The Nick Abbot Habit

The Nick Abbot Habit

By LBC

In the age of the 24 hour-a-day multiple news-gasms, let The Nick Abbot Habit be your guide. It's fast and funny and sometimes furious. All opinions are correct, apart from those that aren't. Plus Nick's favourite calls from his cult weekend talk show. Guaranteed no baking or dancing.

Episodes

A toff can't take his top orf

This week: there's a lot of weather about, all of it the wrong sort; a man has an issue with electric cars; an upper class twit fails a test and what ice caps are really for.
03/08/2038m 54s

Nick predicts the future

This week I have a frighteningly accurate guess at the future, we hear a couple of plans to save the world, a man uses a device to get in touch that I bet you haven't used in decades and we hear how valuable our opinions are.
27/07/2036m 55s

Don't eat the sprouts!

This week: the danger on your dinner plate, how to greenify your car, ripped jeans and the total destruction of Planet Earth.
20/07/2032m 23s

Cows on a bus

This week everything breaks but makes a very nice colour, a man is scared of Trumpists, Super Puff Planets (whatever they are) and one of those give-up-something-for-a-month things.
13/07/2035m 1s

What does Boris Johnson look like wet?

This week, a listener with material gets one by me, a weather update from Sudan, my glamorous assistant gets corrected, I give bad advice about what to do during a roadside sobriety test and we find out what makes Dutch people laugh.
06/07/2029m 27s

What should we do with Australia?

This week, I get shouted at a lot by people who don't believe in climate change, I wonder if you can switch off the internet and make plans to re-purpose Australia for the benefit of the planet.
29/06/2032m 47s

A celebrity's random act of kindness

This week, we learn how to say "Bowie", I recount everything I learned at university, a mystery is solved and there's a happy encounter with a star.
22/06/2028m 39s

You can't say happiness without saying...

This week, I am deluged by weather, a listener with material manages to get a joke on air and a very confusing man explains who he is disappointed with.
15/06/2029m 59s

Fun with numbers

This week it is an educational podcast full of verifiable facts, some of which are also true. There's bumps in space, weather control machines and the price of tomatoes.
08/06/2035m 45s

The Breakfast Buffet

This week, a reminder that a certain controversial beanie hat model has been making news for quite a while, what to eat for the most important meal of the day, what happens when ice melts and are breaks important on a car.
01/06/2030m 2s

A reminder of who we voted for

This week I have a major rant about climate change, we learn what to have with a beer, how to prevent your car from being stolen in South Africa and what to do when presented with something that makes you look bad.
25/05/2031m 26s

Frisk the dog

This week: how to ruin a planet and where to live when you're done; what goes with beer, cider and blackcurrant; the way to raise children and how many is too many.
18/05/2028m 6s

Fruit flavoured beer?

This week: how to ruin a perfectly good beverage, defending Marmite, funny badges and titles and a LOT of weather.
11/05/2030m 1s

Does size matter?

This week: Steve Allen's Bentley, the B-side that became an A-side, why DIY usually fails and I'm asked how big is Boris Johnson.
04/05/2039m 5s

The route to endless happiness

This week a woman plots the path to eternal bliss, a man ignores his smoke alarm and we find who or what is a Victorian unit.
27/04/2029m 11s

What's an app then?

This week, I school a lady on the subject of the internet, there is an ingenius solution to a warning light problem and love the Belgian way.
20/04/2033m 5s

Darth Vader is a bad parent

This week: Star Wars, smart speakers fight back, a man tells me to get on my bike and I have to correct my glamorous assistant.
14/04/2034m 15s

The Orange Baby Tornado

This week, I revisit the time when I locked myself out, a woman makes an emtional plea to the young, a chap has an altercation with a youth and...LOOK OUT!..Ancient Orange is coming our way.
06/04/2028m 53s

Picking a fight with Facebook

This week, there is a lot of Neil Young, a rant ot two about (un)social media, the importance of knowing how many animals you have, the pros and cons of Coldplay and how to get what you want by using pads.
30/03/2032m 38s

The Un-Groovy 60's

This week a man admits to doing something we need but rarely see, there's a whole lotta boomer-bashing going on, where not to grow up in the 1960's and a stand-up row about class.
23/03/2030m 51s

She likes me, she REALLY likes me!

This week, I receive an alarming amount of praise, the plans to make you drive like a robot, Trump's family whines and an electrical expert speaks.
16/03/2031m 50s

Where's Larry?

This week there's a little light to-do over the Queen's stuff, a man wants MPs to not do their job, the mystery of the disappearing cat and the Big Rice Debate.
09/03/2033m 41s

An old friend makes a comeback

This week, the story of a strange return, an illuminated jacket saves the world, top 11 reasons why Trumple Thinskin is nuts and a fight about babies.
02/03/2029m 30s

Donald Trump has behavioral issues

This week, a rock and roll roadie refuses to spill the beans, there's cats on drugs, some concrete has a birthday and a home selling problem.
24/02/2032m 59s

Casting the LBC panto

Description: This week: your personal, private rules of the road; a little light sarcasm; tracksuits; a message from afar and a tale from even further.
17/02/2032m 31s

The World's Worst Breakfast

This week, I make the mistake of reading the leaflet that came with my pills, try to recall the name of the second best Star Wars film, Donald Trump tells us about his wand and how to cook chips.
10/02/2030m 24s

The Cost o' Coffee

This week there's squirrels, turtles, clapping and the perils of going to the cinema. I get asked a very difficult question and robots laugh at our culinary skills.
03/02/2032m 5s

The Earth's got wind

This week, an alarming discovery in Siberia, a lively disagreement about a particular sport, I read the pamphlet that came with my pills and insects doing maths.
27/01/2031m 21s

Using superglue to save the world and win £100

This week, after Extinction Rebellion was briefly listed as a terrorist organisation, we revisit the time when the pink boat people took over central London and had a surprising effect. There's also a little light cat massaging, Pink Floyd ear worms and a very difficult way to earn money.
20/01/2029m 14s

The one where I lock myself out

It turns out that it is frighteningly easy to lock yourself out and incredibly hard to break back in again
13/01/2027m 4s

The Curious Incident of the Intruder in the Night-Time

This week, someone overcomes the laws of nature and defies death, there's a chap with a delicious accent talking about Baby Yoda, a priceless chat with the "algorithm" man and I receive an unwelcome visitor in the dead of night.
06/01/2032m 0s

What not to put on your strawberries

This week , Donald Trump's scary blimp, a little light political fighting, the EU bans dying and I find a friend in a friend of Jesus.
18/12/1926m 8s

Buying a slightly used, second hand pet

This week, we go back to the summer and learn about Theresa May's Brasier, there's the Bob Dylan v Kylie Minogue Heavyweight Championship Ultimate Smackdown, we sing the praises of a certain type of cat and a man in Dallas speaks French.
09/12/1933m 55s

Pills, thrills and badminton rackets

This week, we learn about loos on the 8.03, the type of pills you should never run out of, there's a rant about drivers, the great insect war hots up and what one man looks for in a woman (not what you would ever think).
02/12/1934m 0s

Mr Whatabout and Mrs Shoutsalot

This week, I am pummeled by volume, a caller asks an incredible question, a discussion about economics that was decided by two falls and a submission and there's a peek behind the scenes of my radio show.
25/11/1932m 23s

Fun with carbon dioxide

This week, I go to the seaside, get a lesson in science from someone who knows less than I do, there's a heated debate about the value of the royals and a woman complains about my volume.
18/11/1932m 6s

Cats, bats, lotto and blotto

This week is a hoot-and-a-half. There's tales of misdemeanours at the highest level, an offensive but cute cat story, what it means to be British and I get shouted at a LOT!
11/11/1929m 58s

How to pick a fight with everybody

This week, a caller has a go at all of my other callers, a man doesn't like my atitude, a woman talks about her knees and I sign up for Mad Max Fury Road 2.
04/11/1928m 33s

The Phantom Nose Picker

This week, we finger a guilty party, a woman has a bin rant, the problem with the England football manager and fashion.
28/10/1933m 37s

The Classic Rock 'n' Roll Issue

This week, there's some controversial things said about political opponents, a classic call about cheese and a lot of rock and roll.
21/10/1934m 18s

The problem with time travel

This week, we go back..way back...back into time, a great double act call in, I try to get a GP appointment and saving the planet with Prince Harry.
14/10/1930m 18s

When getting what you want isn't what you want.

This week there's a message from a small green Muppet, we relive a famous domestic incident, a foreigner commiserates us for our choice of leader, the most miserable countries are ranked and I miss something that I always said I didn't want.
07/10/1930m 39s

How to deal with unwelcome guests

This week, we learn of a terrible use for hairspray (nothing to do with Donald Trump), a man complains about his job, how not to watch Pulp Fiction and what Boris Johnson's name says about him.
30/09/1927m 51s

It's good to talk

This week there's a lot of people calling me on the phone with terrible tales about using their phone and losing their phone. There's stories about flying phones, emergency dialing, a missing sixpence, getting lost in the Fens, extra chillies and keeping things for best.
23/09/1928m 10s

There's electricity in the air

This week, we stick our fingers in the socket to stop the electricity leaking out, I am left bewildered by a caller that I can't quite follow and we find the source of Boris Johnson's popularity.
16/09/1931m 45s

Losing consciousness

In this week's riotous podcast, we hear there's (no) evidence of God, I hatch a shocking plan to deal with our most disappointing politicians, a man tries to come up with one good reason to leave something that doesn't exist and I try to make sense of what the hell is going on.
09/09/1933m 13s

Steve Allen's smalls and a lesson in ganja

This week, we strike a trade deal with a very unlikely place, eliminate poverty, fit Jacob Rees-Mogg with a Home Guard uniform and broom handle, root around Steve Allen's sock drawer and I get schooled by a Jamaican man on ganja (he schooled me on ganja, not was ON ganja...although come to think of it...)
02/09/1930m 59s

Now hang on a minute right

This week I play Simon Cowell and discover a star, there's lights in the sky and they aren't stars and I get a lesson in politeness.
26/08/1932m 10s

The War on Cows

This week we get skooled in writing proper by Jacob Rees-Mogg, we try to play Fortnite but we aren't dressed right, a man tries and fails to explain the weather and there's an alarming suggestion about how to stop global warming.
19/08/1929m 53s

The Alarming Toilet Episode

This week my glamorous assistant shares too much, I get a lesson in moaning from a man in the theatre, the moon people come out at night and a shocking revelation about what actually goes on in the loo.
12/08/1931m 56s

An explosive answer to crime

In this episode we hear of an alarming way to combat crime, we discuss this nation's sporting excellence, a man calls in with his head in his hands and a woman clears up after herself because it is the right thing to do.
05/08/1931m 37s

How wide is a cow?

This week, I get a history lesson from Austria, the mystery of why people fall for the Tangerine Scream, a solution to your stress, and a man has a problem with his tool.
29/07/1931m 50s

Nude wrestling for Number 10

This week: a caller starts a massive fight about Europe, we learn the truth about democracy, I am taken to task about something I didn't say and Boris Johnson is challenged to go naked mud wrestling.
22/07/1934m 45s

A small personal explosion

This time, we learn just how boring French TV is, there's a lot of talk about kebabs, a woman calls in with a question but doesn't like the answer and I have a special moment that I couldn't help but share.
15/07/1928m 3s

Smiling and waving

In this episode: I am corrected by a furious cab driver; a lady complains about James Bond; a man asks many questions about Trump, Boris and God; we fly the flag for Britain and someone calls in with an answer to crime - all of it.
05/07/1930m 7s

Is there a psychologist in the house?

This week, I get told off for getting something right, a bewildering call comes from someone with qualifications, we get sniffy about phone boxes and the tale of the Sunday Laundry Criminals.
28/06/1932m 46s

Up to our knees in Glastonbury

Glasto is not the only show in town but it is certainly the biggest and that's where we go this week, with a detour to Farageland, advice on tents and a little light arguing about the "B" word.
21/06/1930m 3s

Mr Grabby Hands Hates Electricity

In the age of the 24 hour-a-day multiple news-gasms, let The Nick Abbot Habit be your guide. It's fast and funny and sometimes furious. All opinions are correct, apart from those that aren't. Plus Nick's favourite calls from his cult weekend talk show. Guaranteed no baking or dancing.
15/06/1931m 52s

What do you call it if you can see the sea?

This week, we take a peek at 1970's bathroom suites, find out a lot about islands, I have a fight with a man about cars, someone spots A John Cleese (not THE John Cleese) and we discover what a major industrialist thinks of his old boss Donald Trump.
07/06/1931m 45s

Flushing your loved ones down the loo.

This week, helpful callers have excellent advice for Theresa May, who may not like it; there's an unseemly way to serve strawberries; how to say 'scone' and a man in a bra fills a bath with potatoes.
31/05/1926m 11s

The Eurovision Fight Contest

In this episode, I receive a very brief call from God's representative on Earth, we go yodeling in Holland and there is a minor altercation about Brexit and Trump.
24/05/1935m 37s

How to water your plastic lawn

This week, we learn how to save water by brushing your teeth funny, how to waste water by keeping your fake grass moist, how to lose money by letting politicians mark their own homework and I have a stand-up fight with a man who doesn't think I'm taking Brexit seriously.
17/05/1927m 42s

Kicking them in the ballots

This week: some people spoiled their ballot papers and one man was very proud about it; a perfectly believable theory on why that might not be a good idea and a pretty good joke about it; saving money without really trying and a woman has a beef with Scotland.
10/05/1930m 43s

Intimate relations with aliens

This week, the shortest call to my LBC show, a man gets a surge, a young woman deliberately shuts out the on-line world and the US Navy says aliens from space are here and a professor says they are breeding with us.
04/05/1928m 5s

Digging for victory

This week, we talk cars and pink boats, weird science, a man from the bank protests his innocence and we go fondling tubers.
29/04/1932m 58s

Cats versus dogs - there can be only one winner

This week: which pet makes you happiest, swinging with Nigel Farage, pronouncing Anunzianzioozit and a shouty woman bangs on about the war.
23/04/1930m 39s

The Great Brexit Lipstick Catastrophe

This week, the effect that Brexit is having on your personal facial area, the competing stories on the origins of Easter eggs, how we are paying for the private jets of the super-rich, the spy in your car, Game of Thrones returns and a very energetic senior citizen sets us straight.
12/04/1927m 57s

The James Bond elimination game.

This week, we terminate some superspy candidates, over-eat chocolate treats, there's a lot of marching going on and a confused man sets me homework.
05/04/1932m 25s

Marching (some of the way) for freedom.

In this episode, the inside scoop on Nigel Farage's Stroll to Nirvana, the army is on standby to keep a lid on things if our exit celebrations get out of hand and an American explains what's happening 6000 miles away in Britain.
29/03/1931m 33s

Warning: Do not alight on the Isle of White

This week, the perils of a day trip to the south coast, the worst drivers on the road, a little light heavy music and I get told I'm not doing my job correctly.
22/03/1932m 43s

Away with the birds

Some of my favourite calls from the past few months, which I think are properly hilarious. There's the man who got locked in the toilet, the lady with the sparrows in her garden, the shortest call about Brexit ever and the nice Liverpudlian who got a big surprise from Amazon she didn't really want.
15/03/1928m 4s

Saving the planet one pie at a time

A man goes mad about fish, two people fight over Theresa May and the secrets of the gorgeous pictures on the front of our food packets.
08/03/1932m 21s

It's not our party but we can go if we want to

This week, we fail at walking the dog, we pay for the rich to go skiing, there's a new party in town and tips on where not to live by the people that live there.
01/03/1932m 21s

What do you want to be when you grow up?

In this episode: Career choices for teens; Donald Trump's physical shows he is part human; an arthritic slow moving political coup; France plays nice and two people shout at me about a member of the royal family.
22/02/1930m 1s

Our get up and go just got up and left.

In this episode: you are invited to a party but you might not want to go, the alarming dangers that come with our pets, the unfit-for-fighting army and the man who fell asleep while on-hold for my show.
15/02/1933m 10s

Trump's good genes and sea food fights back

We find out why Donald Trump is that colour, a menu leaves a bad taste in the mouth, the attack of the killer octopus, a man sues his parents for being his parents and two callers school me on Brexit.
08/02/1926m 27s

He grunts and squeaks and squawks like the Mafia.

Norman pushes drugs, Roger talks like a Mafia Don and global warming is a hoax because it is cold outside.
31/01/1929m 21s

Boris Mounts a Hoe

This week: Boris Johnson channels Churchill (again); relying on the Chinese to save us from the dark; the soothing properties of furniture packaging; who should not be the next James Bond and two absolutely furious callers to my LBC show.
25/01/1925m 19s

Prince Harry's new boiler, the RAF's new toys and a VERY ANGRY VEGAN.

Prince Harry's new boiler, the RAF's new toys and a VERY ANGRY VEGAN.
18/01/1933m 56s

A Merry Christmas Special

In this episode: Donald Trump saves his energy, zombies are alive (ALIVE!) beneath your feet, bore holes, Blackpool and babies.
13/12/1823m 50s

Trump fans have tiny weenies

In this Christmas-free episode: Chips, glorious chips, the gaming industry takes on the fishing industry and the gaming industry wins, Harry and Meghan play fixer-uppers, an insight into what motivates men to love Trump and in this week's favourite call from my LBC show, a very nice lady is not satisfied with her shopping exerience.
05/12/1831m 10s

Christmas is Cancelled

This week: Santa cracks the whip, Donald Trump has been a naughty President, Theresa May is popular (oh yes she is!) and the most rock 'n' roll story ever. Plus, two nice oldish ladies get confused by technology in the series of best-of calls to my Friday and Saturday night show on LBC.
29/11/1827m 59s

No need to wait - the future is now

Your next doctor will be a robot. The thing you ordered online will be delivered by an automaton using magnets. We are all about to have our jobs terminated by The Terminator. But don't fret - there's good news too. Full details inside.
21/11/1835m 28s

Nick Gets Corrected

In this episode: the destruction of everything we hold dear, a giant statue made of your money, why we work too hard for our own good, a very angry caller and a very famous actor sticks his oar in.
09/11/1828m 54s

Theresa May's Magic Dust Cloud and Donald Trump's tiny mushroom

In the first of this series of brand new Nick Abbot podcasts: Donald Trump rates his sexual performance, Theresa May gets a lecture on the mating rituals of hedgehogs, Nick tells some jokes that made the actual news and a favourite call about the birds and the buffaloes to Nick's weekend shows on LBC
30/09/1833m 14s
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