but may make your mouth water.
05/08/24•32m 24s
She's sorry you're wrong
It was November 2020 and Trump was in the Whitehouse and Boris was in Number 10. Imagine that! Listen out for the most surprising reason to like the Peach Powder Puff ex-President you'll probably ever hear.
29/07/24•26m 47s
There's no evidence
No intro or outro this week as I have totally lost my voice. This week's clips are from just after Donald Trump lost last the last election and I have cosy chat with one of his upset fans.
22/07/24•31m 23s
It's out there
This week's clips are from the run-up to December 2020, when there was a kerfuffle about a Christmas song and a TV advert. There's also a brand new clip from my last Sunday show in which I chat to a space expert about a new development in the search for alien life.
16/07/24•28m 27s
The Toilet of England
This week's clips are from 2020, when The Thing was still about, Donald Trump had just lost and people were furious about a Christmas TV advert
08/07/24•30m 44s
Two straws and a bottle of whiskey
This week's clips from 2020 include a chat with a man with a gun, a prediction about money going to areas that voted for Brexit and how patriotic Brits should eat patriotic British fish
01/07/24•27m 47s
The Fabulous Whiner
This week's clips are from just after Donald Trump lost the last election but couldn't bring himself to admit it.
24/06/24•29m 16s
An Explosive Stunt
This week's clips are from Winter 2020, when the weather bore a striking similarity to Summer 2024. We hear of the departure of a "genius" and what Boris Johnson's other half gets called behind her back.
17/06/24•33m 14s
A Smash and Grab Raid
In this week's clips from 2020, we find out something about a famous railway line and hear of the dangers of a certain type of meat.
10/06/24•26m 6s
All aboard!
This week, a podcast of two halves. There's clips from just after the last U.S. elections and a bang-up-to-date rant about Fishi's battlebus.
03/06/24•28m 36s
The problem with wazzocks
In a flashback to 2020, in clips recorded before and after the last U>S> election, we rail against a kettle ban, there's an issue with driving in the rain and a genius departs.
27/05/24•32m 38s
The sandwich issue
No intro or outro this week, I've lost my voice but the clips include a furious reaction about the cheese sandwich issue raised in last week's podcast and the leaf blower controversy howls on.
20/05/24•29m 0s
Thumbs up
This week, the reviews are in for my leaf blower impression from last week, a nice lady fights back against a kettle ban and there's a cheese sandwich controversy.
13/05/24•29m 34s
The leaf-blower incident
This week's clips from October 2020 include me doing my nut in park, a man comes up with the idea of a minister for common sense years before the Tories and there's some crazy rules about kettles.
06/05/24•32m 4s
Fury at the Moon
This week, there's grown-ups shouting at a schoolgirl, a Top Trumps game that goes wrong, I have an issue with electricians and there's some confusion about Boris Johnson's media room
29/04/24•29m 57s
A big bit of Polish meat
This week's episode is a total hoot. There's the suspicious amount of money that Boris Johnson spent on getting Russians to furnish a room in Number 10, some outrageous spending by the Home Office and a bang-up-to-date call from last weekend.
22/04/24•27m 43s
A set of steak knives and a fondue set
This week, a child takes a crooked maths test and we find out what the government spends on itself when we're not looking.
15/04/24•29m 52s
Nailing the phone to the wall
This week's clips include a man calling on an old phone, there's a problem with fish and we find a replacement for Prime Minister Boris Johnson but he might need lots of naps.
08/04/24•27m 28s
A holiday invasion
This weeks clips include some wet news from a loch, a reminder of who is responsible for a controversial traffic measure and I pick a place for us all to escape to.
02/04/24•29m 43s
Who's Batman?
It was autumn 2020 and I made a prediction about Donald Trump that Donald Trump tried to make come true and we were laughing in the face of what the world had sent us. Think of it as an historical document with giggles.
26/03/24•30m 9s
Some Like It Not
This week's clips are from October 2020 when a famous American flew in, a woman was freaked out by her phone and there's some controversy about a classic film.
18/03/24•32m 39s
The Silly Mini
This week, we were talking cars, there were some rules about eating that we had to get our heads around, Titchi Suitsize had a plan in his old job and some undeserving types got a massive pay rise
11/03/24•30m 23s
Fun with oven mitts
This week, there's a bang-up-to-date call from last weekend featuring a disgruntled man in Blackpool, some clips from October 2022, which include the 'C' word (not that one) and a rant about bus lanes.
04/03/24•33m 54s
Lights out at 20pm
This week's clips feature a no-fun Tory conference, we were in the midst of The Thing while getting the B word done and Donald Trump takes a test.
26/02/24•34m 43s
A very expensive pooch
This week's clips include a four legged film star, we pull a rat out of the ground to see what the weather will do and a man finds a sexy Brexit benefit
19/02/24•29m 36s
There There is
This week's clips are from the day after we got our sovereignty back and feature me ordering things a restaurant had run out of, Nigel Farage unveils a picture and we got some bad news from China
12/02/24•33m 53s
A celebrity crank call?
This week's clips are from the day after we got our freedom back, we go over the Brexit festival playlist and I get what I suspect is a joke call from a radio star.
05/02/24•31m 21s
A pinch of snuff
This week, I was struggling to sneeze, there was news of exploding meat and fun with a very small camera.
29/01/24•30m 31s
Insects on the brain
This week's clips from four years ago feature an uninvited guest in my head, an apocalyptic call from Australia and a dyspeptic Boris Johnson fan.
22/01/24•34m 22s
The one where I get locked out
Rummaging round some old tapes, I found the one where I tried to break in to my own house. I think you'll like it more that I did!
15/01/24•29m 57s
The dog bowl and the a*** beads
This week, it's a hilarious mash-up of the start of the A-Z of 2019, with a highlight of the A-Z that we just compiled, of 2023. Enjoy!
08/01/24•34m 14s
ET calling
This week's clips from 2019 feature President Trump being himself, I get a call from a spaced man, there's fun with glue, a woman goes off-grid and an alien pays a visit.
18/12/23•31m 44s
The War On Sanity
Carrying on from last week, there's reaction to an electrical expert's electrical problem, a hairy conundrum, a problem with the weight of time and political sense goes up in smoke.
11/12/23•27m 55s
Giving ourselves a clap
This week, we find what Britain is number one at, which war has gone up in a puff of smoke, I have a brief chat with a man who wants to spread the word and an electrical expert calls.
04/12/23•29m 46s
The lights go out
This week is a special all-Donny episode in celebration of the time his plans for a state visit to these shores were turned upside down.
27/11/23•38m 55s
The Moon-faced Numpty
This week's clips from Spring 2019 feature Theresa May as Prime Minister, some Tories were alarmed at the thought of Boris Johnson replacing her, as though that would ever happen, and there's some instructions from high up. Very high up.
20/11/23•31m 9s
The milk criminal
This week, an old adversary calls, I duck out of imitating Ann Widdecombe for health reasons and there's an incident in the kitchenette.
13/11/23•30m 53s
Surfers of Doom
This week's clips are mostly from April 2019 when the right wing couldn't make up their minds on whether they wanted actors to talk politics, there was a wave warning, a smoking police officer with a suspicious lock-up and it ends with a brand new clip from last weekend from a caller who has become something of a favourite
06/11/23•31m 37s
How are your onions?
This week's clips from 2019 include me getting mistaken for my twin Diane Abbott, a man calls with a solution to stress and ladybirds attack.
30/10/23•28m 55s
How's it a sport?
This week's clips from 2019 include me buying a car, Jacob Mee-Smugg says something stupid, a man calls in on hemp and there's two bang-up-to-date calls from last weekend that you may enjoy.
23/10/23•31m 58s
Pink boats and whales
This week's clips are of a protest to skirt round, we go looking for sea life and find an alarming recipe for soap.
16/10/23•30m 4s
Open season on Dames
It was a week of protests against protests, there was a pink boat with a celebrity onboard and we found a possible benefit of sea levels rising.
09/10/23•28m 11s
No spoilers!
This week's clips include talk about polls, I make a prediction in 2019 that came true in 2023 and we were looking forward to the last series of the biggest show on Earth.
02/10/23•30m 29s
What's a black hole like?
This week, in clips from 2019, Mrs M was having a 'mare, we saw a picture of something invisible and take a trip on a magic dolphin.
25/09/23•30m 59s
A problem with time
Following on from last week, there was some disagreement about the next James Bond, a woman falls foul of a dress code and there's a cab on the way that will never arrive.
18/09/23•30m 26s
Picking the next Bond
This week, there's an 007 issue and an irate call from an irate man, I call out Twitterers, predict Donald Trump's future and wonder at French people.
11/09/23•34m 3s
Getting shrunk
This week, I get an appointment with the head doctor, everyone disagrees with everyone all the time and there's a chemical warfare experiment update.
04/09/23•30m 30s
Not the Nadine Dorries resignation letter
This week's clips are a mix of old and very new. From 2019 an old lady picked a fight with all young people, an American explains what Britain was going through and Nigel mentions the war. From last weekend, there's a world exclusive: the resignation letter that Nadine Dorries didn't write.
29/08/23•31m 38s
A little disagreement
It's 2019 and I make a prediction about Donald Trump, have a heated chat with a Leaver who I bet has changed his mind since we talked four and a half years ago, and we remember when Paulie Walnuts got his nails done.
21/08/23•33m 35s
What's 999,800 between friends?
It was 2019 and we were comparing sizes, a lot of people were ringing to tell me I'd "lost, get over it" and there was an eye-witness to Nigel Farage's super-human abilities.
14/08/23•32m 46s
Driving through where?!
In this week's clips from 2019, we were trying to name a prominent Mark, I accurately predict our future, we hear of some unpleasant place names and there's a tale of two marches.
07/08/23•31m 18s
A stream of noise hitting your head
This week, I am at the end of a 16 show-in-a-row stretch and high on carpet cleaner, I plan a total radio takeover and we search for a Good Mark.
31/07/23•29m 1s
The Comedy Parade
This week I overdose on dandruff medicine, Donald Trump attacks Mrs M. and there's a comedy parade of the permanently furious.
24/07/23•32m 45s
The Spring Clean of Mass Destruction
This week, I get a second dose of chemical warfare, we take a trip to see Led Zeppelin for next to nothing at all and Uncle Nigel gets wet.
17/07/23•34m 2s
A short walk on a long march
This week, Nigel takes a stroll, there's the secret to happiness and I get high on carpet cleaner. Those last two are not connected.
10/07/23•33m 47s
High on cleaning fumes
This week, I see vapour trails coming off everything, we get a spy report from Denmark and there's a LOT of happiness about.
03/07/23•36m 35s
Blowing a gasket
It was Spring 2019 and Julian Assange had just emerged from the Ecuadorian embassy, I appear to lose my mind and am disappointed by both the French and a black hole.
26/06/23•29m 44s
He mentioned the war!
This week, banker waves his money at me, I admit to doing Top Secret work and a man finds something great on a bus.
19/06/23•30m 17s
A right Humphrey
This week, in clips from 2019, I get threatened with half a billion people, there's a car nightmare and from this weekend, two bang-up-to-date callers, one is a Humphrey and the other does the Wokey-Cokey.
12/06/23•30m 3s
1,2,3,4!
This week, the nation gets told off by a Rose, there's a lesson in chocolate, a report from a Ramones gig and I find the origin of a favourite sound clip I play.
05/06/23•31m 5s
Smugg gets comical
In Spring of 2019, the word "flextention" had just been coined, Mrs M was doing her best, I'd had a face full of something poisonous and the Dad's Army recreation society was having a moment.
30/05/23•33m 36s
Brexit ruined my lips
This week, a lady has a make-up crisis, there was intense discussions between the clown shoe lady and the bearded weirdo and people were stockpiling in case Brexit went badly.
22/05/23•31m 24s
A face full
It was Spring 2019 and the thought of Boris Johnson becoming Prime Minister came up (oh how we laughed), a man muttered something about the royals taking charge and the House of Commons was spouting sewage.
15/05/23•32m 0s
Your call is important to us
In this episode, I get picked on by the mayor, we talk artificial intelligence (years before Chat GPT came along) and there's an unfortunate incident with a monkey
08/05/23•32m 19s
Powered by hot air
This week I get messages from numpties, we talk man-caves and a man called about something we weren't discussing and rather takes over.
01/05/23•30m 46s
Hazza's to-do list
This week, we were being dazzled, Nigel Farage was planning a protest march, Theresa May was busy negotiating and a prince was telling us to live more sustainably
24/04/23•30m 21s
Some grief from the help
In this week's clips, we find out who is responsible for a big TV game show, I fail to win a million pounds on another game show, I get a call from an odd hatchback driver and, in a bang up to date clip, we hear from a person who can speak when he says nothing at all.
17/04/23•31m 59s
Zobidan the Creepy
This week, there's two clips that are bang up to date, one of which is confusing, the other a bit frightening. For the rest of the time, we are in 2019 and it was International Women's Day.
11/04/23•27m 37s
Two unfortunate pets
This week's clips from 2019 include talk about money, Tubular Bells and grits. It ends with a very recent pair of calls from last month, one is a Boris Johnson fan who calls to defend him and a nice lady has a horror story about pets.
03/04/23•31m 38s
Hold the grits!
This week's clips from 2019 include Nigel Farage on a mission, we were concerned about American food and threatened with riots. There's also a very clip from about a week ago in which I was taken to task by a Boris Johnson fan.
27/03/23•29m 23s
I ain't got no class
It was 2019 and I'd had a win on the Lottery, Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson was trying to be frightening, Donald Trump got a health check and Nigel Farage organised a march.
20/03/23•28m 30s
Who?
It's a bit different this week - there's clips from 2019 when Mrs M was in power and the Tories were fighting with anything that moved, there's a question about where's London and this week I've included a very recent clip from this month that I think you may enjoy. I know I did!
13/03/23•30m 39s
Sing faster!
This week's clips include talking about billionaires, a caller expressed themselves in an artistic manner and I give a firm but fair opinion on rugby.
06/03/23•29m 11s
AI and the IQ of MPs
This week's clips are from four years ago when we were having an oddly familiar conversation, took a peek at the internet and took the bus to Wetherspoons.
27/02/23•37m 10s
Getting caught short
This week's clips are from this time four years ago when the weather was fantastic, Tories were fighting with each other and there was a crisis in a coffee shop.
20/02/23•33m 26s
I have a dream
This week's clips are from early 2019 when Donald Trump was going on about his huge and tremendous wall, we found that the internet is lying to us and we got bad news about Bournemouth.
13/02/23•32m 27s
Don't breathe in
It was 2019 and the kids were having a grand day out to protest about climate change, I learned something about Bournemouth and people were fearing what was coming from the skies.
06/02/23•32m 55s
The kids are revolting!
This week's clips are from 2019 when a certain personage had crashed his car, school pupils decided to do something because adults weren't and there was an issue with bugs.
30/01/23•35m 26s
Going to a better party
This week's clips are from February 2019 when there was a weather forecast that should give up hope for next month, a new political party had been formed that you may already have forgotten existed and we found we were about to get sent back to the Stone Age.
23/01/23•33m 58s
The Cow Issue
This week's clips are from 2019 when we thought we were living in odd times. If only we knew what was round the corner! In these clips, we help an isolated man in Yorkshire and a farmer is very angry with me.
16/01/23•36m 42s
Gibraltar fights back
It was February 2019 and a British colony was under attack,
I got animated about the national antem, there was David Beckham news
and some billionaires got told off.
09/01/23•31m 36s
A right old ding-dong.
This weeks clips are from 2019 and there's some funny stuff here. There was warnings of food shortages, someone thought that KFC running out of chicken was their way of scuppering Brexit, a caller tried to explain things based on what he understood and some light winter weather had had the usual consequences.
19/12/22•31m 31s
Howzat?!
This weeks clips from 2019 feature me getting confused about cricket, having a fight with some callers, choosing a favourite song and comparing Jeremy Corbyn to a Star Wars character.
12/12/22•34m 30s
What's a nanny do?
This week's clips are from 2019 when we were staring at windmills, dreaming of island living, ruining Pink Floyd and I had an electricity crisis.
05/12/22•28m 0s
More Communist Tripe
We dance around the years in this one. Starting in 2020 for a little light conspiracy theorising, then back to 2019 for a road safety fail and I get a request, which sounds like a demand.
28/11/22•31m 19s
The loudest light
It was Autumn 2020 and a man picked fight about pubs, another honours list was announced, a lady had a controversial cure for the mad bat disease, we looked forward to an important announcement and noticed a household design fault.
21/11/22•30m 16s
Cows with guns
This weeks clips include Donny goes to hospital, as really stupid idea from Gavin Williamson and an even stupider one from Pritti Patel and a rat gets its just deserts.
14/11/22•33m 31s
Strategy? What strategy?
It was Autumn 2020 and there was a rush on in the supermarkets, people were confused about restrictions, some callers sounded very refreshed and there was revolution in the air
07/11/22•31m 6s
The big picture
This week, Donald Trump's fans are confused, it was two years ago and we were all about the bubbles and I get a little too much praise for my part in fighting the Mad Bat Disease.
31/10/22•34m 21s
The Secret of Happiness
This week's clips are from Autumn 2020 when a certain Boris Johnson insisted we shouldn't have parties, we were envious of Swedes (not the vegetable) and there was a protest parade about pretty much everything.
24/10/22•34m 9s
The Hamburger Issue
It was two years ago and there was the curious case of the see-through premier, confusion about Level 42, some concern about
burgers and a slight communication breakdown.
17/10/22•32m 17s
The groin issue
This week, Donald Trump's fans get that sinking feeling, the government threatened us to get back to teh office, I lose track of
time and a man shares a little too much
10/10/22•30m 22s
Watch out, communists about
This week's clips are from when the English football team proved a disappointment, David Blaine did something odd with ice and Donald Trump flipped out when he saw where he was staying in London.
03/10/22•35m 57s
Irate in Uxbridge
This week's clips are from Autumn 2020 and follow on from last week's podcast, in which a chap thought I should give away all my money, we were reminiscing about the days before Bodger Johnson took over, our new trade deal-maker was announced to be an Australian, and a man in Johnson's constituency was not totally satisfied with everything, especially me.
27/09/22•25m 59s
It's all my fault!
It was Autumn 2020 and I get interrupted by a digital intrusion, I have a heated debate wit a bloke who thinks I am the problem, pick a fight with Australia and America and at the end there's a great call from this weekend just gone.
20/09/22•35m 16s
Strictly who?
This week's clips are from a pretty important period in which the wheels started coming off the clown car, I take a fiery call
from one of the usual suspects and fail to recognise some celebrities.
05/09/22•34m 30s
Millions of visitors
This week's clips have people fighting like cats and dogs, I talk about waiting for the music, the government were telling us to go
outside after telling us to stay indoors and there's a curious tale about a balcony invasion
29/08/22•35m 9s
Italian food is very dangerous
It was August two years ago and the government were telling us to go back to work after telling us not to, I have some good advice for a TV show set to return and we remember when no-one was allowed in the front room.
22/08/22•30m 47s
16 cats in the kitchen
This weeks clips include me explaining what's wrong with other drivers, I prove that no-one is interested in a cultural institution at the
centre of a BIG row and I make a prediction about Donald Trump
15/08/22•33m 12s
Soberish
This week's podcast follows on from last week's clips and features a square sheep, a silly song and raging at roads.
08/08/22•34m 11s
The square sheep
This week's clips we were perplexed by the world's most expensive sheep, I measured the size of Nigel Farage's mouth and people were getting wound up by a song
02/08/22•31m 42s
1.4 billion interesting people
This week’s clips are from the start of the Mad Bat Disease. It hadn’t hit yet but van drivers were thinking about getting security and tourists were told not to act like they were on holiday!
25/07/22•33m 5s
Nightmare house guests
This week’s clips are from Spring 2020 and a man calls from his zoo, a woman calls from her fire engine and I buy a bowler hat.
18/07/22•31m 24s
Sayonara Croydon
This week’s clips are from Spring 2020, in which a lady recreates Noah’s Ark, there’s things you don’t want to see in a pandemic, The Goop Woman Strikes Back, being late for the Sex Pistols and the War of the Worlds.
11/07/22•33m 6s
Vegetables aren’t grizzly
This week’s clips are from the start of the Mad Bat Disease, there were reports of disappointment at the supermarket, we learned how not to get divorced, I had a holiday disaster and received one of the most mystifying calls ever.
04/07/22•30m 28s
These nuts taste funny
This week, there’s new rules about money, a loo with a view, the musty aroma of a pub and I look forward to a dental appointment.
27/06/22•32m 38s
It weren’t me!
This week’s clips are from early 2020 when we were just hearing about the Mad Bat Disease and some people were taking advantage, there’s a phoney French listener with material and a confusing message from New York.
20/06/22•28m 23s
A genius restaurant promotion
This week’s clips are from when we were just hearing about the Mad Bat Disease and include a restauranteur with an idea, a man who offers to subject himself to free beer and panic buying was afoot.
13/06/22•36m 52s
A bucket of mist
These clips include science advice from a self confessed genius, we were trying not to touch our faces and were frightened of running out of toilet paper
06/06/22•28m 31s
Chimps with nukes
This week’s clips include a mystifying call about the truth, there’s a worrying development in the animal kingdom and Bodger Johnson spies a job creation opportunity.
30/05/22•32m 7s
The bathroom ballet
This week, there’s the rules of the bathroom dance, we were freaking out about washing our hands and I found that animals are playing catch-up.
23/05/22•31m 58s
The Toilet Issue
This week’s clips from two years ago include me not getting calmed about a dental visit, the Eurovision Song Contest was imminent and no-one had seen the Dear Leader in a while.
16/05/22•41m 23s
Absent without leave
This week’s clips are from two years ago when people were wondering where Bodger had got to, as he seemed to have disappeared. Turns out he was selling himself to the highest Russian bidder, a man called with something unfathomable and listeners pick fights with each other.
09/05/22•30m 49s
How much for a toaster?!
In this week’s clips we were trying to save the planet, one plastic bag at a time, there was alarming news on the price of a kitchen gadget and we hear about the surprising stuff people found in the street.
02/05/22•34m 1s
Flip-flop heaven
This week we were enjoying our all-new passports, a voter is not entirely satisfied with how his decision turned out and I explain why some footwear is ill advised.
26/04/22•31m 26s
Where’s Bodger?
This week’s clips are from two years ago when Bodger Johnson had done one of his disappearing acts, people had started to turn anti-packaging and we get a lecture from a bank.
19/04/22•40m 22s
What’s the Queen on?
This week, we find out something alarming about the pandemic, people were upset about the environment, there was a Friends reunion and we discover where the Queen is to be found.
11/04/22•31m 12s
George Clooney gets swamped
In this episode we have lots of fun with weather and Bodger Johnson’s place gets a touch-up.
04/04/22•31m 16s
How to eat peanut butter
These clips from two years ago include our first taste of panic buying, a listener with material manages to get one by me and a nice lady shares her breakfast routine.
28/03/22•27m 40s
Pasta is very dangerous
This week’s clips are from two years ago when people were panic buying lettuce, Meghan Sparkles had not yet been dubbed the Wicked Witch of the West, I was trying not to touch my face and we learned something alarming about pasta.
23/03/22•29m 10s
Washing your hands with booze
This week’s clips are from the start of our journey through the mad bat disease, when we were experiencing our first supermarket sweeps of toilet paper and we were trying not to touch our faces.
14/03/22•33m 49s
Don’t touch your face!
These clips are from a couple of years ago when I had a Nesquik disaster, we were starting to panic about toilet paper and everyone was going germ-free.
07/03/22•39m 21s
Bodger’s holiday mystery
This week’s podcast has me not complaining about feeling ill, I make a prediction about government policy, we talk about the artist Banksy and we were just starting out on our journey with the invisible menace.
28/02/22•32m 43s
Asking For A Punch
This week’s clips are from when I had a cold and was also suffering from inhaling a foreign object in my sleep but as you can imagine, I wasn’t complaining about it at all!
21/02/22•40m 48s
Something inside my insides
This week there’s more talk of the Death Bat, Donny and Bodger’s relationship sours and I have a go at SUV drivers.
21/02/22•32m 20s
Squirrels in the attic
This week’s clips from two years ago include several animal nightmares, a boat load of people get sent to Milton Keynes, something other than the disease was giving us reason to be concerned about China and we got into James Bond’s car.
07/02/22•35m 8s
Bats in the attic, squirrels in the loft
This weeks clips are from two years ago when we were expecting a storm, we hadn’t yet started on our Covid nightmare, I had a row with a nice lady about an awful man and I was suffering from a fluffy vermin attack.
31/01/22•33m 55s
Inhaling something really bad
This week’s clips include Donald Trump’s weird attraction to a certain animal, there’s an alarming prediction about our future, I take in something that disagrees with me, we were at the very start of the virus thing and Dominic Cummings had yet to test his eyesight, Boris Johnson was our new leader and I get called something I’ve never been called before.
24/01/22•30m 57s
Having someone for dinner
This week’s clips are from two years ago when someone wanted to give Bodger a chance, a man had an interesting idea for dinner and there was a storm-a-coming.
17/01/22•36m 37s
You could see her arm!
This week’s clips are from two years ago, when we had not yet experienced the delights of Covid or a Boris Johnson leadership. The nation was gripped by a wardrobe malfunction and worried about the state of bees and there’s advice on what not to put in your neighbour’s letter box.
10/01/22•35m 59s
A cosy contraception
This week the nation was gripped by an off-the-shoulder number, bees were a problem and a wide range of experts called to talk about things they knew nothing about.
20/12/21•29m 59s
Take me to your leader
This week, I have a fight with the equipment, someone doesn't quite understand a Labour Party promise, a storm is coming in, some people get stuck in Milton Keynes and we realise we are not the brightest things on Earth.
06/12/21•28m 9s
A sexual disease down under
This week's clips are from the first day of our freedom from the Evil European Overlords, I get a proposal from a lady in
Croydon, we fail to spot a celebrity, find a dog's worth £10m and discover something awful about a certain cuddly bear.
29/11/21•31m 3s
Fix bayonets!
This week's clips are from the day after we escaped the clutches of the European Socialist Superstate and we were having a LOT of fun. There was a playlist to guess, a portrait to marvel at and a suspicious call from someone who might not be who they said they were.
22/11/21•34m 41s
Dusting your nick-knacks
It was the day after our glorious escape from our evil European overlords and everyone was in a great mood, including me. There was a small cloud on our horizon of a mysterious invisible menace brewing in China but apart from that we were all fired up and full of beans. This show was a hoot.
15/11/21•38m 11s
We're out!
It is the day this podcast has been building up to for a while now and it finally arrived. We left the EU on the 31st of January 2020 and Nick Ferrari was on air for the glorious moment. I followed afterwards and here's a flavour of what happened, with some predictions of what might happen next, which were either very right, or very wrong.
09/11/21•28m 41s
Keep taking the pills
This week, Australia was on fire, China was reacting to a virus that hadn't got here yet, I had a dicky tummy and Donald Trump allowed companies to pollute America's rivers - good job that wouldn't happen here, eh?
01/11/21•28m 19s
Pasta is a vegetable
This week's clips are from the week before we left the Evil European Socialist Superstate, President Tangerine Scream reclassified food, I was bravely putting up with a dodgy stomach and Boris Johnson said something stupid.
26/10/21•35m 53s
Morons on motorbikes
We were just a week away from our glorious future outside the evil EU superstate, word was coming from China about a mysterious new illness and I was recovering from a dodgy oyster.
18/10/21•39m 46s
Earthquake rumblings
This week's clips are from when we were hearing of the invisible menace from China for the first time and I may have been one
of the first people in this country to get it. Or it might have been a dodgy bivalve
11/10/21•33m 18s
Solving global warming with a tube
This week, it was the week before we left the European Union to access our perfect new lives, a man calls to tell me about his organ and we solve global warming in one easy step.
04/10/21•30m 14s
To space and beyond!
This week, in clips from January 2020, Donald Trump announced his Space Force, we were a week away from our glorious future outside the Evil European Socialist Superstate and I declare war on trees.
27/09/21•30m 50s
Uh-oh! It begins.
This week, in clips from January 2020, a man wakes up from what sounds like a coma and sees who our prime minister is, the church talk about sex a lot and there's the very first inkling from China that things may be going downhill.
21/09/21•32m 36s
Kook Alert!
This week's clips were from just before we escaped the Evil European Overlords, one lady was very upset about it, there's a spooky prediction about empty shelves and quite a lot of eccentric callers.
13/09/21•28m 57s
Keeping the ball rolling
This week, there's some calls so impenetrable you'd need to be Alan Turing to figure them out, Sajman Jav slips up and we learn who is the backbone of this great country.
07/09/21•29m 22s
More than one moose
This week's clips come from when Hazza and Sparkles were causing consternation by not following the script we had written for them, we were about to be free of our European Socialist Overlords, The Tangerine Scream was still in the Whitehouse and quite a few callers were not completely satisfied with me.
30/08/21•29m 32s
Worst. Trifle. Ever.
This week, people were obsessing about the colour of their passports, there's crisps and chocolate at the same time and Hazza and Sparkles were threatening to leave.
23/08/21•32m 53s
Party Planning
This week's clips are from just weeks before we gained our freedom from the Evil Socialist Superstate and someone was planning a
celebration. I get a call from an old enemy and one from a customer who is not completely satisfied.
16/08/21•33m 5s
Can you spare a Bob boy?
This week's clips are from days before we ascended the sunny uplands of our glorious future and left the Evil Socialist Superstate, the nation was searching for loose change, Donito Mussolini was flexing his muscle and it was all a bit "Dad's Army".
09/08/21•30m 44s
Bonging for Britain
These clips are from just weeks before we first heard about an invisible menace in China and we were occupied by other matters like what Hazza and Sparkles were going to do next and, most pressingly, how we should celebrate our glorious exit from the Evil European Superstate.
02/08/21•31m 29s
Flimflam and twaddle
We are in January 2020 when we were bathing in the glory of a new leader and the invisible menace was yet to be heard of. There's the best TV shows, a unique way of funding the nation's favourite institution and all eyes were on Hazza and Sparkles.
27/07/21•37m 39s
The great escape
These clips are from January 2020, just before we left the EU and before we heard of the invisible menace that was just around the corner. There's quite some chat about the royals and an old friend of the show calls to talk about "algorithms".
20/07/21•30m 50s
Cruella the puppy stealer
This week's clips are from January last year and we were talking then about many of the things we are still talking about now. A heartless, evil woman from far, far away had come to steal our precious puppy, World War 3 looked like it was about to begin and an "expert" calls.
12/07/21•32m 24s
Mind the bull
This week is a bit spooky as a good few months before we had ever heard of the virus, the idea of wearing masks and working from home came up, along with something odd in a farmer's field and even weirder up a skyscraper.
06/07/21•32m 14s
Introducing 'I've Been Thinking with Peter Frankopan'
Hi, Nick Abot listener,
We’ve got another brand new podcast we think you’ll enjoy.
‘I’ve Been Thinking’ is a new weekly show hosted by Peter Frankopan. As well as being a best-selling author (Silk Roads), Professor of Global History and Oxford and voted as one of the World’s Top 50 Thinkers, Peter uses this podcast to speak with some incredible guests looking at topics from around the world that help understand and explain the past, present and future.
Guests include former Director of the FBI James Comey and Chinese artist & activist Ai Weiwei.
This is a taster of what you can expect from the show. If you like what you hear please search for I’ve Been Thinking with Peter Frankopan on Global Player or wherever you get your podcasts.
01/07/21•2m 42s
The 16th Show in a Row
This week's clips are from the end of a marathon run of shows over Christmas 2019. Donald Trump had just bombed Iran, Australia was on fire, someone commits a milk crime and I declare war on daytime TV.
28/06/21•34m 7s
Panic at the Tesco
This week, the clips are from just after New Year 2020 and we take a trip round the new Prime Minister's love nest hideaway, wonder why there's no female equivalent for a "toyboy", dampen a singed wallaby and get a foretaste of panic buying in the supermarkets.
21/06/21•33m 3s
Getting deep
This week's clips are from early 2020 when it looked like World War 3, there is a lot of rage around, just like today, and I go into what I think that is all about.
14/06/21•39m 24s
Introducing 'If It Bleeds It Leads'
Hi Nick Abbot fans – we have a new True Crime podcast we think you’ll enjoy called ‘If It Bleeds It Leads’
Could you be a criminal? What separates the way you think, from the criminal mind? Join the world’s leading professor of criminology, Prof. David Wilson and star of Silent Witness Emilia Fox as they discover what’s really going on behind some of the most notorious crimes.
What do you do with have-a-go heroes who try to stop you robbing a bank? What's it like inside an escalating prison riot? And how do you deal with Britain’s most infamous hitman telling you he's been ordered to kill you? In this podcast series you’ll hear from offenders, the police, crime experts and investigators as we delve into the workings of the criminal mind.
Here’s a sneaky peak and the first Episode drops on Monday 14th June. If you like what you hear search for ‘If It Bleeds It Leads’ on Global Player or wherever you get your podcasts.
11/06/21•2m 58s
Getting whacky with the doc
This week we go behind the scenes (allegedly) of doctor wotsit off the telly, I get attacked by a fan of the kooky president of a kooky country and there's an incident in the Pound Shop.
07/06/21•28m 39s
You've got what in your muesli?!
This week we are forced to pick a seat in the cinema, the EU take our windows away, a strange argument is used for eating on the bus and I get put right off my breakfast.
02/06/21•36m 58s
The Belly Button Inspector
This week we cover everything in chocolate, find something awful on the bus, wash our shopping long before covid appeared and eat off a tree.
24/05/21•29m 44s
All you need is lion dung
This week: Kier Starmer's hair, what to do with a squirrel, getting a takeaway from the zoo and what not to eat on a train.
17/05/21•38m 54s
Guess who was more popular than Boris
This week, some time traveling between when Boris Johnson was elected leader of the Tories and how we felt about him two months later, there's a certain Nigel getting hit with a tasty treat and something weird about baked beans.
10/05/21•40m 22s
Going in the right direction
This week, in clips from two years ago, which proves that nothing much changes, Boris Johnson has a fight over furniture, I get schooled in the delights of Bon Jovi and we find out which country's people think they are going in the right direction (not who might think).
04/05/21•42m 46s
Boris Johnson ruined my sofa
This week's is a hoot - there's a reminder of how unreliable summers can be and a tantrum on the tennis court but mostly there's a lot of shouting and crashing coming from Boris Johnson's girlfriend's flat.
26/04/21•31m 1s
The Spice Girls versus Metallica
This week, we were contemplating the Tory leadership contest horror show, there was a spy report from a certain woman-group concert and I pick a fight with a heavy metal band.
19/04/21•31m 56s
What colour is a blue egg?
This week a re-match with an old sparring partner, trying to see Madonna from the cheap seats, how to get a new bike and who to blame if thing's aren't going your way.
12/04/21•34m 51s
Madonna costs how much?!
This week, there's a shocker about Madonna, I get interrogated about drugs, there's a disagreement about Genesis and Donito Mussolini picks a fight with one of ours.
06/04/21•33m 2s
Fun with maths
This week, the comical demands of the Tangerine Tornado when he wanted to stay with the Queen but couldn't, an up-to-date shocker about the world's most expensive room and a young person calls and gets caught in a game show.
29/03/21•35m 27s
Cheating at golf
This week, the return of the naked cyclists, Donny kicks balls and I explain magnets.
22/03/21•28m 3s
Fighting with a sinner
This week, magnets in space, naked cyclists and how to catch a social disease (not related).
15/03/21•30m 23s
The Conservative Drug Taking Competition
This week, in the race to become our next Prime Minister, the candidates have a spliff-off, Donald Trump titillates the Queen and what a San Francisco tram smells like.
08/03/21•38m 54s
Impersonating a national treasure
This week, a news clip that will delight a certain section of the country who will never get tired of hearing it, having a laugh with the Marxist Brothers and how to spend £40 billion.
01/03/21•30m 42s
Friends without benefits
This week, how we avoided World War Three, which politician looks like a Lord of the Rings character, what 5G will make more difficult and who's fault is everything!
22/02/21•32m 28s
The blimp is back!
This weeks clips are from Spring 2019 when the country held its breath for the arrival of Cheeto Mussolini. The Baby Tornado was going to blow into town and some people had made special preparations.
15/02/21•31m 26s
What does a stoned cat look like?
This week, a cat goes cold turkey, we find a use for the spice jar at the back of your cupboard and a certain orange tornado was planning to visit.
08/02/21•24m 51s
Alien sex alert!
This week a certain Baby Tornado was due to arrive at the Palace in April 2019, there's a mystifying call about drugs from a person who may be familiar with them and some alarming news of very personal outer-space visitors.
01/02/21•34m 4s
Power surge!
This week, a man complains to an unlikely individual about his electricity, I conduct a very brief chat with an old "friend" and we talk pot a lot.
25/01/21•33m 32s
Exit the Baby Tornado
This week I mix clips from April 2019 with one bang up to date from last weekend in honour of the departure from the Whitehouse of the Tangerine Scream. Plus there's some alarming news for people who like to...you know...do it.
19/01/21•30m 27s
A total eclipse of the Queen
This week, a certain tangerine nightmare was planning an invasion of this country. This week's clips are from two years ago, when everything that happened this month seemed entirely predictable.
11/01/21•32m 43s
ET is your father
A bumper festive issue that has aliens, commandments and meat and is stuffed full of fruits and nuts.
21/12/20•33m 25s
A spooky premonition
This week, I see into our future, mix a cocktail for a tube train and fight a dwarf warrior in Middle-earth
14/12/20•32m 43s
Don't eat the "chocolate"
This week there are a LOT of facts thrown about and even I learn something. There's a very surprising piece of information about solar panels, we learn why cows are better than boats and there's a little hot fracking action.
07/12/20•37m 9s
A car that goes whooosh
This week, a boat gets dismantled by law experts, how to shame Denmark and there's a hint of automotive trouble to come.
30/11/20•36m 44s
This podcast is an education!
This week, we get educated about things that go boom, some eco-ists get threatened with bascules and an airborne menace that's not
the virus.
23/11/20•32m 43s
The solution to all our problems
This week, there is nothing like a dame on a mission, the next best thing to having a car and the answer to our stressed out, frantic lives.
17/11/20•33m 29s
Introducing Hunting Ghislaine with John Sweeney
Hi Nick Abbot fans
LBC have a new podcast we think you’ll enjoy - Hosted by legendary reporter John Sweeney, Hunting Ghislaine is a 6 part series about Ghislaine Maxwell, the daughter of a disgraced billionaire and the former partner of a super-rich paedophile who killed himself while awaiting trial for sex trafficking.
After hiding for almost a year, she now finds herself facing multiple charges for helping Jeffrey Epstein sexually exploit and abuse under-age women which could lead to her spending the rest of her life in jail.
In this new podcast series, Hunting Ghislaine, reporter John Sweeney investigates a fairy story which happens the wrong way round, of how a princess ends up accused of being the monster and no-one at all ends up happily ever after. First Episode available 19th November. Listen on Global Player or wherever you get your podcasts
13/11/20•1m 5s
Baby soap (not what you think)
This week, the IQ of frogs, buying a car while your head is swimming and the slightly controversial but sustainable way to clean yourself.
09/11/20•33m 40s
The purple hair brigade
This week, we're off to sea on a beautiful bright pink boat, a Dame hoves into view and London is given back to the people.
03/11/20•32m 28s
A big bag of nutty slack
This week, we find that we are melting while zooming through space while out of control. I school the youth to do their bit and the EU is corrected by a furious lady in Blackpool.
26/10/20•32m 33s
That's what Donald Trump is made of
This week, the clips are taken from a year before the virus had been heard of but there is a spooky message of what was to come, we marvel at the size of a politician's tubers and if you want to make your own Donald Trump, the recipe is right here.
19/10/20•31m 7s
Introducing "What Next?" with Lionel Barber
Hi Nick Abbot fans
LBC have a new podcast we think you’ll enjoy - Hosted by Lionel Barber, the former Editor of the Financial Times, What Next? focuses on life after COVID-19 and sees the multi-award-winning journalist and author discover how the world is adapting to the pandemic, what needs to change and, most importantly, what lessons we have learnt that will shape our lives for the future. Each week, Lionel will be speaking to some of the biggest leading influential figures in the health, politics, business, technology, arts and environment world, such as former Prime Minister Tony Blair; Elizabeth Cousens, President and CEO of the United Nations Foundation; ITV’s Chief Executive Dame Carolyn McCall and many more. Follow Lionel on Twitter: @lionelbarber. Listen and subscribe now on Global Player or wherever you get your podcasts
15/10/20•43s
It's a car crash!
This week, in clips from Spring 2019, there's a prediction about where the next financial crash would come from (subsequently proved to be WAY out), an automotive expert calls to correct me and I have a go at Donito Mussolini (so unfair!).
12/10/20•32m 12s
A whiskey, a light ale and a whine
This week's podcast is from a show recorded before the world had ever heard of that bloomin' virus and includes a little light altercation about a subject that used to occupy us before all this hit the fan, multiple people raise a complaint, a man finds a winning ticket and one chap who has no idea who I am, and barely knows where he is, calls after getting completely refreshed.
05/10/20•28m 25s
The Mayor killed my car!
This week's podcast is from last year when I went to war with the Mayor of London (he started it), I survive a builders' dust incident and there is a horrible image of two people kissing.
28/09/20•29m 31s
The birth of a new old wave
This week, the cleanest party launch ever, a man with a weird way of saying things rings in to say a lot, the perils posed by poorer people and the price of a cab.
22/09/20•32m 2s
A stickler for rules
This week I find myself agreeing with some people I never thought would be on my side, I have a stand up row about money and a woman calls who swears she isn't drunk.
14/09/20•30m 10s
The man who knows a LOT about wind
This week, top of the non-season to you. As a helpful primer, we learn when to tell your kids there's no Santa, an orange giant rails against windmills, there's the smallest and most disappointing food delivery ever and what not to put in your bath.
07/09/20•31m 49s
It's the most magical time of the year!
This week, we celebrate Christmas very, very early. Jesus' personal friend calls in, I am bemused by Quentin Tarantino, Boris Johnson is revealed to have a cunning plan, I have an altercation at the lights and how to avoid get ripped off.
31/08/20•32m 46s
Don't make predictions!
This week, there's a crush at the shops, I spy Steve Allen's Bentley and a listener with material gets a joke past me without me noticing.
24/08/20•34m 24s
Why Boris Johnson is like Star Wars
This week, we investigate the similarity of electing Boris Johnson and waiting for a new Star Wars film, I have a right old row about a subject that used to be top of the news before a certain little something unseated it, and the alarming state of what's outside.
17/08/20•32m 34s
Unpolitically incorrect
This week I make a prediction which could not have been more wrong, there's a close encounter with a personal explosive problem, I launch an attack on a weapons manufacturer and have a shouting match about politeness.
10/08/20•33m 59s
A toff can't take his top orf
This week: there's a lot of weather about, all of it the wrong sort; a man has an issue with electric cars; an upper class twit fails a test and what ice caps are really for.
03/08/20•38m 55s
Nick predicts the future
This week I have a frighteningly accurate guess at the future, we hear a couple of plans to save the world, a man uses a device to get in touch that I bet you haven't used in decades and we hear how valuable our opinions are.
27/07/20•36m 55s
Don't eat the sprouts!
This week: the danger on your dinner plate, how to greenify your car, ripped jeans and the total destruction of Planet Earth.
20/07/20•32m 24s
Cows on a bus
This week everything breaks but makes a very nice colour, a man is scared of Trumpists, Super Puff Planets (whatever they are) and one of those give-up-something-for-a-month things.
13/07/20•35m 1s
What does Boris Johnson look like wet?
This week, a listener with material gets one by me, a weather update from Sudan, my glamorous assistant gets corrected, I give bad advice about what to do during a roadside sobriety test and we find out what makes Dutch people laugh.
06/07/20•29m 28s
What should we do with Australia?
This week, I get shouted at a lot by people who don't believe in climate change, I wonder if you can switch off the internet and make plans to re-purpose Australia for the benefit of the planet.
29/06/20•32m 47s
A celebrity's random act of kindness
This week, we learn how to say "Bowie", I recount everything I learned at university, a mystery is solved and there's a happy encounter with a star.
22/06/20•28m 40s
You can't say happiness without saying...
This week, I am deluged by weather, a listener with material manages to get a joke on air and a very confusing man explains who he is disappointed with.
15/06/20•29m 59s
Fun with numbers
This week it is an educational podcast full of verifiable facts, some of which are also true. There's bumps in space, weather control machines and the price of tomatoes.
08/06/20•35m 45s
The Breakfast Buffet
This week, a reminder that a certain controversial beanie hat model has been making news for quite a while, what to eat for the most important meal of the day, what happens when ice melts and are breaks important on a car.
01/06/20•30m 2s
A reminder of who we voted for
This week I have a major rant about climate change, we learn what to have with a beer, how to prevent your car from being stolen in South Africa and what to do when presented with something that makes you look bad.
25/05/20•31m 27s
Frisk the dog
This week: how to ruin a planet and where to live when you're done; what goes with beer, cider and blackcurrant; the way to raise children and how many is too many.
18/05/20•28m 7s
Fruit flavoured beer?
This week: how to ruin a perfectly good beverage, defending Marmite, funny badges and titles and a LOT of weather.
11/05/20•30m 2s
Does size matter?
This week: Steve Allen's Bentley, the B-side that became an A-side, why DIY usually fails and I'm asked how big is Boris Johnson.
04/05/20•39m 5s
The route to endless happiness
This week a woman plots the path to eternal bliss, a man ignores his smoke alarm and we find who or what is a Victorian unit.
27/04/20•29m 12s
What's an app then?
This week, I school a lady on the subject of the internet, there is an ingenius solution to a warning light problem and love the Belgian way.
20/04/20•33m 5s
Darth Vader is a bad parent
This week: Star Wars, smart speakers fight back, a man tells me to get on my bike and I have to correct my glamorous assistant.
14/04/20•34m 15s
The Orange Baby Tornado
This week, I revisit the time when I locked myself out, a woman makes an emtional plea to the young, a chap has an altercation with a youth and...LOOK OUT!..Ancient Orange is coming our way.
06/04/20•28m 54s
Picking a fight with Facebook
This week, there is a lot of Neil Young, a rant ot two about (un)social media, the importance of knowing how many animals you have, the pros and cons of Coldplay and how to get what you want by using pads.
30/03/20•32m 38s
The Un-Groovy 60's
This week a man admits to doing something we need but rarely see, there's a whole lotta boomer-bashing going on, where not to grow up in the 1960's and a stand-up row about class.
23/03/20•30m 51s
She likes me, she REALLY likes me!
This week, I receive an alarming amount of praise, the plans to make you drive like a robot, Trump's family whines and an electrical expert speaks.
16/03/20•31m 51s
Where's Larry?
This week there's a little light to-do over the Queen's stuff, a man wants MPs to not do their job, the mystery of the disappearing cat and the Big Rice Debate.
09/03/20•33m 42s
An old friend makes a comeback
This week, the story of a strange return, an illuminated jacket saves the world, top 11 reasons why Trumple Thinskin is nuts and a fight about babies.
02/03/20•29m 31s
Donald Trump has behavioral issues
This week, a rock and roll roadie refuses to spill the beans, there's cats on drugs, some concrete has a birthday and a home selling problem.
24/02/20•32m 59s
Casting the LBC panto
Description: This week: your personal, private rules of the road; a little light sarcasm; tracksuits; a message from afar and a tale from even further.
17/02/20•32m 32s
The World's Worst Breakfast
This week, I make the mistake of reading the leaflet that came with my pills, try to recall the name of the second best Star Wars film, Donald Trump tells us about his wand and how to cook chips.
10/02/20•30m 25s
The Cost o' Coffee
This week there's squirrels, turtles, clapping and the perils of going to the cinema. I get asked a very difficult question and robots laugh at our culinary skills.
03/02/20•32m 5s
The Earth's got wind
This week, an alarming discovery in Siberia, a lively disagreement about a particular sport, I read the pamphlet that came with my pills and insects doing maths.
27/01/20•31m 22s
Using superglue to save the world and win £100
This week, after Extinction Rebellion was briefly listed as a terrorist organisation, we revisit the time when the pink boat people took over central London and had a surprising effect. There's also a little light cat massaging, Pink Floyd ear worms and a very difficult way to earn money.
20/01/20•29m 14s
The one where I lock myself out
It turns out that it is frighteningly easy to lock yourself out and incredibly hard to break back in again
13/01/20•27m 4s
The Curious Incident of the Intruder in the Night-Time
This week, someone overcomes the laws of nature and defies death, there's a chap with a delicious accent talking about Baby Yoda, a priceless chat with the "algorithm" man and I receive an unwelcome visitor in the dead of night.
06/01/20•32m 0s
What not to put on your strawberries
This week , Donald Trump's scary blimp, a little light political fighting, the EU bans dying and I find a friend in a friend of Jesus.
18/12/19•26m 8s
Buying a slightly used, second hand pet
This week, we go back to the summer and learn about Theresa May's Brasier, there's the Bob Dylan v Kylie Minogue Heavyweight Championship Ultimate Smackdown, we sing the praises of a certain type of cat and a man in Dallas speaks French.
09/12/19•33m 56s
Pills, thrills and badminton rackets
This week, we learn about loos on the 8.03, the type of pills you should never run out of, there's a rant about drivers, the great insect war hots up and what one man looks for in a woman (not what you would ever think).
02/12/19•34m 0s
Mr Whatabout and Mrs Shoutsalot
This week, I am pummeled by volume, a caller asks an incredible question, a discussion about economics that was decided by two falls and a submission and there's a peek behind the scenes of my radio show.
25/11/19•32m 23s
Fun with carbon dioxide
This week, I go to the seaside, get a lesson in science from someone who knows less than I do, there's a heated debate about the value of the royals and a woman complains about my volume.
18/11/19•32m 6s
Cats, bats, lotto and blotto
This week is a hoot-and-a-half. There's tales of misdemeanours at the highest level, an offensive but cute cat story, what it means to be British and I get shouted at a LOT!
11/11/19•29m 58s
How to pick a fight with everybody
This week, a caller has a go at all of my other callers, a man doesn't like my atitude, a woman talks about her knees and I sign up for Mad Max Fury Road 2.
04/11/19•28m 33s
The Phantom Nose Picker
This week, we finger a guilty party, a woman has a bin rant, the problem with the England football manager and fashion.
28/10/19•33m 37s
The Classic Rock 'n' Roll Issue
This week, there's some controversial things said about political opponents, a classic call about cheese and a lot of rock and roll.
21/10/19•34m 18s
The problem with time travel
This week, we go back..way back...back into time, a great double act call in, I try to get a GP appointment and saving the planet with Prince Harry.
14/10/19•30m 18s
When getting what you want isn't what you want.
This week there's a message from a small green Muppet, we relive a famous domestic incident, a foreigner commiserates us for our choice of leader, the most miserable countries are ranked and I miss something that I always said I didn't want.
07/10/19•30m 40s
How to deal with unwelcome guests
This week, we learn of a terrible use for hairspray (nothing to do with Donald Trump), a man complains about his job, how not to watch Pulp Fiction and what Boris Johnson's name says about him.
30/09/19•27m 51s
It's good to talk
This week there's a lot of people calling me on the phone
with terrible tales about using their phone and losing their phone.
There's stories about flying phones, emergency dialing, a missing
sixpence, getting lost in the Fens, extra chillies and keeping things
for best.
23/09/19•28m 11s
There's electricity in the air
This week, we stick our fingers in the socket to stop the electricity leaking out, I am left bewildered by a caller that I can't quite follow and we find the source of Boris Johnson's popularity.
16/09/19•31m 45s
Losing consciousness
In this week's riotous podcast, we hear there's (no) evidence of God, I hatch a shocking plan to deal with our most disappointing politicians, a man tries to come up with one good reason to leave something that doesn't exist and I try to make sense of what the hell is going on.
09/09/19•33m 13s
Steve Allen's smalls and a lesson in ganja
This week, we strike a trade deal with a very unlikely place, eliminate poverty, fit Jacob Rees-Mogg with a Home Guard uniform and broom handle, root around Steve Allen's sock drawer and I get schooled by a Jamaican man on ganja (he schooled me on ganja, not was ON ganja...although come to think of it...)
02/09/19•30m 59s
Now hang on a minute right
This week I play Simon Cowell and discover a star, there's lights in the sky and they aren't stars and I get a lesson in politeness.
26/08/19•32m 11s
The War on Cows
This week we get skooled in writing proper by Jacob Rees-Mogg, we try to play Fortnite but we aren't dressed right, a man tries and fails to explain the weather and there's an alarming suggestion about how to stop global warming.
19/08/19•29m 54s
The Alarming Toilet Episode
This week my glamorous assistant shares too much, I get a lesson in moaning from a man in the theatre, the moon people come out at night and a shocking revelation about what actually goes on in the loo.
12/08/19•31m 57s
An explosive answer to crime
In this episode we hear of an alarming way to combat crime, we discuss this nation's sporting excellence, a man calls in with his head in his hands and a woman clears up after herself because it is the right thing to do.
05/08/19•31m 37s
How wide is a cow?
This week, I get a history lesson from Austria, the mystery of why people fall for the Tangerine Scream, a solution to your stress, and a man has a problem with his tool.
29/07/19•31m 51s
Nude wrestling for Number 10
This week: a caller starts a massive fight about Europe, we learn the truth about democracy, I am taken to task about something I didn't say and Boris Johnson is challenged to go naked mud wrestling.
22/07/19•34m 45s
A small personal explosion
This time, we learn just how boring French TV is, there's a lot of talk about kebabs, a woman calls in with a question but doesn't like the answer and I have a special moment that I couldn't help but share.
15/07/19•28m 4s
Smiling and waving
In this episode: I am corrected by a furious cab driver; a lady complains about James Bond; a man asks many questions about Trump,
Boris and God; we fly the flag for Britain and someone calls in with an answer to crime - all of it.
05/07/19•30m 7s
Is there a psychologist in the house?
This week, I get told off for getting something right, a bewildering call comes from someone with qualifications, we get sniffy about phone
boxes and the tale of the Sunday Laundry Criminals.
28/06/19•32m 47s
Up to our knees in Glastonbury
Glasto is not the only show in town but it is certainly the biggest and that's where we go this week, with a detour to Farageland, advice on tents and a little light arguing about the "B" word.
21/06/19•30m 4s
Mr Grabby Hands Hates Electricity
In the age of the 24 hour-a-day multiple news-gasms, let The Nick Abbot Habit be your guide. It's fast and funny and sometimes furious. All opinions are correct, apart from those that aren't. Plus Nick's favourite calls from his cult weekend talk show. Guaranteed no baking or dancing.
15/06/19•31m 53s
What do you call it if you can see the sea?
This week, we take a peek at 1970's bathroom suites, find out a lot about islands, I have a fight with a man about cars, someone spots A John Cleese (not THE John Cleese) and we discover what a major industrialist thinks of his old boss Donald Trump.
07/06/19•31m 45s
Flushing your loved ones down the loo.
This week, helpful callers have excellent advice for Theresa May, who may not like it; there's an unseemly way to serve strawberries; how to say 'scone' and a man in a bra fills a bath with potatoes.
31/05/19•26m 11s
The Eurovision Fight Contest
In this episode, I receive a very brief call from God's representative on Earth, we go yodeling in Holland and there is a minor altercation about Brexit and Trump.
24/05/19•35m 37s
How to water your plastic lawn
This week, we learn how to save water by brushing your
teeth funny, how to waste water by keeping your fake grass moist, how to lose money by letting politicians mark their own homework and I have a stand-up fight with a man who doesn't think I'm taking Brexit seriously.
17/05/19•27m 43s
Kicking them in the ballots
This week: some people spoiled their ballot papers and one man was very proud about it; a perfectly believable theory on why that might not be a good idea and a pretty good joke about it; saving money without really trying and a woman has a beef with Scotland.
10/05/19•30m 43s
Intimate relations with aliens
This week, the shortest call to my LBC show, a man gets a
surge, a young woman deliberately shuts out the on-line world and the US
Navy says aliens from space are here and a professor says they are
breeding with us.
04/05/19•28m 6s
Digging for victory
This week, we talk cars and pink boats, weird science, a man from the bank protests his innocence and we go fondling tubers.
29/04/19•32m 59s
Cats versus dogs - there can be only one winner
This week: which pet makes you happiest, swinging with
Nigel Farage, pronouncing Anunzianzioozit and a shouty woman bangs on
about the war.
23/04/19•30m 40s
The Great Brexit Lipstick Catastrophe
This week, the effect that Brexit is having on your personal facial area, the competing stories on the origins of Easter eggs, how we are paying for the private jets of the super-rich, the spy in your car, Game of Thrones returns and a very energetic senior citizen sets us straight.
12/04/19•27m 58s
The James Bond elimination game.
This week, we terminate some superspy candidates, over-eat chocolate treats, there's a lot of marching going on and a confused man sets me homework.
05/04/19•32m 26s
Marching (some of the way) for freedom.
In this episode, the inside scoop on Nigel Farage's Stroll to Nirvana, the army is on standby to keep a lid on things if our exit celebrations get out of hand and an American explains what's happening 6000 miles away in Britain.
29/03/19•31m 33s
Warning: Do not alight on the Isle of White
This week, the perils of a day trip to the south coast, the
worst drivers on the road, a little light heavy music and I get told I'm
not doing my job correctly.
22/03/19•32m 43s
Away with the birds
Some of my favourite calls from the past few months, which I think are properly hilarious. There's the man who got locked in the toilet, the lady with the sparrows in her garden, the shortest call about Brexit ever and the nice Liverpudlian who got a big surprise from Amazon she didn't really want.
15/03/19•28m 5s
Saving the planet one pie at a time
A man goes mad about fish, two people fight over Theresa May and the secrets of the gorgeous pictures on the front of our food packets.
08/03/19•32m 21s
It's not our party but we can go if we want to
This week, we fail at walking the dog, we pay for the rich to go skiing, there's a new party in town and tips on where not to live by the people that live there.
01/03/19•32m 21s
What do you want to be when you grow up?
In this episode: Career choices for teens; Donald Trump's physical shows he is part human; an arthritic slow moving political coup; France plays nice and two people shout at me about a member of the royal family.
22/02/19•30m 1s
Our get up and go just got up and left.
In this episode: you are invited to a party but you might not want to go, the alarming dangers that come with our pets, the unfit-for-fighting army and the man who fell asleep while on-hold for my show.
15/02/19•33m 11s
Trump's good genes and sea food fights back
We find out why Donald Trump is that colour, a menu leaves a
bad taste in the mouth, the attack of the killer octopus, a man sues his
parents for being his parents and two callers school me on Brexit.
08/02/19•26m 28s
He grunts and squeaks and squawks like the Mafia.
Norman pushes drugs, Roger talks like a Mafia Don and global warming is a hoax because it is cold outside.
31/01/19•29m 22s
Boris Mounts a Hoe
This week: Boris Johnson channels Churchill (again); relying on the Chinese to save us from the dark; the soothing properties of furniture packaging; who should not be the next James Bond and two absolutely furious callers to my LBC show.
25/01/19•25m 19s
Prince Harry's new boiler, the RAF's new toys and a VERY ANGRY VEGAN.
Prince Harry's new boiler, the RAF's new toys and a VERY ANGRY VEGAN.
18/01/19•33m 56s
A Merry Christmas Special
In this episode: Donald Trump saves his energy, zombies are alive (ALIVE!) beneath your feet, bore holes, Blackpool and babies.
13/12/18•23m 51s
Trump fans have tiny weenies
In this Christmas-free episode:
Chips, glorious chips, the gaming industry takes on the fishing industry
and the gaming industry wins, Harry and Meghan play fixer-uppers, an
insight into what motivates men to love Trump and in this week's
favourite call from my LBC show, a very nice lady is not satisfied with
her shopping exerience.
05/12/18•31m 10s
Christmas is Cancelled
This week: Santa cracks the whip, Donald Trump has been a naughty
President, Theresa May is popular (oh yes she is!) and the most rock 'n'
roll story ever. Plus, two nice oldish ladies get confused by technology
in the series of best-of calls to my Friday and Saturday night show on LBC.
29/11/18•28m 0s
No need to wait - the future is now
Your next doctor will be a robot. The thing you ordered online will be delivered by an automaton using magnets. We are all about to have our jobs terminated by The Terminator. But don't fret - there's good news too. Full details inside.
21/11/18•35m 28s
Nick Gets Corrected
In this episode: the destruction of everything we hold dear, a giant statue made of your money, why we work too hard for our own good, a very angry caller and a very famous actor sticks his oar in.
09/11/18•28m 55s
Theresa May's Magic Dust Cloud and Donald Trump's tiny mushroom
In the first of this series of brand new Nick Abbot podcasts: Donald Trump rates his sexual performance, Theresa May gets a lecture on the mating rituals of hedgehogs, Nick tells some jokes that made the actual news and a favourite call about the birds and the buffaloes to Nick's weekend shows on LBC
30/09/18•33m 19s