The Nick Abbot Habit

The Nick Abbot Habit


In the age of the 24 hour-a-day multiple news-gasms, let The Nick Abbot Habit be your guide. It's fast and funny and sometimes furious. All opinions are correct, apart from those that aren't. Plus Nick's favourite calls from his cult weekend talk show. Guaranteed no baking or dancing.


There's no evidence

No intro or outro this week as I have totally lost my voice. This week's clips are from just after Donald Trump lost last the last election and I have cosy chat with one of his upset fans.
22/07/2431m 23s

It's out there

This week's clips are from the run-up to December 2020, when there was a kerfuffle about a Christmas song and a TV advert. There's also a brand new clip from my last Sunday show in which I chat to a space expert about a new development in the search for alien life.
16/07/2428m 27s

The Toilet of England

This week's clips are from 2020, when The Thing was still about, Donald Trump had just lost and people were furious about a Christmas TV advert
08/07/2430m 44s

Two straws and a bottle of whiskey

This week's clips from 2020 include a chat with a man with a gun, a prediction about money going to areas that voted for Brexit and how patriotic Brits should eat patriotic British fish
01/07/2427m 47s

The Fabulous Whiner

This week's clips are from just after Donald Trump lost the last election but couldn't bring himself to admit it.
24/06/2429m 16s

An Explosive Stunt

This week's clips are from Winter 2020, when the weather bore a striking similarity to Summer 2024. We hear of the departure of a "genius" and what Boris Johnson's other half gets called behind her back.
17/06/2433m 14s

A Smash and Grab Raid

In this week's clips from 2020, we find out something about a famous railway line and hear of the dangers of a certain type of meat.
10/06/2426m 6s

All aboard!

This week, a podcast of two halves. There's clips from just after the last U.S. elections and a bang-up-to-date rant about Fishi's battlebus.
03/06/2428m 36s

The problem with wazzocks

In a flashback to 2020, in clips recorded before and after the last U>S> election, we rail against a kettle ban, there's an issue with driving in the rain and a genius departs.
27/05/2432m 38s

The sandwich issue

No intro or outro this week, I've lost my voice but the clips include a furious reaction about the cheese sandwich issue raised in last week's podcast and the leaf blower controversy howls on.
20/05/2429m 0s

Thumbs up

This week, the reviews are in for my leaf blower impression from last week, a nice lady fights back against a kettle ban and there's a cheese sandwich controversy.
13/05/2429m 34s

The leaf-blower incident

This week's clips from October 2020 include me doing my nut in park, a man comes up with the idea of a minister for common sense years before the Tories and there's some crazy rules about kettles.
06/05/2432m 4s

Fury at the Moon

This week, there's grown-ups shouting at a schoolgirl, a Top Trumps game that goes wrong, I have an issue with electricians and there's some confusion about Boris Johnson's media room
29/04/2429m 57s

A big bit of Polish meat

This week's episode is a total hoot. There's the suspicious amount of money that Boris Johnson spent on getting Russians to furnish a room in Number 10, some outrageous spending by the Home Office and a bang-up-to-date call from last weekend.
22/04/2427m 43s

A set of steak knives and a fondue set

This week, a child takes a crooked maths test and we find out what the government spends on itself when we're not looking.
15/04/2429m 52s

Nailing the phone to the wall

This week's clips include a man calling on an old phone, there's a problem with fish and we find a replacement for Prime Minister Boris Johnson but he might need lots of naps.
08/04/2427m 28s

A holiday invasion

This weeks clips include some wet news from a loch, a reminder of who is responsible for a controversial traffic measure and I pick a place for us all to escape to.
02/04/2429m 43s

Who's Batman?

It was autumn 2020 and I made a prediction about Donald Trump that Donald Trump tried to make come true and we were laughing in the face of what the world had sent us. Think of it as an historical document with giggles.
26/03/2430m 9s

Some Like It Not

This week's clips are from October 2020 when a famous American flew in, a woman was freaked out by her phone and there's some controversy about a classic film.
18/03/2432m 39s

The Silly Mini

This week, we were talking cars, there were some rules about eating that we had to get our heads around, Titchi Suitsize had a plan in his old job and some undeserving types got a massive pay rise
11/03/2430m 23s

Fun with oven mitts

This week, there's a bang-up-to-date call from last weekend featuring a disgruntled man in Blackpool, some clips from October 2022, which include the 'C' word (not that one) and a rant about bus lanes.
04/03/2433m 54s

Lights out at 20pm

This week's clips feature a no-fun Tory conference, we were in the midst of The Thing while getting the B word done and Donald Trump takes a test.
26/02/2434m 43s

A very expensive pooch

This week's clips include a four legged film star, we pull a rat out of the ground to see what the weather will do and a man finds a sexy Brexit benefit
19/02/2429m 36s

There There is

This week's clips are from the day after we got our sovereignty back and feature me ordering things a restaurant had run out of, Nigel Farage unveils a picture and we got some bad news from China
12/02/2433m 53s

A celebrity crank call?

This week's clips are from the day after we got our freedom back, we go over the Brexit festival playlist and I get what I suspect is a joke call from a radio star.
05/02/2431m 21s

A pinch of snuff

This week, I was struggling to sneeze, there was news of exploding meat and fun with a very small camera.
29/01/2430m 31s

Insects on the brain

This week's clips from four years ago feature an uninvited guest in my head, an apocalyptic call from Australia and a dyspeptic Boris Johnson fan.
22/01/2434m 22s

The one where I get locked out

Rummaging round some old tapes, I found the one where I tried to break in to my own house. I think you'll like it more that I did!
15/01/2429m 57s

The dog bowl and the a*** beads

This week, it's a hilarious mash-up of the start of the A-Z of 2019, with a highlight of the A-Z that we just compiled, of 2023. Enjoy!
08/01/2434m 14s

ET calling

This week's clips from 2019 feature President Trump being himself, I get a call from a spaced man, there's fun with glue, a woman goes off-grid and an alien pays a visit.
18/12/2331m 44s

The War On Sanity

Carrying on from last week, there's reaction to an electrical expert's electrical problem, a hairy conundrum, a problem with the weight of time and political sense goes up in smoke.
11/12/2327m 55s

Giving ourselves a clap

This week, we find what Britain is number one at, which war has gone up in a puff of smoke, I have a brief chat with a man who wants to spread the word and an electrical expert calls.
04/12/2329m 46s

The lights go out

This week is a special all-Donny episode in celebration of the time his plans for a state visit to these shores were turned upside down.
27/11/2338m 55s

The Moon-faced Numpty

This week's clips from Spring 2019 feature Theresa May as Prime Minister, some Tories were alarmed at the thought of Boris Johnson replacing her, as though that would ever happen, and there's some instructions from high up. Very high up.
20/11/2331m 9s

The milk criminal

This week, an old adversary calls, I duck out of imitating Ann Widdecombe for health reasons and there's an incident in the kitchenette.
13/11/2330m 53s

Surfers of Doom

This week's clips are mostly from April 2019 when the right wing couldn't make up their minds on whether they wanted actors to talk politics, there was a wave warning, a smoking police officer with a suspicious lock-up and it ends with a brand new clip from last weekend from a caller who has become something of a favourite
06/11/2331m 37s

How are your onions?

This week's clips from 2019 include me getting mistaken for my twin Diane Abbott, a man calls with a solution to stress and ladybirds attack.
30/10/2328m 55s

How's it a sport?

This week's clips from 2019 include me buying a car, Jacob Mee-Smugg says something stupid, a man calls in on hemp and there's two bang-up-to-date calls from last weekend that you may enjoy.
23/10/2331m 58s

Pink boats and whales

This week's clips are of a protest to skirt round, we go looking for sea life and find an alarming recipe for soap.
16/10/2330m 4s

Open season on Dames

It was a week of protests against protests, there was a pink boat with a celebrity onboard and we found a possible benefit of sea levels rising. 
09/10/2328m 11s

No spoilers!

This week's clips include talk about polls, I make a prediction in 2019 that came true in 2023 and we were looking forward to the last series of the biggest show on Earth.
02/10/2330m 29s

What's a black hole like?

This week, in clips from 2019, Mrs M was having a 'mare, we saw a picture of something invisible and take a trip on a magic dolphin.
25/09/2330m 59s

A problem with time

Following on from last week, there was some disagreement about the next James Bond, a woman falls foul of a dress code and there's a cab on the way that will never arrive.
18/09/2330m 26s

Picking the next Bond

This week, there's an 007 issue and an irate call from an irate man, I call out Twitterers, predict Donald Trump's future and wonder at French people.
11/09/2334m 3s

Getting shrunk

This week, I get an appointment with the head doctor, everyone disagrees with everyone all the time and there's a chemical warfare experiment update.
04/09/2330m 30s

Not the Nadine Dorries resignation letter

This week's clips are a mix of old and very new. From 2019 an old lady picked a fight with all young people, an American explains what Britain was going through and Nigel mentions the war. From last weekend, there's a world exclusive: the resignation letter that Nadine Dorries didn't write.
29/08/2331m 38s

A little disagreement

It's 2019 and I make a prediction about Donald Trump, have a heated chat with a Leaver who I bet has changed his mind since we talked four and a half years ago, and we remember when Paulie Walnuts got his nails done. 
21/08/2333m 35s

What's 999,800 between friends?

It was 2019 and we were comparing sizes, a lot of people were ringing to tell me I'd "lost, get over it" and there was an eye-witness to Nigel Farage's super-human abilities.
14/08/2332m 46s

Driving through where?!

In this week's clips from 2019, we were trying to name a prominent Mark, I accurately predict our future, we hear of some unpleasant place names and there's a tale of two marches.
07/08/2331m 18s

A stream of noise hitting your head

This week, I am at the end of a 16 show-in-a-row stretch and high on carpet cleaner, I plan a total radio takeover and we search for a Good Mark.
31/07/2329m 1s

The Comedy Parade

This week I overdose on dandruff medicine, Donald Trump attacks Mrs M. and there's a comedy parade of the permanently furious.
24/07/2332m 45s

The Spring Clean of Mass Destruction

This week, I get a second dose of chemical warfare, we take a trip to see Led Zeppelin for next to nothing at all and Uncle Nigel gets wet.
17/07/2334m 2s

A short walk on a long march

This week, Nigel takes a stroll, there's the secret to happiness and I get high on carpet cleaner. Those last two are not connected.
10/07/2333m 47s

High on cleaning fumes

This week, I see vapour trails coming off everything, we get a spy report from Denmark and there's a LOT of happiness about.
03/07/2336m 35s

Blowing a gasket

It was Spring 2019 and Julian Assange had just emerged from the Ecuadorian embassy, I appear to lose my mind and am disappointed by both the French and a black hole.
26/06/2329m 44s

He mentioned the war!

This week, banker waves his money at me, I admit to doing Top Secret work and a man finds something great on a bus.
19/06/2330m 17s

A right Humphrey

This week, in clips from 2019, I get threatened with half a billion people, there's a car nightmare and from this weekend, two bang-up-to-date callers, one is a Humphrey and the other does the Wokey-Cokey.
12/06/2330m 3s


This week, the nation gets told off by a Rose, there's a lesson in chocolate, a report from a Ramones gig and I find the origin of a favourite sound clip I play.
05/06/2331m 5s

Smugg gets comical

In Spring of 2019, the word "flextention" had just been coined, Mrs M was doing her best, I'd had a face full of something poisonous and the Dad's Army recreation society was having a moment.
30/05/2333m 36s

Brexit ruined my lips

This week, a lady has a make-up crisis, there was intense discussions between the clown shoe lady and the bearded weirdo and people were stockpiling in case Brexit went badly.
22/05/2331m 24s

A face full

It was Spring 2019 and the thought of Boris Johnson becoming Prime Minister came up (oh how we laughed), a man muttered something about the royals taking charge and the House of Commons was spouting sewage.
15/05/2332m 0s

Your call is important to us

In this episode, I get picked on by the mayor, we talk artificial intelligence (years before Chat GPT came along) and there's an unfortunate incident with a monkey
08/05/2332m 19s

Powered by hot air

This week I get messages from numpties, we talk man-caves and a man called about something we weren't discussing and rather takes over.
01/05/2330m 46s

Hazza's to-do list

This week, we were being dazzled, Nigel Farage was planning a protest march, Theresa May was busy negotiating and a prince was telling us to live more sustainably
24/04/2330m 21s

Some grief from the help

In this week's clips, we find out who is responsible for a big TV game show, I fail to win a million pounds on another game show, I get a call from an odd hatchback driver and, in a bang up to date clip, we hear from a person who can speak when he says nothing at all.
17/04/2331m 59s

Zobidan the Creepy

This week, there's two clips that are bang up to date, one of which is confusing, the other a bit frightening. For the rest of the time, we are in 2019 and it was International Women's Day.
11/04/2327m 37s

Two unfortunate pets

This week's clips from 2019 include talk about money, Tubular Bells and grits. It ends with a very recent pair of calls from last month, one is a Boris Johnson fan who calls to defend him and a nice lady has a horror story about pets.
03/04/2331m 38s

Hold the grits!

This week's clips from 2019 include Nigel Farage on a mission, we were concerned about American food and threatened with riots. There's also a very clip from about a week ago in which I was taken to task by a Boris Johnson fan.
27/03/2329m 23s

I ain't got no class

It was 2019 and I'd had a win on the Lottery, Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson was trying to be frightening, Donald Trump got a health check and Nigel Farage organised a march.
20/03/2328m 30s


It's a bit different this week - there's clips from 2019 when Mrs M was in power and the Tories were fighting with anything that moved, there's a question about where's London and this week I've included a very recent clip from this month that I think you may enjoy. I know I did!
13/03/2330m 39s

Sing faster!

This week's clips include talking about billionaires, a caller expressed themselves in an artistic manner and I give a firm but fair opinion on rugby.
06/03/2329m 11s

AI and the IQ of MPs

This week's clips are from four years ago when we were having an oddly familiar conversation, took a peek at the internet and took the bus to Wetherspoons.
27/02/2337m 10s

Getting caught short

This week's clips are from this time four years ago when the weather was fantastic, Tories were fighting with each other and there was a crisis in a coffee shop.
20/02/2333m 26s

I have a dream

This week's clips are from early 2019 when Donald Trump was going on about his huge and tremendous wall, we found that the internet is lying to us and we got bad news about Bournemouth.
13/02/2332m 27s

Don't breathe in

It was 2019 and the kids were having a grand day out to protest about climate change, I learned something about Bournemouth and people were fearing what was coming from the skies.
06/02/2332m 55s

The kids are revolting!

This week's clips are from 2019 when a certain personage had crashed his car, school pupils decided to do something because adults weren't and there was an issue with bugs.
30/01/2335m 26s

Going to a better party

This week's clips are from February 2019 when there was a weather forecast that should give up hope for next month, a new political party had been formed that you may already have forgotten existed and we found we were about to get sent back to the Stone Age.
23/01/2333m 58s

The Cow Issue

This week's clips are from 2019 when we thought we were living in odd times. If only we knew what was round the corner! In these clips, we help an isolated man in Yorkshire and a farmer is very angry with me.
16/01/2336m 42s

Gibraltar fights back

It was February 2019 and a British colony was under attack, I got animated about the national antem, there was David Beckham news and some billionaires got told off.
09/01/2331m 36s

A right old ding-dong.

This weeks clips are from 2019 and there's some funny stuff here. There was warnings of food shortages, someone thought that KFC running out of chicken was their way of scuppering Brexit, a caller tried to explain things based on what he understood and some light winter weather had had the usual consequences.
19/12/2231m 31s


This weeks clips from 2019 feature me getting confused about cricket, having a fight with some callers, choosing a favourite song and comparing Jeremy Corbyn to a Star Wars character.
12/12/2234m 30s

What's a nanny do?

This week's clips are from 2019 when we were staring at windmills, dreaming of island living, ruining Pink Floyd and I had an electricity crisis.
05/12/2228m 0s

More Communist Tripe

We dance around the years in this one. Starting in 2020 for a little light conspiracy theorising, then back to 2019 for a road safety fail and I get a request, which sounds like a demand.
28/11/2231m 19s

The loudest light

It was Autumn 2020 and a man picked fight about pubs, another honours list was announced, a lady had a controversial cure for the mad bat disease, we looked forward to an important announcement and noticed a household design fault.
21/11/2230m 16s

Cows with guns

This weeks clips include Donny goes to hospital, as really stupid idea from Gavin Williamson and an even stupider one from Pritti Patel and a rat gets its just deserts.
14/11/2233m 31s

Strategy? What strategy?

It was Autumn 2020 and there was a rush on in the supermarkets, people were confused about restrictions, some callers sounded very refreshed and there was revolution in the air
07/11/2231m 6s

The big picture

This week, Donald Trump's fans are confused, it was two years ago and we were all about the bubbles and I get a little too much praise for my part in fighting the Mad Bat Disease.
31/10/2234m 21s

The Secret of Happiness

This week's clips are from Autumn 2020 when a certain Boris Johnson insisted we shouldn't have parties, we were envious of Swedes (not the vegetable) and there was a protest parade about pretty much everything.
24/10/2234m 9s

The Hamburger Issue

It was two years ago and there was the curious case of the see-through premier, confusion about Level 42, some concern about burgers and a slight communication breakdown.
17/10/2232m 17s

The groin issue

This week, Donald Trump's fans get that sinking feeling, the government threatened us to get back to teh office, I lose track of time and a man shares a little too much
10/10/2230m 22s

Watch out, communists about

This week's clips are from when the English football team proved a disappointment, David Blaine did something odd with ice and Donald Trump flipped out when he saw where he was staying in London.
03/10/2235m 57s

Irate in Uxbridge

This week's clips are from Autumn 2020 and follow on from last week's podcast, in which a chap thought I should give away all my money, we were reminiscing about the days before Bodger Johnson took over, our new trade deal-maker was announced to be an Australian, and a man in Johnson's constituency was not totally satisfied with everything, especially me.
27/09/2225m 59s

It's all my fault!

It was Autumn 2020 and I get interrupted by a digital intrusion, I have a heated debate wit a bloke who thinks I am the problem, pick a fight with Australia and America and at the end there's a great call from this weekend just gone.
20/09/2235m 16s

Strictly who?

This week's clips are from a pretty important period in which the wheels started coming off the clown car, I take a fiery call from one of the usual suspects and fail to recognise some celebrities.
05/09/2234m 30s

Millions of visitors

This week's clips have people fighting like cats and dogs, I talk about waiting for the music, the government were telling us to go outside after telling us to stay indoors and there's a curious tale about a balcony invasion
29/08/2235m 9s

Italian food is very dangerous

It was August two years ago and the government were telling us to go back to work after telling us not to, I have some good advice for a TV show set to return and we remember when no-one was allowed in the front room.
22/08/2230m 47s

16 cats in the kitchen

This weeks clips include me explaining what's wrong with other drivers, I prove that no-one is interested in a cultural institution at the centre of a BIG row and I make a prediction about Donald Trump
15/08/2233m 12s


This week's podcast follows on from last week's clips and features a square sheep, a silly song and raging at roads.
08/08/2234m 11s

The square sheep

This week's clips we were perplexed by the world's most expensive sheep, I measured the size of Nigel Farage's mouth and people were getting wound up by a song
02/08/2231m 42s

1.4 billion interesting people

This week’s clips are from the start of the Mad Bat Disease. It hadn’t hit yet but van drivers were thinking about getting security and tourists were told not to act like they were on holiday!
25/07/2233m 5s

Nightmare house guests

This week’s clips are from Spring 2020 and a man calls from his zoo, a woman calls from her fire engine and I buy a bowler hat.
18/07/2231m 24s

Sayonara Croydon

This week’s clips are from Spring 2020, in which a lady recreates Noah’s Ark, there’s things you don’t want to see in a pandemic, The Goop Woman Strikes Back, being late for the Sex Pistols and the War of the Worlds.
11/07/2233m 6s

Vegetables aren’t grizzly

This week’s clips are from the start of the Mad Bat Disease, there were reports of disappointment at the supermarket, we learned how not to get divorced, I had a holiday disaster and received one of the most mystifying calls ever.
04/07/2230m 28s

These nuts taste funny

This week, there’s new rules about money, a loo with a view, the musty aroma of a pub and I look forward to a dental appointment.
27/06/2232m 38s

It weren’t me!

This week’s clips are from early 2020 when we were just hearing about the Mad Bat Disease and some people were taking advantage, there’s a phoney French listener with material and a confusing message from New York.
20/06/2228m 23s

A genius restaurant promotion

This week’s clips are from when we were just hearing about the Mad Bat Disease and include a restauranteur with an idea, a man who offers to subject himself to free beer and panic buying was afoot.
13/06/2236m 52s

A bucket of mist

These clips include science advice from a self confessed genius, we were trying not to touch our faces and were frightened of running out of toilet paper
06/06/2228m 31s

Chimps with nukes

This week’s clips include a mystifying call about the truth, there’s a worrying development in the animal kingdom and Bodger Johnson spies a job creation opportunity.
30/05/2232m 7s

The bathroom ballet

This week, there’s the rules of the bathroom dance, we were freaking out about washing our hands and I found that animals are playing catch-up.
23/05/2231m 58s

The Toilet Issue

This week’s clips from two years ago include me not getting calmed about a dental visit, the Eurovision Song Contest was imminent and no-one had seen the Dear Leader in a while.
16/05/2241m 23s

Absent without leave

This week’s clips are from two years ago when people were wondering where Bodger had got to, as he seemed to have disappeared. Turns out he was selling himself to the highest Russian bidder, a man called with something unfathomable and listeners pick fights with each other.
09/05/2230m 49s

How much for a toaster?!

In this week’s clips we were trying to save the planet, one plastic bag at a time, there was alarming news on the price of a kitchen gadget and we hear about the surprising stuff people found in the street.
01/05/2234m 1s

Flip-flop heaven

This week we were enjoying our all-new passports, a voter is not entirely satisfied with how his decision turned out and I explain why some footwear is ill advised.
26/04/2231m 26s

Where’s Bodger?

This week’s clips are from two years ago when Bodger Johnson had done one of his disappearing acts, people had started to turn anti-packaging and we get a lecture from a bank.
19/04/2240m 22s

What’s the Queen on?

This week, we find out something alarming about the pandemic, people were upset about the environment, there was a Friends reunion and we discover where the Queen is to be found.
11/04/2231m 12s

George Clooney gets swamped

In this episode we have lots of fun with weather and Bodger Johnson’s place gets a touch-up.
04/04/2231m 16s

How to eat peanut butter

These clips from two years ago include our first taste of panic buying, a listener with material manages to get one by me and a nice lady shares her breakfast routine.
28/03/2227m 40s

Pasta is very dangerous

This week’s clips are from two years ago when people were panic buying lettuce, Meghan Sparkles had not yet been dubbed the Wicked Witch of the West, I was trying not to touch my face and we learned something alarming about pasta.
23/03/2229m 10s

Washing your hands with booze

This week’s clips are from the start of our journey through the mad bat disease, when we were experiencing our first supermarket sweeps of toilet paper and we were trying not to touch our faces.
14/03/2233m 49s

Don’t touch your face!

These clips are from a couple of years ago when I had a Nesquik disaster, we were starting to panic about toilet paper and everyone was going germ-free.
07/03/2239m 21s

Bodger’s holiday mystery

This week’s podcast has me not complaining about feeling ill, I make a prediction about government policy, we talk about the artist Banksy and we were just starting out on our journey with the invisible menace.
28/02/2232m 43s

Asking For A Punch

This week’s clips are from when I had a cold and was also suffering from inhaling a foreign object in my sleep but as you can imagine, I wasn’t complaining about it at all!
21/02/2240m 48s

Something inside my insides

This week there’s more talk of the Death Bat, Donny and Bodger’s relationship sours and I have a go at SUV drivers.
21/02/2232m 20s

Squirrels in the attic

This week’s clips from two years ago include several animal nightmares, a boat load of people get sent to Milton Keynes, something other than the disease was giving us reason to be concerned about China and we got into James Bond’s car.
07/02/2235m 8s

Bats in the attic, squirrels in the loft

This weeks clips are from two years ago when we were expecting a storm, we hadn’t yet started on our Covid nightmare, I had a row with a nice lady about an awful man and I was suffering from a fluffy vermin attack.
31/01/2233m 55s

Inhaling something really bad

This week’s clips include Donald Trump’s weird attraction to a certain animal, there’s an alarming prediction about our future, I take in something that disagrees with me, we were at the very start of the virus thing and Dominic Cummings had yet to test his eyesight, Boris Johnson was our new leader and I get called something I’ve never been called before.
24/01/2230m 57s

Having someone for dinner

This week’s clips are from two years ago when someone wanted to give Bodger a chance, a man had an interesting idea for dinner and there was a storm-a-coming.
17/01/2236m 37s

You could see her arm!

This week’s clips are from two years ago, when we had not yet experienced the delights of Covid or a Boris Johnson leadership. The nation was gripped by a wardrobe malfunction and worried about the state of bees and there’s advice on what not to put in your neighbour’s letter box.
10/01/2235m 59s

A cosy contraception

This week the nation was gripped by an off-the-shoulder number, bees were a problem and a wide range of experts called to talk about things they knew nothing about.
20/12/2129m 59s

Take me to your leader

This week, I have a fight with the equipment, someone doesn't quite understand a Labour Party promise, a storm is coming in, some people get stuck in Milton Keynes and we realise we are not the brightest things on Earth.
06/12/2128m 9s

A sexual disease down under

This week's clips are from the first day of our freedom from the Evil European Overlords, I get a proposal from a lady in Croydon, we fail to spot a celebrity, find a dog's worth £10m and discover something awful about a certain cuddly bear.
29/11/2131m 3s

Fix bayonets!

This week's clips are from the day after we escaped the clutches of the European Socialist Superstate and we were having a LOT of fun. There was a playlist to guess, a portrait to marvel at and a suspicious call from someone who might not be who they said they were.
22/11/2134m 41s

Dusting your nick-knacks

It was the day after our glorious escape from our evil European overlords and everyone was in a great mood, including me. There was a small cloud on our horizon of a mysterious invisible menace brewing in China but apart from that we were all fired up and full of beans. This show was a hoot.
15/11/2138m 11s

We're out!

It is the day this podcast has been building up to for a while now and it finally arrived. We left the EU on the 31st of January 2020 and Nick Ferrari was on air for the glorious moment. I followed afterwards and here's a flavour of what happened, with some predictions of what might happen next, which were either very right, or very wrong.
09/11/2128m 41s

Keep taking the pills

This week, Australia was on fire, China was reacting to a virus that hadn't got here yet, I had a dicky tummy and Donald Trump allowed companies to pollute America's rivers - good job that wouldn't happen here, eh?
01/11/2128m 19s

Pasta is a vegetable

This week's clips are from the week before we left the Evil European Socialist Superstate, President Tangerine Scream reclassified food, I was bravely putting up with a dodgy stomach and Boris Johnson said something stupid.
26/10/2135m 53s

Morons on motorbikes

We were just a week away from our glorious future outside the evil EU superstate, word was coming from China about a mysterious new illness and I was recovering from a dodgy oyster.
18/10/2139m 46s

Earthquake rumblings

This week's clips are from when we were hearing of the invisible menace from China for the first time and I may have been one of the first people in this country to get it. Or it might have been a dodgy bivalve
11/10/2133m 18s

Solving global warming with a tube

This week, it was the week before we left the European Union to access our perfect new lives, a man calls to tell me about his organ and we solve global warming in one easy step.
04/10/2130m 14s

To space and beyond!

This week, in clips from January 2020, Donald Trump announced his Space Force, we were a week away from our glorious future outside the Evil European Socialist Superstate and I declare war on trees.
27/09/2130m 50s

Uh-oh! It begins.

This week, in clips from January 2020, a man wakes up from what sounds like a coma and sees who our prime minister is, the church talk about sex a lot and there's the very first inkling from China that things may be going downhill.
21/09/2132m 36s

Kook Alert!

This week's clips were from just before we escaped the Evil European Overlords, one lady was very upset about it, there's a spooky prediction about empty shelves and quite a lot of eccentric callers.
13/09/2128m 57s

Keeping the ball rolling

This week, there's some calls so impenetrable you'd need to be Alan Turing to figure them out, Sajman Jav slips up and we learn who is the backbone of this great country.
07/09/2129m 22s

More than one moose

This week's clips come from when Hazza and Sparkles were causing consternation by not following the script we had written for them, we were about to be free of our European Socialist Overlords, The Tangerine Scream was still in the Whitehouse and quite a few callers were not completely satisfied with me.
30/08/2129m 32s

Worst. Trifle. Ever.

This week, people were obsessing about the colour of their passports, there's crisps and chocolate at the same time and Hazza and Sparkles were threatening to leave.
23/08/2132m 53s

Party Planning

This week's clips are from just weeks before we gained our freedom from the Evil Socialist Superstate and someone was planning a celebration. I get a call from an old enemy and one from a customer who is not completely satisfied.
16/08/2133m 5s

Can you spare a Bob boy?

This week's clips are from days before we ascended the sunny uplands of our glorious future and left the Evil Socialist Superstate, the nation was searching for loose change, Donito Mussolini was flexing his muscle and it was all a bit "Dad's Army".
09/08/2130m 44s

Bonging for Britain

These clips are from just weeks before we first heard about an invisible menace in China and we were occupied by other matters like what Hazza and Sparkles were going to do next and, most pressingly, how we should celebrate our glorious exit from the Evil European Superstate.
02/08/2131m 29s

Flimflam and twaddle

We are in January 2020 when we were bathing in the glory of a new leader and the invisible menace was yet to be heard of. There's the best TV shows, a unique way of funding the nation's favourite institution and all eyes were on Hazza and Sparkles.
27/07/2137m 39s

The great escape

These clips are from January 2020, just before we left the EU and before we heard of the invisible menace that was just around the corner. There's quite some chat about the royals and an old friend of the show calls to talk about "algorithms".
20/07/2130m 50s

Cruella the puppy stealer

This week's clips are from January last year and we were talking then about many of the things we are still talking about now. A heartless, evil woman from far, far away had come to steal our precious puppy, World War 3 looked like it was about to begin and an "expert" calls.
12/07/2132m 24s

Mind the bull

This week is a bit spooky as a good few months before we had ever heard of the virus, the idea of wearing masks and working from home came up, along with something odd in a farmer's field and even weirder up a skyscraper.
06/07/2132m 14s

Introducing 'I've Been Thinking with Peter Frankopan'

Hi, Nick Abot listener, We’ve got another brand new podcast we think you’ll enjoy. ‘I’ve Been Thinking’ is a new weekly show hosted by Peter Frankopan. As well as being a best-selling author (Silk Roads), Professor of Global History and Oxford and voted as one of the World’s Top 50 Thinkers, Peter uses this podcast to speak with some incredible guests looking at topics from around the world that help understand and explain the past, present and future. Guests include former Director of the FBI James Comey and Chinese artist & activist Ai Weiwei. This is a taster of what you can expect from the show. If you like what you hear please search for I’ve Been Thinking with Peter Frankopan on Global Player or wherever you get your podcasts.
01/07/212m 42s

The 16th Show in a Row

This week's clips are from the end of a marathon run of shows over Christmas 2019. Donald Trump had just bombed Iran, Australia was on fire, someone commits a milk crime and I declare war on daytime TV.
28/06/2134m 7s

Panic at the Tesco

This week, the clips are from just after New Year 2020 and we take a trip round the new Prime Minister's love nest hideaway, wonder why there's no female equivalent for a "toyboy", dampen a singed wallaby and get a foretaste of panic buying in the supermarkets.
21/06/2133m 3s

Getting deep

This week's clips are from early 2020 when it looked like World War 3, there is a lot of rage around, just like today, and I go into what I think that is all about.
14/06/2139m 24s

Introducing 'If It Bleeds It Leads'

Hi Nick Abbot fans – we have a new True Crime podcast we think you’ll enjoy called ‘If It Bleeds It Leads’ Could you be a criminal? What separates the way you think, from the criminal mind? Join the world’s leading professor of criminology, Prof. David Wilson and star of Silent Witness Emilia Fox as they discover what’s really going on behind some of the most notorious crimes. What do you do with have-a-go heroes who try to stop you robbing a bank? What's it like inside an escalating prison riot? And how do you deal with Britain’s most infamous hitman telling you he's been ordered to kill you? In this podcast series you’ll hear from offenders, the police, crime experts and investigators as we delve into the workings of the criminal mind. Here’s a sneaky peak and the first Episode drops on Monday 14th June. If you like what you hear search for ‘If It Bleeds It Leads’ on Global Player or wherever you get your podcasts.
11/06/212m 58s

Getting whacky with the doc

This week we go behind the scenes (allegedly) of doctor wotsit off the telly, I get attacked by a fan of the kooky president of a kooky country and there's an incident in the Pound Shop.
07/06/2128m 39s

You've got what in your muesli?!

This week we are forced to pick a seat in the cinema, the EU take our windows away, a strange argument is used for eating on the bus and I get put right off my breakfast.
02/06/2136m 58s

The Belly Button Inspector

This week we cover everything in chocolate, find something awful on the bus, wash our shopping long before covid appeared and eat off a tree.
24/05/2129m 44s

All you need is lion dung

This week: Kier Starmer's hair, what to do with a squirrel, getting a takeaway from the zoo and what not to eat on a train.
17/05/2138m 54s

Guess who was more popular than Boris

This week, some time traveling between when Boris Johnson was elected leader of the Tories and how we felt about him two months later, there's a certain Nigel getting hit with a tasty treat and something weird about baked beans.
10/05/2140m 22s

Going in the right direction

This week, in clips from two years ago, which proves that nothing much changes, Boris Johnson has a fight over furniture, I get schooled in the delights of Bon Jovi and we find out which country's people think they are going in the right direction (not who might think).
04/05/2142m 46s

Boris Johnson ruined my sofa

This week's is a hoot - there's a reminder of how unreliable summers can be and a tantrum on the tennis court but mostly there's a lot of shouting and crashing coming from Boris Johnson's girlfriend's flat.
26/04/2131m 1s

The Spice Girls versus Metallica

This week, we were contemplating the Tory leadership contest horror show, there was a spy report from a certain woman-group concert and I pick a fight with a heavy metal band.
19/04/2131m 56s

What colour is a blue egg?

This week a re-match with an old sparring partner, trying to see Madonna from the cheap seats, how to get a new bike and who to blame if thing's aren't going your way.
12/04/2134m 51s

Madonna costs how much?!

This week, there's a shocker about Madonna, I get interrogated about drugs, there's a disagreement about Genesis and Donito Mussolini picks a fight with one of ours.
06/04/2133m 2s

Fun with maths

This week, the comical demands of the Tangerine Tornado when he wanted to stay with the Queen but couldn't, an up-to-date shocker about the world's most expensive room and a young person calls and gets caught in a game show.
29/03/2135m 27s

Cheating at golf

This week, the return of the naked cyclists, Donny kicks balls and I explain magnets.
22/03/2128m 3s

Fighting with a sinner

This week, magnets in space, naked cyclists and how to catch a social disease (not related).
15/03/2130m 23s

The Conservative Drug Taking Competition

This week, in the race to become our next Prime Minister, the candidates have a spliff-off, Donald Trump titillates the Queen and what a San Francisco tram smells like.
08/03/2138m 54s

Impersonating a national treasure

This week, a news clip that will delight a certain section of the country who will never get tired of hearing it, having a laugh with the Marxist Brothers and how to spend £40 billion.
01/03/2130m 42s

Friends without benefits

This week, how we avoided World War Three, which politician looks like a Lord of the Rings character, what 5G will make more difficult and who's fault is everything!
22/02/2132m 28s

The blimp is back!

This weeks clips are from Spring 2019 when the country held its breath for the arrival of Cheeto Mussolini. The Baby Tornado was going to blow into town and some people had made special preparations.
15/02/2131m 26s

What does a stoned cat look like?

This week, a cat goes cold turkey, we find a use for the spice jar at the back of your cupboard and a certain orange tornado was planning to visit.
08/02/2124m 51s

Alien sex alert!

This week a certain Baby Tornado was due to arrive at the Palace in April 2019, there's a mystifying call about drugs from a person who may be familiar with them and some alarming news of very personal outer-space visitors.
01/02/2134m 4s

Power surge!

This week, a man complains to an unlikely individual about his electricity, I conduct a very brief chat with an old "friend" and we talk pot a lot.
25/01/2133m 32s

Exit the Baby Tornado

This week I mix clips from April 2019 with one bang up to date from last weekend in honour of the departure from the Whitehouse of the Tangerine Scream. Plus there's some alarming news for people who like it.
19/01/2130m 27s

A total eclipse of the Queen

This week, a certain tangerine nightmare was planning an invasion of this country. This week's clips are from two years ago, when everything that happened this month seemed entirely predictable.
11/01/2132m 43s

ET is your father

A bumper festive issue that has aliens, commandments and meat and is stuffed full of fruits and nuts.
21/12/2033m 25s

A spooky premonition

This week, I see into our future, mix a cocktail for a tube train and fight a dwarf warrior in Middle-earth
14/12/2032m 43s

Don't eat the "chocolate"

This week there are a LOT of facts thrown about and even I learn something. There's a very surprising piece of information about solar panels, we learn why cows are better than boats and there's a little hot fracking action.
07/12/2037m 9s

A car that goes whooosh

This week, a boat gets dismantled by law experts, how to shame Denmark and there's a hint of automotive trouble to come.
30/11/2036m 44s

This podcast is an education!

This week, we get educated about things that go boom, some eco-ists get threatened with bascules and an airborne menace that's not the virus.
23/11/2032m 43s

The solution to all our problems

This week, there is nothing like a dame on a mission, the next best thing to having a car and the answer to our stressed out, frantic lives.
17/11/2033m 29s

Introducing Hunting Ghislaine with John Sweeney

Hi Nick Abbot fans LBC have a new podcast we think you’ll enjoy - Hosted by legendary reporter John Sweeney, Hunting Ghislaine is a 6 part series about Ghislaine Maxwell, the daughter of a disgraced billionaire and the former partner of a super-rich paedophile who killed himself while awaiting trial for sex trafficking. After hiding for almost a year, she now finds herself facing multiple charges for helping Jeffrey Epstein sexually exploit and abuse under-age women which could lead to her spending the rest of her life in jail. In this new podcast series, Hunting Ghislaine, reporter John Sweeney investigates a fairy story which happens the wrong way round, of how a princess ends up accused of being the monster and no-one at all ends up happily ever after. First Episode available 19th November. Listen on Global Player or wherever you get your podcasts
13/11/201m 5s

Baby soap (not what you think)

This week, the IQ of frogs, buying a car while your head is swimming and the slightly controversial but sustainable way to clean yourself.
09/11/2033m 40s

The purple hair brigade

This week, we're off to sea on a beautiful bright pink boat, a Dame hoves into view and London is given back to the people.
03/11/2032m 28s

A big bag of nutty slack

This week, we find that we are melting while zooming through space while out of control. I school the youth to do their bit and the EU is corrected by a furious lady in Blackpool.
26/10/2032m 33s

That's what Donald Trump is made of

This week, the clips are taken from a year before the virus had been heard of but there is a spooky message of what was to come, we marvel at the size of a politician's tubers and if you want to make your own Donald Trump, the recipe is right here.
19/10/2031m 7s

Introducing "What Next?" with Lionel Barber

Hi Nick Abbot fans LBC have a new podcast we think you’ll enjoy - Hosted by Lionel Barber, the former Editor of the Financial Times, What Next? focuses on life after COVID-19 and sees the multi-award-winning journalist and author discover how the world is adapting to the pandemic, what needs to change and, most importantly, what lessons we have learnt that will shape our lives for the future. Each week, Lionel will be speaking to some of the biggest leading influential figures in the health, politics, business, technology, arts and environment world, such as former Prime Minister Tony Blair; Elizabeth Cousens, President and CEO of the United Nations Foundation; ITV’s Chief Executive Dame Carolyn McCall and many more. Follow Lionel on Twitter: @lionelbarber. Listen and subscribe now on Global Player or wherever you get your podcasts

It's a car crash!

This week, in clips from Spring 2019, there's a prediction about where the next financial crash would come from (subsequently proved to be WAY out), an automotive expert calls to correct me and I have a go at Donito Mussolini (so unfair!).
12/10/2032m 12s

A whiskey, a light ale and a whine

This week's podcast is from a show recorded before the world had ever heard of that bloomin' virus and includes a little light altercation about a subject that used to occupy us before all this hit the fan, multiple people raise a complaint, a man finds a winning ticket and one chap who has no idea who I am, and barely knows where he is, calls after getting completely refreshed.
05/10/2028m 25s

The Mayor killed my car!

This week's podcast is from last year when I went to war with the Mayor of London (he started it), I survive a builders' dust incident and there is a horrible image of two people kissing.
28/09/2029m 31s

The birth of a new old wave

This week, the cleanest party launch ever, a man with a weird way of saying things rings in to say a lot, the perils posed by poorer people and the price of a cab.
22/09/2032m 2s

A stickler for rules

This week I find myself agreeing with some people I never thought would be on my side, I have a stand up row about money and a woman calls who swears she isn't drunk.
14/09/2030m 10s

The man who knows a LOT about wind

This week, top of the non-season to you. As a helpful primer, we learn when to tell your kids there's no Santa, an orange giant rails against windmills, there's the smallest and most disappointing food delivery ever and what not to put in your bath.
07/09/2031m 49s

It's the most magical time of the year!

This week, we celebrate Christmas very, very early. Jesus' personal friend calls in, I am bemused by Quentin Tarantino, Boris Johnson is revealed to have a cunning plan, I have an altercation at the lights and how to avoid get ripped off.
31/08/2032m 46s

Don't make predictions!

This week, there's a crush at the shops, I spy Steve Allen's Bentley and a listener with material gets a joke past me without me noticing.
24/08/2034m 24s

Why Boris Johnson is like Star Wars

This week, we investigate the similarity of electing Boris Johnson and waiting for a new Star Wars film, I have a right old row about a subject that used to be top of the news before a certain little something unseated it, and the alarming state of what's outside.
17/08/2032m 34s

Unpolitically incorrect

This week I make a prediction which could not have been more wrong, there's a close encounter with a personal explosive problem, I launch an attack on a weapons manufacturer and have a shouting match about politeness.
10/08/2033m 59s

A toff can't take his top orf

This week: there's a lot of weather about, all of it the wrong sort; a man has an issue with electric cars; an upper class twit fails a test and what ice caps are really for.
03/08/2038m 55s

Nick predicts the future

This week I have a frighteningly accurate guess at the future, we hear a couple of plans to save the world, a man uses a device to get in touch that I bet you haven't used in decades and we hear how valuable our opinions are.
27/07/2036m 55s

Don't eat the sprouts!

This week: the danger on your dinner plate, how to greenify your car, ripped jeans and the total destruction of Planet Earth.
20/07/2032m 24s

Cows on a bus

This week everything breaks but makes a very nice colour, a man is scared of Trumpists, Super Puff Planets (whatever they are) and one of those give-up-something-for-a-month things.
13/07/2035m 1s

What does Boris Johnson look like wet?

This week, a listener with material gets one by me, a weather update from Sudan, my glamorous assistant gets corrected, I give bad advice about what to do during a roadside sobriety test and we find out what makes Dutch people laugh.
06/07/2029m 28s

What should we do with Australia?

This week, I get shouted at a lot by people who don't believe in climate change, I wonder if you can switch off the internet and make plans to re-purpose Australia for the benefit of the planet.
29/06/2032m 47s

A celebrity's random act of kindness

This week, we learn how to say "Bowie", I recount everything I learned at university, a mystery is solved and there's a happy encounter with a star.
22/06/2028m 40s

You can't say happiness without saying...

This week, I am deluged by weather, a listener with material manages to get a joke on air and a very confusing man explains who he is disappointed with.
15/06/2029m 59s

Fun with numbers

This week it is an educational podcast full of verifiable facts, some of which are also true. There's bumps in space, weather control machines and the price of tomatoes.
08/06/2035m 45s

The Breakfast Buffet

This week, a reminder that a certain controversial beanie hat model has been making news for quite a while, what to eat for the most important meal of the day, what happens when ice melts and are breaks important on a car.
01/06/2030m 2s

A reminder of who we voted for

This week I have a major rant about climate change, we learn what to have with a beer, how to prevent your car from being stolen in South Africa and what to do when presented with something that makes you look bad.
25/05/2031m 27s

Frisk the dog

This week: how to ruin a planet and where to live when you're done; what goes with beer, cider and blackcurrant; the way to raise children and how many is too many.
18/05/2028m 7s

Fruit flavoured beer?

This week: how to ruin a perfectly good beverage, defending Marmite, funny badges and titles and a LOT of weather.
11/05/2030m 2s

Does size matter?

This week: Steve Allen's Bentley, the B-side that became an A-side, why DIY usually fails and I'm asked how big is Boris Johnson.
04/05/2039m 5s

The route to endless happiness

This week a woman plots the path to eternal bliss, a man ignores his smoke alarm and we find who or what is a Victorian unit.
27/04/2029m 12s

What's an app then?

This week, I school a lady on the subject of the internet, there is an ingenius solution to a warning light problem and love the Belgian way.
20/04/2033m 5s

Darth Vader is a bad parent

This week: Star Wars, smart speakers fight back, a man tells me to get on my bike and I have to correct my glamorous assistant.
14/04/2034m 15s

The Orange Baby Tornado

This week, I revisit the time when I locked myself out, a woman makes an emtional plea to the young, a chap has an altercation with a youth and...LOOK OUT!..Ancient Orange is coming our way.
06/04/2028m 54s

Picking a fight with Facebook

This week, there is a lot of Neil Young, a rant ot two about (un)social media, the importance of knowing how many animals you have, the pros and cons of Coldplay and how to get what you want by using pads.
30/03/2032m 38s

The Un-Groovy 60's

This week a man admits to doing something we need but rarely see, there's a whole lotta boomer-bashing going on, where not to grow up in the 1960's and a stand-up row about class.
23/03/2030m 51s

She likes me, she REALLY likes me!

This week, I receive an alarming amount of praise, the plans to make you drive like a robot, Trump's family whines and an electrical expert speaks.
16/03/2031m 51s

Where's Larry?

This week there's a little light to-do over the Queen's stuff, a man wants MPs to not do their job, the mystery of the disappearing cat and the Big Rice Debate.
09/03/2033m 42s

An old friend makes a comeback

This week, the story of a strange return, an illuminated jacket saves the world, top 11 reasons why Trumple Thinskin is nuts and a fight about babies.
02/03/2029m 31s

Donald Trump has behavioral issues

This week, a rock and roll roadie refuses to spill the beans, there's cats on drugs, some concrete has a birthday and a home selling problem.
24/02/2032m 59s

Casting the LBC panto

Description: This week: your personal, private rules of the road; a little light sarcasm; tracksuits; a message from afar and a tale from even further.
17/02/2032m 32s

The World's Worst Breakfast

This week, I make the mistake of reading the leaflet that came with my pills, try to recall the name of the second best Star Wars film, Donald Trump tells us about his wand and how to cook chips.
10/02/2030m 25s

The Cost o' Coffee

This week there's squirrels, turtles, clapping and the perils of going to the cinema. I get asked a very difficult question and robots laugh at our culinary skills.
03/02/2032m 5s

The Earth's got wind

This week, an alarming discovery in Siberia, a lively disagreement about a particular sport, I read the pamphlet that came with my pills and insects doing maths.
27/01/2031m 22s

Using superglue to save the world and win £100

This week, after Extinction Rebellion was briefly listed as a terrorist organisation, we revisit the time when the pink boat people took over central London and had a surprising effect. There's also a little light cat massaging, Pink Floyd ear worms and a very difficult way to earn money.
20/01/2029m 14s

The one where I lock myself out

It turns out that it is frighteningly easy to lock yourself out and incredibly hard to break back in again
13/01/2027m 4s

The Curious Incident of the Intruder in the Night-Time

This week, someone overcomes the laws of nature and defies death, there's a chap with a delicious accent talking about Baby Yoda, a priceless chat with the "algorithm" man and I receive an unwelcome visitor in the dead of night.
06/01/2032m 0s

What not to put on your strawberries

This week , Donald Trump's scary blimp, a little light political fighting, the EU bans dying and I find a friend in a friend of Jesus.
18/12/1926m 8s

Buying a slightly used, second hand pet

This week, we go back to the summer and learn about Theresa May's Brasier, there's the Bob Dylan v Kylie Minogue Heavyweight Championship Ultimate Smackdown, we sing the praises of a certain type of cat and a man in Dallas speaks French.
09/12/1933m 56s

Pills, thrills and badminton rackets

This week, we learn about loos on the 8.03, the type of pills you should never run out of, there's a rant about drivers, the great insect war hots up and what one man looks for in a woman (not what you would ever think).
02/12/1934m 0s

Mr Whatabout and Mrs Shoutsalot

This week, I am pummeled by volume, a caller asks an incredible question, a discussion about economics that was decided by two falls and a submission and there's a peek behind the scenes of my radio show.
25/11/1932m 23s

Fun with carbon dioxide

This week, I go to the seaside, get a lesson in science from someone who knows less than I do, there's a heated debate about the value of the royals and a woman complains about my volume.
18/11/1932m 6s

Cats, bats, lotto and blotto

This week is a hoot-and-a-half. There's tales of misdemeanours at the highest level, an offensive but cute cat story, what it means to be British and I get shouted at a LOT!
11/11/1929m 58s

How to pick a fight with everybody

This week, a caller has a go at all of my other callers, a man doesn't like my atitude, a woman talks about her knees and I sign up for Mad Max Fury Road 2.
04/11/1928m 33s

The Phantom Nose Picker

This week, we finger a guilty party, a woman has a bin rant, the problem with the England football manager and fashion.
28/10/1933m 37s

The Classic Rock 'n' Roll Issue

This week, there's some controversial things said about political opponents, a classic call about cheese and a lot of rock and roll.
21/10/1934m 18s

The problem with time travel

This week, we go back..way back...back into time, a great double act call in, I try to get a GP appointment and saving the planet with Prince Harry.
14/10/1930m 18s

When getting what you want isn't what you want.

This week there's a message from a small green Muppet, we relive a famous domestic incident, a foreigner commiserates us for our choice of leader, the most miserable countries are ranked and I miss something that I always said I didn't want.
07/10/1930m 40s

How to deal with unwelcome guests

This week, we learn of a terrible use for hairspray (nothing to do with Donald Trump), a man complains about his job, how not to watch Pulp Fiction and what Boris Johnson's name says about him.
30/09/1927m 51s

It's good to talk

This week there's a lot of people calling me on the phone with terrible tales about using their phone and losing their phone. There's stories about flying phones, emergency dialing, a missing sixpence, getting lost in the Fens, extra chillies and keeping things for best.
23/09/1928m 11s

There's electricity in the air

This week, we stick our fingers in the socket to stop the electricity leaking out, I am left bewildered by a caller that I can't quite follow and we find the source of Boris Johnson's popularity.
16/09/1931m 45s

Losing consciousness

In this week's riotous podcast, we hear there's (no) evidence of God, I hatch a shocking plan to deal with our most disappointing politicians, a man tries to come up with one good reason to leave something that doesn't exist and I try to make sense of what the hell is going on.
09/09/1933m 13s

Steve Allen's smalls and a lesson in ganja

This week, we strike a trade deal with a very unlikely place, eliminate poverty, fit Jacob Rees-Mogg with a Home Guard uniform and broom handle, root around Steve Allen's sock drawer and I get schooled by a Jamaican man on ganja (he schooled me on ganja, not was ON ganja...although come to think of it...)
02/09/1930m 59s

Now hang on a minute right

This week I play Simon Cowell and discover a star, there's lights in the sky and they aren't stars and I get a lesson in politeness.
26/08/1932m 11s

The War on Cows

This week we get skooled in writing proper by Jacob Rees-Mogg, we try to play Fortnite but we aren't dressed right, a man tries and fails to explain the weather and there's an alarming suggestion about how to stop global warming.
19/08/1929m 54s

The Alarming Toilet Episode

This week my glamorous assistant shares too much, I get a lesson in moaning from a man in the theatre, the moon people come out at night and a shocking revelation about what actually goes on in the loo.
12/08/1931m 57s

An explosive answer to crime

In this episode we hear of an alarming way to combat crime, we discuss this nation's sporting excellence, a man calls in with his head in his hands and a woman clears up after herself because it is the right thing to do.
05/08/1931m 37s

How wide is a cow?

This week, I get a history lesson from Austria, the mystery of why people fall for the Tangerine Scream, a solution to your stress, and a man has a problem with his tool.
29/07/1931m 51s

Nude wrestling for Number 10

This week: a caller starts a massive fight about Europe, we learn the truth about democracy, I am taken to task about something I didn't say and Boris Johnson is challenged to go naked mud wrestling.
22/07/1934m 45s

A small personal explosion

This time, we learn just how boring French TV is, there's a lot of talk about kebabs, a woman calls in with a question but doesn't like the answer and I have a special moment that I couldn't help but share.
15/07/1928m 4s

Smiling and waving

In this episode: I am corrected by a furious cab driver; a lady complains about James Bond; a man asks many questions about Trump, Boris and God; we fly the flag for Britain and someone calls in with an answer to crime - all of it.
05/07/1930m 7s

Is there a psychologist in the house?

This week, I get told off for getting something right, a bewildering call comes from someone with qualifications, we get sniffy about phone boxes and the tale of the Sunday Laundry Criminals.
28/06/1932m 47s

Up to our knees in Glastonbury

Glasto is not the only show in town but it is certainly the biggest and that's where we go this week, with a detour to Farageland, advice on tents and a little light arguing about the "B" word.
21/06/1930m 4s

Mr Grabby Hands Hates Electricity

In the age of the 24 hour-a-day multiple news-gasms, let The Nick Abbot Habit be your guide. It's fast and funny and sometimes furious. All opinions are correct, apart from those that aren't. Plus Nick's favourite calls from his cult weekend talk show. Guaranteed no baking or dancing.
15/06/1931m 53s

What do you call it if you can see the sea?

This week, we take a peek at 1970's bathroom suites, find out a lot about islands, I have a fight with a man about cars, someone spots A John Cleese (not THE John Cleese) and we discover what a major industrialist thinks of his old boss Donald Trump.
07/06/1931m 45s

Flushing your loved ones down the loo.

This week, helpful callers have excellent advice for Theresa May, who may not like it; there's an unseemly way to serve strawberries; how to say 'scone' and a man in a bra fills a bath with potatoes.
31/05/1926m 11s

The Eurovision Fight Contest

In this episode, I receive a very brief call from God's representative on Earth, we go yodeling in Holland and there is a minor altercation about Brexit and Trump.
24/05/1935m 37s

How to water your plastic lawn

This week, we learn how to save water by brushing your teeth funny, how to waste water by keeping your fake grass moist, how to lose money by letting politicians mark their own homework and I have a stand-up fight with a man who doesn't think I'm taking Brexit seriously.
17/05/1927m 43s

Kicking them in the ballots

This week: some people spoiled their ballot papers and one man was very proud about it; a perfectly believable theory on why that might not be a good idea and a pretty good joke about it; saving money without really trying and a woman has a beef with Scotland.
10/05/1930m 43s

Intimate relations with aliens

This week, the shortest call to my LBC show, a man gets a surge, a young woman deliberately shuts out the on-line world and the US Navy says aliens from space are here and a professor says they are breeding with us.
04/05/1928m 6s

Digging for victory

This week, we talk cars and pink boats, weird science, a man from the bank protests his innocence and we go fondling tubers.
29/04/1932m 59s

Cats versus dogs - there can be only one winner

This week: which pet makes you happiest, swinging with Nigel Farage, pronouncing Anunzianzioozit and a shouty woman bangs on about the war.
23/04/1930m 40s

The Great Brexit Lipstick Catastrophe

This week, the effect that Brexit is having on your personal facial area, the competing stories on the origins of Easter eggs, how we are paying for the private jets of the super-rich, the spy in your car, Game of Thrones returns and a very energetic senior citizen sets us straight.
12/04/1927m 58s

The James Bond elimination game.

This week, we terminate some superspy candidates, over-eat chocolate treats, there's a lot of marching going on and a confused man sets me homework.
05/04/1932m 26s

Marching (some of the way) for freedom.

In this episode, the inside scoop on Nigel Farage's Stroll to Nirvana, the army is on standby to keep a lid on things if our exit celebrations get out of hand and an American explains what's happening 6000 miles away in Britain.
29/03/1931m 33s

Warning: Do not alight on the Isle of White

This week, the perils of a day trip to the south coast, the worst drivers on the road, a little light heavy music and I get told I'm not doing my job correctly.
22/03/1932m 43s

Away with the birds

Some of my favourite calls from the past few months, which I think are properly hilarious. There's the man who got locked in the toilet, the lady with the sparrows in her garden, the shortest call about Brexit ever and the nice Liverpudlian who got a big surprise from Amazon she didn't really want.
15/03/1928m 5s

Saving the planet one pie at a time

A man goes mad about fish, two people fight over Theresa May and the secrets of the gorgeous pictures on the front of our food packets.
07/03/1932m 21s

It's not our party but we can go if we want to

This week, we fail at walking the dog, we pay for the rich to go skiing, there's a new party in town and tips on where not to live by the people that live there.
01/03/1932m 21s

What do you want to be when you grow up?

In this episode: Career choices for teens; Donald Trump's physical shows he is part human; an arthritic slow moving political coup; France plays nice and two people shout at me about a member of the royal family.
22/02/1930m 1s

Our get up and go just got up and left.

In this episode: you are invited to a party but you might not want to go, the alarming dangers that come with our pets, the unfit-for-fighting army and the man who fell asleep while on-hold for my show.
15/02/1933m 11s

Trump's good genes and sea food fights back

We find out why Donald Trump is that colour, a menu leaves a bad taste in the mouth, the attack of the killer octopus, a man sues his parents for being his parents and two callers school me on Brexit.
08/02/1926m 28s

He grunts and squeaks and squawks like the Mafia.

Norman pushes drugs, Roger talks like a Mafia Don and global warming is a hoax because it is cold outside.
31/01/1929m 22s

Boris Mounts a Hoe

This week: Boris Johnson channels Churchill (again); relying on the Chinese to save us from the dark; the soothing properties of furniture packaging; who should not be the next James Bond and two absolutely furious callers to my LBC show.
25/01/1925m 19s

Prince Harry's new boiler, the RAF's new toys and a VERY ANGRY VEGAN.

Prince Harry's new boiler, the RAF's new toys and a VERY ANGRY VEGAN.
18/01/1933m 56s

A Merry Christmas Special

In this episode: Donald Trump saves his energy, zombies are alive (ALIVE!) beneath your feet, bore holes, Blackpool and babies.
13/12/1823m 51s

Trump fans have tiny weenies

In this Christmas-free episode: Chips, glorious chips, the gaming industry takes on the fishing industry and the gaming industry wins, Harry and Meghan play fixer-uppers, an insight into what motivates men to love Trump and in this week's favourite call from my LBC show, a very nice lady is not satisfied with her shopping exerience.
05/12/1831m 10s

Christmas is Cancelled

This week: Santa cracks the whip, Donald Trump has been a naughty President, Theresa May is popular (oh yes she is!) and the most rock 'n' roll story ever. Plus, two nice oldish ladies get confused by technology in the series of best-of calls to my Friday and Saturday night show on LBC.
29/11/1828m 0s

No need to wait - the future is now

Your next doctor will be a robot. The thing you ordered online will be delivered by an automaton using magnets. We are all about to have our jobs terminated by The Terminator. But don't fret - there's good news too. Full details inside.
21/11/1835m 28s

Nick Gets Corrected

In this episode: the destruction of everything we hold dear, a giant statue made of your money, why we work too hard for our own good, a very angry caller and a very famous actor sticks his oar in.
09/11/1828m 55s

Theresa May's Magic Dust Cloud and Donald Trump's tiny mushroom

In the first of this series of brand new Nick Abbot podcasts: Donald Trump rates his sexual performance, Theresa May gets a lecture on the mating rituals of hedgehogs, Nick tells some jokes that made the actual news and a favourite call about the birds and the buffaloes to Nick's weekend shows on LBC
30/09/1833m 19s
Heart UK